Malcolm in the Middle Quotes

Malcolm in the Middle

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

Malcolm in the Middle Quotes

	Season 7 / Episode 22: - Graduation Piama: [Reese's septic barrel has just exploded over everyone] Well we might as well go ahead and have kids, since I'm not afraid of changing diapers anymore.
	Season 7 / Episode 22: - Graduation Reese: What did I miss? Malcolm: There was this big explosion. Some fire shot out and now he's just come to. Reese: What I was just gone for a second. Dewey: Shhhhhhh! I wanna see this. Lois: [walks in and sees Hal attempting to fix the TV] Oh for God's sakes, Hal. Pay the money and get a repair man. Hal: I am not wasting good money when I am perfectly capable of...
	Season 7 / Episode 16: - Lois Strikes Back Diane: Moppet? Baby? NOOOOO!
	Season 7 / Episode 16: - Lois Strikes Back Malcolm: Did it feel good to cut through Elmo's neck? Did it?
	Season 7 / Episode 6: - Secret Boyfriend Lois: Good morning Reece; you going to get a job today? Reese Wilkerson: You know I had a job Mom and looking back on the whole experience I've come to the conclusion that it's just not for me. I am done with the job thing. Lois: I am sorry Reece but not working isn't one of your options. Reese Wilkerson: Okay I think I know what's going on here. Now look I want you to know that I am not criticizing you and Dad. You obviously don't mind wasting your lives doing meaningless repetitive tasks for unappreciative bosses. I respect that. Lois: Do you mind telling me what you intend to do? Reese Wilkerson: I'd like to finish my cereal. Lois: Alright Reece. That's it! I am tired of fighting you on this. Until you get a job, this free ride is over.
	Season 7 / Episode 6: - Secret Boyfriend Lois: It smells like dead squirrels in the wall again Hal. Oh my God it's you Reece! You smell like an open sewer! Reese Wilkerson: And whose fault is that? Lois: Yours. All you have to do to stop this nonsense is get a job. Reese Wilkerson: Excuse me but I think I made it pretty clear where I stand on that issue. Lois: Well you can't stay here like this. Reese Wilkerson: Is that an apology? Lois: No it is an invitation to live in the backyard.
	Season 6 / Episode 21: - Buseys Takes A Hostage Penelope: Dewey, I need your help after school. Dewey: I'm already helping Hanson. Penelope: But I need you. The sidewalks told me they wouldn't let me walk home anymore.
	Season 6 / Episode 21: - Buseys Takes A Hostage Mr. Flerch: Everyone turn in your assignmnets. Chad: I have to take this one home with me. It doesn't believe I have a cat.
	Season 6 / Episode 21: - Buseys Takes A Hostage Chad: This is my favorite time of the day. The sun's about to come up, and my mean voice is asleep. Penelope: I hate walking to school in the dark. I have to run past people's houses so I don't catch their nightmares.
	Season 6 / Episode 14: - Ida Loses A Leg Francis: I don't care if you knew the end of the Star Trek episode. I didn't and you ruined it for me. You can't let anyone else be happy. Grandma Ida: Shut up, monkey. Anyone with half a brain could see that the rocks were alive.
	Season 6 / Episode 13: - Tiki Lounge Lois: [shocked] You want me to lie to you? Hal: It's not lying if what you say would be true if the facts were different.
	Season 6 / Episode 12: - Living Will Reese: She can smell the fear. It’s the pheromones... so the next time you are going to lie, have a shower first.
	Season 6 / Episode 12: - Living Will Lois: It's been four days, Hal. I tried to be patient, but this has gone one long enough. You have to snap out of it. Look I admit you've been resourceful and you've learned to do so many things. And the Sex has been interesting. Lois: But you can't go on living like this. Don't think I don't know what this is all about. You're trying to avoid making this decision. This isn't going to work and frankly this is beneath you. It's the cowards way out, Hal. You don't think I don't like a paralyzed vacation. Everyone waiting on me hand and foot. You know what? It doesn't work that way. You can't keep making up ridiculous illnesses to get out of what you don't want to do. Lois: Oh for God's sake. Do you have any idea how insane you're acting? I'm just glad your boys aren't here to see this. Lois: Oh Hal, you changed Jamie's diapers with those feet.
	Season 6 / Episode 12: - Living Will Reese: [about fighting dirty] Now, the first thing you need to know is that this is all about pride. Do you have pride, Craig? Craig Feldspar: Yes. Reese: Okay, that is not the answer I was looking for. You show me a man with pride and I'll show you a man with limited options.
	Season 6 / Episode 12: - Living Will Malcolm: What's wrong with him? Lois: The doctors call it Hysterical Conversion Disorder. It's like a sematic, apparently he's paralyzed from the waist up. Malcolm: The waist up? Reese: Dad, what is it? Dewey: I think he's thanking you.
	Season 6 / Episode 12: - Living Will Craig Feldspar: Dad, what are you doing here? How many times do I have to tell you? No at Malcolm's house. No at Applebee's. And no, as you jogged alongside my car.
	Season 6 / Episode 10: - Billboard Lois: [finds out what her boys are doing] Oh my God! Dewey: Did you hear that? Lois: What are you boys doing up there? Malcolm: It's Mom! Dewey: How did she know where to find us? Reese: I told you, she's got tracking devices in our fillings! If you two geniuses had ripped them out like I did, we wouldn't have been in this mess! Dewey: Maybe she didn't see us. Lois: Reese, Malcolm, Dewey, you get down here this instant. Reese: [bad Spanish accent] Miss, I don't know what you are talking about. Your boys are different boys than our being. Reese: [afraid] Where's the back door for this thing? Malcolm: [scared] It's a billboard! Dewey: [terrified] We're so dead. This time she'll finish us. Lois: Come down, now!
	Season 6 / Episode 9: - Malcolm's Car Malcolm: [being about to suffocate in his car] Stevie was right... and so was Reese. This makes it easier. I don't want to live in a world where Reese is right.
	Season 6 / Episode 5: - Kitty's Back Lois: Reese, your punishment isn't over until that bathroom floor is so clean you'll be eating off it. Which is what you'll be doing for the next three weeks. And get rid of that thing, it's disgusting. Reese: Disgusting?! If Malcolm made another him out of hair, you'll be throwing a parade for him, right now. Reese: [shrieks] Noooooo. Lois: It just took it. Reese: That could've been me. [unplugs the vacuum] I need five minutes alone with the vacuum.
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Reese Joins The Army (1) Sgt. Hendrix: Are you sure you're 18? Reese: Yes, and here's the I.D. to prove it. Sgt. Hendrix: All right then, Private Jetson.
	Season 5 / Episode 20: - Victor's Other Family Sylvia: Ida, I think you should know that besides the restraining order, I have a knitting needle. All right, it's a crochet hook. Grandma Ida: [saunters over to Sylvia] Listen to me, tough guy. I know about Victor's pension. Victor worked for Paragon Brush from 1960 to 1964. Manitoba law states as common law wife, I'm entitled to that pension. Sylvia: I really don't know what you're talking about. Grandma Ida: The truth will bust out of the grave and strangle you and your whole family. Lois: [walks over to Ida] Mother, we'll discuss this later. If you don't turn around and leave at one. God forbid me, I'll take off the wig off your head and everyone will see your TICK scars. Grandma Ida: It's not over.
	Season 5 / Episode 20: - Victor's Other Family Mr. Dietrich: [facing Ida] We froze Victor's pension because of the dispute with the other family. But you're absolutely right, Manitoba law states that a common-law wife is entitled to her husband's pension. Even if you're not legally married, you'll still prevail in the case. Of course, you'd have to prove you're a common-law wife with DNA tests of children, lease in both your names, phone bills, that sort of thing. But I think you'd win. Grandma Ida: Finally a Canadian who isn't an idiot. Mr. Dietrich: The problem is, the pension's only $43.50 a month. Canadian. And what with hiring a lawyer, court costs, other expenses... it would all cost so much, I don't see you breaking even for 20 or 30 years. Do you think you'll live that long? Lois: God no! I mean... no. Mr. Dietrich: Well I don't think you'll be breaking even anytime soon. Lois: [faces Ida as Dietrich leaves] Well mom, you tried. Let's go. Grandma Ida: No, we're going to do this. Lois: Weren't you listening? He says you would lose money going after this thing. Grandma Ida: I don't care. We're going to get a lawyer. Lois: You really hate these people so much that you'll ruin yourself just to get even with them. It's stupid. Grandma Ida: [referring to Victor] He was my husband.
	Season 5 / Episode 20: - Victor's Other Family Lois: You know, Mom, if this thing does go to trial, it might help us if you worked a little bit on your demeanor. Grandma Ida: What the hell are you talking about? Lois: You know, when you deal with other people, you could be pleasant and say, "How are you?" And that way people will think that you care about their feelings, and then, they might care about yours. Grandma Ida: I know, brushka.
	Season 5 / Episode 16: - Malcolm Visits College Reese: Malcolm, I live in a world of 'what the hell's.
	Season 5 / Episode 13: - Lois' Sister Susan: Victim? I became a victim on my prom night when I walked into the garage and found my boyfriend having sex with my sister on the hood of my car! Dewey: Where do I look? Malcolm: There's no where to look!
	Season 5 / Episode 8: - Block Party Malcolm: The whole neighborhood hates us so much that they throw a giant celebration just because we're gone. Lois: Malcolm, that's not news. I'm just surprised they're so organized.
	Season 5 / Episode 8: - Block Party Malcolm: I'm just saying, kids should not be blamed for how terrible their parents are. I mean, if Saddam Hussein had a son - well, maybe that's not the best example.
	Season 5 / Episode 8: - Block Party Reese: Don't worry. If I'd wanted to beat you up, you'd all be hanging by your underpants by now.
	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Malcolm's Job Francis: [to Dewey] I was a terrible brother to Malcolm and Reese. I treated them way worse than they treat you. You know that scar on Reese's back? That's from a bayonet. Where did I even get a bayonet?
	Season 5 / Episode 5: - Malcolm Films Reese Malcolm: This is an official apology. I'm a horrible person and I'm sorry. What I did was horrible, even by our standards. And, let's face it, we've set the bar very low.

« previous12 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 next »

» Back to Malcolm in the Middle TV Show