Malcolm

Malcolm in the Middle

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Played by:

Frankie Muniz
Frankie has been home-schooled since Grade Six. He started his acting career performing the role of ...

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Malcolm Quotes

	Season 7 / Episode 22: - Graduation Reese: What did I miss? Malcolm: There was this big explosion. Some fire shot out and now he's just come to. Reese: What I was just gone for a second. Dewey: Shhhhhhh! I wanna see this. Lois: [walks in and sees Hal attempting to fix the TV] Oh for God's sakes, Hal. Pay the money and get a repair man. Hal: I am not wasting good money when I am perfectly capable of...
	Season 7 / Episode 16: - Lois Strikes Back Malcolm: Did it feel good to cut through Elmo's neck? Did it?
	Season 6 / Episode 12: - Living Will Malcolm: What's wrong with him? Lois: The doctors call it Hysterical Conversion Disorder. It's like a sematic, apparently he's paralyzed from the waist up. Malcolm: The waist up? Reese: Dad, what is it? Dewey: I think he's thanking you.
	Season 6 / Episode 10: - Billboard Lois: [finds out what her boys are doing] Oh my God! Dewey: Did you hear that? Lois: What are you boys doing up there? Malcolm: It's Mom! Dewey: How did she know where to find us? Reese: I told you, she's got tracking devices in our fillings! If you two geniuses had ripped them out like I did, we wouldn't have been in this mess! Dewey: Maybe she didn't see us. Lois: Reese, Malcolm, Dewey, you get down here this instant. Reese: [bad Spanish accent] Miss, I don't know what you are talking about. Your boys are different boys than our being. Reese: [afraid] Where's the back door for this thing? Malcolm: [scared] It's a billboard! Dewey: [terrified] We're so dead. This time she'll finish us. Lois: Come down, now!
	Season 6 / Episode 9: - Malcolm's Car Malcolm: [being about to suffocate in his car] Stevie was right... and so was Reese. This makes it easier. I don't want to live in a world where Reese is right.
	Season 5 / Episode 13: - Lois' Sister Susan: Victim? I became a victim on my prom night when I walked into the garage and found my boyfriend having sex with my sister on the hood of my car! Dewey: Where do I look? Malcolm: There's no where to look!
	Season 5 / Episode 8: - Block Party Malcolm: The whole neighborhood hates us so much that they throw a giant celebration just because we're gone. Lois: Malcolm, that's not news. I'm just surprised they're so organized.
	Season 5 / Episode 8: - Block Party Malcolm: I'm just saying, kids should not be blamed for how terrible their parents are. I mean, if Saddam Hussein had a son - well, maybe that's not the best example.
	Season 5 / Episode 5: - Malcolm Films Reese Malcolm: This is an official apology. I'm a horrible person and I'm sorry. What I did was horrible, even by our standards. And, let's face it, we've set the bar very low.
	Season 5 / Episode 2: - Watching The Baby Reese: These girls want to fool around with us. Malcolm: Only because we're losers. Reese: Hey. We're riding in a limo we didn't pay for. We're about to make out with hot girls who don't even like us. I don't know what we are, but we are not losers.
	Season 5 / Episode 2: - Watching The Baby Malcolm: Haven't you thought about where this is going? Her boyfriend is Aaron Seponevic. Have you ever seen that guy? If he sees you making out with his girlfriend, he's gonna kill you! Reese: I know. Malcolm: Then why are you... Reese: Because anything's better than the way things are now! I've had this cute lab partner in science for eight weeks now. Her name is Cheryl. I finally left Cheryl a note on her desk asking her out. And when she read it, she turned to me and said: "Do you know who Reese is?". So then she says, "Does ANYBODY know who Reese is?", and everybody shrugged. So I said, "Probably some nobody". And you know what? I was right. Limo Driver: Wow... that's awful, kid. You wanna wear my hat? Reese: So tonight, I'm gonna fix that. From now on, when I walk by, people are gonna say, "What happened to that guy's face?". And someone'll say, "That's Reese. He made out with Aaron Seponevic's girlfriend." And I can live with that.
	Season 4 / Episode 21: - Baby (2) Reese: I've been kind of zoning in and out here, but did she just say milk comes out of those things? Malcolm: Reese, that's what they're for. Reese: My God. Women are the cows of people.
	Season 4 / Episode 18: - Reese's Party Malcolm: Kathy, Hi Kathy McCulskey: Hey, [roles eyes at Donny] You didn't tell me there were gonna be other guys here. Malcolm: Yeah, well- Kathy McCulskey: Just because you read something on a bathroom wall, doesn't mean its true.
	Season 4 / Episode 15: - Garage Sale Dewey: Malcolm, in school we learned the coolest thing: there were these people that did this broadcast to convince everyone that aliens were landing. So what we do is wait for Reese to fall asleep, then we flash some lights outside his window then we go to the TV, but we'll have already made a tape... Malcolm: Dewey, you're totally over-thinking this. Reese, aliens landed down the street! Reese: [Runs in wearing a helmet and carrying a bat] Every man for himself!
	Season 4 / Episode 14: - Hal's Friend Dabney Hooper: Look, Malcolm, I know you think I'm a mama's boy...! Malcolm: No, mama's boys are laughing at you with their mothers!
	Season 3 / Episode 20: - Jury Duty Malcolm: Oh, my God, we're lost! Reese: [sarcastically to Dewey] Oh, no, what are we going to do? Excellent, this'll get him cry. Malcolm: No, we really are lost. Reese: Oh, my God, what are we going to do?!
	Season 3 / Episode 16: - Hal Coaches Stevie: Social skills 10? Malcolm: I have social skills, jackass.
	Season 3 / Episode 14: - Cynthia's Back Reese: Reese: She's hiding something! I bet it's her big butt! When ever she backs up I will say "beep beep beep" Malcolm: Malcolm: Reese, when will she ever back up? Reese: When is her lunch period? I will sneak in and throw a piece of bacon at her! beep beep beep
	Season 3 / Episode 13: - Reese Drives Malcolm: Why do we have to get dressed up for Reese's court date? Lois: So the judge will see that he comes from a good family who loves him. Dewey: Why aren't they trying him as an adult?
	Season 3 / Episode 7: - Christmas Malcolm: Hey. This is supposed to be to Dewey from both us. Reese: I picked it out. Malcolm: I stepped in it.
	Season 3 / Episode 7: - Christmas Dewey: She's stealing Christmas. Malcolm: Mom, you can't do this. Reese: Yeah, this is the last year Dewey'll believe in Santa Claus. Dewey: What?
	Season 3 / Episode 2: - Emancipation (2) Malcolm: We have the choice people have had for centuries... we can choose to fail. Dabney: Like the French?
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - Houseboat (1) Reese: Here's proof that I went to that all-girls camp. I have this thong right here. Malcolm: That's probably just Mom's. Reese: If it were Mom's, would I do this?
	Season 2 / Episode 23: - Carnival Malcolm: Reese, we are not leaving Stevie behind. Reese: Maybe it's his time, what do we know? Who are we to play God?
	Season 2 / Episode 22: - Mini-Bike Malcolm: [In response to Reese's insult] You don't have any friends! Reese: [crushed] Mom told you you're not allowed to ever talk about that.
	Season 2 / Episode 17: - Surgery Lois: Malcolm, what are you walking like that? Malcolm: My side still hurts. Lois: But it's the weekend.
	Season 2 / Episode 13: - New Neighbors Reese: I'm completely defenseless. Malcolm: Reese, she's four. You're bigger and smarter than... well, you're bigger.
	Season 2 / Episode 11: - Old Mrs. Old Mrs. Griffen: What are you? Malcolm: You mean like, how old? Mrs. Griffen: No, what are you? Pollack? Swede? Hipachi? Malcolm: I really don't know. Mrs. Griffen: Aw, a mutt. Well, whatever you are, stay away from my liquor.
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - The Bully Malcolm: Those guys are nuts. I'm funny!... Aren't I funny? Lloyd: To be honest, you can be a little caustic. Stevie: The word... is arrogant. Dabney: How about bitter, sarcastic and handsome? [Lloyd and Stevie turn to look at him] Dabney: [points somewhere] Hey, she's cute.
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - The Bully Rick: Remember me? 'Moby Rick'? [sarcastic] That was so hilarious. Malcolm: I never called you Moby Rick. I called you Rickapotamus, although... [Rick punches him]

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