Magnum, P.I. Quotes

Magnum, P.I.

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 8 / Episode 13: - Resolutions (2) Jonathan Quayle Higgins III: [last line of the series] Magnum, remember what I told you about Robin Masters? Thomas Sullivan Magnum, IV: Yeah? Jonathan Quayle Higgins III: I lied. [smiles]
	Season 6 / Episode 11: - Rapture Jonathan Quayle Higgins III: I have studied Aristotle, Socrates, William Friedrich Hegel, Bertrand Russell. I have toured college campuses debating the virtues of dialectic versus symbolic syllogism. I have written scholarly articles on the need for a new, more dynamic logic. But nothing in my life has prepared me for the workings of the Thomas Magnum mind.
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Torah, Torah, Torah Jonathan Quayle Higgins III: My god, what is that odor? Theodore 'TC' Calvin: Higgy-Baby, you're talking about my Uncle Roland's original, creole, flaming, bayou-blaster chili. Wanna try a little taste? Jonathan Quayle Higgins III: Not without a paramedic in attendance.
	Season 5 / Episode 3: - Mac's Back Thomas Sullivan Magnum, IV: Whadya do for a living? Rip off the Navy Relief Fund? Hold high-stakes poker games and leave guys like me holding the bag? Jim Bonig: I took the bag. Thomas Sullivan Magnum, IV: You know what I mean!
	Season 4 / Episode 21: - I Witness Orville 'Rick' Wright: That's exactly the way I told it. Theodore 'TC' Calvin: No, it isn't! Orville 'Rick' Wright: Except... Jonathan Quayle Higgins III: Except that neither of you is reciting anything even remotely resembling the truth! But then, what can one expect from simple, primitive minds that overload at the drop of a multi-dependent, clause-declarative sentence? Orville 'Rick' Wright: What?
	Season 4 / Episode 10: - Operation: Silent Night Thomas Sullivan Magnum III: What out for that centipede! Orville 'Rick' Wright: [yelling] What centipede? Theodore 'TC' Calvin: The one next to the lizard. Orville 'Rick' Wright: [yelling] What lizard?
	Season 3 / Episode 13: - Of Sound Mind Jonathan Quayle Higgins III: [Magnum is "playing" the saxophone] Magnum... Magnum!... Magnum! Thomas Sullivan Magnum, IV: Hi, Higgins! Jonathan Quayle Higgins III: How fiendishly deceptive of you, Magnum. I could have sworn I was hearing the emasculation of a large rodent. To my great surprise, I see the sounds are emanating from what I thought was a harmless musical instrument. Thomas Sullivan Magnum, IV: Cute, Higgins, real cute. [plays sax again] Jonathan Quayle Higgins III: Why, Magnum? Why do this terrible thing? Thomas Sullivan Magnum, IV: Higgins, I'll have you know I was very good. I was the second best sax player in my High School band. Jonathan Quayle Higgins III: Well, how many sax players were there? Thomas Sullivan Magnum, IV: Anyway, I just saw this in a pawn shop window and thought I'd like to try and get my chops back. Jonathan Quayle Higgins III: May I suggest that your "chops" are irretrievable. Thomas Sullivan Magnum, IV: Higgins, did you come here just to abuse me?
	Season 2 / Episode 14: - Computer Date Higgins: I say did someone die? Magnum: What? Higgins: You're almost wearing a suit. should think the only occasion in which you would do that would be a funeral.
	Season 2 / Episode 14: - Computer Date TC: What is wrong with everyone? Thomas' sitting there like his mother just died, you come driving up here like a lunatic and if anybody should be mad it should be me!
	Season 2 / Episode 14: - Computer Date TC: [Higgins is preparing for the arrival of an old flame] Hey Higgins, when is mamma coming in?
	Season 2 / Episode 14: - Computer Date Mac: [stuck in a room with a computer and an embezzler] You suppose you can play gin without cheating?
	Season 2 / Episode 14: - Computer Date TC: [Higgins is all dressed up] Now Higgie-baby, that is bad. Higgins: Thank you. I am assuming that is a compliment. TC: Right on.
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - The Taking of Dick McWilliams TC: How can you tell if someone's a kidnapper or not? Rick: You mean you didn't check those names out? TC: Of course I checked them out. The first one was a cop at 5.0. I think he probably wasn't our man. Rick: Well what was his name? Rick: [checks his notes] McGarrett.
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - The Taking of Dick McWilliams Magnum: You know, you're really something. You may nog like Dick, but he's your daughter's husband. Nishimoto: That is not a marriage I approved. Magnum: So you torture her? When she's scared and in pain? [Nishimoto turns to his daughter and speaks in Japanese] Nishimoto: [shouting] Speak English!
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - The Taking of Dick McWilliams Kaholo: This guy meant business. I think he was waving a gun in Gloria's face, 'cause she kept muttering something about a Magnum.
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - The Taking of Dick McWilliams Magnum: [narrating] I felt lower than someone who beats up little puppies.
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - The Taking of Dick McWilliams TC: Thirteen? You expect me to hop over all thirteen of these islands? Magnum: That's the name of your service isn't it, Island Hoppers? TC: Yeah, I'm thinking about changing it to Magnum's taxi service!
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - The Taking of Dick McWilliams TC: You mean to tell me a nun gave you that shiner? Rick: She thought I was trying to steal her car. [TC and TM laugh riotously] Rick: Hey, she was a big nun! [even more laughter]
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Mad Buck Gibson Magnum,: [narrating] You know, there's some quotations that would make good rules to live by. For instance: never drive behind an old man wearing a hat, or another: it's always brightest just before the storm. If I'd remembered that one, I'd really have been on my guard, because the afternoon it all started, was a truly beautiful day.
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Mad Buck Gibson Rick: A naked starlet? Joan Gibson: Oh, she was Scandinavian, so it really didn't count.
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Mad Buck Gibson Mad Buck Gibson: You know the last time I saw her namesake, we were up in Tarchello up in the Italian alps near Yugoslavia. She was entertaining the troups and I was covering the Big Bang for old uncle Henry Lewis... It seems like yesterday about two hundred years ago.
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Mad Buck Gibson TC: Eh, you know, I know you get tired of hearing this, but I've read all of your books. Mad Buck Gibson: Oh come on, not all... TC: All twenty-seven. My favorite is 'Curse of the Aztec Goddess'. Mad Buck Gibson: Right. TC: I mean you're sort of an inspiration to me, because I've sort of working on something of my own. You know, maybe when I finish a chapter, you'd read it? Mad Buck Gibson: Oh yeah, you got it, BC. TC: TC.
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Mad Buck Gibson TC: Yeah, yeah, so anyway, my next favorite one was 'Dagger of the Scorpion'. Mad Buck Gibson: Oh. TC: That's where the guy gets the girl in the bathtub... Rick: [interrupting] Yeah! TC: Yeah, yeah, yeah... Rick: Yeah, yeah, yeah and she gives him the mickey! Hey Buck, can you really make a mickey out of asperin, baking soda and aftershave lotion? Mad Buck Gibson: Pal, you give me a medicine cabinet and I can make a mickey out of anything.
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Mad Buck Gibson Magnum: [reading Buck's note] Sorry for the grief, pal, I'm taking off for Asgard. Tell Joan she's a brick, Buck. Joan Gibson: Oh, the vanity. Magnum: Where is Asgard? Joan Gibson: Not where, Magnum, what. Asgard is Norse mythology. It's the home of slain heroes.
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Mad Buck Gibson Higgins: Don't you feel it, Magnum? The comforting void of Buck's absence?
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Mad Buck Gibson Jim the Bartender: I never met a friend of Buck's who didn't drink a Bazooka.
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Mad Buck Gibson Mad Buck Gibson: I was always afraid of dying. But now, death has screwed up. He's overplayed his hand. You see, it's the only thing that we're really afraid of in death. We know it's inevitable, we just don't know when. But now, don't you see, now I know that death can't cheat me of life, can't cheat me of really, truly living a full life. Because... now I don't have to hold back something to save for tomorrow or the next year or for next summer. Now I know that there never will be another summer. I know there will never be another morning quite as glorious such as this. You see I won. Because I've nothing to lose.
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Mad Buck Gibson Mad Buck Gibson: What's a pal for if not to see a pal off, hm?
	Season 2 / Episode 7: - Tropical Madness Magnum: [narrating] When I write my book on how to be a world class private investigator, I'm going to include two rules on how to tail a car. The first is: when you choose a nondescript car for tailing, don't pick one so nondescript it's obvious. The guys following my new friend were so unnoticable it was like they had a red flag on the hood. The second rule is: don't get so busy tailing you forget to look behind you. These yo-yos had no idea I was behind them.
	Season 2 / Episode 7: - Tropical Madness Higgins: Magnum, you are clad only in your undershorts. Magnum: Of course I am. Higgins: Even for you I find that just a trifle casual.

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