Life with Louie Quotes

Life with Louie

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

Life with Louie Quotes

	Unknown Episode: Dad: [Listening to radio] Aw good it's a fishing show. Ah! It's a Christmas show disguised as a fishing show. Wouldn't you know it there's a Santa on the boat. Louie: [sarcastically] Now there's Christmas spirit. Dad: I heard that!
	Unknown Episode: Dad: Go get the saw out of the garage. Go on and get that stand out of the basement. Louie: You mean the stand that came over on the Mayflower? Dad: It's a good stand! It's been handed down generation after generation. When I was kid we didn't have any stands, WE HAD TO TAKE TURNS HOLDING THAT TREE!
	Unknown Episode: Louie: [about the Christmas tree] Dad! It's crooked! Dad: Put it by the TV. No one will notice. For 35 bucks that tree should dance!
	Unknown Episode: Dad: How much for this Christmas tree without any limbs? Salesman: $35. Dad: WHAT? You gonna come over and decorate it for us? I'll give you three bucks for it. Louie: Oh my gosh! He's not our legal father!
	Unknown Episode: Dad: Hey Louie! It's a scheduled holiday, kid! It's Paint the Garage Day!
	Unknown Episode: Dad: He offered $5,000? Louie: Bud, Dad, you love that car. Dad: Well I love your mother but for $5,000! Louie: Dad, you don't mean that.
	Unknown Episode: Dad: Louie! Check the Santa. Make sure it's grounded! Louie: Make sure you're grounded! Dad: I heard that!
	Unknown Episode: Dad: [Hanging onto rain gutter] Hurry up, you kids, I'm losing my grip! Grunewald: [Sarcastically] You can say that again. Dad: I heard that!
	Unknown Episode: Dad: My boy is as American as those French fries you're eating.
	Unknown Episode: Motorist: Yo, I'll give you $50 for it. Dad: How'd you like to eat this house? Rafter by rafter, nail by nail, limb from limb!
	Unknown Episode: JoJo Stomopolis: Alright, Louie, give me a tee. Louie: Tee! Jojo Stomopolis: What? Give me a tee. Louie: Tee! Jojo Stomopolis: Are you listening? I said give me a tee! Louie: Tee! Jojo Stomopolis: I'm guessing this is going to be a long day.
	Unknown Episode: Louie Anderson: I'm supposed to be your caddy and carry your clubs?
	Unknown Episode: Jojo Stomopolis: Where's my two iron? Louie Anderson: Well you used it on the tenth hole. Jojo Stomopolis: Yeah, and...? Louie Anderson: Well, I thought you were done with it. Jojo Stomopolis: So you left it there? Louie Anderson: I'm supposed to carry these things to every hole?
	Unknown Episode: Louie Anderson: I'm tellin' ya, Dad, computers. They're the wave of the future. Jojo says so. Dad: Thanks for the tip, Louie, I'll be sure to invest my nest egg. Hey, Honey, how much is my nest egg? Mom: [Looking in cookie jar] Three dollars and two oatmeal delights.
	Unknown Episode: Dad: [sarcastically] Computers. Ha ha. There's a real growth industry. A passing fad if I ever heard one.
	Unknown Episode: Tommy: Let's watch TV. Dad: No TV at dinner time! Louie: But we always watch TV at dinner. Dad: It's a waste of electricity. Besides it's summer, you know they'll just show the reruns. You wanna watch TV, sit back and remember the show from the first time you saw it. Just watch me, I'll show you. Ah ha ha ha ha! Louie: What's so funny? Louie: I'm remembering an F-Troop from October. That was a good one! Ah ha ha ha ha ha!
	Unknown Episode: Louie Anderson: [Reading job ad to Dad] Wanted: Nursery School Superintendent. Must be calm, pleasant demeanor, and good with children. Dad: Hey, did they write that for me or what? [Trips on a tricycle] For crying out loud, Tommy, how many times do I have to tell you to put your toys away?
	Unknown Episode: Motorist: [Andy is selling the Rambler] Hey, Anderson, you selling that junk heap for parts? Dad: Hold me back, Louie! We're going back to Normandy!
	Unknown Episode: Louie: Um, Dad. [Dad has accidentally painted over the windows] Dad: Huh? It's better this way. Too much sun makes ya cranky. Louie: You should know, Dad. Dad: I heard that!
	Unknown Episode: Mom: Guess what? I got a job. Dad: All you've ever done in your life is cook, clean, dust, sweep, scrub, suckle, and nurture. What would you possibly know about work? Mom: I'm going to be a Lucky Lady. Dad: You mean one of those people who sell feminine products door to door? Fine. Fine! Do what you want. Go see what it's like in this dog eat dog, dog eat Dad, Dad bite dog, bigger dog come after Dad world!
	Unknown Episode: Dad: Give me a glass, Louie. Louie: Five cents. Dad: What? I paid for the lemonade mix! Louie: Five cents! Dad: [Pays and drinks] Mmm, this is real good, if you wanna remove rats from the Titanic!
	Unknown Episode: Dad: Alright, if your product's lousy, you need an aggressive sales pitch. Watch me. Hey, lemonade Mrs. Stillman? It's only a nickel. Mrs. Stillman: Well, maybe. Dad: What do you mean maybe? It's 150 degrees out here, you're sweating like a dog! Mrs. Stillman: [Insulted] Well, I'll come back later Louie when you're not so crowded.
	Unknown Episode: Louie: [Dad is working in the garage] Um, Dad. Dad: Snipers! SIX O'CLOCK! [Dives behind the car and emerges wearing a bucket on his head and holding a power drill] What did I tell you about sneaking up on a military man?
	Unknown Episode: Louie Anderson: [narrating] The Anderson name has been dragged through the mud, and I was just the man to hose it off.
	Unknown Episode: Dad: [on the phone with his boss] That's right, I want that apology in writing. In triplicate. Got it? No wait a minute, make it three copies.
	Unknown Episode: Dad: [doorbell rings] If that's another one of them salesman, I'm gonna... Mom: You're gonna what? Dad: Uh... Invite them in for dessert.
	Unknown Episode: Dad: Hey Grunewald, ever hear of a doorbell? Grunewald: I don't wanna wake everybody up.
	Unknown Episode: Dad: [to neighbor who wants to cut down a tree in his yard] Hey, this is my lawn! Who rakes it? Who mows it? Louie: I do. Dad: Who asked you?

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