Late Show with David Letterman - Character Guide

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Played by:   David Letterman Television would never be the same after David Letterman made his second attempt at a television show ...

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David Letterman Quotes

	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Bill Murray, Tom Brokaw, Paul Newman, Billy Joel David Letterman: [on premiere episode of new CBS show] When I left my old job at NBC, there was talk that maybe they would sue me if this show was anything like the old show, and frankly I never took it seriously, because for one thing I thought, well, the legal department at NBC has their hands all tied up defending that "Dateline NBC" show... and then this morning I wake up and next to me in bed is the head of a peacock, so I don't know... [band plays "Godfather" theme]
	Unknown Episode: David Letterman: [introduction to Stupid Pet Tricks and Stupid Human Tricks] This is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, no wagering.
	Unknown Episode: David Letterman: In just a few minutes, my son will have completed his first trip around the sun.
	Unknown Episode: David Letterman: Yes. Welcome to Mc Donald's. What do you want? Customer: Hello. David Letterman: Yeah, what can I do for you? Customer: Medium Sprite. David Letterman: Yeah, what can I do for you? Customer: Sprite. David Letterman: Medium Sprite? Customer: That's it. David Letterman: That's all? Customer: Yes. David Letterman: You couldn't have gotten out of your car for a medium Sprite?
	Unknown Episode: David Letterman: Welcome to Mc Donald's. Customer: Get me a cheeseburger. David Letterman: Your order is a cheeseburger? Customer: Yep. David Letterman: Are you busy right now? Customer: I gotta head to work. Why? David Letterman: Could you swing by the grocery store and get us a bag of onions? Customer: A bag of onions? David Letterman: Yeah. We're running low. David Letterman: United 16957, 727. This is Kennedy Ground Control. What's the problem? Power it on in. Customer: I have your onions here. David Letterman: What? Customer: The ten-pound bag of onions. David Letterman: You're got the onions? All right. Come on through. We really appreciate it. Thanks for helping out.
	Unknown Episode: Customer: Can I have two Whoppers, please David Letterman: We're all out of Whopples. Customer: No. Whoppers, Whoppers. David Letterman: We got no Whoppers. You kids quit screwin' around. We got no Whoppers here. Don't make me come out there.
	Unknown Episode: David Letterman: Ladies and Gentleman let's play America's fastest growing sensation "Will It Float?"
	Unknown Episode: David Letterman: [during a typically silly comedy skit] This is the only thing on CBS right now...

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