Kolchak: The Night Stalker - Episode Quotes

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Kolchak: The Night Stalker Quotes

	Season 1 / Episode 18: - The Knightly Murders Capt. Vernon Rausch: [to Kolchak] You are a man who has resorted to lies and chicanery to the point of being pathological. I believe that you suffer from autosuggestion, and in an obsessive desire to win approval expressed through the need for a big story, you convince yourself that what you want to be true is true. In short... I believe your brain has turned to onion dip.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Horror in the Heights Carl Kolchak: [Opening monologue] There are sections of Chicago the guidebooks don't refer to. You can't blame them, really. The guidebooks' function is to sell the glamour and excitement of our Windy City, and whichever way you dress it up, old age is neither glamorous, nor exciting. Roosevelt Heights used to be a plush neighborhood, but the plush neighbors moved uptown, leaving the old people... and old people don't move easily; they become set in their surroundings. Their friends live next door, they've been going to the same store for twenty-five years, and probably the most important of all... they can't afford to relocate even if they wanted to. The battle of fixed income versus galloping inflation never ends... but even inflation took a backseat here in Roosevelt Heights, as a far greater fear overtook the residents... a terror which effectively dwarfed everything else.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Horror in the Heights Carl Kolchak: The Rakshasa have magical powers, Tony. They seduce their victims to death by taking on the image of someone the victim trusts. Tony Vincenzo: And poor Harry Starman... he trusted you? Obviously he never had to depend on you to come up with a cogent story... something that'll turn a profit!
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Horror in the Heights Lane Merriott: Well, the Rakshasa is the disciple of Ravana. Ravana, who's deeds were so horrible they stopped the sun and moon in their course. Carl Kolchak: You know, I had a date in with a girl in college just like that once. Lane Merriott: Mr. Kolchak! I value my time. If it is your intention to be a music hall wag, please say so.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Horror in the Heights Carl Kolchak: I'm trying to find out about a creature named a raka... rakashusi... rakalaki... rakasomething. I didn't hear it too well. Lane Merriott: There are a *plethora* of Indian words beginning with those syllables. Carl Kolchak: Well, *this* "rak" takes pleasure in eating human flesh. Lane Merriott: [nervously, as customers look somewhat grossed out at them] You're talking about the Rakshasa!
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - The Devil's Platform Carl Kolchak: The people's candidate. Fearless, independent and energetic. Why can't the people's candidate be like the rest of us - Timid, insecure and lazy?
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - The Zombie Carl Kolchak: [speaking offscreen] According to the police Willie had died from severe blows. It was a gangland killing.There were no suspects their were no leads. So what else was new.
	Unknown Episode: Carl Kolchak: F. Scott Fitzgerald once wrote, "The rich are different than you and me." They sure are. They got more money.
	Unknown Episode: Carl Kolchak: F. Scott Fitzgerald once wrote, "The rich are different than you and me." They sure are. They got more money.
	Unknown Episode: Carl Kolchak: I promised I'd show up with a haircut, a new hat, and pressed suit... but I lie a lot.
	Unknown Episode: Carl Kolchak: I promised I'd show up with a haircut, a new hat, and pressed suit... but I lie a lot.
	Unknown Episode: Carl Kolchak: Is there anybody important here? Receptionist: No, just reporters.
	Unknown Episode: Carl Kolchak: Is there anybody important here? Receptionist: No, just reporters.
	Unknown Episode: Carl Kolchak: There's two things that just can't be rushed - anyone who is paid by the hour, and an office-building elevator.
	Unknown Episode: Carl Kolchak: There's two things that just can't be rushed - anyone who is paid by the hour, and an office-building elevator.
	Unknown Episode: Carl Kolchak: We all have rats, sir. You should see the one I work for.
	Unknown Episode: Carl Kolchak: We all have rats, sir. You should see the one I work for.
	Unknown Episode: Carl Kolchak: You must really enjoy your work. Nurse Eisen: A well-done autopsy is a joy forever.
	Unknown Episode: Carl Kolchak: You must really enjoy your work. Nurse Eisen: A well-done autopsy is a joy forever.
	Unknown Episode: Carl Kolchak: Son, I've seen more dead bodies than you've had TV dinners.
	Unknown Episode: Carl Kolchak: Son, I've seen more dead bodies than you've had TV dinners.
	Unknown Episode: Carl Kolchak: Captain Leo Winwood and I had a relationship that was long and bloody, like the Crusades, only without the chivalry.
	Unknown Episode: Carl Kolchak: Captain Leo Winwood and I had a relationship that was long and bloody, like the Crusades, only without the chivalry.
	Unknown Episode: Carl Kolchak: What happened to "I'm okay, you're okay"? Siska: Well, to tell you the truth, you're not okay. The people in group therapy didn't tell me I was ever going to meet somebody as un-okay as you are.
	Unknown Episode: Carl Kolchak: What happened to "I'm okay, you're okay"? Siska: Well, to tell you the truth, you're not okay. The people in group therapy didn't tell me I was ever going to meet somebody as un-okay as you are.
	Unknown Episode: Carl Kolchak: If you want a job done right, you just have to foul it up yourself.
	Unknown Episode: Carl Kolchak: If you want a job done right, you just have to foul it up yourself.
	Unknown Episode: Carl Kolchak: You should meet my boss. He'd turn Buddha into a chain smoker.
	Unknown Episode: Carl Kolchak: You should meet my boss. He'd turn Buddha into a chain smoker.
	Unknown Episode: Carl Kolchak: Exactly what don't you like about this hat? Tony Vincenzo: What's under it.