Kitchen Confidential Quotes

Kitchen Confidential

- Episode Quotes

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Kitchen Confidential Quotes

	Season 1 / Episode 7: - The Robbery Pino: [about Jack] I love this man. He's a genius. Jim: You know, he really is a genius. I bet he did so well on his SATs. Teddy Wong: What are you, made of mayonnaise?
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - The Robbery Seth Richman: Fine, you win, but I am not making muffins. Muffins are for people who don't have the nads to order cake for breakfast!
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - The Robbery Seth Richman: She does brunch... she does you. We did brunch 'cause she did you!
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Praise Be Praise Teddy Wong: I mean, who needs cake? It's not exactly the pillar of a meal. Seth Richman: Are you implying that your fish is more important than my cake? Teddy Wong: I'm not implying it. I'm stating it. It's fact. Seth Richman: Really? Ever heard of a birthday FISH? Teddy Wong: No. Did dad ever take you on a CAKING trip? Aw, no, he didn't.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Praise Be Praise Seth Richman: Okay, let's talk about something important. Can we agree that we prefer cake over fish? Teddy Wong: Two words: Moby Dick. Four more: Not about a cake. Seth Richman: Jessica Alba gets naked on your couch. Do you cover her in chocolate frosting or pickled herring? Teddy Wong: Herring. You're making my point for me. Seth Richman: A day's pay says I sell more cake tomorrow night than you sell fish. Teddy Wong: Bring it, Cupcake.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - French Fight Michel: So, you have taken my baker? Jack Bourdain: I have taken your baker. I am a baker taker! Michel: And you don't think it was a little bit excessive? Jack Bourdain: EXCESSIVE? Uh, you raided my menu. Michel: Why are you so threatened by me, eh? Is it because maybe you see in me what you hate in yourself? Jack Bourdain: Oh, no I don't have an annoying, filthy Frenchman in me. Michel: Ha! Everybody's got an annoying, filthy Frenchman in them Jack, just ask your girlfriend. Jack Bourdain: She's not my girl... Take the Lamb off the menu. Michel: Return my creepy baker then we'll talk. Jack Bourdain: [laughs] no. Michel: Ok then, I guess it is how you say "On"? Jack Bourdain: Oh, mon amie. It is TOTALLY HOW YOU SAY ON! Michel: It is on. Jack Bourdain: Yes, I said that. Michel: Ok. Jack Bourdain: Yeah [walks away] Michel: Your cusine is Caca!
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - French Fight Jim: Jack! Jack Bourdain: Yeah? Jim: I think there's something wrong with the computer here. Jack Bourdain: Really? Jim: Yeah, I got orders for, uh, ten toilet burgers, a monkey nipple salad, two fart cakes - I'm sorry, three fart cakes - and a fish penis and moose rectum lasagna with super butt cheese. And pineapple salsa.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - French Fight Michel Valentine: Your cuisine is ca-ca!
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - French Fight Jack Bourdain: So it appears that Michel is slightly more capable than I assumed. Teddy Wong: Slightly? He brought us to our knees with a keyboard and a mouse, ok? That is a sad and freaky situation, my friends.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - French Fight Steven Daedelus: [power is sabotaged] That sodding Frenchman!
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Dinner Date with Death Seth Richman: [unveiling his new desert meant to kill Gerard] Eight thousand calories, all of them from fat! Jack Bourdain: Attaboy!
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Exile on Main Street Jack Bourdain: Let go of it Tyrone, I swear to god I'm gonna fork you.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Exile on Main Street Mrs. Roberts: For the third time, you cannot use your credit card to pay your credit card bill.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Exile on Main Street Steven Daedelus: This place is awesome. Jack Bourdain: Right. Steven Daedelus: It's like where food and money come to have sex! Jack Bourdain: Which is why I thought of you first.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Exile on Main Street Steven Daedelus: This is where food and money come to have sex!
	Unknown Episode: Jack Bourdain: Recipe for failure: take one part natural talent, two parts stellar education, mix with easy success and a generous helping of booze, drugs, and women, and immediately set on fire.
	Unknown Episode: Steven Daedelus: Look at this veal! This veal is gorgeous! If I were another veal, I'd be making love to this veal! Jack Bourdain: Tell me you didn't put the veal down your pants. Steven Daedelus: So what if I did?
	Unknown Episode: Steven Daedelus: "Jiminy?" Should I haze him to the point of tears or beyond? Jack Bourdain: Surprise me.
	Unknown Episode: Jack Bourdain: Okay everybody, listen up! I am Jack Bourdain, I'm your new head chef, and this is Greg! Greg, this handsome devil, is a Patagonian toothfish, commonly known as a sea bass. And when combined with garlic and shallots, will become our delicious fish special for this evening. Tanya: Hello, Greg.
	Unknown Episode: Jack Bourdain: Tanya, let's talk. Let me start by saying you're very sweet and stylish. One might say that you... you put the "ho" in "hostess." Tanya: Why, thank you!
	Unknown Episode: Tyrone: He's leaving? Who's going to cover his shift? Suze: Paco. Paco: Fuego! Fuego! Fuego! Tyrone: Paco keeps bursting into flames!
	Unknown Episode: Steven Daedelus: [whispered at pretty girl in a bar] Please shag our friend.
	Unknown Episode: Jack Bourdain: Jim, go to your idiot hole.
	Unknown Episode: Jack Bourdain: So... It's official. We're at war. Jim: We're at war? What do you mean we're at war? We're chefs! Jack Bourdain: They attacked us. Twice! Steven Daedelus: They poked our head waitress Jim: Yeah, but didn't she enjoy it? Teddy Wong: That is not the point! If he's willing to have sex with Mimi, there's no telling how low he will go! Seth Richman: We sent Mimi on a diplomatic mission and he sent her back soiled and defiled Jim: and satisfied... Jack Bourdain: Jim, go to your idiot hole.

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