Elliot DiMauro

Just Shoot Me

- Character Guide

Characters: #3 of 7 (Full List)

+ Add to My Characters

Played by:

Enrico Colantoni

« Back to Character Profile

Elliot DiMauro Quotes

	Season 7 / Episode 24: - Strange Bedfellows Dennis Finch: Me and my friends are plenty sensitive. The other day, Kevin fell down two flights of stairs, and it took all my strength not to laugh. Elliot DiMauro: Is he all right? Dennis Finch: [laughing] He broke two ribs.
	Season 7 / Episode 23: - The Goodbye Girl Jack Gallo: I want you to be honest. Really let me have it. Maya Gallo: Well, you can be pushy. Jack Gallo: There you go. Vicki Costa: And you're self-centered. Jack Gallo: That's it. Elliot DiMauro: [stands up and slams hand on table] You belittle me! Jack Gallo: Okay... Elliot DiMauro: I give and give and you never give anything back! Jack Gallo: All right, Sally, take a Midol.
	Season 7 / Episode 22: - Evaluate This! Maya Gallo: This is so out of the blue. What do you think brought this on? Nina Van Horn: Wait, I have it. Jack is having sexual problems. Men always freak out and quit their jobs whenever their Peter stops piping. Elliot DiMauro: They do not! I mean, I assume they don't. I mean, how would I know?
	Season 7 / Episode 21: - Future Issues Maya Gallo: As I told ten other people, I am very into men. I'm just single because I have higher standards. Elliot DiMauro: You dated me. Maya Gallo: Why does everyone keep throwing that in my face?
	Season 7 / Episode 20: - For the Last Time, I Do Elliot DiMauro: It's not the Bible part that worries me. It's the beautiful women who attend the meetings. Dennis Finch: So use your Cain. You're Abel.
	Season 7 / Episode 19: - The Last Temptation of Elliott Elliot DiMauro: This isn't about parking spaces, Jack. It's about respect. Jack Gallo: I can get you that. Dennis! Dennis Finch: Now? Jack Gallo: Now. Dennis Finch: [Reading off cards] Have you been working out? You look great. Jack Gallo: He's willing to say that in front of people.
	Season 7 / Episode 17: - My Fair Finchy Dennis Finch: Elliot, you brother's on his way up. Elliot DiMauro: I don't want to see him. When he comes up, tell him I'm not here. Dennis Finch: How about I tell him you have a stomach flu and you were sent to the hospital. that way he won't track you down. Elliot DiMauro: That's great. Thanks. [Goes into Jack's office; Donnie enters] Donnie DiMauro: Hey, Finch. Is my brother around? Dennis Finch: Yeah, he's in there.
	Season 7 / Episode 16: - Donnie Redeemed Dennis Finch: All I need is your social security card and your mother's maiden name. Elliot DiMauro: Here. My mother's maiden name is DiMauro. Dennis Finch: Wait, her married name is DiMauro. Elliot DiMauro: I know... What? A lot of people marry their second cousins. Dennis Finch: Uh-huh. That would explain that freakish head of yours.
	Season 7 / Episode 16: - Donnie Redeemed Elliot DiMauro: You dirty little blackmailer. Dennis Finch: Blackmailer is such a dirty word. I prefer The Devil.
	Season 7 / Episode 15: - A Simple Kiss of Fate Dennis Finch: Ever since I read Jack's will, I've been having dreams about killing him. Elliot DiMauro: It's just a dream. I dream about killing you all the time. Don't worry about it. It's no big deal.
	Season 7 / Episode 14: - Rivals in Romance Elliot DiMauro: There are hundreds of people who would give their eye teeth to spend a day with me. Maya Gallo: Like who, your mother? Elliot DiMauro: For one, yes! Maya Gallo: Every day I wonder how I let you be on top of me.
	Season 7 / Episode 13: - There's Something About Allison Maya Gallo: So Elliot, are you still coming by tonight to... help me move my couch? Elliot DiMauro: Yes, but I still have to stop by the drug store to buy some... slip covers. Maya Gallo: No, you don't need to do that because I have something I can put in my... couch... that does the same thing as... slip covers. So just come over at 8. Dennis Finch: So, you and Maya are gonna hook up, huh? Elliot DiMauro: Jeez, Dennis, how do you know that? Dennis Finch: Please. It's like watching Forrest Gump and Nell plan a booty call.
	Season 7 / Episode 13: - There's Something About Allison Elliot DiMauro: My lovelife sucks. I just got shot down by a girl named Burt. Maya Gallo: Don't look at me. Last night I ordered Chinese food just to hear a man on the phone. Elliot DiMauro: Ping? He's a good listener.
	Season 7 / Episode 12: - The Talented Mr. Finch Elliot DiMauro: I feel like a twelve year old boy. Maya Gallo: You are not a twelve year old boy. Vicki Costa: You're a twelve year old girl, you big ballerina.
	Season 7 / Episode 10: - Pictures of Lily Lily Barton: Elliot, I think your photos are disgusting and deeply disturbing. Elliot DiMauro: But you'll show them, right? Lily Barton: Oh, God, yes. This kind of crap sells.
	Season 7 / Episode 9: - Watch Your Backdraft Elliot DiMauro: Can you believe he's wasting our time with this drivel? Jack Gallo: [on intercom] The Blush employee of the month is Elliot DiMauro. Elliot DiMauro: Hot damn!
	Season 7 / Episode 9: - Watch Your Backdraft Maya Gallo: You told people I slept with Pete? Nina Van Horn: No, I didn't. Elliot DiMauro: Hey, Maya. I heard you and Pete played hooks and ladders at the firehouse. Maya Gallo: You told Elliot? Nina Van Horn: Yes, but no one else. Kevin Liotta: Hey, Maya. Sorry about Pete, but the heart wants what it wants. Maya Gallo: So this is how you help me, by telling everyone in the office? Nina Van Horn: Only those who would be discrete and would not misuse your trust. Dennis Finch: Hey, Maya, I heard you and Toastman had a threeway with Pete. Way to go, Superfreak.
	Season 7 / Episode 8: - It's Raining Babies Elliot DiMauro: Sorry if I'm late. Everyone just wants to thank me. Does anyone thank the sun for shining everyday? Jack Gallo: Did you just compare yourself to the source of all life on this planet? Elliot DiMauro: It's a heck of a picture.
	Season 7 / Episode 7: - The Write Stuff Vicki Costa: I can't believe I'm working with Nina Van Horn. Elliot DiMauro: Easy for you to say. I'm the one she's going to make fun of all through the shoot. Nina Van Horn: Good morning, everyone! Isn't it a beautiful day? The sun is shining... Elliot DiMauro: I know, like my big, bald head. I get it. Nina Van Horn: Here, I bought you a croissant. Elliot DiMauro: Oh, because I'm flaky and pretentious? Let's all laugh at Elliot DiMauro! Ha, ha, ha!
	Season 7 / Episode 7: - The Write Stuff Nina Van Horn: Stop! I can't do it. Elliot DiMauro: Why not? Nina Van Horn: This fruit is cold. Elliot DiMauro: Fruit is supposed to be cold. Who eats hot fruit? Nina Van Horn: I'm not going to eat it. I just don't like looking at cold fruit. It freaks me out!
	Season 7 / Episode 6: - That Burning Passion Elliot DiMauro: [as Dennis puts a donut in Jack's diet food] What are you doing? Dennis Finch: Fortifying his diet with a little vitamin Finch. Elliot DiMauro: Jack's not going to believe that donut is diet. Dennis Finch: That's where you're wrong, my friend. People will believe anything, no matter how cuckoo it is, as long as it's what they want to believe. Elliot DiMauro: Like how we got you to believe that the white Miata was a cool guy car? Dennis Finch: Doesn't matter. Traded it in for a sweet Cabriolet.
	Season 7 / Episode 6: - That Burning Passion Elliot DiMauro: You are such a loser. Dennis Finch: Elle McPherson called you. Elliot DiMauro: Oh, my God! I forgot to feed her goldfish!
	Season 7 / Episode 5: - Da Sister Who Loved DiMauro Elliot DiMauro: It was nothing like that. We just talked. She says I'm a good listener. Dennis Finch: Good, then you'll be able to listen to this. [whispers] You're a loser.
	Season 7 / Episode 5: - Da Sister Who Loved DiMauro Elliot DiMauro: I might cry again, but you like that in a man, right? Vicki Costa: Less and less.
	Season 7 / Episode 4: - Halloween? Halloween! Maya Gallo: What is your problem? Elliot DiMauro: Nothing. Maya Gallo: You are always fighting her over the smallest little thing. Elliot DiMauro: Little? Yesterday, she takes a banana, she peels a little and takes a bite, peels a little, takes a bite... Peel it all the way down, we're trying to run a business here!
	Season 7 / Episode 4: - Halloween? Halloween! Maya Gallo: This is just like high school. You're like that boy who teases the girl he likes. Maybe she's smart, a little awkward. Her body's not quite developed yet, and then one summer, Blam!, and now what am I going to do with these? Elliot DiMauro: What? Maya Gallo: Nothing.
	Season 7 / Episode 4: - Halloween? Halloween! Elliot DiMauro: Hey, Nina. Looking forward to that party tomorrow. Nina Van Horn: [to Maya] Is there anyone you haven't told?
	Season 7 / Episode 1: - Guess Who's Coming to Blush Jack Gallo: Where's the Sweet and Low? Dennis Finch: [points at crotch] Right here, chief. Just ask the ladies. Elliot DiMauro: I think he meant the other tiny pink package.
	Season 7 / Episode 1: - Guess Who's Coming to Blush Dennis Finch: Any physical signs? Elliot DiMauro: She has put on a little weight. Dennis Finch: Aha! A little junk in the trunk, it's a Finch slam dunk. Dennis Finch: No? Too fat for tennis, is time for the Dennis. Elliot DiMauro: I gotta go. Dennis Finch: A little blubber, and Dennis buys a rubber. That's three in a row.
	Season 7 / Episode 1: - Guess Who's Coming to Blush Maya Gallo: You can have the Equal. Jack Gallo: Maya, I can have the Equal, I can have honey and molasses, I can go to Brazil, get a machete and hack me a stalk of pure cane, but all I want is the Sweet and Low! But apparently, what I want is irrelevant! [goes into his office] Elliot DiMauro: What's with him? Nina Van Horn: Read between the lines! The man really likes his Sweet and Low!

« previous12 3 4 5 6 7 8 9… 12 13 next »

Previous: Maya Gallo

Next: Nina Van Horn

» Back to Just Shoot Me TV Show