quark
 | Himself - Host played by Nicholas Parsons |  | Dale Winton played by Dale Winton |
 | Tony Slattery played by Tony Slattery |  | Tony Hawks played by Tony Hawks |
 | Wendy Richard played by Wendy Richard |  | Richard Vranch played by Richard Vranch |
 | Arthur Smith played by Arthur Smith |  | Peter Jones played by Peter Jones |
 | Gyles Brandreth played by Gyles Brandreth |  | Stephen Frost played by Stephen Frost |
 | Su Pollard played by Su Pollard |  | Barry Cryer played by Barry Cryer |
 | Tom O'Connor played by Tom O'Connor |  | Clement Freud played by Clement Freud |
 | Jo Brand played by Jo Brand |  | Pam Ayres played by Pam Ayres |
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