Dennis Reynolds

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

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Played by:

Glenn Howerton

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Dennis Reynolds Quotes

	Season 5 / Episode 1: - The Gang Exploits the Mortgage Crisis Charlie Kelly: I knew that guy was full of shit! I knew it! Dennis Reynolds: What guy? Charlie Kelly: That lawyer guy, okay. He totally besmirched me today, and I demand satisfaction. Mac: You want him to bang you? Charlie Kelly: Mac, be serious. He slandered me in front of a jury of my own peers. Look what they used to do when that sort of thing happened [shows gang history book] . Take a look at this picture. What do you see? Mac: I see two trannies shooting at each other. Charlie Kelly: No, dude. They're dueling, okay? These are lawyers settling an argument by dueling it out. Dennis Reynolds: How do you know that the two trannies are lawyers? Charlie Kelly: [slams book, looking at Frank] Because it's an old book, okay? I don't need to explain everything to you about what I know. I'm trying to... get satisfied... From this dude... and you're trying to... Charlie Kelly: [giving up and leaving] I'm getting satisfied.
	Season 5 / Episode 1: - The Gang Exploits the Mortgage Crisis Dennis Reynolds: I'm Hugh Honey and this is my partner, Vic Vinegar. We're partners in real estate and we're partners in life.
	Season 5 / Episode 1: - The Gang Exploits the Mortgage Crisis Dennis Reynolds: Yes, we could stave the husbands skull in. We could take the wife down to the basement and have a frenzied free for all. We could tie the little kids up in their rooms... Mac: Oh no, we'd have to kill the kids cause they've seen our faces. Dennis Reynolds: Right, we could smear the walls with their blood. There's any number of scenarios we could engage in. But let's just go get the deed.
	Season 5 / Episode 1: - The Gang Exploits the Mortgage Crisis Dennis Reynolds: [Pretending he and Mac are a gay couple] I'm the breadwinner and he's my trophy husband. Mac: That's right, he's my bottom. Dennis Reynolds: Well... I'm a power bottom because I provide most of the power.
	Season 4 / Episode 10: - Sweet Dee Has a Heart Attack Dee Reynolds: You know what I gotta be honest with you, I think these supplements are doing a great job on their own, you know what I mean? I got tons of energy, my heart rates up, things are going great... Dennis Reynolds: Absolutely. I feel great too. Look how vascular I am, look at how my veins are poppin'. Dee Reynolds: Holy Shit. Dennis Reynolds: Yeah, I look good AND I feel good. Dee Reynolds: I feel good too apart from the recent bounds of explosive diarrhea. Dennis Reynolds: Ohh. You've been having diarrhea? Dee Reynolds: Oh God, all over the place. Dennis Reynolds: Really? Well you know what that is, that's probably your body flushing out all the toxins. Dee Reynolds: You think so? Dennis Reynolds: I do think so yeah, yeah. I on the other hand have not taken a shit in days. Dee Reynolds: Days? Dennis Reynolds: Days. Dee Reynolds: That doesn't sound good. Dennis Reynolds: Ohh, no it's good. My body's working at 100% efficiency. Yeah, my body is absorbing every single nutrient and it's not wasting a single thing. Dee Reynolds: Your body is taking it's job very seriously. Dennis Reynolds: My body's doing it's job like it's never done it before.
	Season 4 / Episode 10: - Sweet Dee Has a Heart Attack Dee Reynolds: Why don't we up the supplements which we know work and eliminate working out which we know blows. Dennis Reynolds: That sounds like a pretty good plan. You know what? I'm gonna take it one step further and propose that we start working on a muscle that we've been neglecting this entire time. And it's the most important muscle in the entire body. [takes out fitness instructor's cd and inserts his own into the cd player] Dee Reynolds: Which muscle? Dennis Reynolds: The face. [Steve Winwood's 'Higher Love' begins playing] That's a gift for you bumble bee. Come on. Dee Reynolds: Enjoy it Coach Dick 'n' Balls.
	Season 4 / Episode 10: - Sweet Dee Has a Heart Attack Dennis Reynolds: [describing his workout goals] I'm going for that Jesus on the cross look.
	Season 4 / Episode 8: - Paddy’s Pub: The Worst Bar in Philadelphia Dennis Reynolds: What do I want you to say? I don't know..."Dennis Reynolds, your car is awesome. Your flat-screen TV, I took a look at it. It's very very thin. It speaks volumes about you as a person."
	Season 4 / Episode 5: - Mac and Charlie Die: Part One Dee Reynolds: Why would you want to have sex with someone you can't see? Dennis Reynolds: Well, Dee. I think the real question is, why wouldn't you want to have sex with someone you can't see?
	Season 4 / Episode 5: - Mac and Charlie Die: Part One Dennis Reynolds: It's the safest way, Frank. Frank Reynolds: Dennis, if I was looking for safe, I wouldn't be sticking my dick through a wall.
	Season 3 / Episode 15: - The Gang Dances Their Asses Off Frank Reynolds: Employee evaluation. This bar is a business, and we're gonna start acting like one. Mac: Yeah, well, I DON'T want to start acting like a business, 'cause that sounds boring as shit. Dennis Reynolds: Yeah, and this thing's, like, ten pages long, so you know what? I'm not gonna read it. Frank Reynolds: Well, then, that's gonna affect your rank! Dennis Reynolds: Rank? Frank Reynolds: I put us all in a ranking system so you'd all care about your jobs. Dennis Reynolds: Are we ranked now? Frank Reynolds: Yes, you are. Dennis Reynolds: Where am I ranked? Frank Reynolds: Second, after me. Mac: Wait, what about me? Frank Reynolds: You're third. Mac: WHAT? Why am I third? Frank Reynolds: Too volatile. Mac: BULLSHIT! That's BULLSHIT!
	Season 3 / Episode 15: - The Gang Dances Their Asses Off Dee Reynolds: [about the dance 'contest'] Dee Reynolds: Place, Paddy's Pub. Time, Saturday. Date, with Charlie Kelly. Prize... PADDY'S PUB? Dennis Reynolds: Whoa, dude, you put the bar up as a prize? Charlie Kelly: No, I listed it in the 'Pride' section, the place where you list what you take pride in. Dee Reynolds: That's a 'Z', Charlie! Frank Reynolds: Didn't you read that goddamn thing? Charlie Kelly: I gave it a once-over! Mac: Oh, that's it! Your illiteracy has screwed us again!
	Season 3 / Episode 15: - The Gang Dances Their Asses Off Dee Reynolds: [about the dance 'contest'] Place, Paddy's Pub. Time, Saturday. Date, with Charlie Kelly. Prize... PADDY'S PUB? Dennis Reynolds: Whoa, dude, you put the bar up as a prize? Charlie Kelly: No, I listed it in the 'Pride' section, the place where you list what you take pride in. Dee Reynolds: That's a 'Z', Charlie! Frank Reynolds: Didn't you read that goddamn thing? Charlie Kelly: I gave it a once-over! Mac: Oh, that's it! Your illiteracy has screwed us again!
	Season 3 / Episode 15: - The Gang Dances Their Asses Off Charlie Kelly: [Rickety Cricket, with a set of high-tech new leg braces, just challenged Mac to a danceoff] You know he's not gonna go down easy. Dennis Reynolds: Oh no way, dude. He's fueled by vengeance and reinforced with space-age technology.
	Season 3 / Episode 15: - The Gang Dances Their Asses Off Dennis Reynolds: Tire her out with your spastic movements. Mac: I'll tire her out with my awesome movements.
	Season 3 / Episode 12: - The Gang Gets Whacked: Part 1 Charlie Kelly: Absolutely, I hear you! We're saying we're gonna do the drugs and then we're gonna try and fix all the lights... Dennis Reynolds: Thats asinine!
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - Mac Is a Serial Killer Frank Reynolds: I'm going to go oil my chainsaw. Dee Reynolds: What? Dennis Reynolds: Frank, we don't need the chainsaw. Is that what's in that bag? Frank Reynolds: Oh, we do... because drawing a confession out of someone is like doing a beautiful dance... a beautiful dance with a chainsaw. Dennis Reynolds: He makes less and less sense as the days go by. Dee Reynolds: I don't get it... at all.
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - Mac Is a Serial Killer Dennis Reynolds: [the gang talks about the city's serial killer as Mac suddenly walks into the bar] This guy got laid last night! Mac: [nervously] No, I didn't! Dennis Reynolds: Yeah, you did. You didn't come last night. Mac: Yes, I did! Dee Reynolds: Yeah, those are the same clothes you were wearing yesterday. Mac: No, they aren't. They're different clothes. Dennis Reynolds: Hey, what's with those scratches on your neck? Mac: Scratches? What scratches? I've... I've gotta take a piss. Stop asking me questions. Dee Reynolds: Well, that was weird. Charlie Kelly: I wonder what got into him. Frank Reynolds: Serial killin'!
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - Mac Is a Serial Killer Dee Reynolds: [to Dennis who is hiding in bushes] Dennis! Dennis Reynolds: Dee! What the hell are you doing? Get out of here! You're gonna blow my cover. Dee Reynolds: This seems extraordinarily dangerous. Dennis Reynolds: Dee, that is the point of being here. This is the area of the highest concentration of murders by the serial killer. Dee Reynolds: I know, that's why I feel like a sitting duck out there. Dennis Reynolds: Well, you volunteered for this, sis, okay? As you recall, I didn't want to use you as the bait: You do not fit the profile. Dee Reynolds: [annoyed] I fit the profile, Dennis! Dennis Reynolds: That's the right attitude. [refers to Dee's breasts] Now, pull these out or something. You need to look sexy for this guy. Otherwise he's never gonna... come on. Dee Reynolds: I just feel this is a very inappropriate outfit for how cold it is out here. Dennis Reynolds: Is it cold out here? Dee Reynolds: [irritated] It's freezing! Dennis Reynolds: See, I don't feel that. I have a down jacket, a wool blanket... It's a very toasty situation I got back here. Get back out there, Tiger. You can do it! I believe in you.
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - Mac Is a Serial Killer Dennis Reynolds: [Dennis walks out with a turtleneck and a clipboard as Mac arrives for a blind date] Who are you here to see? Mac: My friend Sandy. Dennis Reynolds: Oh, Sandy. Sandy, huh? Is Sandy a young, attractive, blond girl? Mac: I have no idea. Dennis Reynolds: Uh, Sandy, why don't you come out here, please? Dee Reynolds: [walks out] Oh, hello, Mac. Dennis Reynolds: Not so young and attractive, is she?
	Season 3 / Episode 9: - Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person Dennis Reynolds: [after realizing he knew Dee's new boyfriend in high school] That guy's retarded! Dee Reynolds: Yeah? Well you're retarded. Dennis Reynolds: No, Dee, I mean he is actually a retarded person. Dee Reynolds: Come on. He's so succesful and he gives me things like this necklace. I would know if he was retarded. Wouldn't I?
	Season 3 / Episode 9: - Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person Dennis Reynolds: What the hell is this? A page from a coloring book? Mac: It's a song Charlie wrote. It's called Nightman. Skip all the rapping parts and get on the stage.
	Season 3 / Episode 9: - Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person Charlie Kelly: What is going on up here? [Points to his head and laughs] Dennis Reynolds: I never know man. Charlie Kelly: Daylight. [Pointing to a bright window] Dennis Reynolds: Yeah i like that. [pointing to Charlie's keyboard beat] Charlie Kelly: Day, Day-man. Dennis Reynolds: Dayman? Charlie Kelly: Fighter of the Night Man, Champion of the... Dennis Reynolds: sun... Charlie Kelly: Sun! you're a master of karate, Dennis Reynolds: and friendship, for everyone.
	Season 3 / Episode 9: - Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person Mac: [referring to band] You're not in it. Dennis Reynolds: Why am I not in it? I have a great voice. Mac: You do have a great voice. You know what, man? You have an excellent voice the problem is that you're like into all of that early eighties glam rock fem shit and that's not the artistic direction that I want to take the band in. Dennis Reynolds: Artistic direction? You guys don't even play instruments. Mac: Well that doesn't matter, does it? Because it's all about rocking and looking good and kicking ass. Frank Reynolds: Yeah, he's right. It's all about image and marketing. I mean, there are no band out there with any musical ability. Mac: Frank, I like the way you think. You're in the band!
	Season 3 / Episode 9: - Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person Dennis Reynolds: What's with the uh, curtains? Charlie Kelly: I'm living in a world of darkness. Dennis Reynolds: Right. Let's get some light in here. [Pulls down curtains and sees Charlie with silver spray paint around his nose and mouth from huffing] Whoa, what's with the spray paint, man? Charlie Kelly: Uhh, what's with your outfit, man? Dennis Reynolds: Why don't we put the curtains back up? Charlie Kelly: No, no. What is going onn up here? [Points to his head] Dennis Reynolds: I never know man. Charlie Kelly: [Starts a beat with his electric piano] Daylight [Points to windows] Dennis Reynolds: Yeah, I like that. Charlie Kelly: Day-Dayman. Dennis Reynolds: Dayman. Charlie Kelly: Fighter of the Nightman. Champion of the... sun. You're a master of karate... Dennis Reynolds: ...and friendship, for everyone Charlie Kelly: Dayman, that's it! Dennis Reynolds: Dayman, ahhhhhh... Charlie Kelly: ...fighter of the nightman Dennis Reynolds: Ahhhhh. Charlie Kelly: [together] Champion of the sun, ahhhhh, you're a master of karate and friendship for everyone. Dayman.
	Season 3 / Episode 9: - Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person Dennis Reynolds: I have an awful lot of reading to do...
	Season 3 / Episode 7: - The Gang Sells Out Frank Reynolds: You don't look like a gay guy. Dennis Reynolds: That's because he's a bear. Mac: What? Dennis Reynolds: He's a bear, you see some gay guys are twinks and other are bears, this gay guy is a bear. By the way, we are totally cool with that, to each his own Frank Reynolds: Wait I'm a little confused here, what's a twink? Dennis Reynolds: Twink is small and slender, like mac. Mac: Whoa, no, I'm too muscular, I would be a bear. Dennis Reynolds: Uh, don't think so bro, not hairy enough. Frank Reynolds: Smooth. Now, I would be a bear. Dennis Reynolds: No, no, I see, I don't think you'd be a bear either, as a matter of fact I don't know what you'd be, you're definitely not a twink. Frank Reynolds: I'd be a top, that's for sure. Mac: Can a twink be a top, or is that reserved for bears? Dennis Reynolds: I'm sure there's a great deal of switching back and forth but I think more often then not bears are tops, unless they happen to be power bottoms. Frank Reynolds: What's a power bottom? Mac: A power bottom is a bottom that is capable of receiving an enormous amount of power. Frank Reynolds: Actually Mac, you've got it backwards, you see, the power bottom is actually generating the power by doing most of the work. Frank Reynolds: Does power have to do with size or strength of the bottom? Mac: Now Dennis, I heard speed has something to do with it. Frank Reynolds: Speed has everything to do with it, you see the speed of the bottom informs the top how much pressure he's supposed to apply, speeds the name of the game.
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - The Gang Solves the North Korea Situation Dennis Reynolds: How do we know they're North Koreans? Frank Reynolds: Because that's the bad Korea.
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - The Gang Solves the North Korea Situation Charlie Kelly: That would have been a lot better if I was wearing the duster dude. Dennis Reynolds: Common dude it doesn't fit you. It's too big for you. Charlie Kelly: That's why it's so awesome on me it's like "Why's that guy in giant jacket? What is he hiding?"
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - The Gang Solves the North Korea Situation Charlie Kelly: Oh sh*t. Look at that door dude. See that door right there? That door marked 'Pirate'? You think a pirate lives in there? Dennis Reynolds: What? Dude, that door's marked "Private." Charlie Kelly: Oh, yeah. I knew that. I was just trying to make conversation.

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