In-Laws Quotes

In-Laws

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Unknown Episode: Victor: Private convo time.
	Unknown Episode: Marlene: Family dinners don't start until the whole family's here. Alex: Where's Daddy? Marlene: He's getting seconds.
	Unknown Episode: Marlene: Call me old-fashioned, but when I was your age, nice girls brushed their hair after sex.
	Unknown Episode: Matt: Oh, well, the truth is, and we didn't want to worry you but, uh, we had a flat. Victor: Well, I don't see any grease on your hands. What'd you make my daughter change it?
	Unknown Episode: Matt: Marlene, uh, this looks delicious. Marlene: Oh, Matt, thanks. I would say it was effortless, but why lie? I broke my ass!
	Unknown Episode: Alex: Looks like the new Marlene's ready to climb the corporate ladder. Marlene: I'm not climbin' anything in this skirt. Unless, of course, I want to close the deal!
	Unknown Episode: Stacy: Actually, now it's Stacy Pierson-Paulson. Peter's a partner at Patterson, Pennett & Paulson. Alex: Did you meet him picking pecks of pickled peppers?
	Unknown Episode: The Mattress King: She could do back-flips on her side of the bed and you'd sleep through it. Matt: Why would I want to?
	Unknown Episode: Alex: Ma, remember when you were in high school and there was a group of popular girls that were, like, oblivious to everyone else? Marlene: No. It was just me and my friends.
	Unknown Episode: Alex: Well, one day I was in the locker-room; I was changing for gym and, uh, Stacy and her friends dropped by. Stacy looked at me and she said, "Alex, I don't know whether to call you 'Dumbo' for your ears or 'Gumby' for your body." So she compromised and for the rest of high school, her and her friends called me "Dumby."
	Unknown Episode: Matt: The trophies didn't move! The trophies didn't move! Marlene: Wouldn't it be more alarming if they did?
	Unknown Episode: Marlene: The men of this household are marking their territory. If I were you, I would just try to stay out of the way and not get sprayed!
	Unknown Episode: Matt: I just crashed your Dad's car. Alex: Yeah, nice try. He told me how great you did. Matt: I'm serious. I smashed it pulling it into the garage. Then I kind of made it worse when I backed out. Then I took a deep breath, said, "Matt, relax," and smashed it again on the way in.
	Unknown Episode: Alex: Oh my God! Oh, God! Oh, my God! Oh, God! Matt: If that's a pep talk, it needs work!
	Unknown Episode: Alex: Where are you going? Matt: I don't know. Mostly I'll be sleeping by day and traveling under the cover of darkness. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm about to become a redhead.
	Unknown Episode: Alex: One time, one of my Dad's favorite armed truck guards left a bag of money on the curb and he forgot to tell him. My Dad was so hurt and so betrayed he couldn't even speak. He just stared into space and started singing. After that, the guard was dead to him. Matt: Was he dead to anyone else?
	Unknown Episode: Matt: Marlene, can you, uh, keep a secret? Marlene: No.
	Unknown Episode: Matt: When you have to tell Victor some bad news, is there anything you do or say to soften the blow? Marlene: Well, there is this one thing I do. Matt: Please, I'm desperate. Marlene: Usually I start by taking a bubble bath with him. Matt: Is there any special soap?
	Unknown Episode: Matt: This is partially your fault, y'know. Yeah, none of this would've happened if you had only said "no." Alex: When? Matt: When I asked you to marry me!
	Unknown Episode: Marlene: You look good in leather. Well, everybody looks good in leather. Yeah, leather's lucky... well, except for cows.
	Unknown Episode: Matt: Marlene, is it me or does your sledgehammer clash with that bag? Marlene: I use this to hammer in my "For Sale" signs. You know, every time I swing it I feel like I'm driving in a golden spike on a whole new future and I smile. Although sometimes I hit a sprinkler line, then I just run!
	Unknown Episode: Matt: That's so funny! You take your aggression out on a toy! Victor: Be glad, Matt!
	Unknown Episode: Marlene: Victor, does our insurance cover sledgehammer accidents? Victor: No. Why? Marlene: Nothing!
	Unknown Episode: Alex: Hey, honey. What dress do you think I should wear Saturday night? Matt: You're not wearing anything. Alex: Okay. Where am I going to tuck in my napkin?
	Unknown Episode: Matt: That's ridiculous! Alex: It's crazy! Matt: Insane! Alex: Totally psycho! Matt: Okay, if this argument has any chance, one of us is gonna have to disagree.
	Unknown Episode: Victor: What the hell is that? Matt: It's a C.D. The kids use it to play music. Victor: Don't mock me! I know what a Compact Dish is!
	Unknown Episode: Alex: Do you realize you are the first non-Pellet to ever go apple picking with us? It means you're becoming part of the family. Matt: Oh, good, because I felt like marrying you and moving in with your parents was too subtle.
	Unknown Episode: Victor: Still coming down. Matt, you must've washed that car but good! Alex: Daddy! Matt: Your father's right, the weather's my fault... along with world hunger and global warming.
	Unknown Episode: Victor: What's going on? Marlene: Alex wants Matt to fit in. Victor: Where? Marlene: Here. Victor: Why?
	Unknown Episode: Victor: What's going on now? Marlene: Matt thinks we're listening. Victor: That paranoid little bastard!

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