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 | Season 2 / Episode 21: - A Room with a Rack Alexander Scott: I figure you guys have been playing stretch-'em with my partner long enough. |
| Season 2 / Episode 10: - One of Our Bombs Is Missing Kelly Robinson: [after Kelly gets a phone call and quickly kicks their beautiful dates out from their hotel room] We gotta get over to the American Embassy! Alexander Scott: [bewildered] But, I mean why - how come - uh? Kelly Robinson: They've lost a nuclear device! We lost an A-bomb, and we gotta find it! Alexander Scott: [dejectedly following Kelly out the door] We were having fun here, just a minute ago. |
| Season 2 / Episode 6: - Trial by Treehouse Edward, Prince Edward: No man not the darkness, wait a minute, not the darkenss man! |
| Season 2 / Episode 6: - Trial by Treehouse Kelly Robinson: Listen uh, it wasn't my fault man. I uh. I run into an oil slick back there. Alexander Scott: Where? Kelly Robinson: I don't know, it's back there somewhere. |
| Season 2 / Episode 6: - Trial by Treehouse Kelly Robinson: You're a very lucky man. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 27: - It's All Done with Mirrors Dr. Karolyi: [Addressing the captive Kelly] You are half of one of your country's most effective intelligence teams, and I know you have been briefed about my experiments in conditioning animal behavior. Kelly Robinson: Brainwashing. Yeah, well, I always send mine out. Dr. Karolyi: Ah, but we do our laundry right here on the premises. |
| Season 1 / Episode 27: - It's All Done with Mirrors Kelly Robinson: I'll have myself a shower and a shave and I'll be once again your alert, clean-cut, clear-eyed, government-issue Captain Marvel. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 26: - There Was a Little Girl Kelly Robinson: What's eating you, anyway? Alexander Scott: Why, I don't know, man. Tensions or something. Y'know, it's as if, uh, it's as if a dead cat walked across my grave. Kelly Robinson: Well, that's silly. How could a dead cat walk? Alexander Scott: Well, that's what I mean. Causes tension just having me think about it. |
| Season 1 / Episode 26: - There Was a Little Girl Alexander Scott: [Taking over Kelly's unfinished game of solitaire] You're the only man I know that will use deuces and jokers wild at a solitaire game. Kelly Robinson: Gotta win a game once in a while. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 25: - My Mother, the Spy Alexander Scott: You can't have a baby - you're a spy! |
| Season 1 / Episode 25: - My Mother, the Spy Alexander Scott: Defector. Little bald headed defector. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 24: - Crusade to Limbo Sean: [after Kelly expresses interest in becoming part of Munoz's political organization] You don't have any social conscience, Kelly. You're a gypsy, a tennis bum, with all the values and morals of a Hollywood producer. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 22: - The Conquest of Maude Murdock Kelly Robinson: [Kelly and Scott are being held at gunpoint by two Spanish-speaking guards; Kelly is preparing to try and hit the fusebox] Look here, old man, I could use a little diversion about now. Alexander Scott: What kind of a disturbance do you want? Kelly Robinson: I don't know, but make it quick. Alexander Scott: Mary Poppins! [the guards look to Scott in surprise, the lights go out and gunfire is heard in the darkness] |
| Season 1 / Episode 22: - The Conquest of Maude Murdock Kelly Robinson: [Thanking their faithful taxi driver Jaime for waiting, even after getting beat up] You stuck with us, my man. You're all right. Jaime: That's why I'm hanging around with you, because I'm learning about love. Kelly Robinson: Oh, yeah? What do you think about it? Jaime: It is madness. Kelly Robinson: And it hurts too, doesn't it? |
 | Season 1 / Episode 21: - Return to Glory Kelly Robinson: [Walking along the sidewalk, gnawing on a stick] Wanna piece of my sugar cane? Alexander Scott: No, man. Kelly Robinson: It's great stuff. In time it makes your teeth all gold. |
| Season 1 / Episode 20: - Bet Me a Dollar Kelly Robinson: [Speaking to his doctor, after being treated for a knife wound sustained while breaking up a fight] What about the fight? I mean, what happened? Dr. Munoz: Oh, we call it "machismo." "Who is the better man?" It started in the bar and finished on the pavement. Kelly Robinson: [Smiling and shaking head in understanding] Yes, we call it the same thing and it usually starts in the same place. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 19: - Turkish Delight Alexander Scott: Well, see, I have this friend of mine who makes a habit of showing up whenever things get worse, so... Dr. Rachel Albert: Really? Alexander Scott: That's right. Dr. Rachel Albert: Well, what does he do? Alexander Scott: Well, that's what he does, see, he shows whenever things get rotten. Dr. Rachel Albert: Well, then where is he? Alexander Scott: [nervous chuckle] Well, he's coming. I hope. |
| Season 1 / Episode 15: - The Tiger Alexander Scott: Well, if you're gonna go runnin' around that jungle actin' like Superman, somebody's gotta be there to carry your phone booth. |
| Unknown Episode: Alexander Scott: The wonderfulness of your charm. |
| Unknown Episode: Alexander Scott: This is how far a cigarette burns in five minutes. Kelly Robinson: Is there no limit to the wonderfulness of your mind. |
| Unknown Episode: Kelly Robinson: Don't you ever bring a silencer? Alexander Scott: Ruins the line of my suit. Kelly Robinson: Mine too. |
| Unknown Episode: Alexander Scott: Well you have to get beat up every once in a while otherwise you go soft, right Kel? |
| Unknown Episode: Kelly Robinson: I can just imagine the look on their faces when we unload a million dollars worth of stove on them. 875 pounds worth. Alexander Scott: Yeah. Kelly Robinson: Suppose by the time it got to Internal Revenue it only weighed 800 pounds? Alexander Scott: See what you mean. Well the lid's loose, maybe the damper door? Kelly Robinson: 75 lbs of gold must be worth a lot of money. Alexander Scott: Seventy-two thousand. Kelly Robinson: Already figured it out, huh? Alexander Scott: Yeah. $60 an ounce on the Chinese black market. I think I can get $70 an ounce. I know a guy... Kelly Robinson: $70 an ounce! Whew. A couple of one-way tickets to Tahiti would scarcely put a dent in it! Alexander Scott: No sir. Have you ever seen a Taihitian hula? [Sings] Do-dump-de-dumpdy... You take the door and I'll take the lid. Kelly Robinson: While we're at it we may want to hack off a couple of legs. We may want to entertain! Alexander Scott: Right! Kelly Robinson: No, we'd only lose our pension benefits. Alexander Scott: Think we'd lose our jobs? Kelly Robinson: Yeah. Such wonderful jobs too. Alexander Scott: And the hospitalization is free. Kelly Robinson: All those wonderful orthopedic devices. Alexander Scott: I just love plaster of paris. Kelly Robinson: Right. |
| Unknown Episode: Alexander Scott: Hey, what're you doing? Kelly Robinson: I've come to save you. Alexander Scott: You can't, man, I've got a boat coming, now get outa here! Kelly Robinson: But I've come to rescue you. Alexander Scott: You CAN'T rescue me NOW. Kelly Robinson: How come you always embarrass me when I'm rescuing you. |
| Unknown Episode: Alexander Scott: I enjoy being made a fool of when I'm pleading for my country. It gives me a warm glow all over. |
| Unknown Episode: Alexander Scott: Has anyone told you how good you look in that? Kelly Robinson: Why, no... Alexander Scott: Well, if they do, smack 'em in the face real fast, because they're not your friend. |
| Unknown Episode: Kelly Robinson: Okay, Boy Wonder, you wanna get the collapsible batpole out of the glove compartment? |
| Unknown Episode: Kelly Robinson: It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black. |
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