I Love Lucy Quotes

I Love Lucy

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 6 / Episode 13: - Lucy and Superman Superman: You mean to tell me that you've been married to her for 15 years? Ricky Ricardo: Yes, 15 years! Superman: And they call me Superman.
	Season 6 / Episode 8: - Desert Island Ricky Ricardo: [From unboarding on the deserted beach, Ricky looks at a lot of coconuts on the sand] Hey, they have CACA Nuts here. Ricky Ricardo: CACA Nuts? Lucy McGillicuddy Ricardo: [Lucy looks at the coconuts] Oh, yes, a lot of CACA Nuts.
	Season 6 / Episode 6: - Off to Florida Ethel Mertz: What's she doing with a hatchet? Lucy Ricardo: [imitating Edna] Oh didn't I tell you to bring a hatchet?
	Season 6 / Episode 6: - Off to Florida Radio announcer: And now for the latest bulletin in the Evelyn Holmby case. Police believe that Evelyn Holmby, famous gray haired hatchet murderess, who escaped from New York State Prison, Thursday, to be heading south in a cream colored convertible coupe. Now back to our regular program. [Lucy turns off the radio] Ethel Mertz: What'd you turn it off for? Lucy Ricardo: Did you hear what he said? Ethel Mertz: Yeah so what? Lucy Ricardo: Which way are we heading? Ethel Mertz: South. Lucy Ricardo: Exactly. Gray haired, cream colored convertible. Ethel Mertz: Oh Lucy, that's just a coincidence. Lucy Ricardo: But think, it all fits. Likes to drive around in the dark, won't stop at motels, uses back roads. Just why do you suppose she uses back roads? Ethel Mertz: She told us, to save time. Lucy Ricardo: Oh sure, she uses back roads to avoid the police! Ethel Mertz: Oh Lucy, the woman they're looking for is a hatchet murderess. She doesn't look like a... Lucy Ricardo, Ethel Mertz: Hatchet! Ethel Mertz: We're just jumping to conclusions. She brought the hatchet along to uh... to uh... Lucy Ricardo: To what? Chop watercrest? Ethel that woman definitely has a criminal face. She's REALLY that Evelyn Holmby the police are looking for. Ethel Mertz: No! Lucy Ricardo: Yes! And we've got to make a break for it.
	Season 6 / Episode 6: - Off to Florida Mrs. Edna Grundy: I was just admiring your hair, do you dye? Ethel Mertz: [waking up] WHO DIED? Lucy Ricardo: My hair.
	Season 6 / Episode 1: - Lucy and Bob Hope Little Ricky Ricardo: Today is ladies' day, daddy. Ladies and little boys get in free!
	Season 6 / Episode 1: - Lucy and Bob Hope Bob Hope: Hey, I may never go back to NBC.
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Lucy in the Swiss Alps Ethel Mertz: Fred, I got a confession to make. Remember when we got married and I said I was 18. I was 19. Fred Mertz: Well I got a confession to make too. You were 24.
	Season 4 / Episode 8: - Lucy's Mother-in-Law Lucy Ricardo: [to Ethel, after they fight] Happy Birthday, and I hope you live another 75 years!
	Season 4 / Episode 8: - Lucy's Mother-in-Law Ethel Mertz: She said I looked like a hippopatamus. Lucy Ricardo: I merely intimated that she was a little hippy but on second glance she does have the biggest potamus I've ever seen.
	Season 3 / Episode 30: - The Sublease Cousin Ernie: [Lucy was dressed as a "Wicked City Woman", 'in Ernie's Dictionary' to Ernie, attempting to scare him off, but he is now chasing her and trying to find her] City woman, where are you at, you little heifer? I'll find you, if I have to stay here the rest of my born days.
	Season 3 / Episode 25: - The Diner Lucy McGillicuddy Ricardo: [dressed as a Martian woman on the Empire State Building] It's a moo-moo!
	Season 3 / Episode 17: - Oil Wells Ricky Ricardo: Now what do you think this pleasant surprise could be? Fred Mertz: Maybe they're leaving us?
	Season 3 / Episode 17: - Oil Wells Lucy Ricardo: [Lucy, dressed in a stunning, skin-tight evening gown prances into the room, showing off her new glamorous look] May I have a light, please? Thanks awfully, darling. Ricky Ricardo: Who is that? Fred Mertz: It looks like Lucy. Ricky Ricardo: Lucy? Lucy Ricardo: Yes, dah-ling? Ricky Ricardo: It is Lucy. Fred Mertz: Well, what do you know. Lucy Ricardo: [Door buzzer sounds] That must be my dear friend, Ethel. Please Fred, I'll open the door. Fred Mertz: Open it? I was going to LOCK it! Lucy Ricardo: Oh my dear fellow. You have such a refreshing wit. [Opens door] Ethel Mertz: [Ethel strolls in, dressed in a tight leopard skin evening gown] I hope I didn't hold up the party. Lucy Ricardo: Not at all, darling. Do come in. Ricky Ricardo: [Can't believe his eyes regarding Ethel's transformation] Who's that? Fred Mertz: Who's that? WHAT'S that?
	Season 3 / Episode 15: - Sentimental Anniversary Lucy Ricardo: [disguised as Lucille McGillicuddy, trying to stop the TV audience about buying the salad dressing] What's Aunt Martha trying to do, poison me?
	Season 1 / Episode 30: - Lucy Does a TV Commercial Ricky Ricardo: [Lucy is angry at Ricky and will not speak or acknowledge him] Honey, could you please make my breakfast? [She ignores him] Lucy, why won't you answer me? [She still ignores him] What do you want me to do, starve to death? Lucy Ricardo: Would you, please?
	Season 1 / Episode 27: - The Kleptomaniac Ethel Mertz: You sure weren't very smart throwing all those Roman candles and sky rockets into the fireplace. Lucy Ricardo: Well who uses a fireplace in the middle of July? Besides he should've looked where he threw that match.
	Season 1 / Episode 27: - The Kleptomaniac Ethel Mertz: [as gangsters] Get any of them? Lucy Ricardo: Yeah two, a private eye and a flat foot, I got the eye in the foot and the foot in the eye.
	Season 1 / Episode 27: - The Kleptomaniac Lucy Ricardo: Well it all started when I was a little girl. I was riding around on the streetcar and I looked up and there was a box and it said take one. So I took one. Dr. Tom Robinson: Well there was nothing wrong with that. Lucy Ricardo: Oh yes there waaaas. From then on, I took anything that came into my pretty hands, even though it didn't say take one. I took a bright new penny, I took a bicycle, I took a little boy! Dr. Tom Robinson: You took a little boy? Lucy Ricardo: Yeah, but my mother made me give him back!
	Season 1 / Episode 27: - The Kleptomaniac Fred Mertz: You don't think she's a kleptomaniac do you? Ricky Ricardo: No, I think she just steals.
	Season 1 / Episode 27: - The Kleptomaniac Fred Mertz: [Ricky finds blueprints] What is it? Ricky Ricardo: The Shashe National Bank! Dr. Tom Robinson: Oh no. That's where I keep my money! Oh this is serious!
	Season 1 / Episode 24: - The Gossip Lucy McGillicuddy Ricardo: Let's make it a bet. Fred Mertz: How about $10? Ethel Mertz: What's wrong with $20? Ricky Ricardo: What's wrong with $30? Lucy McGillicuddy Ricardo: What's wrong with $50? Fred Mertz: What was wrong with $10?
	Season 1 / Episode 21: - New Neighbors Lucy Ricardo: I'm living on borrowed time. It was only by a very clever rouse that I managed to escape from their apartment. Police Sergeant: What was that? Lucy Ricardo: I pretended to be a chair. Police Sergeant: I don't think the police can help you madam, why don't you call an upholsterer?
	Season 1 / Episode 21: - New Neighbors Lucy Ricardo: They're going to kill us. Police Sergeant: Why would they do that? Lucy Ricardo: So they can assume our identities and blow up the capitol. Police Sergeant: This is serious. Lucy Ricardo: You're darned right it is! These people are spies from a foreign enemy agent. Police Sergeant: What are their names? Lucy Ricardo: O'Brien! Police Sergeant: Lady, have you been nipping the cooking sherry?
	Season 1 / Episode 21: - New Neighbors Lucy Ricardo: What do I do? Police Sergeant: Don't worry madam, just relax, and one day you may grow up to be a nice big sofa!
	Season 1 / Episode 21: - New Neighbors Lucy Ricardo: 10 o' clock in the living room and all's well! Ricky Ricardo: 10 o' clock in the bedroom and all is well! Fred Mertz: 10 o' clock in the hallway and all's well! Ethel Mertz: [muffled] 10 o' clock in the kitchen and all's well! Lucy Ricardo: Kitchen inspector. [Ethel comes out with a turkey leg] Ethel Mertz: Yes sir? Lucy Ricardo: Ethel, are you eating on duty? Ethel Mertz: No sir. Lucy Ricardo: What's that? Ethel Mertz: Oh uh, well I'm not very good with a gun so I thought if anybody came in the back door I'd beat 'em to death. Lucy Ricardo: I hope he gets here before you eat your club away. Fred Mertz: [entering living room] Ho, hee, ho. Lucy Ricardo: Fred, what're you doing away from your post? Fred Mertz: I'm hungry! And I demand transfer to kitchen. [Ricky enters] Lucy Ricardo: What do you want? Ricky Ricardo: I'm lonesome in there all by myself!
	Season 1 / Episode 21: - New Neighbors Ricky Ricardo: Lucy, were you snooping? Lucy Ricardo: Yes I was a bad girl and you can spank me tomorrow if there's anything left to spank!
	Season 1 / Episode 18: - Breaking the Lease Ricky Ricardo: How do you like that guy? [imitating Fred] 'Let's keep it down up there!' Well, nertz to the Mertz. Lucy Ricardo: Yeah.
	Season 1 / Episode 18: - Breaking the Lease Lucy Ricardo: [on the phone to Ethel] Hello, this is the Ajax salvage company, we buy old glass, I understand you have some rings you're interested in selling?
	Season 1 / Episode 18: - Breaking the Lease Lucy Ricardo: [to Ricky] Think harder, we can be nastier than that.

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