Ethel Mertz

I Love Lucy

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Characters: #3 of 7 (Full List)

Played by:

Vivian Vance
She was born Vivian Roberta Jones, with a brother and four sisters. After the family moved from Cherryvale ...

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Ethel Mertz Quotes

	Season 6 / Episode 6: - Off to Florida Ethel Mertz: What's she doing with a hatchet? Lucy Ricardo: [imitating Edna] Oh didn't I tell you to bring a hatchet?
	Season 6 / Episode 6: - Off to Florida Radio announcer: And now for the latest bulletin in the Evelyn Holmby case. Police believe that Evelyn Holmby, famous gray haired hatchet murderess, who escaped from New York State Prison, Thursday, to be heading south in a cream colored convertible coupe. Now back to our regular program. [Lucy turns off the radio] Ethel Mertz: What'd you turn it off for? Lucy Ricardo: Did you hear what he said? Ethel Mertz: Yeah so what? Lucy Ricardo: Which way are we heading? Ethel Mertz: South. Lucy Ricardo: Exactly. Gray haired, cream colored convertible. Ethel Mertz: Oh Lucy, that's just a coincidence. Lucy Ricardo: But think, it all fits. Likes to drive around in the dark, won't stop at motels, uses back roads. Just why do you suppose she uses back roads? Ethel Mertz: She told us, to save time. Lucy Ricardo: Oh sure, she uses back roads to avoid the police! Ethel Mertz: Oh Lucy, the woman they're looking for is a hatchet murderess. She doesn't look like a... Lucy Ricardo, Ethel Mertz: Hatchet! Ethel Mertz: We're just jumping to conclusions. She brought the hatchet along to uh... to uh... Lucy Ricardo: To what? Chop watercrest? Ethel that woman definitely has a criminal face. She's REALLY that Evelyn Holmby the police are looking for. Ethel Mertz: No! Lucy Ricardo: Yes! And we've got to make a break for it.
	Season 6 / Episode 6: - Off to Florida Mrs. Edna Grundy: I was just admiring your hair, do you dye? Ethel Mertz: [waking up] WHO DIED? Lucy Ricardo: My hair.
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Lucy in the Swiss Alps Ethel Mertz: Fred, I got a confession to make. Remember when we got married and I said I was 18. I was 19. Fred Mertz: Well I got a confession to make too. You were 24.
	Season 4 / Episode 8: - Lucy's Mother-in-Law Ethel Mertz: She said I looked like a hippopatamus. Lucy Ricardo: I merely intimated that she was a little hippy but on second glance she does have the biggest potamus I've ever seen.
	Season 3 / Episode 17: - Oil Wells Lucy Ricardo: [Lucy, dressed in a stunning, skin-tight evening gown prances into the room, showing off her new glamorous look] May I have a light, please? Thanks awfully, darling. Ricky Ricardo: Who is that? Fred Mertz: It looks like Lucy. Ricky Ricardo: Lucy? Lucy Ricardo: Yes, dah-ling? Ricky Ricardo: It is Lucy. Fred Mertz: Well, what do you know. Lucy Ricardo: [Door buzzer sounds] That must be my dear friend, Ethel. Please Fred, I'll open the door. Fred Mertz: Open it? I was going to LOCK it! Lucy Ricardo: Oh my dear fellow. You have such a refreshing wit. [Opens door] Ethel Mertz: [Ethel strolls in, dressed in a tight leopard skin evening gown] I hope I didn't hold up the party. Lucy Ricardo: Not at all, darling. Do come in. Ricky Ricardo: [Can't believe his eyes regarding Ethel's transformation] Who's that? Fred Mertz: Who's that? WHAT'S that?
	Season 1 / Episode 27: - The Kleptomaniac Ethel Mertz: You sure weren't very smart throwing all those Roman candles and sky rockets into the fireplace. Lucy Ricardo: Well who uses a fireplace in the middle of July? Besides he should've looked where he threw that match.
	Season 1 / Episode 27: - The Kleptomaniac Ethel Mertz: [as gangsters] Get any of them? Lucy Ricardo: Yeah two, a private eye and a flat foot, I got the eye in the foot and the foot in the eye.
	Season 1 / Episode 24: - The Gossip Lucy McGillicuddy Ricardo: Let's make it a bet. Fred Mertz: How about $10? Ethel Mertz: What's wrong with $20? Ricky Ricardo: What's wrong with $30? Lucy McGillicuddy Ricardo: What's wrong with $50? Fred Mertz: What was wrong with $10?
	Season 1 / Episode 21: - New Neighbors Lucy Ricardo: 10 o' clock in the living room and all's well! Ricky Ricardo: 10 o' clock in the bedroom and all is well! Fred Mertz: 10 o' clock in the hallway and all's well! Ethel Mertz: [muffled] 10 o' clock in the kitchen and all's well! Lucy Ricardo: Kitchen inspector. [Ethel comes out with a turkey leg] Ethel Mertz: Yes sir? Lucy Ricardo: Ethel, are you eating on duty? Ethel Mertz: No sir. Lucy Ricardo: What's that? Ethel Mertz: Oh uh, well I'm not very good with a gun so I thought if anybody came in the back door I'd beat 'em to death. Lucy Ricardo: I hope he gets here before you eat your club away. Fred Mertz: [entering living room] Ho, hee, ho. Lucy Ricardo: Fred, what're you doing away from your post? Fred Mertz: I'm hungry! And I demand transfer to kitchen. [Ricky enters] Lucy Ricardo: What do you want? Ricky Ricardo: I'm lonesome in there all by myself!
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - The S�ance Ethel Mertz: Ethel to Tillie, Ethel to Tillie, come in Tillie!
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - The Diet Ethel Mertz: What if I cried every time I put on a pound? Fred Mertz: We'd be up to our ears in tears.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - The Girls Want to Go to the Nightclub Lucy Ricardo: What's the matter? What are you standing up for? Ricky Ricardo: Because two gorgeous ladies entered the room. Lucy Ricardo: They did? Where? Ethel Mertz: They mean us. Lucy Ricardo: Oh! You great big latin lover you! [she pinches Ricky's cheek] Ethel Mertz: Oh! You sweet, handsome man you! [she pinches Fred's cheek] Ricky Ricardo: You gorgeous, exciting, woman you! [he pinches Lucy's cheek] Fred Mertz: I pass.
	Unknown Episode: Fred Mertz: She said my mother looks like a weasel. Lucy Ricardo: Ethel, apologize. Ethel Mertz: I'm sorry your mother looks like a weasel.
	Unknown Episode: Lucy Ricardo: If some other woman were to take Fred away from you, you'd be singing a different tune, too. Ethel Mertz: Yeah, "Happy Days Are Here Again".
	Unknown Episode: Ethel Mertz: Oh, Lucy, I know you're not going to move, but if you ever do move, don't move.
	Unknown Episode: Ethel Mertz: Gee, this high altitude sure gives me an appetite. Fred Mertz: What's your excuse at sea level?
	Unknown Episode: Ethel Mertz: Rome wasn't built in a day. Fred Mertz: Well, Rome wasn't built like you either.
	Unknown Episode: Ethel Mertz: Where you afraid you'd lose me? Fred Mertz: I'll say, that outfit you're wearing is rented.
	Unknown Episode: Ethel Mertz: Imagine me meeting a Queen face to face, I'm scared. Fred Mertz: You're scared? Think of the Queen.
	Unknown Episode: Ethel Mertz: What are you writing about? Lucy Ricardo: I'm writing about things I know. Ethel Mertz: That won't be a novel that will be a short story
	Unknown Episode: Lucy Ricardo: We have to find Sylvia Collins a husband but where? Ethel Mertz: I'll make the sacrifice she can have mine.
	Unknown Episode: Ethel Mertz: Isn't that sweet? Just like two lovebirds. Fred Mertz: What are you, a bird watcher?
	Unknown Episode: Ethel Mertz: Fred, Fred, wake up sleeping beauty. Lucy Ricardo: You couldn't wake him up with a stick of dynamite. Ethel Mertz: Hey I got an idea [yells] Hey look there goes Gina Lollobrigida. Fred Mertz: [gets up from his seat excited] Where? Where? Where?
	Unknown Episode: Ricky Ricardo: I don't like that tone. You are thinking again. Lucy Ricardo: There's no law about me going to Romanov's. Perhaps maybe stopping by your table and... Ricky Ricardo: Lucy, if I so much as see your face at Romanov's, I'm gonna wrap you up in brown paper and mail you back to New York. And that's an ultimatum. Ethel Mertz: An ultimatum? I'm not surprised. Lucy Ricardo: I am. I didn't think he knew how to pronounce it.
	Unknown Episode: Ethel Mertz: If I let my hair go like that you'd never let me hear the end of it. Fred Mertz: Honeybunch, if the rest of you looked like that I wouldn't care if you were bald.
	Unknown Episode: Ethel Mertz: There's lots of things you're good at. Lucy Ricardo: Like what? Ethel Mertz: Well, you're awfully good at... uh... You've always been great at... Lucy Ricardo: Those are the same ones Ricky came up with.
	Unknown Episode: Lucy Ricardo: How much do you want to bet? Fred Mertz: Ten dollars. Ethel Mertz: Well what's the matter with twenty dollars? Ricky Ricardo: What's the matter with thirty dollars? Lucy Ricardo: What's the matter with fifty dollars? Fred Mertz: What was the matter with ten dollars?
	Unknown Episode: Lucy Ricardo: I'd just love a Richard Widmark grapefruit to go with my Robert Taylor orange. Ethel Mertz: What a fruit salad that would make.
	Unknown Episode: Lucy Ricardo: How would you feel if Fred was smoldering with jealousy? Ethel Mertz: Fred wouldn't smolder if he banged into a blowtorch.

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