I Dream of Jeannie Quotes

I Dream of Jeannie

- Episode Quotes

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I Dream of Jeannie Quotes

	Season 3 / Episode 20: - Please Don't Feed the Astronauts Jeannie: Cousin Hamid, no! Do not kill him! Hamid: [approaches Jeannie, Tony, and Roger] Hamid: The infidel must die. Hamid: [indicating Tony and Roger] Who are they? Jeannie: Oh, friends. This is Cousin Hamid. This is my beloved master, Major Nelson, and Major Healey. Hamid: Welcome to my humble village. My tent is your tent. And now if you'll excuse me, I must cut your friend to ribbons.
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - My Master, the Rainmaker Sergeant Ben Roberts: It was just the only way I could think of to save my brother. Major Anthony Nelson: To save your brother? Sergeant Ben Roberts: Yes, sir. My brother and my sister in law, they got this here farm in Four Corners, Alabama. Major Anthony Nelson: Yeah? Sergeant Ben Roberts: It ain't much, but it's all they got in the world. Anyway, I got this letter from my brother, yesterday, saying as to how they're gonna lose that farm. You see there's been a turrible drought down there, all year. Not a drop of water. All his crops are dryin' up and blowin' away. So when I heard Dr. Bellows talk about you... I uh... excuse me again for bothering you, sir...
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - My Master, the Rainmaker Major Roger Healey: Hey, corn. This is fine. Where'd you get that? Sergeant Ben Roberts: That's the finest corn in Alabama, sir.
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - My Master, the Rainmaker Sergeant Ben Roberts: It's about Four Corners, sir, or what's left of it. Major Anthony Nelson: Yes? Sergeant Ben Roberts: I know I asked you to make it rain down there, and I certainly appreciate your help, but, Major, this is, uh, well, my brother says the streets are turning into rivers! His farm is three feet underwater. The barn floated away this morning. Major Anthony Nelson: The barn floated away? Sergeant Ben Roberts: You've got to stop that rain, sir!
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - My Master, the Rainmaker Major Anthony Nelson: Jeannie, why didn't you stop the rain when you left? Jeannie: Rain? Oh... Four Corners! I left the water running! Major Anthony Nelson: There's nothing left of the place. It's a lake!
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - My Master, the Rainmaker Sergeant Ben Roberts: Major Nelson. Major Anthony Nelson: Yeah? Sergeant Ben Roberts: My brother just phoned me, and nobody understands it, but, uh, that lake that used to be his farm... Major Anthony Nelson: Yes, what's the matter now? Sergeant Ben Roberts: Well, it's filled... with the biggest trout you ever saw! Major Anthony Nelson: Trout? Sergeant Ben Roberts: And bass, and catfish! It's a fisherman's paradise! My brother and all his friends is rentin' out cabins to tourists, and getting rich!
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - Happy Anniversary Blue Djinn: How does thou wish to die? Major Anthony Nelson: Of old age.
	Season 1 / Episode 29: - My Master the Magician Capt.: [Dozing in an armchair being levitated by Jeannie, unaware that Dr Bellows has just walked in] This is so comfortable. Say, there's lots of room up here, why don't you come and join me? Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD: I would but I'd need a ladder!
	Season 1 / Episode 29: - My Master the Magician Jeannie: [about Dr Bellows who is trying to get Tony in trouble with the General] Why will you not let me turn him into something? How about a frog? Capt.: No. And besides, Dr Bellows is only doing his job. Jeannie: But you are only doing yours. Capt.: Yes but unfortunately my job does not involve floating around my own living room.
	Season 1 / Episode 16: - Get Me to Mecca on Time Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: [an ailing Jeannie is attempting to conjure up Tony's breakfast. She blinks and half of the breakfast plate appears] Half an egg? You really are sick. [Jeannie ignores him and tries again. Half a coffee cup materializes] Wow. I'd ask you to conjure up a Doctor but I'd hate to see what he'd look like.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - Where'd You Go Go? Capt.: [Jeannie has just reversed Tony's car straight into the side of Roger's car. He gets out of his car, furious] You idiot! You moron! [moves towards the driver's side] Look what you did? Boy, I have seen some stupid driving in my time but I've never seen [sees Jeannie for the first time] a more beautiful girl in my life! How about dinner tonight? Jeannie: I am so sorry. I did not see you. [she gets out of the car to inspect the damage] Capt.: [mesmerized] Oh, don't worry about it. I'll get another one. How about dinner tonight? Jeannie: [upset] I have broken the eye that shines in front! Capt.: Oh it's nothing. How about dinner tonight? Jeannie: [laughs] You are very persistent. Capt.: I'm also very loveable. How about dinner tonight? Jeannie: But I do not know anything about you. Capt.: What's there to know? I'm just your average, everyday astronaut. Jeannie: Astronaut? [realizes who he is] Ah, then you're a friend of... Capt.: Of who? Jeannie: Never mind. [smiles] I will have dinner with you tonight.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - Where'd You Go Go? Capt.: [All dressed up for his date with Diane, sees Jeannie who is also all dressed up] Jeannie! You look beautiful! What's the occasion? Jeannie: I have a date? Capt.: [unable to hide his dismay] With a man? Jeannie: They make the best dates.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - Where'd You Go Go? Jeannie: [while on a date, Tony is shocked to run into Jeannie on a date with Roger] Wait! The coffee may be too hot. [Holds Roger's coffee cup in her hands while Tony looks on jealously] It is just right. [gives Roger the cup] Capt.: [completely entranced by her] Don't wake me up. [Tony looks even more tortured at this] Jeannie: [smiles sweetly at him] I bet you would notice if you were having breakfast with a chimpanzee. [Glances knowingly at Tony] Capt.: [smiles shrewdly at Jeannie] Not if he were reading a newspaper. Diane: The thing I like about this conversation is, I don't know what anybody's saying
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - Where'd You Go Go? Jeannie: [Jeannie has just found out that a jealous Tony tried to sabotage her date with Roger and is delighted] Oh Master, you did go to Captain Healey's! Capt.: [lightly] Only for a moment. Jeannie: [throws her arms around his neck and rests her head on his shoulder] Oh, you were worried about me! Capt.: [still attempting to be dismissive] A little bit. [More firmly] Jeannie, there's one thing that you have to remember about me. Jeannie: What is that? Capt.: [pauses then relents] I'm only human. [Kisses her passionately]
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - Where'd You Go Go? Capt. Anthony Nelson: [after Jeannie turned herself into a chimpanzee in a bid for attention and he failed to notice] Jeannie, I'm sorry I didn't notice you were a chimpanzee. Jeannie: [sulking] I am just something that you order in and out of a bottle. Capt. Anthony Nelson: No, that's not true. You're a warm, wonderful woman. [Jeannie starts warming to him] As a matter of fact I think you're one of the most beautiful- [doorbell rings] Back in your bottle! Jeannie: [screams in frustration] Capt. Anthony Nelson: I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean it like that! [Jeannie smokes herself inside her bottle] Jeannie: [from inside the bottle, mutters something in her native language] Capt. Anthony Nelson: [speaking into bottle] Do me a favour, don't ever translate that.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Whatever Happened to Baby Custer? Jeannie: [Tony is studying hard for an exam] I do not know why you are bothering to study. In the test I can be a little voice whispering in your ear. Like this! [She nuzzles his ear] Capt. Anthony Nelson: [moves away, irritated] Jeannie, do you mind? Besides, what do you know about celestial navigation? Jeannie: Oh I happen to have learned a thing or two. From Galileo. Capt. Anthony Nelson: Galileo, huh? I should have known he didn't spend all his time looking at stars!
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Whatever Happened to Baby Custer? Capt. Anthony Nelson: Jeannie, I'm home. Jeannie: I am out here, Master. Capt. Anthony Nelson: Boy, you should have seen me in the lab today. I was- [sees a bathing costume clad Jeannie is levitating on a towel out on the patio] Jeannie! [dashes outside] What are you- get off my towel! What if one of the neighbors sees you! Jeannie: Oh Master, you know how restful it is up here. Capt. Anthony Nelson: I know, I know but, come down here. Jeannie: [playfully] Come up here. [Blinks him into a pair of swimming trunks] Capt. Anthony Nelson: Take these trunks off! [Jeannie giggles] No, no! I didn't mean that!
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Whatever Happened to Baby Custer? Capt. Anthony Nelson: [after a fight with Jeannie] You know, we have a custom on this planet called 'kiss and make up'. Jeannie: [turns towards him with an intrigued smile] I would know more of this custom. Capt. Anthony Nelson: I'm truly sorry. I'll never accuse you of anything like that again. Jeannie: [moving closer] You promise? Capt. Anthony Nelson: I promise. [they lean in and kiss]
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - G.I. Jeannie Jeannie: Are you not going to kiss me goodbye? [closes her eyes and assumes kissing pose] Capt. Anthony Nelson: Now Jeannie, remember our bargain? You agreed that this relationship would be purely platonic. Jeannie: Yes Master [resumes pose] Capt. Anthony Nelson: And you agreed because you knew that that would be the best way? Jeannie: No. I agreed because I did not know what 'platonic' meant. Capt. Anthony Nelson: It means 'friends'. 'Pals'. Jeannie: Oh. [clearly disappointed] Capt. Anthony Nelson: 'Good buddies'. Jeannie: Well then, how about a friendly kiss goodbye? [resumes kissing pose] Capt. Anthony Nelson: Well, I see no harm in that. [Leans in to give her a peck on the lips but instead Jeannie grabs him and kisses him passionately. He protests at first but soon finds himself kissing her back] Capt. Anthony Nelson: [when the kiss breaks, breathlessly] You're the best buddy a buddy ever had. [Quickly exits through the door]
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - G.I. Jeannie Jeannie: Thou hast tried to drown me. Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: Don't tempt me.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - G.I. Jeannie Major Margaret Fiefield: [Jeannie reports for her aptitude test results] The average girl usually shows ability in several different fields. But we've given you five separate tests and the answer's always the same. It seems there's only one thing you're qualified to do. Jeannie: What is that? Major Margaret Fiefield: Nothing.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - G.I. Jeannie Major Margaret Fiefield: These are the reports from the various departments in which you've worked. I wanted you to hear them. Jeannie: Yes, ma'am. Major Margaret Fiefield: From the hospital, we have this comment: "Dangerous. Approach with extreme caution." From the dental lab: "Strongly urge that Recruit Nelson be declared a disaster area." Sergeant Morgan, the driving instructor, writes: "A terrifying experience. Administration says should be ideal for demolition work." Now today, I believe we worked in communications. However, I haven't heard anything from them. So far. Jeannie: I think you will get a phone call as soon as the power lines are working again.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - G.I. Jeannie Major Margaret Fiefield: [reading Jeannie's test results] Two hundred and fifty words a minute! No one can type that fast. Jeannie: Oh, that was not typing. That was dictation. Major Margaret Fiefield: Oh. [looks again at Jeannie's test results] Two hundred and fifty words a minute... in longhand? Jeannie: It is easier to read that way. I got a score of four hundred words in typing. Major Margaret Fiefield: Unbelievable. Jeannie: I told you I would make a good secretary.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - G.I. Jeannie Lt. Snyder: [inside the Recruiting center] Uh, date of birth? Jeannie: July first. Lt. Snyder: [makes notes] July first... Year? Jeannie: Twenty-one B.C. Lt. Snyder: [notes] Uh-huh. Age? Jeannie: Fifteen hundred. Lt. Snyder: [notes] And place of birth? Jeannie: Pompeii. Lt. Snyder: Pomp... [reads from her notepad] "Twenty-one B.C. Fifteen hundred years old". [Tony looks uncomfortable] Jeannie: I-I know I should have been honest with you, Lieutenant. I am not really fifteen hundred. Lt. Snyder: Oh, I really didn't think so. Jeannie: I am two thousand. But every woman lies about her age.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - The Marriage Caper Jeannie: [referring to Melissa, Tony's fiancée] Her vibrations are all wrong for you. Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: Oh. That's funny. I kinda like the way she vibrates.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - The Marriage Caper Jeannie: You will be throwing your life away. Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: It is not so, and... And it is my life. And I can throw it any place I please.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - The Marriage Caper Jeannie: Two thousand years ago, my sister made better gravy than that. And she was the worst cook in the Middle East.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - The Marriage Caper Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: A million bottles on the beach, and I had to pick hers.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - The Marriage Caper Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: [Jeannie opens the front door, and stands against one side of it, while Roger stands on the other side, looking at Tony; hissing to Jeannie] Get out! [she vanishes] Capt. Roger Healy: [somewhat confused] I just got here!
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - The Marriage Caper Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD: You know, in all the years I've been practicing psychiatry, you're the most interesting person I've ever met. Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: Oh, thank you, sir. Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD: Oh, I-I was speaking clinically. Anthony 'Tony' Nelson: What do you find so interesting about me? Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD: Well, you don't fit into any known category. One minute you're calm, the next, you're hysterical. You can pass the most difficult test the Air Force has devised, and yet, you hear voices. You're a top scientist, and you suffer from delusions. You don't call that interesting? I can't wait to put you in a book.

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