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 | Season 6 / Episode 1: - Big Days Barney Stinson: Robin, girls are like cartons of milk. Each one has a hotness expiration date and you've hit yours. I'm not saying the occasional guy won't still open the fridge open you up, take a sniff, shrug and take a sip anyway, but it's all down hill from here. |
| Season 6 / Episode 1: - Big Days Lily Aldrin: Whoa, wait. A big package just arrived. Marshall Eriksen: Yeah it did! Lily Aldrin: No it's a real package, from your dad. Marshall Eriksen: Well that's a little weird, but yeah it is! |
| Season 6 / Episode 1: - Big Days Ted Mosby: [about a girl at the bar] She's got her shields up anyway; she's reading a book. Barney Stinson: Yeah! At a bar! The book might as well be called Are Ya There Barney? It's Me Horny. That is not what "shields up" looks like. [Enter Robin disheveled] THAT is what "shields up" looks like. |
| Season 6 / Episode 1: - Big Days Barney Stinson: Oh yeah? Be my guest. Fall in love with her, get married. Just know this, when I step up to make my toast as your best man? Ted Mosby: Actually Marshall will probably be my... Barney Stinson: [Cutting him off] AS YOUR BEST MAN! |
| Season 6 / Episode 1: - Big Days Ted Mosby: [sipping a beer] This is what church has been missing. Dude, you fixed Church! Marshall Eriksen: You're welcome, God. |
| Season 6 / Episode 1: - Big Days Barney Stinson: Dude you are so in, a high five doesn't cut it. High Six! Ted Mosby: She didn't see us High Six did she? Robin Scherbatsky: No. Barney Stinson: Good. That was pretty lame. Ted Mosby: Yeah, let's never do that again. |
 | Season 5 / Episode 24: - Doppelgangers Ted Mosby: Look we've all been searching for the five doppelgangers, right? But eventually, over time, we all become our own doppelgangers, you know, these completely different people who just happen to look like us. |
| Season 5 / Episode 24: - Doppelgangers Barney Stinson: [Marshall and Lily imagine what if they told the gang about their plans for a baby] [Barney opens their door] You guys bangin'? Lily Aldrin, Marshall Eriksen: Whaaaaaa! Barney Stinson: Just for the record, having a baby? Huge mistake. Now show me what you've got. Ted Mosby: [Enters with balloons] Uncle Teddy's here. [Marshall and Lily scream] Quick question. How are you guys going to handle the whole Santa thing? I'm thinking just be honest. Aw, Hell. I'll dress up. Robin Scherbatsky: [TV turns on, showing Robin. Marshall and Lily scream again] This just in... is what Marshall Eriksen is about to say to his wife as he attempts to impregnate her. Chopper 12 is live on the scene with Baby Watch 2010. [Gang sees live footage of helicopter just outside the room's window] |
| Season 5 / Episode 24: - Doppelgangers Barney Stinson: Kids? No! Don't have kids! The rule is no kids until you're at least 45. Don't you EVER read my blog? It's gotten a lot better! |
| Season 5 / Episode 24: - Doppelgangers Marshall Eriksen: But you were the fifth doppelganger! How can you be... you? I called you, we had a whole conversation, Barney, what happened? Barney Stinson: Ah, yes. I know what happened. People at work have this very strange expectation that I, well, work. I know, I know. So to make my colleagues think I'm busting my hump while I'm really out humping busty chicks, I decided to record a special recording. Marshall Eriksen: How can it be a recording, you called me Big Chief, my special workplace nickname? Barney Stinson: Oh, buddy. |
| Season 5 / Episode 24: - Doppelgangers Narrator: Kids, up to this point in the story we had found doppelgangers - eerie but awesome lookalikes for four of the five of our little group. There was lesbian Robin. Mustache Marshall. Stripper Lily. And Mexican wrestler me. Yes, mine was the coolest. So we were all eager to find the fifth doppelganger, Barney's. Turns out it was more important to some of us than others. |
| Season 5 / Episode 24: - Doppelgangers Don Frank: [Robin is stunned that Don accepted a lead anchor job in Chicago - which she turned down earlier] Put yourself in my shoes. Can you imagine what it's like to have the phone ring and it's your dream job on the other end? Robin Scherbatsky: [Teary-eyed] Yes... I can. Good luck in Chicago, Don. [leaves Don's apartment] |
| Season 5 / Episode 24: - Doppelgangers Barney Stinson: No! Time out! This is a group decision! You can't just move to Chicago unless we all say it's okay! Ted Mosby: Barney, I think this has to be Robin's... Barney Stinson: Stay out of this Brigitte Nielsen or Dolph Lundgren from Rocky IV! |
| Season 5 / Episode 24: - Doppelgangers Marshall Eriksen: Ted, I love you buddy, but there is no way you can pull off blonde. Lily Aldrin: Seriously, Ted, don't do it Ted Mosby: I'm going blonde! Marshall Eriksen: That is NOT the outcome we were hoping for. |
| Season 5 / Episode 24: - Doppelgangers Don Frank: [to Robin] Before I met you I'd given up on everything. Relationships. Career. Pants. |
| Season 5 / Episode 24: - Doppelgangers Ted Mosby: Let's just say there were some senior citizens who attempted to "drown" on my watch... and sadly one who did. |
 | Season 5 / Episode 23: - The Wedding Bride Barney Stinson: Baggage is the cornerstone of America's greatest national product. Ted Mosby, Marshall Eriksen, Robin Scherbatsky, Lily Aldrin: Porn! Barney Stinson: Actually, it's porn. No women works in porn without having major baggage. Ted Mosby, Robin Scherbatsky: [Saluting] Major Baggage. |
| Season 5 / Episode 23: - The Wedding Bride Barney Stinson: There's only one street where that is normal. Here's a hint: a big, yellow bird lives on it. |
| Season 5 / Episode 23: - The Wedding Bride Jed Moseley: [Repeated line] No-can-do's-ville, baby doll. |
| Season 5 / Episode 23: - The Wedding Bride Ted Mosby: That movie sucks, and your all stupid for liking it. Royce: Ted, I think you owe us an apology. Ted Mosby: No-can-do's-ville, baby doll. No-can-do's... ville. |
| Season 5 / Episode 23: - The Wedding Bride Ted Mosby: That's it. I'll have to move to another country, one where they're not showing "The Wedding Bride". Robin Scherbatsky: Good luck, Ted. That movie has gone worldwide. It's huge. Lily Aldrin: Maybe North Korea. Robin Scherbatsky: No, I heard Kim Jong Il saw it and it's his second favorite movie, right behind one of him running in slow motion in a field of turnips. |
| Season 5 / Episode 23: - The Wedding Bride Barney Stinson: Oh, go on honey. Kiss him Narrator: Ummm, Uncle Barney didn't say kiss. Barney Stinson: Kiss him! Kiss him! Kiss him!... Narrator: Still not saying kiss. Usher: Sir, you need to leave. Now. Barney Stinson: This is outrageous! Who the kiss are you? |
| Season 5 / Episode 23: - The Wedding Bride Ted Mosby: Royce! Tony Grafanello: Stella! Royce: Ted? Stella Zinman: Tony! Jed Moseley: Tony? Barney Stinson: Ted? Ted Mosby: Barney? |
| Season 5 / Episode 23: - The Wedding Bride Ted Mosby: This doof in the red cowboy boots, this isn't me! Barney Stinson: So just to be clear,you are saying that you don't have a pear of red cowboy boots in your closet ? |
 | Season 5 / Episode 22: - Robots vs. Wrestlers Ted Mosby: [Thinking while reading poetry aloud ] I sound kind of douchey. I can't stop myself! |
| Season 5 / Episode 22: - Robots vs. Wrestlers Marshall Eriksen: Aww... Lilllly... babieeeeees! Barney Stinson: I hope Ted is miserable right now |
| Season 5 / Episode 22: - Robots vs. Wrestlers Barney Stinson: One word. Made up. Douchepocalypse! |
| Season 5 / Episode 22: - Robots vs. Wrestlers Jefferson Van Smoot: Young man, that gong is a 500-year-old relic that hasn't been struck since W. S. Gilbert hit it at the London premiere of The Mikado in 1885! Marshall Eriksen: His wife's a 500-year-old relic that hasn't been struck since W. S. Gilbert hit it at the London premiere of The Mikado in 1885! |
| Season 5 / Episode 22: - Robots vs. Wrestlers Barney Stinson: I've got five tickets to Robots vs. Wrestlers! Ted Mosby: That is awesome! Barney Stinson: You've heard of Robots vs. Wrestlers? Marshall Eriksen: Not at all! Ted Mosby: But we're assuming it's some sort of sporting event putting robots... against wrestlers! Barney Stinson: That's exactly what it is! |
| Season 5 / Episode 22: - Robots vs. Wrestlers Barney Stinson: Hey, Marisa Heller! Barney Stinson. Do you remember me? We met at a convention for bird owners. Marissa Heller: That's not possible. Barney Stinson: Wicker lovers. Marissa Heller: No. Barney Stinson: Stinson out! |
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