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 | Season 8 / Episode 24: - Something New Lily Aldrin: Ted, you did this all yourself? Ted Mosby: Just like Ryan Gosling in The Notebook. It's pretty manly until I mentioned "Ryan Gosling in The Notebook," huh? Lily Aldrin: Even I haven't seen it, Ted. |
 | Season 8 / Episode 20: - The Time Travelers Barney: Ted, jus'... jus'... okay? |
| Season 8 / Episode 20: - The Time Travelers Barney Stinson: It's gonna be legen... wait 20 years for it!... Twenty-Years-From-Now-Barney: ...dary! Barney Stinson, Twenty-Years-From-Now-Barney: Legendary! |
| Season 8 / Episode 20: - The Time Travelers Ted Mosby: Not so fast. Barney, Ted, 20-Years-From-Now-Barney, 20-Years-From-Now-Ted... Barney Stinson: Who are you? Ted Mosby: I'm 20-Hours-From-Now-Ted. And you bastards aren't going anywhere. |
| Season 8 / Episode 20: - The Time Travelers Ted Mosby: Hi. I'm Ted Mosby. In exactly forty-five days from now, you and I are gonna meet. And we're gonna fall in love. And we're gonna get married, and... we're gonna have two kids. And we're gonna love them and each other so much. All of that is forty-five days away. But I'm here now, I guess, because I want those extra forty-five days. With you, I want each one of them. And if I can't have them, I'll take the forty-five seconds it takes before your boyfriend shows up and punches me in my face. Because... I love you. I'm always gonna love you. 'Til the end of my days, and beyond. |
| Season 8 / Episode 20: - The Time Travelers Twenty-Years-From-Now-Barney: Okay, guys, I've been waiting twenty years for this. Just like we practiced, no mistakes. Ready? One, two, oh, one, two, three, four! All: [singing] Oh-oh-oh-oh. Twenty-Hours-From-Now-Ted: For the longest... All: For the longest time! Oh-oh-oh-oh. Twenty-Hours-From-Now-Ted: For the longest... All: For the longest time! If you say goodbye to me tonight. Twenty-Minutes-From-Now-Barney: Ooh-ooh-ooh! Barney Stinson, Twenty-Years-From-Now-Ted: There would still be music left to write! Ted Mosby, Twenty-Years-From-Now-Barney: Dum-dum-dum-dum... Twenty-Hours-From-Now-Ted, Twenty-Minutes-From-Now-Barney: Aah-aah-aah-aah! Barney Stinson, Twenty-Years-From-Now-Ted: What else could I do? I'm so inspired by you. All: That hasn't happened for the longest time! |
 | Season 8 / Episode 15: - P.S. I Love You Steven Page: [the interviewees for Underneath The Tunes lament the aftermath of Robin Daggers' Grey Cup halftime show] It was tragic. I mean to this day, you ask any Canadian where they were when Robin Sparkles lost it, not only can they tell you which Tim Horton's they were in - but what donut they were eating. Me? Wawa, Ontario. Blueberry fritter. Geddy Lee: Halifax, Nova Scotia. Walnut crunch. Luc Robitaille: Victoriaville, Quebec. Sour cream plain. Alex Trebek: Sudbury, Ontario. Honey dip. k.d. lang: Red Deer, Alberta. Chocolate glaze. Jason Priestley: Squamish, British Columbia. Crammed a Timbit into a strawberry vanilla and invented the Priestley. Should have been the best day of my life. |
 | Season 8 / Episode 13: - Band or DJ? Barney Stinson: Your dad has something to say. Robin Scherbatsky, Sr: I'm sorry for getting married without consulting you. It was wrong of me. Barney Stinson: [Thinking he's done talking] There, now Robin... Robin Scherbatsky, Sr: [Continues] I know that no mere apology will fix this, and that is why I've asked Carol for a divorce. Barney Stinson: What? Robin Scherbatsky, Sr: She's heartbroken, understandably. Possibly suicidal... Barney Stinson: [to Robin] I did not tell him... Robin Scherbatsky, Sr: [Continues, interrupting Barney] But if that's the price for my daughter's love, then I will gladly let Carol pay it. |
| Season 8 / Episode 13: - Band or DJ? Robin Scherbatsky, Sr: This is Barney? This man is blonde. Grown men are not blonde! |
| Season 8 / Episode 13: - Band or DJ? Robin Scherbatsky, Sr: You really should respond to my friend request. I post a lot of great stuff. You familiar with memes? There's a cat that says, "I can has cheeseburger?" |
| Season 8 / Episode 13: - Band or DJ? Ted Mosby: I am happy for them. Lily Aldrin: Is all you let yourself say out loud. Because if you said anything to the contrary, well, then that would make you the most awful person on this rooftop. So I'm gonna give you an out. Ted Mosby: And how are you gonna do that? Lily Aldrin: By saying something that is even more awful. Ted Mosby: Like what? Lily Aldrin: [starts crying] Sometimes I wish I wasn't a mom. Sometimes I wanna pack a bag and leave in the middle of the night and not come back. Ted Mosby: [pauses] Robin shouldn't be with Barney, she should be with me. [pauses again while they sit down] Are you serious? Lily Aldrin: I don't know. I mean, I love being a mom, I-I love Marvin so much. But you remember when I wanted to be an artist? Art was my whole life, and... and now it's been months since I've even picked up a brush. I-I spend the whole day taking care of kids in my job, and I come home, and it's more of the same, and it's just... it never lets up. It's just really, really hard, Ted. Ted Mosby: Have you talked to Marshall about how you feel? Lily Aldrin: Have you talked to Robin about how you feel? Ted Mosby: [sighs] Fair enough. Lily Aldrin: I think we just have to accept our lots in life, and... I have to be a mom to a beautiful, wonderful, if slightly constipated little boy, and you have to let Robin and Barney get a band. |
 | Season 8 / Episode 12: - The Final Page, Part Two Ted Mosby: Eight years ago I made an ass of myself chasing after you and I made an ass of myself chasing after you a bunch of times since then. I have no regrets because it led me to something I wouldn't trade for the world, it led to you being my friend. So as your friend and a leading expert in the field of making an ass of yourself. I say to you, from the heart, get the hell out of this car. |
| Season 8 / Episode 12: - The Final Page, Part Two Ted Mosby: I need to grow up. Oh by the way I'm breaking a jinx swear here so don't tell Barney or he gets to whack me in the nuts three times with a whiffle ball bat. Marshall Eriksen: Sure, pretty standard. |
| Season 8 / Episode 12: - The Final Page, Part Two Lily Aldrin: Okay but hurry, or I'm gonna start doing number eleven on my own. Marshall Eriksen: You can do that by yourself? Lily Aldrin: Pilates bitch! |
| Season 8 / Episode 12: - The Final Page, Part Two Robin Scherbatsky: [Robin has read the play entitled "The Robin" and sees Barney] Seriously, Barney? Even you, even someone as CERTIFIABLY INSANE as you must realize that this is too far! You lied to me, manipulated me for weeks - do you really think I could ever kiss you after that? Do you really think I could ever trust you after that? [refers to Playbook page] This, this is proof of why we don't work, why we'll never work, so thank you. You've set me free because how could I be with a man who thinks that this trick, this enormous lie could ever make me want to date him again? Barney Stinson: Turn it over. [Robin flips page to read Step 16: Hope she says yes. Barney presents ring] Robin Scherbatsky, will you marry me? Robin Scherbatsky: Yes. |
 | Season 8 / Episode 11: - The Final Page, Part One Ted Mosby: [Barney has shown Ted a diamond ring] Oh my God, Barney... Barney Stinson: You unjinxed me, I'm free! If the bison in the nickel heard what you said talking about them they would diminish their population even further on purpose and if Lily wants a big wiener in her mouth she's got my number and I'm sorry you took all the rap for the farting in the car up here, that was me. Ted Mosby: The ring, what's the ring? Barney Stinson: Right, the ring. I'm gonna ask Patrice to marry me Ted Mosby, Barney Stinson: Are you serious? Barney Stinson: Jinx. Good, I need to say some things without you interrupting. Yes, I'm serious. I know that if you will talk, you will say I'm crazy, I'm over-correcting, I'm moving too fast, or that you would be wrong. I've banged my way through every bimbo in the Tri-State Area and it left me feeling nothing but broken, but now with Patrice, for the first time in my life, I feel settled and happy. I want to feel this way forever. So tomorrow night, on the roof of the World Wide News building - that's Patrice's favorite spot - I'm gonna ask her to marry me. Barney Stinson: You're jinxed. I'll unjinx you if you follow these two rules. One you can't try to talk me out of it and two, you can't tell anybody. Agreed? Barney Stinson: It's a jinx swear, so if you break it, I'll bust you in the nuts three times with a whiffle ball bat. Thank you, Ted. |
| Season 8 / Episode 11: - The Final Page, Part One Barney Stinson: Marshall, I'm a grown ass man. I'm on my building's co-op board. When I say a pinot noir tastes luxuriously earthy with a hint of rhubarb? I'm not faking it. |
| Season 8 / Episode 11: - The Final Page, Part One Ted Mosby: This is gonna be a long jinx. Like Yom Kippur services long. The only difference is Yom Kippur's a fast and this one's gonna be a slow. |
| Season 8 / Episode 11: - The Final Page, Part One Patrice: [Robin is administering Patrice's year-end performance appraisal - and she just fired her] Why would you fire me? Robin Scherbatsky: Because nobody should be as happy as you are! Robin Scherbatsky: and also, your cookies? They're only... pretty good. Patrice: Robin, is this really about me? Robin Scherbatsky: [cracking] No. It's not. Sandy Rivers: [enters] The old fire and bang. Respect, Scherbatsky. |
 | Season 8 / Episode 10: - The Over-Correction Ted Mosby: [Annoyed at the gang for "borrowing" his stuff and never returning it] I'll take that. [takes minicooler from Lily] Ted Mosby Store is officially closed. [looks inside of cooler] What spilled in here? Lily Aldrin: Breastmilk. Ted Mosby: [Makes a face and hand the minicooler back to Lily] Seriously, I give and give, and all I ask back is a little bit of respect [leaves apartment wearing his red cowboy boots] |
| Season 8 / Episode 10: - The Over-Correction Ted Mosby: Barney, or should I say Borrowney? Marshall Eriksen: You should never say that. |
| Season 8 / Episode 10: - The Over-Correction Robin Scherbatsky: I love Patrice, we're like sisters. Ted Mosby: You've never gotten through even one exchange without screaming at her. Robin Scherbatsky: [Screaming] Sisters fight Ted! |
| Season 8 / Episode 10: - The Over-Correction Barney Stinson: [the gang talks at MacLaren's over Marshall and Lily's parents hooking up] I think you should be happy for them. Marshall Eriksen: What? But why? What is good about this? Barney Stinson: Well, first of all, respect to Mickey. Your mom's a piece - she's no Ted's mom, but she's a piece. Secondly, I mean, it's nice that they found each other. Sometimes, you fall for someone you never expect, but that doesn't make it wrong. Doesn't everyone deserve to be happy? Lily Aldrin: I guess none of us ever thought of it that way. Barney Stinson: Next round's on me. [Gang stares at Barney in wonder] |
 | Season 8 / Episode 9: - Lobster Crawl Lily Aldrin: [Trying to get baby Marvin to crawl for the camera] Do it! If you ever wanna see these boobs again, crawl you sonnova me! |
| Season 8 / Episode 9: - Lobster Crawl Barney Stinson: Why should bibs only be socially acceptable when you're eating lobster? |
 | Season 8 / Episode 7: - The Stamp Tramp Barney Stinson: [Barney does his own version of LeBron James' Decision Special] Man, this whole free agent experience... it's been an unbelievable experience... a real, humbling experience. First all, the Lusty Leopard is where I developed my game. [looks at strippers] I have nothing but the utmost respect for you skanks... Ted Mosby: [to Marshall] Let's just go stay at the Lusty Leopard. They have loyalty and heart, I bet you he rewards that. Marshall Eriksen: LeBron moved on Ted, so should you. Barney Stinson: ...but Barney Stinson has to do what's right for Barney Stinson's penis. In this fall... This is tough, um, in this fall, I'm going to take my talents... to Mouth Beach! [Cheers] |
| Season 8 / Episode 7: - The Stamp Tramp Robin Scherbatsky: Bottom line Vito, a lot of strip clubs are into my client. If you want The Melon Patch to be in the mix we're gonna need bigger melons and smaller patches. Otherwise your establishment is not where Barney Stinson is going to pitch his tent. |
| Season 8 / Episode 7: - The Stamp Tramp Barney Stinson: I've been going to the Lusty Leopard for seven years... Robin Scherbatsky: Wow, that's like 49 in perve years. Barney Stinson: 69. Self-five! |
| Season 8 / Episode 7: - The Stamp Tramp Lily Aldrin: So you're saying the credit for the stamp goes to Dr. X, then, not you. [Ted hesitates, seemingly in an inner fight with himself] Ted Mosby: Okay. I'm gonna tell you something right now. Lily Aldrin: [to Robin and Barney] Take a step, follow my lead. Ted Mosby: I'm Dr. X. [Lily, Robin and Barney all fake-spit out their drinks] |
| Season 8 / Episode 7: - The Stamp Tramp Lily Aldrin: How do you even know there's gonna be a mention of Dishwalla on those tapes? Ted Mosby: I don't. And it did take me days to get through them all, but that is how committed I am to the truth. [starts the video] Lily Aldrin: [off screen, on the video] Hey, you guys should check out that song by the band Dishwalla. Ted Mosby: [also off screen, on the video] Really? I've never heard of them! Ted Mosby: Damn it! |
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