How I Met Your Mother Quotes

How I Met Your Mother

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

How I Met Your Mother Quotes

	Season 4 / Episode 24: - The Leap Ted Mosby: I don't wanna be stuck in a crappy teaching job. No offense, Lily. Lily Aldrin: I got peed on three times today, so no argument here.
	Season 4 / Episode 24: - The Leap Barney Stinson: [about the inflatable pool on Ted's roof] No, no, no! This is not pimped out. If anything, this is pimped in.
	Season 4 / Episode 24: - The Leap Marshall Eriksen: I could totally jump that. Ted Mosby: Marshall, lately it takes you two hours to get off the couch. You can't jump that. Marshall Eriksen: Oh, yeah? Ted Mosby: Yeah. Marshall Eriksen: Watch me. Narrator: But he didn't jump.
	Season 4 / Episode 24: - The Leap Lily Aldrin: You want a reason not to jump? I'll give you a reason. I'm pregnant. Marshall Eriksen: You're pregnant? Oh, my God! I know you've gained a lot of weight lately, but... Lily Aldrin: I was lying, you jerk! Go ahead and jump. I hope you die! Marshall Eriksen: That's all the reason I need.
	Season 4 / Episode 24: - The Leap Lily Aldrin: [about Robin going to dump Barney] You're going to break... whatever pumps that black sludge through his body.
	Season 4 / Episode 24: - The Leap Bill: So, you're the guy who tried to make it with a goat? Ted Mosby: Hey! I did not try to make it with a goat! If anything, the goat was trying to make it with me. Bill: Whatever, but remember: "Baa" means "Baa".
	Season 4 / Episode 24: - The Leap Narrator: That was the year I was left at the altar. The year I was beat up by a crazy bartenter. The year I got fired. The year I got beat up by a goat, a girl goat at that. And dammit, if it wasn't the best year of my life. Because if any of those things hadn't happened, I never would have ended up in what turned out to be the best job I ever had. But most importantly, I wouldn't have met your mother. Because, as you know, she was at that class. But that story is just beginning.
	Season 4 / Episode 23: - As Fast as She Can Barney Stinson: Give it a week. You'll get her back. And her front. Oh! Did you feel that? It felt like a what-up quake.
	Season 4 / Episode 23: - As Fast as She Can Marshall Eriksen: He's rich? Please tell me he wrote you a big, fat check. A check so fat, it doesn't take its shirt off when it goes swimming. Barney Stinson: That is a big, fat check. A check so fat, after you have sex with it, you don't tell your buddies about it. Robin Scherbatsky: A check so fat, when it sits next to you on an airplane, you ask yourself if it should have bought two seats. Marshall Eriksen: That is... Barney Stinson: A big, fat check! Ted Mosby: Yeah, he didn't write me a check.
	Season 4 / Episode 23: - As Fast as She Can Barney Stinson: Can't talk my way out of a speeding ticket? Can't talk my way out of a speeding ticket? I am Barney Stinson, master of manipulation. If I can talk a stripper to pay me for a lap dance, I can talk my way out of a speeding ticket. Challenge accep... wait for it... [Points at Ted] Ted Mosby: I don't get it. [Barney points to head in "think about it" gesture] Oh, accep-ted!
	Season 4 / Episode 23: - As Fast as She Can Marshall Eriksen: Of course Robin never got a speeding ticket. Pretty women never get speeding tickets. Robin Scherbatsky: That is outrageous!... and factual.
	Season 4 / Episode 23: - As Fast as She Can Robin Scherbatsky: [after Barney's story of how a female officer stripped for him] No, false! Did not happen! Marshall Eriksen: That was a line from a porno. I've seen that porno. Hell, I've made that porno. Barney Stinson: When will you learn that the only difference between my life and porno is that my life has better lighting?
	Season 4 / Episode 22: - Right Place Right Time Narrator: Kids, I've been telling you the story of how I met your mother, and while there's many things to learn from this story, this may be the biggest. The great moments of your life won't necessarily be the things you do, they'll also be the things that happen to you. Now, I'm not saying you can't take action to affect the outcome of your life, you have to take action, and you will. But never forget that on any day, you can step out the front door and your whole life can change forever. You see, the universe has a plan kids, and that plan is always in motion. A butterfly flaps its wings, and it starts to rain. It's a scary thought but it's also kind of wonderful. All these little parts of the machine constantly working, making sure that you end up exactly where you're supposed to be, exactly when you're supposed to be there. The right place at the right time.
	Season 4 / Episode 22: - Right Place Right Time Narrator: So there you have it, kids, theres a lot of little reasons why the big things in our lives happen. If I had known then where all those little things were leading me and how grateful I'd be to get there... well, I probably would have done something like this. [Ted goes to every person involved and gives them a hug] Because somehow I ended up at the right place at the right time. And as a result, my life would never be the same.
	Season 4 / Episode 22: - Right Place Right Time Ted Mosby: I could be designing concert halls, and bridges. Bridges that could be considered works of art and should be on museums. And I could design those museums. But instead, what am I designing? What has my career led to? A two-story Stetson with outdoor dining on the brim.
	Season 4 / Episode 22: - Right Place Right Time Robin Scherbatsky: You better bring an umbrella. Chuckles the Weather Clown says it's going to rain. Ted Mosby: You have a clown who does the weather? That's a little cheesy, isn't it? Robin Scherbatsky: Cheesy? Tell me again what the building you're designing looks like, Hoss?
	Season 4 / Episode 22: - Right Place Right Time Ted Mosby: 200? As in "Sex with"? Barney Stinson: As in "Sex with". I request the highest of fives. Ted Mosby: Not even if I was wearing a hazmat suit.
	Season 4 / Episode 22: - Right Place Right Time Barney Stinson: [about Pauline, the woman bodybuilder he slept with] Every inch of her tasted like roast beef and creatine.
	Season 4 / Episode 22: - Right Place Right Time Ted Mosby: You made it to 200. You should be proud. You should be tested, but you should be proud.
	Season 4 / Episode 21: - The Three Days Rule Ted Mosby: Check it out. I just got that girl's number. See? Holly. Barney Stinson: Nice! Girls with "ly" at the end of their names are dirty. Carly, Shirly, Lily. Marshall Eriksen: Hey!... all right, it's true. Barney Stinson: Don't even get me started on girls whose name should end in "ly", but instead end in I. Those girls are like roller-coasters. You've got to wait in a long line, but once you get up there, you just hold on for dear life and hope you don't lose your keys.
	Season 4 / Episode 21: - The Three Days Rule Robin Scherbatsky: Just don't make that naked lady noise. Ted Mosby: I don't make naked lady noises. Robin Scherbatsky: Oh, really? [Flashes Ted] Ted Mosby: He-heh. He-heh. He-heh.
	Season 4 / Episode 21: - The Three Days Rule Ted Mosby: The three days rule is stupid. I propose a new rule, the "you like her, you call her" rule. Barney Stinson: I'm sorry, I don't speak "I never get laid".
	Season 4 / Episode 21: - The Three Days Rule Barney Stinson: [reading Ted's text message to Holly] "Texty Text"? Ted, what were you thinking? Marshall Eriksen: We should tell him it's us. Barney Stinson: Yes, we should. Or, we pretend we're Holly and mess with him. Marshall Eriksen: Let's do that.
	Season 4 / Episode 20: - Mosbius Designs Barney Stinson: Now let's be clear, I don't love her okay? I just miss her when she's not around, I think about her all the time and I imagine us one day running towards each other in slow motion and I'm wearing a brown suede vest.
	Season 4 / Episode 20: - Mosbius Designs Lily Aldrin: So tell me, what's the difference between peanut butter and jam? Narrator: And then Barney told the punchline. To this day, it's the dirtiest joke I've ever heard. And no, I'm not going to say it. Lily Aldrin: I can't be around you anymore. [Leaves] Barney Stinson: Aw, come on! Ted Mosby: Told ya. Barney Stinson: She'll be back. Narrator: And we didn't see Lily again for four weeks.
	Season 4 / Episode 20: - Mosbius Designs Barney Stinson: The things I know about this company, I can never be fired. I might find myself ashore with no fingerprints or teeth, but I can never be fired.
	Season 4 / Episode 20: - Mosbius Designs Barney Stinson: You need that thing that makes you a guy. Marshall Eriksen: Oh, I have that thing that makes me a guy. Maybe even a guy and a half. Barney Stinson: No, not that thing! I mean a thing that makes you a guy. Like Toy Guy in HR. [new scene] Toy Guy: The bad news is, we have to review the new GNB guidelines. The good news is, we get to do it with Wolverine claws!
	Season 4 / Episode 20: - Mosbius Designs Barney Stinson: You're not Lily. Lily is a fiendish mastermind, manipulating everyone so that she gets what she wants. She's pure evil. You have a good one. Hold on to her.
	Season 4 / Episode 20: - Mosbius Designs Marshall Eriksen: [Food Guy goes by, carrying cotton candy] Hey, Food Guy. Barney Stinson: [Toy Guy goes by in a scooter] Hey, Toy Guy. [a ninja with a sword passes by] Marshall Eriksen: Who's that guy? Barney Stinson: He doesn't work here. I think we should leave the building. Marshall Eriksen: Really? Barney Stinson: This has happened before.
	Season 4 / Episode 19: - Murtaugh Marshall Eriksen: Kenny, there is a teen-wolf on the court! That can't be legal!

« previous12 3 4 5 6 7 8 9… 20 21 next »

» Back to How I Met Your Mother TV Show