Lily Aldrin

How I Met Your Mother

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Played by:

Alyson Hannigan
Alyson, born in Washington DC, began her acting career in Atlanta at the young age of 4 in commercials ...

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Lily Aldrin Quotes

	Season 4 / Episode 24: - The Leap Ted Mosby: I don't wanna be stuck in a crappy teaching job. No offense, Lily. Lily Aldrin: I got peed on three times today, so no argument here.
	Season 4 / Episode 24: - The Leap Lily Aldrin: You want a reason not to jump? I'll give you a reason. I'm pregnant. Marshall Eriksen: You're pregnant? Oh, my God! I know you've gained a lot of weight lately, but... Lily Aldrin: I was lying, you jerk! Go ahead and jump. I hope you die! Marshall Eriksen: That's all the reason I need.
	Season 4 / Episode 24: - The Leap Lily Aldrin: [about Robin going to dump Barney] You're going to break... whatever pumps that black sludge through his body.
	Season 4 / Episode 20: - Mosbius Designs Lily Aldrin: So tell me, what's the difference between peanut butter and jam? Narrator: And then Barney told the punchline. To this day, it's the dirtiest joke I've ever heard. And no, I'm not going to say it. Lily Aldrin: I can't be around you anymore. [Leaves] Barney Stinson: Aw, come on! Ted Mosby: Told ya. Barney Stinson: She'll be back. Narrator: And we didn't see Lily again for four weeks.
	Season 4 / Episode 18: - Old King Clancy Ted Mosby: I don't believe it. I just got screwed by my two best friends, and I didn't even know it. Lily Aldrin: In Canada, that's called a Sneaky Snowplow.
	Season 4 / Episode 18: - Old King Clancy Ted Mosby: Now when I go in there, I'm probably going to be fired. Best case scenario, my boss is going to ream me out in front of everybody. Robin Scherbatsky: Back home we call that a... Lily Aldrin: ...a Saskatoon Totem Pole. It's all in here.
	Season 4 / Episode 18: - Old King Clancy Marshall Eriksen: If I could nail any celebrity, it would be Lily, because she's the star of my heart. Lily Aldrin: Aw! Mine would be Hugh Jackman.
	Season 4 / Episode 17: - The Front Porch Lily Aldrin: Wait a minute! Those are your pajamas? You sleep in suit pajamas? Barney Stinson: Of course. What else would I sleep in? Ted Mosby: A coffin?
	Season 4 / Episode 17: - The Front Porch Marshall Eriksen: [Giving reasons for wearing a nightshirt] One: I don't have to wear anything underneath. Ted Mosby: I can vouch for that. Could you please cross your legs, buddy? Marshall Eriksen: Two: it's sexy. Lily Aldrin: I can vouch for that. Could you please uncross your legs, honey?
	Season 4 / Episode 16: - Sorry, Bro Barney Stinson: [as Lily exits the elevator in GNB office building] Lily! What are you doin' here? Lily Aldrin: Oh! I'm here to give Marshall something. Barney Stinson: Ahhh! Here to, GIVE, him something. [Winks] Gotcha! [Winks] Nice! Lily Aldrin: Yeah, but I'm, I'm in a hurry. Can I just give it to you? Barney Stinson: [Thinks about it] Sure, OK. Lily Aldrin: And, and, and then you'll give it to him. Barney Stinson: Wai... Ho... Ay... I dunno about all that. I mean, yours will have to be very good. Lily Aldrin: What are you talking about? Barney Stinson: What are you talking about? Lily Aldrin: Mar, Marshall forgot his pants, so I'm bringing him a new pair. Barney Stinson: Ha! Marshall forgot his pants. Well, it's a good thing you came by, because he has a really important meeting today and it would be pretty embarrassing, and not at all funny if he were to show up not wearing pants. So, I'll make sure he gets these.
	Season 4 / Episode 16: - Sorry, Bro Lily Aldrin: [as Scooter hands her flowers, in a fake excited voice] Lilies! Clever! Sorry I don't have a Scooter for you.
	Season 4 / Episode 16: - Sorry, Bro Ted Mosby: She wasn't that bad. Lily Aldrin: Of course not. That's because she turned you into one of her douche zombies. Marshall Eriksen: [zombie voice] I want to eat your brains, but only if they're organic and grass-fed.
	Season 4 / Episode 15: - The Stinsons Lily Aldrin: Hey, Barney. Hot blondes drinking bad decision juice at eight o'clock. Marshall Eriksen: Nice racks. Good eye. That's my wife. Barney Stinson: Nah, I'm not that interested. Lily Aldrin: They're blondes, that's your type. Barney Stinson: Please, Lily. I don't have a type. Do you think the male brain is that shallow that every man has to have a type? Barney Stinson: [to Ted] Asian, with some boob.
	Season 4 / Episode 15: - The Stinsons Lily Aldrin: Where are you going, Barney? Barney Stinson: The beach. It's summer. Home. Shut up. You're going somewhere!
	Season 4 / Episode 15: - The Stinsons Marshall Eriksen: You're telling me that when you watch "The Karate Kid", you don't root for Daniel-san? Ted Mosby: Who do you root for in "Die Hard"? Barney Stinson: Hans Gruber. Charming international bandit. In the end, he dies hard. He's the title character. Lily Aldrin: What about "The Breakfast Club"? Barney Stinson: The teacher running detention. He's the only guy in the whole movie wearing a suit. Robin Scherbatsky: I've got one. "The Terminator". Barney Stinson: What's the name of the movie, Robin? Who among us did not shed a tear when his little red eye went out in the end, and he didn't get to kill all those people? [Breaks down] I'm sorry. I just get so emotional. Ted Mosby: I am never watching a movie with you again. Barney Stinson: They didn't even try to help him!
	Season 4 / Episode 11: - Little Minnesota Barney Stinson: [Lily catches him with Heather] Lily, before you say or do anything, there is something I need you to do. Lily Aldrin: What? Barney Stinson: [Pointing at the shirt Lily is standing on] Please step off. It's Prada.
	Season 4 / Episode 10: - The Fight Lily Aldrin: Stop fighting! Kindergartener: Why? Lily Aldrin: It's stupid and juvenile. Kid: We're six. We are stupid and juvenile.
	Season 4 / Episode 10: - The Fight Ted Mosby: We gotta find a new place. I don't want to be known as the guy who was left at the altar. Barney Stinson: Good Times. Ted Mosby: Uh-oh, we lost Barney. Robin Scherbatsky: Huh? Lily Aldrin: He's looking at that woman in the tight red sweater, and he's not listening to a word we're saying. Ted Mosby: Barney has learned that he can fake a conversation by listing black sitcoms from the '70s and '80s. Right, Barney? Barney Stinson: Diff'rent Strokes! Lily Aldrin: Hey, Barney. Wanna go with me and do stuff that I don't even let Marshall do to me? Barney Stinson: What's Happenin'?
	Season 4 / Episode 9: - The Naked Man Ted Mosby: There is no way that will work on Robin. She'll just laugh at him and throw him out. Lily Aldrin: [laughs] Maybe she'll kick his ass first. Marshall Eriksen: [laughs] Maybe she'll shoot him with her gun.
	Season 4 / Episode 8: - Woooo! Barney Stinson: The world absolutely needs Woooo girls. If there were no Woo girls, there would be no Girls Gone Wild, no bachelorette parties, no Las Vegas poolside bars. All the things that you hold dearest, Lily, would be gone. Lily Aldrin: Those are not the things... Barney Stinson: The souvenir shot glass industry would collapse. So would the body glitter industry... and the stretch Hummer limo industry. Tiny cowboy hats would only be worn by tiny cowboys. And when "Brown Eyed Girl" would come up on the jukebox, all you would hear would be silence... and "Brown Eyed Girl". But who would woo? Would you? Would you... woo?
	Season 4 / Episode 8: - Woooo! Lily Aldrin: Hey, I can woo. Robin Scherbatsky: That's not true. Lily Aldrin: I could too. Robin Scherbatsky: It's just not you.
	Season 4 / Episode 7: - Not a Father's Day Robin Scherbatsky: What's that? Lily Aldrin: One of Jeremy's socks. I'm having a baby! Robin Scherbatsky: But what about all the things we talked about? Lily Aldrin: But... but sock! Robin Scherbatsky: What about Marshall working all the time? Lily Aldrin: But sock! Robin Scherbatsky: What about Project Lily? Lily Aldrin: It's got little fishies on it! Robin Scherbatsky: All this discussion, and a sock makes your decision for you? Ted Mosby: I guess that's what you call a sock-er punch.
	Season 4 / Episode 7: - Not a Father's Day Lily Aldrin: Marshall and I made this big decision to have... dinner... and I thought I was ready to have... dinner... but then he called and canceled and it got me thinking, is it too early for us to have... dinner? Ted Mosby: Well, I had an early lunch, so I'm ready for dinner Lily Aldrin: Dinner is a baby Robin Scherbatsky: Lily, that's horrible!
	Season 4 / Episode 6: - Happily Ever After Ted Mosby: This is a map of Stella-free areas. The white areas are safe, the red ones are not, the blue ones are water. Lily Aldrin: Ted, that's ridiculous. Robin Scherbatsky: Well, water is blue.
	Season 4 / Episode 6: - Happily Ever After Lily Aldrin: You may come from Ohio, but you're in New York now, and here we don't keep our feelings bottled up. We shove them in someone else's face.
	Season 4 / Episode 5: - Shelter Island Lily Aldrin: No "Don't get married, Ted"? No "worst mistake you'll ever make"? Barney Stinson, have you given up on the war against marriage? Barney Stinson: No, I just know a lost cause when I see it. That's the reason I don't recycle.
	Season 4 / Episode 5: - Shelter Island Lily Aldrin: There's no meat. Barney Stinson: There's no alcohol. Marshall Eriksen: It gets worse, you guys. I think that guy you were talking to was lead singer for Spin Doctors.
	Season 3 / Episode 19: - Everything Must Go Marshall Eriksen: Okay, today's category, classic westerns that involve red cowboy boots. Robin. Robin Scherbatsky: The good, the bad and the fabulous. Lily Aldrin: The magnificent Kevin. Marshall Eriksen: No country for straight men.
	Season 3 / Episode 19: - Everything Must Go Ted Mosby: How was your day? Lily Aldrin: I screamed at a little girl for painting a rainbow. Ted Mosby: Oh. It sounds like the bitch had it coming.
	Season 3 / Episode 19: - Everything Must Go Lily Aldrin: I'm going to give you a Lily Aldrin original, because you're such a good husband. I'm thinking of calling it, "Suck it!"

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