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Dr. Chris Taub Quotes
 | Season 8 / Episode 21: - Holding On Dr. Chris Taub: You know he just doesn't want to live in pain. Dr. Gregory House: Life is pain! I wake up every morning in pain! Work is pain! You know how many times I just wanted to give up? How many times I've thought about ending it? |
 | Season 8 / Episode 17: - We Need the Eggs Dr. Chi Park: Have you ever paid for sex? Dr. Chris Taub: Every guy who has ever seen a Merchant-Ivory movie has paid for sex |
 | Season 8 / Episode 8: - Perils of Paranoia Dr. Robert Chase: He's not *in* prison; It's kinda hard to gas a guy unless you can seal him in a room first. Dr. Gregory House: Which is why Arceus created the universe with three states of matter, and three hundred solid and liquid poisons that could cause these symptoms. Dr. Chris Taub: Arceus? Dr. Gregory House: [takes a sip of tea] Look it up. |
 | Season 8 / Episode 7: - Dead & Buried Dr. Chris Taub: [to Faye about Iris] Anti-anxiety medications would explain it. If we keep her off it, she'll be moody, but healthy. [Iris vomits in the background] Or it's something else. |
 | Season 8 / Episode 6: - Parents Dr. Gregory House: I'm going to say it was the ex-girlfriend you cheated on - not the ex-wife you cheated with. Because if the latter was prone to violence, you would've been scattered across various dumpsters years ago. Dr. Chris Taub: [Looking around to the rest of the team] Seriously? No one wants to talk about the patient? New office furniture, we need a new topic. Dr. Robert Chase: [Pulling out his wallet] What's the action on the ex-wife? |
| Season 8 / Episode 6: - Parents Dr. Chris Taub: You're 16, plenty of time to make money. Wanting to build a connection with your dad -pass on some of the joy he gave you. That's not stupid at all. |
| Season 8 / Episode 6: - Parents Dr. Jessica Adams: The part where he said that baby doesn't need *you*. You've only got her a few days a week. And most of that is spent with a rotating cast of nurses. Dr. Robert Chase: That's how daddy likes to spend his time too. Dr. Chris Taub: Shut up! |
| Season 8 / Episode 6: - Parents Dr. Chris Taub: I didn't tell him. Dr. Gregory House: Your heart said he needed to know. Your brain knew he's better off without it. Following your heart is easy. Following your brain is tough. Especially after years of following that much smaller organ. That's why all parents screw up all children. |
 | Season 8 / Episode 5: - The Confession Dr. Eric Foreman: As the new Dean of Medicine, I'd like to personally welcome our new employees, and ask why the Hell did you want to come back? Dr. Robert Chase: Tired of surfing. Dr. Eric Foreman: He hasn't changed. Dr. Robert Chase: And neither has the job, right? We still get to do crazy crap. Dr. Chris Taub: Save people's lives instead of just their noses. |
| Season 8 / Episode 5: - The Confession Dr. Chris Taub: *My* kids loved the massage bed. Dr. Chi Park: Lab tests showed the bed tested positive for semen, vaginal secretions, fecal matter - both human and animal. Dr. Gregory House: Probably want to boil the kids for a few hours when you get home. |
| Season 8 / Episode 5: - The Confession Dr. James Wilson: Also he's started a betting pool on which kid is yours and which isn't. [Wilson chuckles slightly. Taub looks around] Dr. Chris Taub: An entire hospital betting on the legitimacy of my kids?... It's great to be back among friends. [Taub leaves. Wilson takes one of Taub's utensils, and starts to leave the cafeteria. Then he encounters Taub] Dr. James Wilson: I'm not the bad guy here. I'm betting on both of them being yours. [Taub takes the utensil back, and leaves] I would've donated the money to charity. |
 | Season 7 / Episode 23: - Moving On Dr. Chris Taub: A nice cozy home for little Ruben. [Ruby glares at Taub] It's a family name. Ruby: It's a sandwich. Dr. Chris Taub: Named for my family. |
| Season 7 / Episode 23: - Moving On Dr. Chris Taub: Why are we even discussing this case? She lied to us. She's opened us up to malpractice. Dr. Gregory House: Our practice opens us up to malpractice. |
| Season 7 / Episode 23: - Moving On Dr. Chris Taub: Sorry I ducked your calls. I keep making the same mistakes. But at some point... Rachel Taub: Chris... I'm pregnant. Dr. Chris Taub: I didn't expect that. |
 | Season 7 / Episode 22: - After Hours Dr. Chris Taub: I don't even know why she's even considering having my kid. She barely knows me. All she knows is: I'm a short balding guy. It doesn't even make evolutionary sense. |
| Season 7 / Episode 22: - After Hours Dina: [as she's dancing for Taub] You lap is vibrating. Dr. Chris Taub: [Pulling out his cellphone] Oh, sorry. Uh, it's my boss - probably drunk - wants a ride home. He can get a cab... Do you have any kids? Dina: Why? Do you like moms? I could be your mommie. Spank your little ass. |
 | Season 7 / Episode 20: - Changes Dr. Chris Taub: I'm sure some people will screw up anything. But some won't. That kind of case, he has a *chance* to turn a miserable life around. Dr. Gregory House: Miserable is miserable. Happy doesn't buy lottery tickets. Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: Our level of happiness is set. It's in our DNA. No cash payout is gonna change that. Dr. Gregory House: It's like there's two of me. |
| Season 7 / Episode 20: - Changes Dr. Chris Taub: You're a popular guy. Cyrus: Popular wallet. Three years ago, before had a dime, I had my appendix removed. Phil was there. No one else even called. |
| Season 7 / Episode 20: - Changes Dr. Eric Foreman: What about Chase? You believe all that nonsense about him being celibat? Dr. Chris Taub: Don't know. But I'm rooting for him. Read the studies. The fewer partners you have, the happier you are with your ultimate partner. Dr. Eric Foreman: Then you're going to be miserable. Dr. Chris Taub: Those studies, it's important that they have control. |
| Season 7 / Episode 20: - Changes Dr. Eric Foreman: [Foreman's trying to set Chase up with a nurse] First, he'll compliment her hair. That's how he breaks the ice. Next comes some sort of joke or story. He's sharpening his harpoon. Dr. Chris Taub: Are my moves that predictable? Dr. Eric Foreman: She's grabbing his arm. He's going in for the kill. [the nurse walks away from Chase. Foreman and Taub act like they busy. The nurse walks up to Foreman, slaps him and returns his money. Chase waves at them] Dr. Chris Taub: Don't let it get to you. |
 | Season 7 / Episode 18: - The Dig Dr. Eric Foreman: [Taub is seeing someone] Where'd you meet her? Dr. Chris Taub: At the hospital. Dr. Eric Foreman: If it's Masters, just lie to me. |
| Season 7 / Episode 18: - The Dig Dr. Eric Foreman: Actually, I'm impressed. Messing around with a 22 year-old hottie with your wife on my sofa. You're a full throttle headcase. Dr. Chris Taub: I was doing you a solid with the sofa. Rachel wanted to do it in your bed. You've got the memory phone top. Dr. Eric Foreman: Let's make it really simple. If I own it, I don't want you doing it on it. Dr. Chris Taub: You... might want to get rid of your kitchen table... Look I'm sorry, but it was worth it. |
| Season 7 / Episode 18: - The Dig Rachel Taub: Last time you got all noble on me, we ended up dividing our dishes. This time I want to make the decision. Dr. Chris Taub: You don't feel weird about it? Rachel Taub: Of course I feel weird about this. It's confusing and messy, and dirty, dumb. But we spent our lives trying to do everything right. And it sucked. Dr. Chris Taub: It wasn't all bad. Rachel Taub: It sucked Chris. But this - whatever it is - is fun. |
 | Season 7 / Episode 17: - Fall From Grace Dr. Chris Taub: I think we should boycott this wedding on principle. Dr. Eric Foreman: I kind of have to go. His fiancee did give me a foot massage. And he invited me to be in his wedding party. Dr. Chris Taub: W-What about Chase? Did he ask him? Dr. Eric Foreman: Yep. He's in it. Dr. Chris Taub: What the Hell? Dr. Eric Foreman: You said you weren't even going. Dr. Chris Taub: I still have feelings. |
| Season 7 / Episode 17: - Fall From Grace Dr. Eric Foreman: [House is driving the team in a monster truck] Would you slow down? You're gonna get us arrested! Dr. Chris Taub: I wouldn't worry about it. We'll probably die first! Dr. Gregory House: Don't make me take my shoe off! |
| Season 7 / Episode 17: - Fall From Grace Dr. Chris Taub: It's a fake marriage but a *real* honeymoon? Dr. Gregory House: Most are. |
 | Season 7 / Episode 16: - Out of the Chute Dr. Gregory House: Who's in charge? Dr. Eric Foreman: House, as long as you're not here. Someone has to have the final... Dr. Gregory House: Let me rephrase: who's your daddy? Dr. Chris Taub: Let me rephrase: you have to decide if you're going to buck up and get out of bed and do your job or if you're gonna wallow in self-pity. Dr. Gregory House: Thos are my only two choices? Or can I also point out the self-pity coming from you? You're just annoyed because when your relationship ended, no one gave a crap - including you. |
| Season 7 / Episode 16: - Out of the Chute Martha Masters: He's obviously a... very blessed specimen. So from an evolutionary point of view, he'd produce healthy offspring. So my pre-frontal cortex is telling me, I should have sex with him. Dr. Chris Taub: Oh, is that all? Martha Masters: Yes, my rational brain knows he's a hillbilly and an idiot. Dr. Chris Taub: And yet somehow, your rational brain is losing the argument. Which is interesting. |
 | Season 7 / Episode 15: - Bombshells Martha Masters: Good for you. You could've just assumed he was a drug dealer, but instead you took his word for it. It's nice to finally see someone have a little faith in humanity. Dr. Chris Taub: Why would you do that? |
| Season 7 / Episode 15: - Bombshells Dr. Chris Taub: The kid scratched out the faces of half of his class. You don't think that's a problem? Dr. Eric Foreman: It's not *our* problem. Dr. Robert Chase: Why is it anyone's problem? I violently executed my 10th grade Geometry teacher about 5 different ways in my mind. Martha Masters: I didn't want to kill anybody. I just wanted to torture them slowly in my basement - preferably with acid. Guys... ever think what you might do to House? Dr. Chris Taub: [the elevator opens. The team gets in the elevator. Slight pause] Maybe it's no big deal. Dr. Robert Chase: Unless it is. Somebody shot House. |
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