Homicide: Life on the Street - Episode Quotes

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Homicide: Life on the Street Quotes

	Season 7 / Episode 19: - Identity Crisis Det. Meldrick Lewis: .. and for that matter, d'you ever know anybody in the witness protection program, or know anybody who knows anybody in the witness protection program? Det. Paul Falsone: Nobody knows. That's the point, they're invisible. Just like the Nielsen families.
	Season 7 / Episode 10: - Shades of Gray Det. Paul Falsone: [the detectives are discussing Baltimore landmarks] Baltimore is a city of many splendors but the greatest architectural feat: Madonna's bra. Det. Terri Stivers: [incredulous] What? Det. Meldrick Lewis: Yeah, Madonna's bra. The sewage treatment plant on East Point. Them two golden cones just stickin' up outta nowhere. Det. Terri Stivers: Madonna's bra. Det. Stuart Gharty: [chuckling] That's what the East Siders call it. Det. Paul Falsone: Two golden orbs shimmering in the moonlight, towering over the landscape. Det. Terri Stivers: I don't think I've ever seen it. Det. Paul Falsone: Are you serious? Det. Stuart Gharty: To die without viewing it would mark an incomplete life.
	Season 7 / Episode 2: - Brotherly Love Emergency Room Doctor: [Detectives Ballard and Gharty arrive at the hospital to investigate a teenager's death] The victim's name is Scotty Meyers, gunshot to the head. Det. Laura Ballard: Did he say anything about who shot him? Emergency Room Doctor: No, ADASTW. Det. Stuart Gharty: What? Emergency Room Doctor: Arrived Dead And Stayed That Way.
	Season 6 / Episode 15: - Pit Bull Sessions Det. Paul Falsone: [after the detectives have found a man killed by pit bulls] Looks like he was usin' that nine iron to try to beat 'em off with M.E. Dr. Scheiner: For pit bulls I'd've gone with a three wood.
	Season 6 / Episode 12: - Something Sacred (1) Det. Laura Ballard: [after finding a murdered priest in his office and being told the witness was next door in the church] Tell him we need to ask him some questions. Officer Salerno: He's kinda, like... prayin'. Det. Laura Ballard: Heaven can wait... homicide can't.
	Season 5 / Episode 19: - Deception Det. Mike Kellerman: [as he shoots Luther Mahoney to death] You have the right to remain silent.
	Season 5 / Episode 19: - Deception Luther Mahoney: Yo! Turn around! Turn around and die like a man, you bitch!
	Season 5 / Episode 17: - Kaddish Det. John Munch: What happens to us that we forget how wonderful it is just to hold another human being's hand? Det. Mike Kellerman: We get older. Det. John Munch: We get older. We forget who we used to be, what we used to believe in. Love, peace, the Colts would always be in Baltimore...
	Season 5 / Episode 17: - Kaddish Det. John Munch: Come on, do it for me just one more time, please, and I won't ask you again. Det. Mike Kellerman: Would you give it a rest? Det. John Munch: Just once more, please? Det. Mike Kellerman: Oy vey iz mir, I'm so meshugenah I could plotz. Det. John Munch: Do it again. Det. Mike Kellerman: No.
	Season 5 / Episode 15: - Wu's on First? Det. Meldrick Lewis: Have you *seen* her? Det. John Munch: Who? Det. Meldrick Lewis: Wu. Det. John Munch: Why? Det. Meldrick Lewis: [shouts] Whoah! Det. John Munch: Wu? Det. Meldrick Lewis: Woo-hoooo!
	Season 5 / Episode 15: - Wu's on First? Det. Meldrick Lewis: The longer I do this job, the more I realize that everything is about your relationship with your mother.
	Season 5 / Episode 11: - The Documentary Det. Tim Bayliss: I will never, ever speak to you again as long as I live. I will treat you like Nixon treated Agnew.
	Season 4 / Episode 17: - Full Moon Det. Meldrick Lewis: [after finding a back of yellowish water in a freezer] Does this look strange to you? Det. Mike Kellerman: Nah, just good old Baltimore City tap water. Det. Meldrick Lewis: [shaking his head] Nah.
	Season 4 / Episode 15: - Stakeout Det. Frank Pembleton: I don't know about you, but I don't wanna see Munch run out a bunt.
	Season 4 / Episode 8: - Sniper (1) Det. John Munch: If a murder is committed in Baltimore and no homicide detective takes the call, did that murder actually occur?
	Season 3 / Episode 18: - Nothing Personal Det. Stan Bolander: A woman can affect a man totally. How a woman feels about a man, that's how he is gonna feel about himself, his friends, his job...
	Season 3 / Episode 15: - Law and Disorder NYPD Det. Mike Logan: Detective Frank Pembleton? Mike Logan, NYPD. This is your prisoner, R. Vincent Smith. Det. Frank Pembleton: So, whenever you decide to show up, I'm supposed to be here? NYPD Det. Mike Logan: Hey, you're on the clock same as me, what difference does it make? Det. Frank Pembleton: Typical Big Apple attitude. NYPD Det. Mike Logan: Anyway, Mr. Smith here has agreed to waive extradition on a felony warrant for second-degree murder. So they call this Charm City, huh? Sounds like something you get out of a box of Cracker Jacks. Who'd want to stay in this land of enchantment? Det. Frank Pembleton: Plenty of New Yorkers *ran* down here to Baltimore. Dorothy Parker, for example. NYPD Det. Mike Logan: Dorothy who? R. Vincent Smith: Parker, you illiterate. [Logan slaps the back of Smith's head] Det. Frank Pembleton: Dorothy Parker was the wittiest woman in America. The *toast* of Manhattan. She dies, she's cremated. Her ashes sit in a jar in some Wall Street lawyer's office for twenty years - *twenty years* - while all the New York sophisticates ham and haw, 'whatsoever shall we do with poor Dorothy's ashes?' And where does she end up? Baltimore! NYPD Det. Mike Logan: I got two words for you guys. Babe Ruth. The Babe. King of Swing, Sultan of Swat, born right here in Baltimore. But where does he go to get his fame and fortune? New York City. R. Vincent Smith: Edgar Allen Poe. Edgar Allen Poe hated New York so much he had to come to Baltimore to die! That's what New York does to its poets. NYPD Det. Mike Logan: What did he die of, the local crab cakes? Enjoy your stay, Shakespeare. Det. Frank Pembleton: You're going to jail for this murder. But thank your lucky stars it's not gonna be in New York. R. Vincent Smith: Why do you think I didn't fight extradition? I may be guilty, but I'm no fool.
	Season 3 / Episode 14: - End Game (3) Det. Tim Bayliss: 'The Getaway?' Wasn't that made into a movie? Det. John Munch: Twice. The one with Steve McQueen is a classic. Det. Tim Bayliss: I don't remember a remake. Det. John Munch: That's because it wasn't worth remembering.
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - Crosetti Capt. George Barnfather: Fool of took. Frankly my dear I don't give a damn.
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - Nearer My God to Thee Col. Burt Granger: [discussing the color of his newly painted office] Does this look like 'Misty Pearl' to you? Lt. Al Giardello: Wasn't Misty Pearl on 'Hee Haw'... wore the hat with the tags in it?
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - Bop Gun Robert Ellison: The instant they pulled the trigger I lost my wife, but I joined a club. It's a very exclusive club. But the funny thing about the club is that none of the members want to belong. It's like some sort of secret society where only the initiated can recognize the other members.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - Night of the Dead Living Det. Beau Felton: Every night someone lights this candle by the board. Lt. Al 'Gee' Giardello: You're a detective. Solve it. Det. Beau Felton: A homicide detective. If the candle killed someone, I'd close the case.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - Night of the Dead Living Det. Stan Bolander: I know what to do with a dead body. I do *not* know what to do with a live baby.
	Season 1 / Episode 8: - Smoke Gets in Your Eyes Lt. Al 'Gee' Giardello: Let me get this clear in my mind: what you want me to do is section off a non-smoking area for the two of you, right? Sgt. Kay Howard: Not just for the two of us; for many non-smokers. Lt. Al 'Gee' Giardello: Uh-huh. Where are all these non-smokers? Sgt. Kay Howard: If you build it, they will come. Lt. Al 'Gee' Giardello: Is that right? Where do you suggest I find the space to create... to build this non-nicotine field of dreams? The coffee room? Would that suit you? Sgt. Kay Howard: You'd give us the coffee room? Lt. Al 'Gee' Giardello: Sure. I give you permission to post a notice. YOU put up a sign to ban all cigarette smoking in the coffee room. Det. Tim Bayliss: No, I think that the coffee room is sacred to the guys, Gee. Lt. Al 'Gee' Giardello: You're not as dumb as you look, Bayliss. Det. Tim Bayliss: [Genuinely touched] Thanks, Gee. Lt. Al 'Gee' Giardello: Coffee and nicotine, mom and apple pie, hot dogs with mustard, sex and latex... somehow, you mess with any of the combination of those, you take your life in your hands. Sgt. Kay Howard: There's a statute from OSHA that mandates that no smoking areas be designated in each and every public working place. Lt. Al 'Gee' Giardello: [Chuckling] Oh, OSHA, huh? All right. There are federal statutes and state statutes and city statutes mandating that people curb their dogs, play their stereos at a reasonable volume, and respect the office of the presidency, but who cares about any of that? [Chuckles] OSHA. Sgt. Kay Howard: You refuse to enforce a federal law? Lt. Al 'Gee' Giardello: Yes, I do. I most certainly do. Sgt. Kay Howard: Gee, sometimes being in command means issuing unpopular orders. Lt. Al 'Gee' Giardello: Are you calling me a coward? Det. Tim Bayliss: No no no no no, sir. Sgt. Kay Howard: No. Lt. Al 'Gee' Giardello: Sure, you are. Sgt. Kay Howard: No, I'm not. I... Lt. Al 'Gee' Giardello: In so many words you're saying I'm too scared to put up a cigarette ban in this squadroom. I watched Crosetti try to quit smoking. Crosetti without smoking is an unecessary terror. You may be right: I may be a coward. But you may be right and needlessly stupid and reckless at the same time. Now, get out of here, both of you.
	Season 1 / Episode 8: - Smoke Gets in Your Eyes Det. John Munch: [after finding an apparent suicide in a stable where country music is playing on a portable radio] What do you get when you play a country- western song backwards? Uniform Roger Gaffney: What? Det. John Munch: You get your wife back, your job back and your dog back.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Gone for Goode Det. John Munch: I'm upset because every relationship I think I have is not the relationship I actually have.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Gone for Goode Det. Steve Crosetti: That's the problem with this job. It's got nothin' to do with life.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Gone for Goode Det. Meldrick Lewis: If I could just find this damn thing, I could go home.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Gone for Goode Det. Meldrick Lewis: You in your own little world 'cause don't no one wanna live there with you.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Gone for Goode Sgt. Kay Howard: Homicide: We work for God.