Jill Taylor

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Patricia Richardson
Patricia was born at the Bethesda Naval Hospital in Maryland to Lawrence and Elizabeth Richardson. Her ...

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Jill Taylor Quotes

	Season 7 / Episode 16: - What a Drag Tim Taylor: You've got so much to lose. What about your soccer scholarship? Jill Taylor: And the trust of a family who loves you. Brad Taylor: Yeah, I don't want to lose my soccer scholarship...Or the other thing.
	Season 5 / Episode 16: - The Vasectomy One Jill Taylor: Honey, it is much safer for a man to get a vasectomy than it is for a woman to have a tubal ligation. Tim Taylor: Says who? The "Wives With Knives" club?
	Season 5 / Episode 16: - The Vasectomy One Tim Taylor: A woman? You brought me here to see a woman? Jill Taylor: I didn't know she was a woman. My gynecologist just said Dr. Kaplan was the best urologist in town. Tim Taylor: How am I supposed to talk to a woman about what's going on in man land? Jill Taylor: "Man Land?" Now you've got a theme park between your legs?
	Season 5 / Episode 16: - The Vasectomy One Jill Taylor: Why don't you tell us what's involved in the procedure. Tim Taylor: Yeah, I'm dying to hear this. Dr. Kaplan: Well, the morning of your appointment you'd have to shave in the area where I'll be making the incisions. Tim Taylor: [pointing at his crotch] Shave? Here? Dr. Kaplan: It's just a routine procedure. Tim Taylor: Not in my house it's not! What do you think, I wake up in the morning, brush my teeth, comb my hair, and shave Ping and Pong? Jill Taylor: Well, you could go to a barber but it might be a little awkward. Dr. Kaplan: The first thing I do is give you a shot that's a local. Tim Taylor: Local like here in Detroit? Dr. Kaplan: No local like here in your scrotum. Tim Taylor: Oh boy. Dr. Kaplan: That does sting for a few seconds. Tim Taylor: You think? Dr. Kaplan: Then I make two small cuts and simply divide and tie up the tubes. The discomfort is really very minimal. Tim Taylor: Yeah, why don't you tell that to the boys in the basement! Dr. Kaplan: You'll be back to normal in a few days. The only restriction at all is that you won't be able to drive home that day. Tim Taylor: What? I can't drive? Forget about it. [gets up] Jill Taylor: [gets up] Now, what do you mean "forget about it?" Tim Taylor: [gets his jacket] Honey, honestly I was really into it up till that point. The driving thing, that iced it. [opens the door] Jill Taylor: It's just one day! Tim Taylor: Look, it's bad enough to separate a man from his sperm, but to separate a man from his car - that's inhuman! [leaves]
	Season 5 / Episode 16: - The Vasectomy One Jill Taylor: Tim, didn't you hear one word that doctor said? Tim Taylor: Yeah, yeah. She wants to take the Zippidy out of my Doo-Dah! Jill Taylor: Look, I know how hard it was for you to even talk to that doctor, but I'd hoped that once we got out of there we could have a rational, reasonable discussion about it. Tim Taylor: We did - in the car on the way home. Jill Taylor: All you did all the way home was come up with one ridiculous excuse after another. Tim Taylor: That's not true. I merely said that for this sort of thing, it might be better to wait for warmer weather. Jill Taylor: [sarcastic] I'll knit you a little sweater! Tim Taylor: You heard what she said: shots, shaving. You don't understand about the pain down there. [turns on the TV] Jill Taylor: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute! [turns off the TV] I don't understand about the pain down there? I, who had three children ripped from my loins? In what is laughingly described as "natural" childbirth? Tim Taylor: Oh boy, here we go. The pain of childbirth. Isn't there a statute of limitations on this? Jill Taylor: Isn't there a statute of limitations on you being a complete bonehead? Tim Taylor: No. [gets up and walks around the room. Jill follows him] Jill Taylor: You are totally unwilling to accept responsibility for what I have accepted total responsibility for since we met! Tim Taylor: This is not about accepting responsibility. This is about me being neutered and chewing on my slippers! [gets his jacket] Jill Taylor: Who said anything about you being neutered? Tim Taylor: Certain experts I talked to. Jill Taylor: Oh, what experts? Harry and Benny? Where'd they get their degrees? University of I'm An Idiot? Tim Taylor: Well, they may be idiots but they think exactly like I do! [walks out]
	Season 5 / Episode 16: - The Vasectomy One Jill Taylor: So what d'you think? Tim Taylor: I think I have more questions. Jill Taylor: Okay, such as what? Tim Taylor: Do they make a home kit so I can do it right here in the garage? Jill Taylor: I don't think so. Tim Taylor: Could this count as your birthday present? Jill Taylor: Absolutely, yeah. For once, I wouldn't have to stand in line and return it. Tim Taylor: And, um, while I'm preparing for this, will you go out a find me very, very mild aftershave? Jill Taylor: [laughs] Yeah, I'll work on that, yeah. Tim Taylor: Gotta be careful about slapping it on, too.
	Season 4 / Episode 19: - The Naked Truth Marty Taylor: I'm off to the job interview; wish me luck. Tim Taylor: You don't need luck; you're a Taylor. Jill Taylor: That's right; you need directions.
	Season 4 / Episode 19: - The Naked Truth Tim Taylor: I don't even remember what she looked like. Jill Taylor: Yeah, right. Tim Taylor: Well, that's my story and I'm sticking with it!
	Season 1 / Episode 17: - What About Bob? Jill Taylor: [on the phone] Hi Mrs. Wullitt. He did what? Oh I am so sorry! Yeah, send him over to apologize, it will not happen again. Thanks [Jill hangs up while Randy has crept out of the room, Jill opens the door in fury] RANDALL WILLIAM TAYLOR! Get in here right now I need to talk to you! Tim Taylor: Ooh, middle name. He's in trouble!
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - Bubble, Bubble, Toil And Trouble Jill Taylor: They broke the mirror, they put the wrong tiling, we've got a cement... [sees her new whirlpool] Oh wow wow, what's this? Tim Taylor: This is what will make it all worthwhile: Your new whirlpool. Jill Taylor: Oh, Tim, it's so beautiful. Look at the color, it's perfect. Tim Taylor: Not to mention seven adjustable jets, three speeds; low, medium and "who needs a man?"
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Adventures In Fine Dining Tim Taylor: A live chicken? Brad, who the hell do you hang out with? Brad Taylor: Mom. Jill Taylor: What? Brad Taylor: Dad's cussing. Tim Taylor: I'm not cussing. Mark Taylor: He said a bad word. Tim Taylor: It wasn't bad. Randy Taylor: Yeah, he said hell and damn. Tim Taylor: I did not say damn. Randy Taylor: Now you did.
	Unknown Episode: Tim Taylor: "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida." Tim Taylor: In A Gadda Da Vida, baby... Jill Taylor: Who sang "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida"? Tim Taylor: I just was. In A Gadda Da Vida... Jill Taylor: Who sang "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" so people would want to hear it?

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