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 | Unknown Episode: Tom Bergeron: Recently on Live with Regis and Kelly, Kelly Ripa started a club called "Rip-heads". What are "Rip-heads"? Martin Mull: Rip-heads are people who couldn't get into Mensa if you spotted them 200 points. |
| Unknown Episode: Tom Bergeron: First, he was Prince. Then, he was The Artist Formerly Known As Prince. After that, he was simply The Artist. What is he known as now? Simon Cowell: The Artist Who Formerly Sold Records. |
| Unknown Episode: Jeffrey Tambor: Well, it's a good thing you asked me this question. Because I was a history major in high school. Tom Bergeron: Really? Jeffrey Tambor: No. |
| Unknown Episode: Teller, Regular: YOU FOOL! |
| Unknown Episode: Jeffrey Tambor: You know, this is interesting, because I used to be a tennis coach. Tom Bergeron: Really? Jeffrey Tambor: [shakes his head] No. |
| Unknown Episode: Tom Bergeron: Well, as you know... hold on. Tom Bergeron: They actually had to show me this. Tom Bergeron: "Show him the correct key." IT'S THE ONE HE DIDN'T PICK. |
| Unknown Episode: Tom Bergeron: A $50,000 Gulfstream jet is the most expensive thing purchased using what? Guest Appearance: Dollars? |
| Unknown Episode: Tom Bergeron: When spelled out in Scrabble tiles, which is worth more points? "Tom Bergeron" or "sex machine"? |
| Unknown Episode: Tom Bergeron: What should you do about a hairy back? Gilbert Gottfried: I usually close my eyes and imagine she's wearing an alpaca sweater. |
| Unknown Episode: Tom Bergeron: So what do you do for a living? Contestant: I teach ESL, English as a Second Language Tom Bergeron: So what do you teach? |
| Unknown Episode: Tom Bergeron: [It is the end of the main game of the show, and it is time count the number of squares each contestant earned in this round] Let's count up our squares. Now Brianna, you have two which gives you a thousand dollars and our thanks for being here on Hollywood Squares. [shakes hands as audience applauds skeptically and Whoopi Goldberg has a puzzled look on her face, as Brianna's podium shows that she has won another thousand dollars from a previous game] You look stunned! [turns to other contestant] Now Alan, you've added three squares to your total, that gives you... [off-stage crew begins yelling 'hold it!' and confusion ensues before Bergeron realizes his mistake] Oh she won! [bursts into laughter as audience and panelists laugh and applaud] I guess that Emmy nomination's shot to shit right now! |
| Unknown Episode: Tom Bergeron: [the final question asked on the series] What is New Holland blue and sits on the White House lawn? Martin Mull: It is a flower, a tulip I believe. Martin Mull, Contestant: I agree Tom Bergeron: No, it's the tractor that mows the White House lawn. [horn honks] |
| Unknown Episode: Tom Bergeron: [the final question asked on the series] What is New Holland blue and sits on the White House lawn? Martin Mull: It is a flower, a tulip I believe. Contestant: I agree Tom Bergeron: No, it's the tractor that mows the White House lawn. |
| Unknown Episode: Tom Bergeron: True or False: In Minnesota, a Doritos bag of chips was opened and they found marijuana in the bag. Danny Bonaduce: [scoffs] Hey, Leif. They found your chips. |
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