Hogan's Heroes Quotes

Hogan's Heroes

- Episode Quotes

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Hogan's Heroes Quotes

	Season 6 / Episode 20: - The Kamikazes are Coming Major Hochstetter: Everybody under arrest!
	Season 6 / Episode 2: - The Experts Col. Wilhelm Klink: Carry on, but quietly, I have lots of work to do. Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: Jawohl, Herr Kommandant. Sgt. Andrew Carter: [mockingly] Lot of work to do. Cpl. Louis LeBeau: The new girlie magazines must be in from Paris.
	Season 5 / Episode 25: - Crittendon's Commandos Colonel Crittendon: No need to worry, I have a photographic memory. My mind is like a camera. Cpl. Peter Newkirk: Yeah, but how are you fixed for film?
	Season 5 / Episode 20: - One Army at a Time Col. Wilhelm Klink: Good riddance! Col. Robert E. Hogan: Hochstetter's not such a bad guy, sir. Col. Wilhelm Klink: There's one nice thing about his being here. It's so good when he leaves.
	Season 5 / Episode 20: - One Army at a Time Colonel Klink: Heil Hitler! Schultz: No, no, it is Major Hochstetter. Colonel Klink: Heil Hochstetter!
	Season 5 / Episode 19: - Gowns by Yvette Cpl. Peter Newkirk: Don't keep calm - everybody panic!
	Season 5 / Episode 15: - How's the Weather? Colonel Klink: Of course, you want me to handle it with my usual Klink efficiency, General. General der Infantrie Albert Burkhalter: No, this time I want it done right.
	Season 5 / Episode 15: - How's the Weather? Colonel Klink: [to Burkhalter, over the radio, about the party] I'm only sorry there is no ice cream. We had pistachio, but one of the guards shot it with a machine gun.
	Season 5 / Episode 15: - How's the Weather? Col. Robert E. Hogan: [trying to persuade Col. Klink to call General Burkhalter] Why don't you give him a call, sir it means so much to him. Colonel Klink: I will thank him the next time I see him, huh? How about "Lili Marlene"! [everyone except Hogan continues to shout and sing.] Col. Robert E. Hogan: Call the general... Call the general, sir. Nothing says you like your voice. Please! Colonel Klink: Why do you keep looking at the time, Hogan? Col. Robert E. Hogan: The call sir, it's after 7:00 you get the night rate. Please.
	Season 5 / Episode 11: - The Empty Parachute Sgt. Andrew Carter: I hate to say this, Colonel, but I don't see any way we're going to get our hands on that briefcase. Col. Robert E. Hogan: You're right, the situation is hopeless, there's no solution, we're faced with an absolute impossibility. Cpl. Peter Newkirk: In that case, sir, why don't you tell us what you've thought of? Col. Robert E. Hogan: Alright, here it is.
	Season 4 / Episode 17: - Operation Hannibal General von Behler: Stalag 13? Tell me, is that jackass Klink still in command?
	Season 4 / Episode 9: - Guess Who Came to Dinner? Hogan: Tell me, which cell is he in. German Officer: Nine Carter: So you won't talk huh? Hogan: He means number nine!
	Season 4 / Episode 8: - Color the Luftwaffe Red Col. Wilhelm Klink: But why should that responsibility fall upon me? General der Infantrie Albert Burkhalter: What would you rather have fall upon you, responsibility, or snowflakes?
	Season 4 / Episode 3: - How to Catch a Papa Bear Myra: I'm just so scared. Cpl. Peter Newkirk: Of me or them?
	Season 3 / Episode 27: - The Collector General Hogan: Do I have to repeat the orders that were given to us when this happy little band of wandering minstrels was formed? Newkirk: Sir, all I'm trying to - Hogan: OK, I will. Quote: You'll assist escaping prisoners, cooperate with all friendly forces, and use every means to harass and injure the enemy. Unquote.
	Season 3 / Episode 26: - How to Escape From Prison Camp Without Really Trying Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: Achtung! [no response] Achtung! Cpl. Peter Newkirk: What did you say, Schultz? Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: I said 'Achtung!' Cpl. Peter Newkirk: Oh. Your bid, Kinch. Kinch: Two of clubs. Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: When I say 'Achtung' that means that you all are to SNAP to attention. Cpl. Peter Newkirk: Oh, is that what it means? Huh! I always thought it meant 'Good morning' or 'Greetings, Mate.' Something like that. Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: No, no. 'Achtung' is a command. When I say 'Achtung' I want you all to come to attention at once. Cpl. Louis LeBeau: I wasn't sure what that one meant myself. It always sounded like Schultz was just clearing his throat. So that's a command for attention, huh? Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: That's right! Now that you all know it... Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: Achtung! Sgt. Andrew Carter: And a 'Good morning' to you, too, Schultz. Kinch: Didn't you hear what Schultz said? Sgt. Andrew Carter: Sure. He said 'Achtung' so I said 'Good morning' right back to him. Kinch: Achtung doesn't mean 'Good morning.' Sgt. Andrew Carter: Well, that's what Newkirk says it means. And who are we gonna believe? One of us or one of them? Kinch: He's got a point there. Cpl. Louis LeBeau: Yes he does! You'd better brush up on your German, Schultz. Cpl. Peter Newkirk: Yeah, don't use words you're not sure of. In future, to avoid confusion, why don't you just say 'Good Morning' in English? Col. Robert E. Hogan: Hi Schultz! Just let us all know when it's time for Roll Call, will you? Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: Jawohl, Colonel Hogan... But it IS time for Roll Call. That's why I came here in the first place! It's almost PAST time for Roll Call! Col. Robert E. Hogan: Well, you'd never make sergeant in OUR Air Force. Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: Roll Call! Everybody out, out, out, out, out, out, out! Roll Call! Raus! Sgt. Andrew Carter: Hey Thank you! And a 'Good day' to you, too, Schultz.
	Season 3 / Episode 21: - War Takes a Holiday Col. Wilhelm Klink: Schultz, close the gates! The war is back on!
	Season 2 / Episode 19: - Praise the F�hrer and Pass the Ammunition Cpl. Peter Newkirk: [as Humphrey Bogart] Do you speak German? Cpl. Peter Newkirk: [as Sydney Greenstreet] Oh, fluently, sir, fluently. Cpl. Peter Newkirk: [as Humphrey Bogart] Then droppen sie dead.
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - A Klink, a Bomb and a Short Fuse Col. Wilhelm Klink: What are you waiting for? Cut the wire. Col. Robert E. Hogan: That's the problem. One of these wires disconnects the fuse, the other one fires the bomb. Which one would you cut, Shultz? Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: Don't ask me, this is a decision for an officer. Col. Robert E. Hogan: All right. Which wire, Colonel Klink? Col. Wilhelm Klink: This one. [points to the white wire] Col. Robert E. Hogan: You're sure? Col. Wilhelm Klink: Yes. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [Cuts the black wire, the bomb stops ticking] Col. Wilhelm Klink: If you knew which wire it was, why did you ask me? Col. Robert E. Hogan: I wasn't sure which was the right one, but I was certain you'd pick the wrong one.
	Season 1 / Episode 27: - The Safecracker Suite Alf the Artist: [after coming up out of the emergency tunnel] Lovely tunnel - pity it doesn't lead to a bank.
	Season 1 / Episode 15: - Reservations are Required Col. Robert E. Hogan: [to Col. Klink] Who would want to escape from all this beauty? Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: [savoring the irony] All this beauty!
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - The Scientist Col. Robert E. Hogan: [as German general] Take this man's name, Putzi! Cpl. Peter Newkirk: [as German adjutant] Transfer to the Russian front, sir, or court-martial to be shot? Col. Robert E. Hogan: [as German general] Oh, I don't know. Mix 'em up.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Happiness is a Warm Sergeant Col. Wilhelm Klink: [looks in Newkirk's mouth] Aha! Mouth stuffed with cotton wool! Col. Robert E. Hogan: [indignantly] That's to keep the tooth warm!
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - German Bridge is Falling Down Colonel Klink: If the prisoners ask any questions about these explosions, you know nothing; you are ignorant. Schultz: Oh, I can handle that. Colonel Klink: I know.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - German Bridge is Falling Down Sgt. James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: Look, I know that arrow was pointed in the right direction! I took a bearing from the roof of Klink's office. Col. Robert E. Hogan: It doesn't matter, Kinch. The Adolph Hitler Bridge is still in business. Sgt. Andrew Carter: Yeah, and Klink's happy - nasty happy. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Let's make him unhappy - nasty unhappy. Let's knock out that bridge.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - German Bridge is Falling Down Col. Robert E. Hogan: What kind of explosives have we got, Carter? Sgt. Andrew Carter: Three firecrackers and a can of lighter fluid. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Firecrackers? Sgt. Andrew Carter: Well, sure. You remember - we told Klink LeBeau was part Chinese and we had to have firecrackers to celebrate Chinese New Years. Cpl. Louis LeBeau: And I cooked that whole pot of chow mein... with sauerkraut. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Please - not while I'm plotting.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - German Bridge is Falling Down Col. Robert E. Hogan: Kinch, you go with Carter and help him set up his bomb factory in Tunnel Number 3. Sgt. James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: Right, Colonel. Cpl. Louis LeBeau: What about me, Colonel? What do I do? Col. Robert E. Hogan: LeBeau, my boy, I'm holding you in reserve. Cpl. Louis LeBeau: What? Col. Robert E. Hogan: If Carter's bombs don't do it, we may have to poison that bridge.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - German Bridge is Falling Down Col. Robert E. Hogan: Carter? Carter? Are you OK? Sgt. Andrew Carter: Oh, yeah. Boy, that stuff is really unstable! You've got to get that mixture just right. You gotta expect a few little explosions. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Oh sure, sure. Sgt. James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: You keep that up and Klink'll be down here in a minute and there goes the ball game! Col. Robert E. Hogan: I think I have an idea on how to explain the noise. Carter, keep working... oh, you do have insurance?
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - German Bridge is Falling Down Col. Robert E. Hogan: We still gotta figure a way to make more ammunition. Sgt. Andrew Carter: Well, I'm still willing to try, Colonel. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Whose side are you on?
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - German Bridge is Falling Down Schultz: Hess is a mess. Himmler is a rat fink. Goering is a fat rat fink. Klink is bucking for rat fink.

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