Eustace Charleton Haney

Green Acres

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Pat Buttram
The son of a circuit-riding Methodist preacher in rural Alabama, Pat Buttram became one of America's ...

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Eustace Charleton Haney Quotes

	Season 4 / Episode 19: - Economy Flight to Washington Eustace Charleton Haney: While yer away on yer trip, ah thought you might like ta avail yerself of Haney's Farm Mindin' Service. Oliver Douglas: HANEY'S FARM MINDING SERVICE?!! Eustace Charleton Haney: Yessir, at Haney's Farm Mindin' Service, for a nom-yew-nal fee we will move into yer house, eat yer food, drink yer likker, and turn away any unwanted relatives that might show up at yer door.
	Season 2 / Episode 26: - Getting Even With Haney Oliver Douglas: Mr. Haney, you sold me a defective tractor! Eustace Charleton Haney: No sir. It is not a defective. Eb Dawson: Right. A Defective has bigger wheels in the front.
	Season 1 / Episode 31: - Culture Sir Geoffrey: [Conducting the Hooterville Symphony Orchestra] All right now, let's play. Sir Geoffrey: [the band plays a crawling version of "There's a Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight"] Hold it, hold it! Would you mind telling me what you were playing? Eustace Charleton Haney: Well, what was you conductin'? Sir Geoffrey: Brahm's Lullaby. Eustace Charleton Haney: Then that's what we was playin.' Oliver Douglas: [to Sir Geoffrey] You should've taken the train, like I told you. Sir Geoffrey: Can anyone here read music? Ralph Monroe: Oh, I can. Sir Geoffrey: Well, would you mind humming it for the others? Ralph Monroe: [to the tune of Brahms' Lullaby] La-da-dah, la-da-dah, la-da-dah-dah, da-da-dah, la-da-dah, dah... Sir Geoffrey: Now, let's all hum it together. Band members: [to the tune of Brahms' Lullaby] La-da-dah, la-da-dah, la-da-dah-dah, da-da-dah... Sir Geoffrey: Capital, capital! Now, let's all play that.
	Unknown Episode: Eustace Charleton Haney: [trying to hawk some worthless ceramic figurines off and claiming they're valuable] These are gen-yew-wine Siamese Catfish. Oliver Wendell Douglass: SIAMESE CATFISH? Eustace Charleton Haney: Well, they're still in the pussy stage.
	Unknown Episode: Eustace Charleton Haney: [as he and Mr. Ziffel are going into Oliver's house] Make sure you wipe yer feet. Fred Ziffel: You don't ever wipe YOUR feet! Eustace Charleton Haney: That's 'cause I don't own a pig farm.
	Unknown Episode: Eustace Charleton Haney: [after learning Oliver and Lisa are going to be out of town for a few days] While yer away on yer trip, I thought you might like to avail yerself of Haney's Farm Mindin' Service. Oliver Wendell Douglass: HANEY'S FARM MINDING SERVICE? Eustace Charleton Haney: Yessir, at Haney's Farm Mindin' Service, for a nom-yew-nal fee we will move into yer house, eat yer food, drink yer likker, and turn away any unwanted relatives that might show up at yer door.

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