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Principal Figgins Quotes
 | Season 4 / Episode 2: - Britney 2.0 Principal Figgins: I wish to address the rumor that I like to be milked like a cow because my breasts are filled with delicious, wholesome milk. That rumor is untrue. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 2: - I Am Unicorn Principal Figgins: Wipe away! |
 | Season 2 / Episode 14: - Blame It on the Alcohol Principal Figgins: Just listen to Key-Dollar Sign-Ha! Will Schuester: You mean Ke$ha? |
| Season 2 / Episode 14: - Blame It on the Alcohol Principal Figgins: And now, performing the hit single, Tik and also Tok, by rapper Ke-dollar sign-Ha. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 13: - Sectionals Principal Figgins: Sue, the directors both from the Jane Adams Academy and Haverbrook School for the Deaf have informed me you gave them the New Directions set list. Sue Sylvester: You have no proof. Principal Figgins: The set lists were on Cheerios letterhead. Sue Sylvester: I didn't do it. Principal Figgins: They say "From the Desk of Sue Sylvester'. Sue Sylvester: Circumstantial evidence. Principal Figgins: They're written in your handwriting. Sue Sylvester: Forgeries. Principal Figgins: Sue there is an orgy of evidence stacked against you! |
 | Season 1 / Episode 12: - Mattress Principal Figgins: Schue, I'm afraid Sue is right. You have indeed "stepped in it". Will Schuester: I didn't even know that this was going on. Sue Sylvester: Well of course you didn't Will. You wouldn't even know if your Glee Club was using your office to breed rabbit for pets or for food. You know why? You're too busy chasing tail and loading your hair was enormous amounts of product. I mean today it just looks like you put lard in it. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 7: - Throwdown Principal Figgins: Only last Friday at the football game they tried to spell out "GO TEAM" and they spelled out "TO GAME" |
 | Season 1 / Episode 3: - Acafellas Principal Figgins: I need those parents happy! They found out we've been serving the children prison food. |
| Season 1 / Episode 3: - Acafellas Principal Figgins: Ah Suuuue, the dry cleaners here are just as good as the ones in Europe. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 2: - Showmance Principal Figgins: Silence, children. Silence. First, an announcement. The toilets are broken again. We are fixing the problem, but let me warn you. There will be zero tolerance for anyone soiling school grounds. We're not going to have a repeat of last time. |
| Season 1 / Episode 2: - Showmance Sue Sylvester: Let me be the one to break the silence. That was the most offensive thing I've seen in twenty years of teaching. And that includes an elementary school production of "Hair." Principal Figgins: We've received angry e-mails from a number of concerned parents, many of whom thought that their children were going to hear a Special Olympian speak about overcoming adversity. Sue Sylvester: I... I really don't know what to say. Sue Sylvester: Well, let me help you out then. My first thought was that your students should be put into foster care. But you're the one who should be punished. I demand your resignation from this school, as well as the disbanding of Glee Club. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot Principal Figgins: Sue, the dry cleaners here are just as good as the ones in Europe. |
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