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Mercedes Jones Quotes
 | Season 3 / Episode 12: - The Spanish Teacher Mercedes Jones: Sam just tweeted that I smell good. Sam Evans: I won't stop 'til it's trending. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 6: - Mash Off Mercedes Jones: Ladies! Vocal warm-ups can wait. I was up half the night thinking about our mash-up for the mash-off, and it came to me: Adele. Sugar Motta: I sound just like her. Brittany Pierce: I love her. I think she sounds like how banana cream pie sounds when it sings. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 4: - Pot O' Gold Sugar Motta: Awesome! More back up for me. Santana Lopez: Ok, you know what? I did not just leave one diva-driven glee club to join another, so let me write you a reality check, richy bitch. I've seen what you can do, and what you can do is stand in the back, sway, and sing very, very quietly. Sugar Motta: I, erm... I just... wanted to be on the winning team for once? Mercedes Jones: Then turn down the 'tude and you will be |
 | Season 2 / Episode 15: - Sexy Holly Holliday: Demonstration! This is a condom, which can help prevent the spread of HIV, which can lead to AIDS. And it also prevents pregnancy! [holds a cucumber next to the condom] Finn Hudson: Wait! Cucumbers can give you AIDS? Mercedes Jones: Seriously? 'Cause I just had them in my salad! |
 | Season 2 / Episode 4: - Duets Kurt Hummel: [whispers] Psst... He's on Team Gay. No straight boy dyes his hair to look like Linda Evangelista circa 1993. Mercedes Jones: You're crazy, circa 2010. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 3: - Grilled Cheesus Mercedes Jones: How do you know for sure? You can't prove that there is no God. Kurt Hummel: You can't prove there isn't a magic teapot floating around the dark side of the moon with a dwarf inside of it that reads romance novels and shoots lightning out of its boobs; but it seems pretty unlikely doesn't it? Brittany Pierce: Is God an evil dwarf? |
| Season 2 / Episode 3: - Grilled Cheesus Mercedes Jones: You get to wear a fabulous hat. Kurt Hummel: You had me at fabulous hat. |
| Season 2 / Episode 3: - Grilled Cheesus Mercedes Jones: I don't see anything wrong with getting a little church up in here. Quinn Fabray: I agree. I've had a really hard year, and I turned to God a lot for help. I, for one, wouldn't mind saying thanks. Santana Lopez: Thanks for what? That it didn't come out a lizard baby? |
 | Season 1 / Episode 15: - The Power of Madonna Mercedes Jones: You guys only trot me out to wail at the end of a number |
| Season 1 / Episode 15: - The Power of Madonna Mercedes Jones: You all just trot me out at the end of every number so I can wail on the last note. How is that okay? |
 | Season 1 / Episode 14: - Hell-O Will Schuester: When you answer the phone, what do you say? Mercedes Jones: What up? Artie Abrams: Who this be? Kurt Hummel: No, she's dead. This is her son. |
| Season 1 / Episode 14: - Hell-O Will Schuester: What do you say when you pick up the phone? Mercedes Jones: What up? Artie Abrams: What goes on? Kurt Hummel: No, She's dead this is her son. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 13: - Sectionals Mercedes Jones: I thought you and Puck were dating? Santana Lopez: Sex is not dating. Brittany: Yeah, if it was, Santana and I would be dating. |
| Season 1 / Episode 13: - Sectionals Mercedes Jones: Look Rachel, the truth is; you're the best singer we've got. Kurt Hummel: As much that it hurts me to admit it, and it does... shes right. Rachel is our star. If anyone is gonna go belted on the fly, it should be her. Rachel Berry: Well, I do have something that I've been working on since I was four. |
| Season 1 / Episode 13: - Sectionals Kurt Hummel: I say we lock Rachel up till after sectionals. I volunteer my basement. Mercedes Jones: We can't. We need her to sing. Kurt Hummel: Damn her talent. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 12: - Mattress Mercedes Jones: What's a "patriotic" wedgie? Finn Hudson: It's when they hoist you up the flagpole by your undies. Artie Abrams: Strangely, it did make me feel more American. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 9: - Wheels Mercedes Jones: Why do we have to go all vanilla on this song? See, what we need is my chocolate thunder. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 8: - Mash-Up Mercedes Jones: You are not gonna slushie on my man Kurt. Rachel Berry: Why wouldn't he? He's made his choice. He doesn't care about us losers anymore. Finn Hudson: No, that's not true! It's just if I don't do it, the guys on the team are gonna kick the crap out of me! Kurt Hummel: Well we can't have that, can we? [grabs the slushie from Finn] Finn Hudson: What are you doing? Kurt Hummel: It's called taking one for the team. [Splashes himself in the face with the slushie, and pauses] Now get out of here. And take some time to think whether or not any of your friends on the football team would have done that for you. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 3: - Acafellas Rachel Berry: We need to have a gayvention. That's gay intervention. Tina Cohen-Chang: It's K-K-Kurt. He's lady fabulous. Mercedes Jones: Look, just because he wears nice clothes doesn't mean he's on the down low. Rachel Berry: He wore a corset to second period today. |
| Season 1 / Episode 3: - Acafellas Mercedes Jones: Damn Kurt! This car is fly! Kurt Hummel: My dad got it for my sweet sixteen after I swore to stop wearing form-fitting sweaters that stop at the knee. [camera shows he is wearing one such sweater] What he doesn't know won't hurt him. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 2: - Showmance Mercedes Jones: [During a song rehearsal, Rachel Berry kicks and nearly hits Mercedes in the face] Whoa, whoa. Hell to the nah! First of all, you try to bust my face again and I will cut you. And also, this song is terrible. Will Schuester: Okay, no, no. It's not the song, you guys just need to get into it. Kurt Hummel: No, it's the song. It's really gay. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot Mercedes Jones: Oh, Hell to the no! Look, I'm not down with all this background singing nonsense. I'm Beyoncé, I ain't no Kelly Rowland! |
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