03x30 - Gilligan, the Goddess Season 3 / Episode 30: - Gilligan, the Goddess

Thurston Howell III: Gilligan, you dunce, you've done it again! These savages are civilized!
03x13 - And Then There Were None Season 3 / Episode 13: - And Then There Were None

[Dream sequence: "Doctor" Gilligan is on trial, accused of being Mr. Hyde. Mary Ann is a coarse "Eliza Dolittle" type appearing as character witness]
Mary Ann Summers: Just a poor cockney flower girl, that's all Ah is! But Ah owes *everything* to Doctor Gilligan. 'E taught me to *walk*, and to *talk*, and to *dress*, like a regular LADY! 'E give me real CLASS 'e did!

03x10 - Topsy-Turvy Season 3 / Episode 10: - Topsy-Turvy

Skipper Jonas Grumby: For a little guy, you sure get in a lot of trouble!
Gilligan: That's because I try harder.
Skipper Jonas Grumby: The things I do for you...
Gilligan: Sorry, Skipper, but this is the only way I can talk to you without falling down. Or up. Or sideways.
Professor Roy Hinkley: [Walks out of hut with a potion for Gilligan] Skipper, you are standing upside-down, aren't you?
Skipper Jonas Grumby: Well of course I'm standing upside-down, Professor!
Professor Roy Hinkley: Oh. Good; for a minute I thought I was working too hard.
03x05 - Voodoo Season 3 / Episode 5: - Voodoo

The Skipper: [with Professor and Gilligan] Gilligan doesn't have any muscles in his head. Fat maybe, but no muscles.
03x05 - Voodoo Season 3 / Episode 5: - Voodoo

Gilligan: I'm hexed. I'm hexed.
The Skipper: What are you gonna do?
Gilligan: I'm getting the *hex* out of here!
03x05 - Voodoo Season 3 / Episode 5: - Voodoo

The Professor: [to Skipper and Gilligan] I would say it was a geological phenomenon caused by volcanic activity beneath the Earth's surface resulting into concentration of heat at a specific location.
Gilligan: That makes sense to me, but there's one thing I don't understand.
The Professor: Oh, what's that?
Gilligan: How come the ground got so hot underneath our feet?
03x05 - Voodoo Season 3 / Episode 5: - Voodoo

The Professor: [to Skipper] Simple. Gilligan was digging and he probably sprained a muscle.
03x05 - Voodoo Season 3 / Episode 5: - Voodoo

The Skipper: It all started when we took those relics out of the cave, right? So we collect them all, put them back in, and that oughta satisfy whoever's putting this curse on us!
Gilligan: Yeah, and once they're satisfied, they'll dezombie the Professor!
The Skipper: 'Dezombie'?
Gilligan: Unzombie... exzombie?
The Skipper: Well, never mind. Now look, I want you to get over to the girls' hut and collect all the stuff that you gave them. I'll go over to the Howells and collect their stuff.
Gilligan: Yeah.
The Skipper: Alright! Come on, on your way! [Gilligan leaves the hut]
The Skipper: Unzombie? Dezombie? Exzombie? I wonder which one it is.
Gilligan: [Reentering behind Skipper] DISzombie!
The Skipper: [Turns around and glares at Gilligan]
Gilligan: Datzombie?
03x04 - The Producer Season 3 / Episode 4: - The Producer

Gilligan: [as "Hamlet," flubbing his line about "get thee to a nunnery" to Ginger, playing "Ophelia"] There is nothing left to do, Ophelia... but to get thee to a notarary. [Ginger nods]
03x02 - Gilligan vs. Gilligan Season 3 / Episode 2: - Gilligan vs. Gilligan

The Skipper: Gilligan, when they were passing out the brains, you weren't at the end of the line. YOU WERE ON VACATION!
Gilligan: That's what you think, fatso.
03x01 - Up at Bat Season 3 / Episode 1: - Up at Bat

Professor Roy Hinkley: [as "Sherlock"] I am inspector Sherlock and this is my associate, Colonel Watney.
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: [as "Watney"] How do you do?
Professor Roy Hinkley: Have you been expecting us?
Mary Ann Summers: [as the castle caretaker] Expecting you? Five years ago I wrote you to come investigate the strange happenings in this house. FIVE YEARS! What took you so long?
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: W-w-well the fact is... uh... we had trouble getting a Hansom Cab!
Professor Roy Hinkley: Eh... precisely! We had to WALK!
Mary Ann Summers: You walked? All the way from England?
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: Yes, and of course, crossing the channel was devilishly slow. You see it was take one step, and come up for air, and then take another step, and come up for air...
Mary Ann Summers: Never mind!
03x01 - Up at Bat Season 3 / Episode 1: - Up at Bat

Gilligan: Please help me, Professor! I... I wouldn't be a good vampire! I faint at the sight of blood! I'll starve to death!
03x01 - Up at Bat Season 3 / Episode 1: - Up at Bat

Gilligan: [as a vampire, standing before an open window] I shall swoop down upon their unsuspecting necks! [Gilligan jumps out of the window, followed shortly by a crashing sound. Gilligan is then seen climbing back in through the same window]
Ginger Grant: [as Gilligan the vampire's wife] What happened?
Gilligan: I forgot to turn into a bat!
Ginger Grant: What kind of a vampire are you, anyway?
02x32 - Meet the Meteor Season 2 / Episode 32: - Meet the Meteor

Mary Ann Summers: [Gilligan is standing guard outside a hut where the Professor and the Skipper are assembling a geiger counter] Is everyone ready for the Christmas party?
Ginger Grant: Christmas party? You mean birthday party!
Lovey Howell: Anniversary party!
Thurston Howell III: Young man, what do you have to say for yourself?
Gilligan: Just one word. [turns and opens door of hut]
Gilligan: HELP! [Skipper and Professor fall over in surprise, ruining progress on assembling the Geiger counter]
02x27 - Ghost a Go-Go Season 2 / Episode 27: - Ghost a Go-Go

Professor Roy Hinkley: Fortunately I happen to know something about the construction of mannequins.
02x15 - Erika Tiffany Smith to the Rescue Season 2 / Episode 15: - Erika Tiffany Smith to the Rescue

Erika Tiffany Smith: [first lines - admiring her yacht captain] Ah yes, I *must* have you promoted.
02x15 - Erika Tiffany Smith to the Rescue Season 2 / Episode 15: - Erika Tiffany Smith to the Rescue

Mary Ann Summers: Mister Howell, I don't even think she saw me.
Thurston Howell III: Well of course not, she has something in her eye - a man.
02x15 - Erika Tiffany Smith to the Rescue Season 2 / Episode 15: - Erika Tiffany Smith to the Rescue

Erika Tiffany Smith: I thought all professors wear glasses.
Professor Roy Hinkley: Oh not at all, my eyes are ametropic and completely refractable.
Erika Tiffany Smith: From here they look blue.
02x12 - Don't Bug the Mosquitoes Season 2 / Episode 12: - Don't Bug the Mosquitoes

Professor Roy Hinkley: The Mosquitoes left us a note.
Thurston Howell III: They can write?
Professor Roy Hinkley: Apparently...
02x09 - Nyet, Nyet -- Not Yet Season 2 / Episode 9: - Nyet, Nyet -- Not Yet

Ivan: Vodka? On a spaceship?
Igor: ONLY way to fly!
02x09 - Nyet, Nyet -- Not Yet Season 2 / Episode 9: - Nyet, Nyet -- Not Yet

Igor: [Planning to leave without the castaways] We invite them to celebration, drink toast, get them drunk.
Ivan: Igor! Good idea! We got plenty vodka in capsule.
Igor: Sure! Two Russian men can drink more than four American men.
Ivan: Is only *three* men.
Igor: Is *four*! Is sailor, is teacher, is rich capitalist, is-... Ah, you are right Ivan. Is *three* men... and *one* Gilligan!
02x09 - Nyet, Nyet -- Not Yet Season 2 / Episode 9: - Nyet, Nyet -- Not Yet

Thurston Howell III: Gentlemen. I am Thurston Howell III and this of course is my wife, Mrs. Thurston Howell III.
Mrs. Lovey Howell: Charmed.
Igor: Capitalist! Exploiter!
Thurston Howell III: Capitalist. Exploiter. I was wrong Lovey. They're very friendly!
02x09 - Nyet, Nyet -- Not Yet Season 2 / Episode 9: - Nyet, Nyet -- Not Yet

Ginger Grant: Agent 36-25-36 reporting, sir.
02x07 - Castaways Pictures Presents Season 2 / Episode 7: - Castaways Pictures Presents

Thurston Howell III: I'd walk out on that picture even on an airplane.
02x04 - Smile, You're on Mars Camera Season 2 / Episode 4: - Smile, You're on Mars Camera

The Skipper: There's a space up there, there's a space down here, and THERE'S A SPACE BETWEEN YOUR EARS!
02x03 - The Little Dictator Season 2 / Episode 3: - The Little Dictator

[dream sequence: Gilligan is the ruler of a small country. The Skipper is Secretary of the Navy]
Gilligan: How's my Navy holding up?
Jonas Grumby - Skipper: Well since you brought it up sir, why don't you come to the window and see for yourself?
Rodriguez: Again?


Rodriguez: Propaganda! Vicious Propaganda!
Gilligan: Are you doing something about that?
Jonas Grumby - Skipper: Yes sir, we are! We're teaching our sailors how to SWIM!
Gilligan: Good!
Jonas Grumby - Skipper: And the people on shore are learning mouth-to-mouth resuscitation -without becoming emotionally involved!
Rodriguez: How can you do that?
Jonas Grumby - Skipper: It ain't easy!
02x01 - Gilligan's Mother-in-Law Season 2 / Episode 1: - Gilligan's Mother-in-Law

Native Warrior: [closing lines] [says something unintelligible to Gilligan]
Gilligan: [calls to Professor] What's he saying, Professor?
Native Warrior: [turns, calls to Professor]
Professor Roy Hinkley: [calls to Gilligan] Oh, he just said you first have to pass the Best Man Test.
Gilligan: [calls to Professor] Best Man Test?
Native Warrior: [calls to Professor, makes throwing motion]
Professor Roy Hinkley: [calls to Gilligan] Poison darts at six paces!
Gilligan: [stands up in boat] Poison darts at six paces? [leaps overboard, swims ashore]
01x32 - Physical Fatness Season 1 / Episode 32: - Physical Fatness

Skipper Jonas Grumby: There's a table in this Navy manual that tells me how much I should weigh.
Gilligan: Maybe it's under "tonnage".
01x26 - Music Hath Charm Season 1 / Episode 26: - Music Hath Charm

Mrs. Lovey Howell: [entering, seeing Gilligan playing a drum] Oh, Gilligan, I am hungry for music!
Gilligan: [pausing and holding up a drumstick] Would you like a drumstick?
Unknown Episode Unknown Episode:

Ginger Grant: Wahine wiki huki luki nu, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
Gilligan: That's beautiful. What's it mean?
Ginger Grant: It means this bar is off-limits to all military personnel.