Get Smart (1965) Quotes

Get Smart (1965)

- Episode Quotes

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Get Smart (1965) Quotes

	Season 5 / Episode 26: - I Am Curiously Yellow The Whip: Old Chinese saying: punishment is companion of failiure. The Whip: [whips Abe Fu Yung four times] That's enough. Be glad I'm in a happy mood today.
	Season 5 / Episode 26: - I Am Curiously Yellow Chief: [opens violin case] This is the Narco 5-12... Maxwell Smart: I recognized it immediately. Chief: ...A weapon so new that no one has ever seen it before.
	Season 5 / Episode 26: - I Am Curiously Yellow Chief: We're all familiar with the shock wave of a sonic boom, which occurs when an aircraft breaks the sound barrier. Now if you take that energy and amplify it ten thousand times, and confine it in a small area, can you imagine the results you'd get? Maxwell Smart: A rock & roll festival? Chief: It's not quite that bad, Max.
	Season 5 / Episode 26: - I Am Curiously Yellow Maxwell Smart: You don't suppose for one single moment that I'd allow these precious hands... Maxwell Smart: [kisses 99's hand]... to wash dishes?
	Season 5 / Episode 26: - I Am Curiously Yellow Agent 99: [Larabee walks in on Max & 99 kissing passionately] Yes, Larabee? Larabee: Huh? Agent 99: What did you want? Larabee: I forgot. Agent 99: Goodbye, Larabee. Larabee: Can I watch while I'm trying to remember? Agent 99, Maxwell Smart: Get out, Larabee.
	Season 5 / Episode 26: - I Am Curiously Yellow Maxwell Smart: What do you mean, 'that's Max al right', that couldn't possibly be me. I didn't steal the Farco 9-12. Chief: It's not the Farco 9-12, it's the Marco 5-12.
	Season 5 / Episode 26: - I Am Curiously Yellow Agent 99: Max! To forget that you've robbed a safe is one thing, but to forget that you've kissed your wife... I don't think that's very nice.
	Season 5 / Episode 26: - I Am Curiously Yellow The Whip: See, like I told you. Gun is like wife's brother: do not work.
	Season 5 / Episode 26: - I Am Curiously Yellow The Whip: You make a mistake, Mr. Smart. You bring the wrong cassette. Maxwell Smart: [takes out another cassette] Eh, would you like to try Glen Campbell?
	Season 5 / Episode 26: - I Am Curiously Yellow Larabee: [having hypnotized the Chief] Well, I want a raise, a few weeks off, a new car... and I think I would like your office. Yes, yes, I'd like that. You can take mine. And I want the location and the key to the secret executive wash-room. I'd like that. I'd love that. And...
	Season 5 / Episode 25: - Do I Hear a Vaults? Chief: The most obvious place for a book is in a library. And sometimes, the most obvious place is the safest. Maxwell Smart: You know, you may have something there, Chief. Agent Dunlap had the same theory. He once came into possession of a very important piece of microfilm. You know where he hid it? Chief: Where? Maxwell Smart: Right on top of his desk in his living room. Right out there in the open where everybody could see it. Chief: And the microfilm was safe? Maxwell Smart: Yes, well, it would have been if they hadn't stolen the desk.
	Season 5 / Episode 25: - Do I Hear a Vaults? Chief: I'm sorry I'm late, but I had an automobile accident right in front of the building. That idiot smashed in the whole front end of my car. Maxwell Smart: Well, don't worry about it, Chief, you're not the only one who's late, Larabee isn't here either. Chief: Who do you think smashed in the front end of my car?
	Season 5 / Episode 25: - Do I Hear a Vaults? Maxwell Smart: Well, Chief, everything went off perfectly without a hitch. We left Control, got into the armoured truck, went through a carwash three times, in case anyone was following us. Larabee: The truck was dirty anyway, Chief. Maxwell Smart: And here we are. Larabee: With a clean truck! Chief: Ok, ok, let me see it. Larabee: It's parked out in front.
	Season 5 / Episode 25: - Do I Hear a Vaults? Chief: Larrabee, you're wasting your time. That door is a foot thick and it's constructed of iron and laminated steel. You'll never open it with a quarter. Larabee: How 'bout two dimes and a nickel?
	Season 5 / Episode 25: - Do I Hear a Vaults? Maxwell Smart: Chief! I send Larabee in to get the book and they locked the safe on him. Chief: Come on, Max. Let's go. Maxwell Smart: Chief, what are you talking about? Larabee is locked in and nobody knows about it except you and me. Chief: Shh. Come on.
	Season 5 / Episode 24: - Hello, Columbus - Goodbye, America Maxwell Smart: [looking at Sunflowers by Van Gogh] What would you say that is worth, 99? Agent 99: Oh, a lot, Max, that's a Van Gogh. Maxwell Smart: Isn't he the guy that cut off his own ear? Agent 99: Right. He send it to his girlfriend. He must really have loved her a lot. Maxwell Smart: Either that or he hated his ear.
	Season 5 / Episode 24: - Hello, Columbus - Goodbye, America Chief: I know this is going to come as a shock, but that painting, and every painting in this museum, belongs to the man they work for. Agent 99: But Chief, everything in this museum belongs to the United States. Chief: That's the trouble, 99. The man they work for owns the United States.
	Season 5 / Episode 24: - Hello, Columbus - Goodbye, America Maxwell Smart: Columbus, I'm Smart. Gino Columbus: Ok, how much is-a two and two? Maxwell Smart: [thinks for a moment] Four. Gino Columbus: [chuckles] He's smart all right!
	Season 5 / Episode 24: - Hello, Columbus - Goodbye, America Upper Gemini: Don't take another step. We are KAOS agents Gemini. Maxwell Smart: What do you want? Upper Gemini: Information. Tell us what we wanna know, or you die. Maxwell Smart: You're wasting your time. Besides, do you know who this man is? This is Gino Columbus, the new owner of the United States. Upper Gemini: That's what we wanted to know.
	Season 5 / Episode 24: - Hello, Columbus - Goodbye, America Victor Borgia: My name is Borgia. Maxwell Smart: Borgia! Of course! You're the man who poisoned 23 people and a pair of parakeets. Victor Borgia: No Mr. Smart. Maxwell Smart: 23 parakeets and a pair of people? Victor Borgia: I am Borgia of KAOS. Maxwell Smart: Ok, I'll accept that, but don't expect to have a drink with my bird.
	Season 5 / Episode 24: - Hello, Columbus - Goodbye, America Gino Columbus: I tell you what I'm gonna do. If you let me go, I'm gonna give you a nice present. I give you Pittsburgh. Victor Borgia: We don't want Pittsburgh. Maxwell Smart: That's funny. Neither does Pennsylvania.
	Season 5 / Episode 24: - Hello, Columbus - Goodbye, America Gino Columbus: Mama mia, what's he got in his pocket, a printing-a press? Maxwell Smart: Must be a duplicating machine, the copies are getting lighter.
	Season 5 / Episode 24: - Hello, Columbus - Goodbye, America Maxwell Smart: You'll never get away with it, Chief, I don't look like Columbus, I don't even speak Italian. Larabee: Besides, Chief, at Control training school Max flunked torture three years in a row.
	Season 5 / Episode 24: - Hello, Columbus - Goodbye, America Victor Borgia: I sympathize with you. I too require constant stoking of the human furnace to function properly.
	Season 5 / Episode 24: - Hello, Columbus - Goodbye, America Victor Borgia: Where's the pen? Upper Gemini: He must have ate it.
	Season 5 / Episode 23: - What's It All About, Algie? Chief: Larabee, confiscate that plant. Larabee: I can't Chief. I'm not a priest.
	Season 5 / Episode 23: - What's It All About, Algie? Maxwell Smart: Well, let's look on the bright side of things, Chief: it's a good thing that he gave me the list before he disappeared, rather than after he disappeared. Chief: Just what kind of reasoning is that? How could he possibly have given you the list after his disappearance? He could have only have given it to you before his disappearance. Maxwell Smart: Oh yeah? How about during his disappearance?
	Season 5 / Episode 23: - What's It All About, Algie? Chief: Why would you serve a German white wine with Italian food? They don't go together. Larabee: Well, it was bottled in 1943. Chief: What has that got to do with it? Larabee: They went together then.
	Season 5 / Episode 23: - What's It All About, Algie? Algernon DeGrasse: What part of Japan are you from? Maxwell Smart: Eh... the Orient.
	Season 5 / Episode 23: - What's It All About, Algie? Maxwell Smart: [on garden hose phone] He was a little suspicious at first, until I gave him cover story 3MB. He fell for it completely. Chief: [on other end of the hose] Fine, good luck, Max. Chief: . [connection is broken] 3MB? We haven't used that since Pearl Harbor.

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