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Get Smart

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Liver Let Die Agent 66: KAOS always did have a better healthcare than us. Zach Smart: Yeah, that's for sure. It's ridiculous having to wait two months for minor surgery. Agent 66: [flicks out a pocketknife] Say the word and I'll have that bullet out of your butt in three seconds. Zach Smart: Or next time, you could just watch where you're shooting.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Liver Let Die Zach Smart: You speak Swedish? Agent 66: Doesn't everybody?
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Liver Let Die Agent 66: Good luck, Zach. Zach Smart: Luck, 66? Luck is the illegitimate child of skill and ability. [knocks over an orderly carrying a full chamber pot]
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Liver Let Die Scrum: [after knocking out 66 who was talking on her bra-phone] Swedish? my big hairy butt!
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Liver Let Die Dr. Mendelsohn: [over intercom] This is Dr. Mendelsohn. Nobody leaves this hospital alive! Patients, ignore that.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Wurst Enemies Agent 66: [to KAOS captor] If I could get my hands out of this cheap KAOS cement, I'd wrap those gold chains around your throat and use you for a yo-yo.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Wurst Enemies Chief Maxwell Smart: When you've dealt KAOS as long as I have, you know that it's the old sniper in the catwalk trick or the old gunman in the crate [waves gun towards crate, it accidentally fires]... sometimes both.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Wurst Enemies Zach Smart: 66, the only risk Jessica poses is being too adorable.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Wurst Enemies Agent 9: [66 is spying on Zach and Jessica through binoculars] Now what are they doing? Agent 66: Well, she's tying him to the bed. Agent 9: Let me see, let me see! Agent 66: No way, Agent 9, not until you're Agent 18.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Wurst Enemies Siegfried: Come on, you're father must have told you all about me. For 30 years I was his wurst nightmare. Zach Smart: You're my mother's cousin Harvey?
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Wurst Enemies Agent 66: I'd better call the Chief. Oh, damn. I don't have my bra-phone. Agent 9: I'm still waiting for my training-bra-phone.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Wurst Enemies Chief Maxwell Smart: Siegfried, how did you get this number? Siegfried: I'm on your kid's schneaker-phone. Chief Maxwell Smart: Zach's schnearker - sneaker-phone?
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Wurst Enemies Siegfried: Ah, it's so great to be evil again!
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Wurst Enemies Gretchen: [to Zach] You're just like my father. He lied to me the whole time I am growing up. He told me that he was a doctor on a cruiseship.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Wurst Enemies Chief Maxwell Smart: How is Shtarker? Siegfried: Very well. He has this small shoe repair kiosk in the Heidelberg train station. He married a lovely Chinese girl - enough. We are former KAOS, we don't reminisce here!
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Wurst Enemies Siegfried: Tonight, to exact my revenge, I have a nuclear missile aimed directly at one of your major cities. Chief Maxwell Smart: Which one? Siegfried: The city that contains your greatest minds and most brilliant thinkers. Chief Maxwell Smart: Hm. Well, at least Washington is safe.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Wurst Enemies Zach Smart: You know, except for the kidnapping, the tying up and the luring my father to his death stuff, this hasn't been a bad date.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Wurst Enemies Chief Maxwell Smart: Give it up, Siegfried, you'll never get away with this. Siegfried: Why not? Chief Maxwell Smart: Because at this very moment there are 200 naval... Siegfried: [interrupting] destroyers are headed this way. I know. Then I say I don't believe it, then you say something else again, then I say I don't believe it again and were right back to where we started. Chief Maxwell Smart: And I thought my wife knew me.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Wurst Enemies Siegfried: [Max is turning Siegfried's light-up globe which doubles as a remote control for the nuclear missile] Get away from my world! Chief Maxwell Smart: It's not your world yet, Siegfried.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Wurst Enemies Agent 66: My God. That's a Russian SS B21 nuke with a yield of 20.000 megatons. Zach Smart: How do you know that? Agent 66: A friend of mine bought two at the Soviet Union garage sale.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Passenger 99 Agent 66: Bad news, Chief. We intercepted a transmission and KAOS just contacted a well known assasin: the Turtle. Zach Smart: The Turtle? Chief Maxwell Smart: Ah, yes. The Turtle! Zach Smart: You've heard of him? Chief Maxwell Smart: Of course. Vicious, cold blooded. No wait a minute, that was the Poodle. Run over about four years ago chasing a car. Agent 66: He's called the Turtle because he's very illusive. He only comes out to kill. Zach Smart: How do you know so much about him? Agent 66: I dated his brother Leo.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Passenger 99 Agent 66: Maybe our information was wrong. Zach Smart: I sure hope so, 'cause if my mom get's assassinated, that would really ruin Christmas.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Passenger 99 Agent 9: Can you help me with my homework later, I got a math test tomorrow and these fractures are killing me. Zach Smart: Don't sweat it, Agent 9, three quarters of Americans don't understand fractions, the other half doesn't give a damn.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Passenger 99 Chief Maxwell Smart: [on speakerphone in office] But don't worry, son, at this very moment, a squadron of airforce jets is ready to bring your plane in safely. Zach Smart: [in pilots seat in cockpit] I don't see them. Chief Maxwell Smart: Eh... would you believe two navy helicopters? Zach Smart: No, I don't see them either. Chief Maxwell Smart: How about sailor in a blimp waving a flashlight?
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Passenger 99 Chief Maxwell Smart: Ok, Zach, you're problems are over. Carl the Control Contoller is here with his porta-control controller. What kind of a name is that? Carl the Control Controller: Well, my father was named Carl, his father was named Carl, I have a sister named Carla. Then there's my uncle...
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - Shoot Up the Charts Zach Smart: Why would KAOS buy a record company and then kill the only artist? Chief Maxwell Smart: After hearing his records, I'm surprised that he lived as long as he did. Agent 66: The bigger question is: what is KAOs doing in the music business? Zach Smart: I'm sorry, why is your question bigger than mine?
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - Shoot Up the Charts Zach Smart: I'm wearing Control piano-hands. Completely undetectable. They contain digitally activated neuro-switches that can play everything from Abba to Zappa. I just get to have them back in time for Agent 29's bachelor party.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - Shoot Up the Charts Georgio: Look doll, you sign with us, you're gonna make millions.You'll be the next Madonna, but without the disgusting stuff. And I mean that.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - Shoot Up the Charts Zach Smart: These CDs are bogus. Chief Maxwell Smart: You're telling me, since my phonograph broke, I've got 400 records and nothing to play them on.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - Shoot Up the Charts Chief Maxwell Smart: Too bad, all of this could have been avoided, if he had only used his record company for niceness instead of evil.

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