Zach Smart

Get Smart

- Character Guide

Characters: #2 of 11 (Full List)

+ Add to My Characters

Played by:

Andy Dick

« Back to Character Profile

Zach Smart Quotes

	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Liver Let Die Agent 66: KAOS always did have a better healthcare than us. Zach Smart: Yeah, that's for sure. It's ridiculous having to wait two months for minor surgery. Agent 66: [flicks out a pocketknife] Say the word and I'll have that bullet out of your butt in three seconds. Zach Smart: Or next time, you could just watch where you're shooting.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Liver Let Die Zach Smart: You speak Swedish? Agent 66: Doesn't everybody?
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Liver Let Die Agent 66: Good luck, Zach. Zach Smart: Luck, 66? Luck is the illegitimate child of skill and ability. [knocks over an orderly carrying a full chamber pot]
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Wurst Enemies Zach Smart: 66, the only risk Jessica poses is being too adorable.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Wurst Enemies Siegfried: Come on, you're father must have told you all about me. For 30 years I was his wurst nightmare. Zach Smart: You're my mother's cousin Harvey?
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Wurst Enemies Zach Smart: You know, except for the kidnapping, the tying up and the luring my father to his death stuff, this hasn't been a bad date.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Wurst Enemies Agent 66: My God. That's a Russian SS B21 nuke with a yield of 20.000 megatons. Zach Smart: How do you know that? Agent 66: A friend of mine bought two at the Soviet Union garage sale.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Passenger 99 Agent 66: Bad news, Chief. We intercepted a transmission and KAOS just contacted a well known assasin: the Turtle. Zach Smart: The Turtle? Chief Maxwell Smart: Ah, yes. The Turtle! Zach Smart: You've heard of him? Chief Maxwell Smart: Of course. Vicious, cold blooded. No wait a minute, that was the Poodle. Run over about four years ago chasing a car. Agent 66: He's called the Turtle because he's very illusive. He only comes out to kill. Zach Smart: How do you know so much about him? Agent 66: I dated his brother Leo.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Passenger 99 Agent 66: Maybe our information was wrong. Zach Smart: I sure hope so, 'cause if my mom get's assassinated, that would really ruin Christmas.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Passenger 99 Agent 9: Can you help me with my homework later, I got a math test tomorrow and these fractures are killing me. Zach Smart: Don't sweat it, Agent 9, three quarters of Americans don't understand fractions, the other half doesn't give a damn.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Passenger 99 Chief Maxwell Smart: [on speakerphone in office] But don't worry, son, at this very moment, a squadron of airforce jets is ready to bring your plane in safely. Zach Smart: [in pilots seat in cockpit] I don't see them. Chief Maxwell Smart: Eh... would you believe two navy helicopters? Zach Smart: No, I don't see them either. Chief Maxwell Smart: How about sailor in a blimp waving a flashlight?
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - Shoot Up the Charts Zach Smart: Why would KAOS buy a record company and then kill the only artist? Chief Maxwell Smart: After hearing his records, I'm surprised that he lived as long as he did. Agent 66: The bigger question is: what is KAOs doing in the music business? Zach Smart: I'm sorry, why is your question bigger than mine?
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - Shoot Up the Charts Zach Smart: I'm wearing Control piano-hands. Completely undetectable. They contain digitally activated neuro-switches that can play everything from Abba to Zappa. I just get to have them back in time for Agent 29's bachelor party.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - Shoot Up the Charts Zach Smart: These CDs are bogus. Chief Maxwell Smart: You're telling me, since my phonograph broke, I've got 400 records and nothing to play them on.
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Goodbye Ms. Chip Agent 66: Zach, there's nobody around. You don't need a gun. Zach Smart: This is not a gun, it's a flash light. [turns it on by pulling the trigger] Zach Smart: My flashlight [pulls out flashlight] is a gun. Zach Smart: Those lab boys have way too much time on thier hands.
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Goodbye Ms. Chip Zach Smart: Uncle Agent 13? What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in Florida. Agent 13: [hiding in a bowl of coleslaw] I'm doing a favor for your old man. Listen: I overheard two guys talking about killing President Mazabuka. Agent 66: What did they look like? Agent 13: Well, I couldn't see, I had coleslaw in my eyes. They used too much mayonnaise.
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Goodbye Ms. Chip Chief Maxwell Smart: Who could be controlling her mind? Zach Smart: The Brain. Chief Maxwell Smart: That's a given, son. Zach Smart: No, the KAOS scientist 'the Brain'. Chief Maxwell Smart: Ah, the Brain, of course, we should should try and steal him. Just think what we could do if we only had a Brain.
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - Casino Evil Zach Smart: Dad, the man who made that call last night was found murdered. His name was Ivan Buttinoff. Chief Maxwell Smart: Good work. How did you find out? Zach Smart: Deductive reasoning, a fanatical devotion to my craft and it was on the news last night.
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - Casino Evil Zach Smart: [hands some chips to female casino worker] Make yourself a brunette. I like brunettes.
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - Casino Evil Zach Smart: Great disguise, 0. Agent 0: [disguised as a little old lady] Yeah, but look at these crowsfeet. I was going for weathered and bitter. These don't say weathered and bitter. Zach Smart: No, really 0, when I first saw you I said: Now there's a weathered and bitter person.
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - Casino Evil Zach Smart: This gambling thing is risky... Agent 66: You were supposed to flash the cash, not lose the cash. Didn't you see me shaking my head? Zach Smart: You shake things all the time, suddenly it has significance? Agent 66: What I shake on my spare time has nothing to do with you. This shaking was work related.
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - Casino Evil Zach Smart: How'd you do it? Agent 66: I can make any man do anything at anytime. Zach Smart: Oh, I doubt that. Agent 66: Oh yeah? I just made you think of... [whispers something in his ear] Zach Smart: Oh, you're good!
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - Casino Evil Carlo Monte: Ready to dive in, Mr. Pharbin? Zach Smart: Like a fat man at a cheese festival.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot Chief Maxwell Smart: Come on, 99, the boy is ready for action. Zach Smart: Like a thirsty zebra! Chief Maxwell Smart: Hear that? Like a thirsty... What does that mean?
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot Agen 0: [disguised as cocktail waitress] So many different disguises, different identities, I don't know who I am. Zach Smart: Did you find out who's working for KAOS? Agen 0: Some days a man, some days a woman, half the time I forget where to shave.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot Chief Maxwell Smart: You eat danger for breakfast? Zach Smart: Would you believe lunch? Chief Maxwell Smart: Don't do that.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot Agent 66: He's a Control agent. Get rid of him. Zach Smart: [being dragged away by two security guards] Yeah, what a waste of a body. You could have used that body for the forces of good!
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot Zach Smart: Zero, is that you? Agent 0: Yeah. Although it is difficult finding neck hair at such short notice.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot Zach Smart: We just had a whole mission together and I don't even know your real name. Agent 66: It's tattooed somewhere on my body. Since we're partners, I might just let you look for it. [blows him a kiss]

« previous1next »

Previous: Chief Maxwell Smart

Next: Agent 66

» Back to Get Smart TV Show