2x21 I Only Have Eyes for You

George Lopez: [to Angie] I treat both my kids exactly the same.
Benny: No you don't, you treat the boy better. But Carmen's gotta get used to it; men are the hunters, the warriors, the breadwinners, so they're treated better than women. I cannot tell you how much easier my life would've been if I'd had something dangling between my legs.
George Lopez: Ugh, that's a pretty picture of my mommy.

Angie Lopez: [talking with George on his cell phone, unaware he's right outside the sliding door] Are you coming home soon?
George Lopez: Yeah, and by the way, make sure you lock the doors, I heard on the radio there's this guy going around breaking into people's houses.
Angie Lopez: Is he in our area?
George Lopez: [sneaks up behind her] Yeeeees!
Angie Lopez: [screams, turns around] Damn you!

Benny: Max, how's your head? How many bottles of beer am I holding up honey?
George Lopez: Honey? You never called me honey.
Benny: Well, you should've been cuter.