Garfield

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Garfield Quotes

	Season 5 / Episode 16: - Taste Makes Waist Garfield: [rapping] Some guys are trouble, some guys are fun; I'm Michael Jackson all rolled into one.
	Season 5 / Episode 16: - Taste Makes Waist Garfield: This is the end of the Garfield rap. Now pass me a pillow, it's time for my nap.
	Season 5 / Episode 16: - Taste Makes Waist Garfield: [rapping] Beef-by products is how they sell the parts of the cow they can't identify.
	Season 5 / Episode 15: - Forget-Me-Not-Newton Jon: [about the policeman] He didn't believe me. Garfield: I wouldn't believe a man with cowboys and horsies on his pajamas either.
	Season 4 / Episode 16: - Polar Pussycat Mr. Sprocket: Kids don't want to watch a cartoon about a cat. Garfield: They're culturally deprived.
	Season 4 / Episode 16: - Polar Pussycat Garfield: [singing] If you're wondering what became of me, I was nowhere near the road. I can't rescue Odie, I'm not in this episode. Keep on snoring, keep on snoring, back home safe and sound, keep on snoring, keep on snoring, most fun I have found. Keep on sleeping, keep on sleeping, peaceful here alone, got to keep on sleeping, Odie's on his own.
	Season 4 / Episode 16: - Polar Pussycat Garfield: Billy Bob shook and moaned and shivered, and he told the puppy why. 'We'll never get this load delivered if I can't outrun this guy!'
	Season 4 / Episode 11: - A Tall Tale Garfield: This isn't educational TV! This is Garfield! Bertie Buddy Bear: James Garfield was the 20th President of the United States.
	Season 4 / Episode 11: - A Tall Tale Garfield: They're driving me bananas! Billy Buddy Bear: Bananas are an excellent source of potassium. Garfield: You're driving me bats! Bobby Buddy Bear: Bats are flying mammals with excellent night vision. Garfield: I'm at the end of my rope! Bertie Buddy Bear: Rope is usually made from the fibers of the hemp plant. Garfield: I've got to get someplace safe! Billy Buddy Bear: The safe was invented in 1831.
	Season 4 / Episode 11: - A Tall Tale Network Executive: What does this teach anyone? Garfield: It teaches them not to let me paint them.
	Season 4 / Episode 11: - A Tall Tale Bobby Buddy Bear: Do you know what goes into a chocolate cupcake? It contains sugar, enriched flour, baking powder, and various artificial coloring and flavorings to simulate the taste and appearance of chocolate. Garfield: [sniffs cupcake] Hey, it does smell like thiamine mononitrate!
	Season 4 / Episode 4: - Trial and Error Nermal: Garfield! Help! This dinosaur is fifty feet tall! Garfield: See? He's exaggerating again. That dinosaur is only forty feet tall.
	Season 3 / Episode 17: - Flat Tired Garfield: No, that's not a mistake. That's how much food I always pack.
	Season 3 / Episode 17: - Flat Tired Garfield: Can you believe Pete's trying to scare us like that? Odie: I don't know, I'm kinda scared.
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - Skyway Robbery Garfield: [to the camera, as Al Swindler's dilapidated plane goes down, and after Swindler has bailed out] Kids, check your TV listings! Make sure this isn't the last episode!
	Season 2 / Episode 22: - The Lasagna Zone Garfield: These scientists are studying which words are the funniest when used in jokes. Scientist #1: Pickle. Scientist #2: Funny. Scientist #1: Pretzel. Scientist #2: Funny. Scientist #1: Cookie. Scientist #2: Funny. Scientist #1: Steak. Scientist #2: Not funny. Scientist #1: Yellow-bellied sap-sucker. Scientist #2: Funny. Scientist #1: Dog. Scientist #2: Not funny. Scientist #1: Elephant. Scientist #2: Funny. Scientist #1: Chicken. Scientist #2: Extremely funny. Scientist #1: Lion. Scientist #2: Not funny.
	Season 2 / Episode 22: - The Lasagna Zone Garfield: Today we're going to discuss how to be funny. [pie hits him in the face] That is not one of the ways.
	Season 2 / Episode 22: - The Lasagna Zone Garfield: Take note: if something isn't funny, you keep doing it, and eventually it becomes a running gag.
	Season 2 / Episode 15: - Goody Go-Round Garfield: From time to time on this show, we'd like to bring you something a little educational. Garfield: [shocked] No, no! Don't change channels! It's not that educational.
	Season 2 / Episode 15: - Goody Go-Round Jon: I have a big date with Liz tonight, Garfield. What do you think of my outfit? Jon: [irritated] I don't have to take this. Jon: No cat is gonna make a fool out of me. Garfield: [holding up a watch, still snickering] One... two... three...
	Season 2 / Episode 13: - One Good Fern Deserves Another Garfield: Hello. This is Garfield, your doorman.
	Season 2 / Episode 6: - Grabbity Jon Arbuckle: Come on, Garfield, you've got to get in shape! Garfield: I am in shape! Round is a shape!
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Nothing to Sneeze At Man: [Garfield is lecturing on Odie chasing cars] What does Odie do with a car when he catches one? Garfield: He buries it in the backyard. Garfield: What're you laughing at? You don't believe me? Woman: Nah, we don't believe you! Garfield: I can't believe my ears! Audience: We can't believe your face! Garfield: Hey, I did not come here to be insulted! Man: Oh, where do you usually go? This whole thing is stupid! Woman: Yeah, it's ridiculous! Garfield: You think this is ridiculous? You should see this audience! [Garfield leaves amid the booing audience and returns home to Odie] Garfield: Hi, boy. Had fun chasing cars? Odie: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Garfield: Those people didn't appreciate me. I told them you buried cars in the backyard and they made fun of me. [they walk past various cars buried in the yard] Boy, try and educate some people.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Nothing to Sneeze At Garfield: [during his lecture on Odie] Before we go on, are there any questions? Man: Uh, yeah, is wrestling fixed? Garfield: Excuse me, I should've asked, "Are there any intelligent questions?"
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - Fraidy Cat Garfield: Hey, Heathcliff. Eat your heart out.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Nighty Nightmare Jon Arbuckle: Oh, Garfield, try not to annoy the mailman today. Garfield: [looking at calendar] Today's the day I annoy the garbage man. The mailman is tomorrow.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Nighty Nightmare Garfield: See what you've done? You've made me into a liar! And you know what happens to liars! Devil Garfield: They get jobs doing the weather on TV.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Nighty Nightmare Garfield: Okay, I've had my morning coffee. Time for my post-coffee-mid-morning nap.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Garfield: Peace and Quiet/ U.S. Acres: Wanted Wade/ Gafield Goes Hawaiian Garfield: Anyone who sings like that should be drug out into the street and shot!
	Unknown Episode: Jon: They used to call me "No-Hit Arbuckle". Garfield: But only when he was at bat.

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