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Zapp Brannigan Quotes
 | Season 7 / Episode 8: - Fun on a Bun Zapp Brannigan: Look at those primitive Neanderthals down there. Loading their catapult with... what is that, Kif? [a saber-tooth cat flies through the window and attacks Zapp] Kif Kroker: It appears to be a saber-tooth cat. |
 | Season 7 / Episode 5: - Zapp Dingbat Zapp Brannigan: [Zapp and Kif are negotiating a peace treaty with the Carcarons] Now watch, Kif, as I score a diplomatic coup by congratulating the Admiral in his native tongue. Kif Kroker: The last time you tried that, the Mexican restaurant declared war on us. I beg you, just use the translator. Zapp Brannigan: Kif, just trust me for once. [Grunts something in Carcaronese] Universal Translator: I want to slap your sister with a slice of bologna. Zapp Brannigan: Uh... Oops! [the Carcarons aim their weapons at Zapp, who uses Kif as a shield] Kif Kroker: It's the battle of Paco's Tacos all over again! |
| Season 7 / Episode 5: - Zapp Dingbat Turanga Morris: What do you say, honey? Care to give it another go? Turanga Munda: Well, I am already in my wedding dress, and we still have a cake. Dr. Zoidberg: [Already eating the cake] Half a cake. Zapp Brannigan: Then by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. Mind if I kiss the bride? [Morris punches Zapp in the stomach] Well played. |
| Season 7 / Episode 5: - Zapp Dingbat Zapp Brannigan: Kif, we're under attack and the wedding's off. Return fire and the cake. Kif Kroker: Our defense systems are disabled and you can't return ice-cream cakes. We're doomed! |
 | Season 6 / Episode 15: - Benderama Unattractive Giant Monster: I'll destroy you all! I won't stop until your whole planet is as ugly as you perceive me to be! Zapp Brannigan: That will take a very long time. |
| Season 6 / Episode 15: - Benderama Zapp Brannigan: Hey, freakshow! Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting! Kif Kroker: [laughing] Timeless. |
 | Season 6 / Episode 14: - Neutopia Zapp Brannigan: I got your distress call and came here as soon as I wanted to. |
| Season 6 / Episode 14: - Neutopia Zapp Brannigan: [to woman Fry] Well, hello from the neck down. |
 | Season 6 / Episode 11: - Lrrreconcilable Ndndifferences Zapp Brannigan: Great leader, I offer you a sacrifice. [Holds up Kif] How about this? [Lrrr takes off one of Kif's legs] Kif Kroker: Hey! Lrrr: [Eats leg] He'll do. |
 | Season 6 / Episode 2: - In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela Zapp Brannigan: I surrender and volunteer for treason! |
| Season 6 / Episode 2: - In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela Zapp Brannigan: President Nixon. What the hell. |
| Season 6 / Episode 2: - In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela Zapp Brannigan: My God! We're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Richard Nixon's Head: Options? Zapp Brannigan: My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish. |
| Season 6 / Episode 2: - In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela Zapp Brannigan: Magnify that death sphere. [Screen zooms in on a pixelated death sphere] Why is it still blurry? Kif Kroker: That's all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. Zapp Brannigan: It does on CSI Miami. |
| Season 6 / Episode 2: - In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela Dr. Zoidberg: Sure, but who is foolish enough to fly into what we all keep calling a death sphere? Richard Nixon's Head: I say Brannigan. Zapp Brannigan: I say no. Turanga Leela: I say me. Richard Nixon's Head: I say Leela. Philip J. Fry: I say no! Turanga Leela: I say me, again. Zapp Brannigan: And I shall join you. Turanga Leela: But it's a one-man ship. Zapp Brannigan: And there'll be only one man. How would you feel about me sitting tailgunner with you? Turanga Leela: Totally creeped out. Zapp Brannigan: Then it's settled! |
| Season 6 / Episode 2: - In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela Zapp Brannigan: Captain's log: We have lost control of the ship. Adddendum: Whoooaaaa! |
| Season 6 / Episode 2: - In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela Turanga Leela: Come, Adam, and taste of my forbidden fruit. Zapp Brannigan: Thee will be done. |
 | Season 6 / Episode 1: - Rebirth Zapp Brannigan: Fire all weapons and set a transmission frequency for my victory yodel. |
 | Season 5 / Episode 11: - Three Hundred Big Boys Zapp Brannigan: So, may I have the pleasure? Turanga Leela: What little there is to be had. |
| Season 5 / Episode 11: - Three Hundred Big Boys Mom: Hey, Zapp. How much is that oversized placemat actually worth? Zapp Brannigan: Exactly ten million dollars. Mom: Now that's walking around money! |
| Season 5 / Episode 11: - Three Hundred Big Boys Zapp Brannigan: The Spiderians, though weak and gilrly in combat, are masters of the textile arts. Taste like king crab, by the way. The lazy bugs actually wove this tapestry celebrating my victory as I was killing them. |
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