Dr. Zoidberg

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Billy West

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Dr. Zoidberg Quotes

	Season 5 / Episode 16: - The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings TV Advertisement: Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry play 900 of his classic themes in your own home on this two-record set. That's over 30 minutes of music for only $14.99. Dr. Zoidberg: Only $14.99 for a two-record set. Two records! Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer! Hello? I'll take eight!
	Season 5 / Episode 16: - The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings Professor Hubert Farnsworth: I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving. Dr. Zoidberg: I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing!
	Season 5 / Episode 16: - The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings Hedonism Bot: Less reality, more fantasy. Resume the opera. Fry: But I can't play anymore. Dr. Zoidberg: Yes, you can! The music was in your heart, not your hands. Dr. Zoidberg: Your music's bad, and you should feel bad!
	Season 5 / Episode 15: - Bender Should Not Be Allowed on Television Fry: What kind of bozos would form a Bender protest group? Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have formed a Bender protest group. Dr. Zoidberg: That was uncanny.
	Season 5 / Episode 15: - Bender Should Not Be Allowed on Television Dr. Zoidberg: [arrives at Cubert's birthday party dressed as a tramp] Hey, boys and girls. It's Zoidberg, the loveable tramp. Turanga Leela: Since when do you perform children parties? Dr. Zoidberg: Performing? What? Can anyone spare some money to buy a pair of shoes?
	Season 5 / Episode 13: - Bend Her Bender: My dreams are over before they began! Dr. Zoidberg: [happily] Welcome to my life! [starts crying]
	Season 5 / Episode 12: - Spanish Fry Fry: We have to track down my nose before some alien snarfs it and does the worm. Who's in? Leela: Me, Bender, and maybe Zoidberg if he feels like it. Dr. Zoidberg: No, I'm good.
	Season 5 / Episode 12: - Spanish Fry Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: Don't tell me you believe in Bigfoot, you blithering ninny-hammer. Fry: Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Dr. Zoidberg: Why? Fry: 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one. Dr. Zoidberg: I can so relate to that.
	Season 5 / Episode 11: - Three Hundred Big Boys Elzar: Here you are, big spender. Foie gras and caviar. Dr. Zoidberg: [sniffs it] Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish? Elzar: Hey, that's what rich people eat, the garbage parts of the food. Dr. Zoidberg: I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me 300 dollars. I'm not paying! I bid you good day, sir!
	Season 5 / Episode 10: - The Farnsworth Parabox Fry: Whatever is in that box, it's the only thing I ever wanted. Dr. Zoidberg: In my experience, boxes are usually empty, or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni. What a day that was!
	Season 5 / Episode 9: - The Sting Bender: This is great! My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered! [All cheer] Dr. Zoidberg: I should warn you. I'm a mean drunk.
	Season 5 / Episode 8: - The Why of Fry Fry: Delivery boy Philip J. Fry, reporting for duty. Dr. Zoidberg: Doctor Zoidberg, soaking in brine.
	Season 5 / Episode 7: - Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles Dr. Zoidberg: [devolved into a squid-like creature] Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again!
	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Less Than Hero Dr. Zoidberg: [Fry and Leela's muscles hurt after building the supercollider] I've got just the thing: genuine miracle cream I bought from a travelling salesman. "Come one, come all", he said, "Step right up". "This deal sounds too good to be true", I thought. He said I looked like a smart, young man. "So, is it a deal?", I enquired. Two hours later he was gone, with sixty of my dollars. But I have the miracle cream!
	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Less Than Hero Turanga Leela: Let's see, which powers do we have. Super strength? [Leela breaks a table, Fry kicks a hole in the wall] Fry: Yep. Turanga Leela: Lickety speed? [they run to the other end of the room in less than a second] Fry: Check. Turanga Leela: Yes, sir. Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures? Fry: Hey, Zoidberg! Get in here! Dr. Zoidberg: Screw you! Turanga Leela: Ain't got that. Fry: Nope.
	Season 5 / Episode 5: - Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch Fry: Hello everyone! Everybody we invited is here. Dr. Zoidberg: Also Zoidberg!
	Season 5 / Episode 4: - A Taste of Freedom Dr. Zoidberg: I wonder what the shroud of Turin tastes like.
	Season 5 / Episode 4: - A Taste of Freedom Fry: Wow! Nude hot-tubbing - that's all I need to hear about Freedom Day! Dr. Zoidberg: Then consider the following lecture a bonus.
	Season 5 / Episode 4: - A Taste of Freedom Dr. Zoidberg: My planet's embassy? Why, they'd pay to not kill me!
	Season 5 / Episode 4: - A Taste of Freedom Dr. Zoidberg: Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression is smutzing up our freedom lesson? Ambassador Moivin: Ah, take a pill, Zoidberg!
	Season 5 / Episode 4: - A Taste of Freedom Leela: Dr. Zodberg - how can you claim to love freedom and then enslave humanity? Dr. Zoidberg: Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom until it learns what it is not to have freedom. It's a lesson, I say!
	Season 5 / Episode 4: - A Taste of Freedom Fry: So what is Freedom Day? Sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. Dr. Zoidberg: No. It's a fabulous, crabulous day! Amy Wong: If you wanna do something, you do it, and to splick with the consequences. Bender: You know, like how I live every day. [trips up Hermes] Hermes Conrad: Happy Freedom Day! Ow, I think I broke my wrist.
	Season 5 / Episode 4: - A Taste of Freedom Dr. Zoidberg: I'm swelling with patriotic mucus.
	Season 5 / Episode 4: - A Taste of Freedom Dr. Zoidberg: I wonder what the Shroud of Turin tastes like.
	Season 5 / Episode 3: - The Route of All Evil Dr. Zoidberg: What is this? Angry shouting or hearing-aid-busted shouting? Hermes Conrad: I'm afraid it's both. Professor Hubert Farnsworth: [shouting] What?
	Season 5 / Episode 1: - Crimes of the Hot Dr. Zoidberg: Strange. Why would Nixon, an awkward, uncomfortable man, suddenly throw a party, one of the most social events imaginable? Is a trap, is why! They're going to deactivate all the robots! Dr. Zoidberg: I don't hear any gasping. Leela: We all figured that out. Dr. Zoidberg: Aw.
	Season 4 / Episode 11: - 30% Iron Chef Dr. Zoidberg: Aw, I'll never recombobulate this ship. When the professor finds out, he'll tear me a new cloaca.
	Season 4 / Episode 11: - 30% Iron Chef Dr. Zoidberg: Surrender your secrets to Zoidberg.
	Season 4 / Episode 9: - Futurestock That Guy: There are two kinds of people: sheep and sharks. Anyone who is a sheep is fired. Who is a sheep? Dr. Zoidberg: Errr, excuse me... which is the one people like to hug? That Guy: Gutsy question. You're a shark. Sharks are winners, and they don't look back because they have no necks. Necks are for sheep.
	Season 4 / Episode 9: - Futurestock Dr. Zoidberg: Once again, the conservative, sandwich-heavy portfolio pays off for the hungry investor.

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