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Killface Quotes
 | Season 1 / Episode 13: - Thrust Issues Xander Crews: Does this thing just start like a frickin' car? [puts key in the Annihilatrix] Killface: Wait, wait! Xander Crews: [turns key] Retarded! Killface: Oh my God, you armed it! Xander Crews: [shouting] Why did I also do that? Killface: What is wrong with you? Xander Crews: My parents never established boundaries! Killface: Idiot! Xander Crews: Make it stop! Killface: It's all right, there's a fail safe. Xander Crews: I don't know or care what that means! |
 | Season 1 / Episode 11: - The Grate Escape Xander Crews: Dude, close your mouth! Killface: Come on. Xander Crews: Your incisors were right on my bag. Killface: We have got to get you some pants. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 9: - The Odd Couple Killface: [after Simon runs off with a drawer full of cutlery] Oh my God! Alert the pet shops! It's Arizona all over again! |
 | Season 1 / Episode 6: - Emergency Room Killface: Oh my God, she fell. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 5: - Kidnapped! Killface: And what do you think you're doing? Simon: [mutters] Killface: Oh, really? Well, bright young lads who bring home a C in earth science and a C minus in algebra don't get to go on a lovely kidnapping. Simon: [mutters] Killface: Yes, as a matter of fact, we'll probably use algebra like mad today. |
| Season 1 / Episode 5: - Kidnapped! Killface: What are you doing? Sinn: What? Killface: You're getting pretty for the crab man! Sinn: No, no, no... Killface: Yes you are! Phillip: Hey? Is that Crews? Killface: [to Phil] Shut up! [to Sinn] You want to marry him and have little crab babies and live happily ever after in your clam shell under the sea. And you'll say, "Oh, I know. Let's have that lovely Sponge Bob over for shish kabobs some night... And Patrick." |
| Season 1 / Episode 5: - Kidnapped! Sinn: I don't believe it! You didn't kill the taxi driver? Killface: No. You know, I was, but I think it's hard enough on the Arabs in this beastly country right now, so I- Sinn: I don't think he's Arab... Phillip: No, I'm pretty sure that guy is Filipino... Killface: Oh, well then... Killface: London calling! |
| Season 1 / Episode 5: - Kidnapped! Grace Ryan: Baby! What are you doing up here? Xander Crews: Casper the mumbly fuckin' Ghost kidnapped me! Stan: Us! Double kidnapping. Stan: Simon! You did this all by yourself? Simon: [mumbles] Killface: [hugging Simon] Come over her and hug Papa's neck! Xander Crews: That's your son? Stan: Huh, he is a he. Killface: Oh, I'm so proud of you! We'll go split a half-pint of lager and watch Cinemax all night. Xander Crews: Well, you can forget bein' an action figure! Killface: Sorry, what? Stan: Can we just forget the whole action-figure conceit? Please? Killface: [pointing a gun at Xander's head] Xander Crews! I demand a ransom of Twelve Billion Dollars! Xander Crews: Oh, terrific! Xtacle: [two Xtacles land on the platform, point their guns at Killface, and knock his gun away] He's not paying you a dime, Killface! Xander Crews: Yeah! Xtacle: [a third Xtacle lands and points his gun at Xander's head] Cuz dead men don't pay ransom! Xander Crews: No! Guys! Hey, woaw! Hotel Waiter: [coming up the elevator to the platform] Not so fast, Xtacles! Stan: Aw, come on! Hotel Waiter: He's mine! Xander Crews: What the...? Grace Ryan: Oh my God... Killface: Going to freak out now... |
| Season 1 / Episode 5: - Kidnapped! Grace Ryan: This is Grace Ryan, Force 10 News, dangling, helplessly, from high atop the Annihilatrix. My microphone now literally a lifeline, because if I fall, I will drop right into what appear to be superintelligent, radioactive waste-covered ants. Cameraman: ...Oh, God. Please fall. Sinn: [narrating] Next time, on Frisky Dingo. Killface: Oh, my God, she fell. |
| Season 1 / Episode 5: - Kidnapped! Killface: We only have eleven minutes! Killface: For this part of the kidnapping... |
 | Season 1 / Episode 4: - XPO Killface: Pride is a fool's folly. [ants begin crawling over his face] Now, who's for Denny's? |
| Season 1 / Episode 4: - XPO Sinn: Perhaps you could get something for it at the local pawnbrokery. Killface: Sinn, that's bloody brilliant. Hocking this fax machine is sure to bring in the 12 billion I need to complete the Annihilatrix. You're really really really really really really really really smart! [pause] And pretty. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 3: - Pimp My Revenue Killface: Why does it say welcome to you are doom? What does that even mean? And why for god sake is doom in quotes? Valerie: I don't know. Killface: Is it some sort of ironic doom? Is the wink implied? |
 | Season 1 / Episode 1: - Meet Killface Valerie: Please don't kill us! Killface: Please don't make it so appealing! |
| Season 1 / Episode 1: - Meet Killface Killface: And... we're happy with this background? Brent & Trent: Yes, we're happy with it. Ok? Killface: It's not too... Leno-y? Brent & Trent: If you wanna be Leno-y we could have you come down here and you could do high fives. We could put a wig with a grey streak in your face. We could have you read off cue cards. We'll put Kevin Eubanks over there on guitar. [pause] I shouldn't have said that. |
| Season 1 / Episode 1: - Meet Killface Simon: I wanna go back to Arizona... Killface: We can't ever go back to Arizona! |
| Season 1 / Episode 1: - Meet Killface Killface: You know who I like, that pickle stork. You know? The one with the pickles? |
| Season 1 / Episode 1: - Meet Killface Killface: And have this place decorpsed. Young Simon should be skulking home any minute now... |
| Season 1 / Episode 1: - Meet Killface Killface: Shelley was a man, you philistine. |
| Season 1 / Episode 1: - Meet Killface Killface: Valerie! I want you to come over here and make out with Trent. Just, you know, really back that thing up on him. |
| Season 1 / Episode 1: - Meet Killface Brent & Trent: Wait I have an idea, we can get Jason Alexander. Killface: Great. You can call him when you hit the ground. Brent & Trent: Wait I have another idea, better than Jason Alexander. Killface: Don't you say David Arquette to me. Brent & Trent: Well now that you say that I'm not going to. |
| Season 1 / Episode 1: - Meet Killface Killface: GREAT SCOTT! P.C. stands for personal computer, I just this moment got that. |
| Season 1 / Episode 1: - Meet Killface Killface: Not a thing dry erase about that. |
| Season 1 / Episode 1: - Meet Killface Killface: And here I am reduced to postcards, the dry hump of marketing strategies. |
 | Unknown Episode: Killface: Did he just lay a clutch of eggs? |
| Unknown Episode: Killface: I hope your baby's born dead! |
| Unknown Episode: Killface: Why would there be a penguin in a wheatfield? |
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