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 | Season 9 / Episode 8: - The One With Rachel's Other Sister Amy: Could I take this call upstairs? Ross: Sure... but we don't live there. Amy: [to Rachel] I thought he was a doctor. Rachel: He has a Phd. Amy: Ewww... |
| Season 9 / Episode 8: - The One With Rachel's Other Sister Monica: Hey, Amy. Is this the first time you see Emma? Amy: I think so... Amy: Hi Emma. Phoebe: Phoebe. Amy: That's a funny noise. |
| Season 9 / Episode 8: - The One With Rachel's Other Sister Rachel: I would like to invite Amy to Thanksgiving. Ross: You know, I think that's a great idea. It'll be like the Pilgrims bringing the Indians syphilis. |
| Season 9 / Episode 8: - The One With Rachel's Other Sister Monica: Yeah, like Ross and Rachel are so responsible. Emma is the product of a bottle of Merlot and a five year old condom. |
| Season 9 / Episode 8: - The One With Rachel's Other Sister Rachel: I had a baby. Amy: I decorated dad's office. Rachel: Ah yeah. Well unless you pushed a desk out of your vagina, not the same thing. |
| Season 9 / Episode 8: - The One With Rachel's Other Sister Amy: [referring to their other sister Jill] Who's gotten really fat by the way. Rachel: Really? Amy: Mom says she's gained like 15 pounds. Rachel: Hips and thighs? Amy: Ass and face. Rachel: Ohh. I thought she was on Atkins. Amy: She was. Carbs found her. |
| Season 9 / Episode 8: - The One With Rachel's Other Sister Rachel Green: Emma, this is your first Thanksgiving! What are you thankful for? Mommy's boobies? Ross: A lot of people are thankful for those. |
| Season 9 / Episode 8: - The One With Rachel's Other Sister Amy: Ok, how about this? If you guys die, and the crazy plate lady dies then do I get the baby? Chandler Bing: No, if crazy plate lady... if Monica dies then I would get Emma, right? Rachel: Well, actually... Chandler Bing: Actually, what? Ross: It's just that in that case then Emma would go to my parents. Chandler Bing: What? Amy: [to Chandler] Hurts, doesn't it? Joey: Who has to die for me to get her? |
| Season 9 / Episode 8: - The One With Rachel's Other Sister Chandler Bing: So, if Monica's not around I'm not good enough to raise Emma? Ross: No, that is not what we are saying [looks down]. Joey: Yeah, he's lying. He looked down. Chandler Bing: Well, what is wrong with me? Am I incompetent? Because I managed to survive whatever it is that killed the three of you. |
| Season 9 / Episode 8: - The One With Rachel's Other Sister Ross: Hey, dude, are you okay? Sorry about before. Chandler Bing: No, that's okay. You're totally right. I don't know anything about disciplining a child. But it did hurt my feelings, and I want you to know that if I die you don't get Joey. |
 | Season 9 / Episode 7: - The One With Ross's Inappropriate Song Chandler: Oh, my god. Look at this tape. It says 'Monica'. Joey: So? Chandler: Think about it. Ex-boyfriend's apartment, videotape with her name on it... Chandler: Get there faster. Joey: Ohhhh. |
| Season 9 / Episode 7: - The One With Ross's Inappropriate Song Catherine: All the appliances are included. There is a lot of light, a new kitchen... I think you guys would be very happy here. Chandler: No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. We're not together. We're not a couple. We're definitely not a couple. Catherine: Oh. Okay. Sorry. Joey: Well... you seem pretty insulted by that. What? I'm not good enough for you? Chandler: We're not gonna' have this conversation again. |
| Season 9 / Episode 7: - The One With Ross's Inappropriate Song Rachel Greene: Take it from me. Mothers love me. Ross' mom actually said that I'm like the daughter that she never had. Monica Geller-Bing: She said WHAT? Phoebe Buffay: That she's like the daughter that she never had. Listen. |
| Season 9 / Episode 7: - The One With Ross's Inappropriate Song Dr. Ross Geller: And that's what, no matter what mommy says, we really were on a break. |
| Season 9 / Episode 7: - The One With Ross's Inappropriate Song Ross: [talking to Emma in her crib] ... And that's why no matter what Mommy says, we were on a break! |
| Season 9 / Episode 7: - The One With Ross's Inappropriate Song Phoebe: Hi. Monica, Rachel: Hey! Phoebe: Listen, you have to help me pick a dress 'cause I'm meeting Mike's parents tonight! Monica: Wow, the boyfriend's parents, that's a big step. Phoebe: Really? That hadn't occured to me. Monica: Sweetie, they're gonna love you. Just be yourself. Phoebe: They live on the upper East side on Park Avenue! Rachel: Oh, yeah, she can't be herself... Phoebe: Alright, so, which dress? [shows them two dresses] Phoebe: [long pause] You can say neither... Monica, Rachel: Oh God, neither! Monica: I'm sorry honey, we're gonna take you shopping, it's gonna be fine. Rachel: Yeah, totally, you are in such good hands and I am so good with meeting parents. With the father, you know, you wanna flirt a little bit but not in a gross way, just kind of like "Oh, Mr Pinser, I can see where Wallas gets his good looks from." Monica: You went out with Wallas Pinser? Rachel: Ah, he took the SAT's for me. Monica: I knew you didn't get a 1400! Rachel: [scoffs] Well, duh! |
| Season 9 / Episode 7: - The One With Ross's Inappropriate Song Dr. Ross Geller: I sang, or rapped, "Baby Got Back"? Rachel Greene: You what? So you sang, to our baby daughter, a song about a guy who likes to have sex with women with giant asses? |
 | Season 9 / Episode 6: - The One With The Male Nanny Chandler: You've got a male nanny? You've got a manny? |
| Season 9 / Episode 6: - The One With The Male Nanny Rachel: I can't watch, it's like firing Elmo. |
 | Season 9 / Episode 5: - The One With Phoebe's Birthday Dinner Rachel: What if she jumped out the basinet? Ross: Can't hold her own head up, but yeah, jump out. Rachel: Oh my God, I left the water running. Ross: Rach, you did not leave the water running. Please, just pull yourself together, okay? Rachel: Ah, did I leave the stove on? Ross: You haven't cooked since 1996. Rachel: Is the window open? Because if there's a window open, a bird could fly in there. Ross: Oh my god, you know what, yeah, I think you're right. I think... listen, listen. Rachel: Huh? Ross: A pigeon, a pigeon. No, no wait, no, no, an eagle flew in. Landed on the stove and caught fire. The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid. The eagle, however, misconstrues it as an act of aggression and grabs the baby in its talons. Meanwhile the faucet fills the apartment with water. Baby and bird still ablaze are locked in a death grip, swirling around in the whirlpool that fills the apartment. Rachel: If that happens now, you're going to feel SO bad. |
| Season 9 / Episode 5: - The One With Phoebe's Birthday Dinner Phoebe: [Sniffs Chandler] Oh, Chandler! You stick of cigarettes! Chandler: Do you think Monica is going to be able to smell it? Phoebe: Are you kidding? That woman has the nose of a bloodhound! And the breasts of a Greek goddess. Chandler: Pheebs? Phoebe: [Looks shocked] I'm gonna go. |
| Season 9 / Episode 5: - The One With Phoebe's Birthday Dinner Monica: Did you smoke? Chandler: Yes. But I just had one. Two. Two tiny cigarettes. Okay, five! A pack. Two pack - A carton.Three big fat cartons in two days! |
 | Season 9 / Episode 4: - The One With The Sharks Monica: Do you want me to get inside the bathtub and thrash around? |
| Season 9 / Episode 4: - The One With The Sharks Joey Tribbiani: Look, I don't usually ask out women that I meet in coffeehouses. Gunther: HA! Joey Tribbiani: [turns round] Gesundheit. Hayley: I would love to go out with you. Joey Tribbiani: Really, great... did I actually ask you? Hayley: No, that's just where you were going. I just figured that I'd help you out, you don't seem like the kind of guy that does this a lot. Gunther: HA! Joey Tribbiani: [turns round again] Seriously Gunther, you should see someone about that cold, if it gets much worse you could DIE! [Gunther looks scared] |
| Season 9 / Episode 4: - The One With The Sharks Phoebe: You kissed me! |
| Season 9 / Episode 4: - The One With The Sharks Joey Tribbiani: [Joey eyes a hot blonde in the coffee shop] See, ordinarily I would talk to her but my confidence is shaken. Did I sleep with her, did I not sleep with her? Phoebe: You know, maybe this is a wake-up call. You know, about, about your whole dating attitude. You're in your thirties and you have never been in a long-term relationship. You know you go from woman to woman, meaningless experience to meaningless experience, never even worrying that it doesn't turn into something more serious. Joey Tribbiani: You're right. I LOVE MY LIFE! |
 | Season 9 / Episode 3: - The One With The Pediatrician Rachel Green: I wonder why Ross said tha he died? Monica Geller-Bing: Oh, maybe he was getting him confused with his childhood therapist. Chandler Bing: He saw a therapist? Monica Geller-Bing: Hmmm-mm. Yeah, he used to have this recurring nightmare. Just really freaked him out. Rachel Green: Why? What was it? Monica Geller-Bing: That I was going to eat him. |
| Season 9 / Episode 3: - The One With The Pediatrician Monica Geller-Bing: What are you doing? Chandler Bing: Looking for restaurant jobs for you in Tulsa. Monica Geller-Bing: Ah, that's so sweet. Did you find anything? Chandler Bing: Slim Pickens'. Monica Geller-Bing: Hmmm. Nothing huh? Chandler Bing: No - Slim Pickens'. It's a barbeque joint. Monica Geller-Bing: Slim Pickens'? That is so cheesy. Chandler Bing: So Cheesy also has an opening. |
 | Season 9 / Episode 2: - The One Where Emma Cries Chandler Bing: [to his boss] Here's the thing. I went home and told my wife about Tulsa and she won't go. See, me, I love Tulsa. Tulsa is heaven. Tulsa is Italy. Please don't make me go there. |
| Season 9 / Episode 2: - The One Where Emma Cries Rachel Green: There's what every mother needs. A giant, stuffed gorilla that takes up the entire apartment. What are people think... [reading the tag, clearly not happy] Oh you guys, I love it! |
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