Phoebe Buffay

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Lisa Kudrow
Kudos for Kudrow! Hardly the dumb blonde of _Romy and Michele's High School Reunion (1997)_ (qv), Lisa ...

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Phoebe Buffay Quotes

	Season 10 / Episode 10: - The One Where Chandler Gets Caught Rachel Green: You gotta see these latest pictures of Emma. Phoebe Buffay: Ooh how cute. She looks just like a little doll. Rachel Green: Oh, no no! That is a doll. Phoebe Buffay: Oh thank God because that thing is really creepy.
	Season 10 / Episode 9: - The One With The Birth Mother Phoebe Buffay: So Joey's out with my friend the other night and she reaches over and takes some of his fries... Rachel Green: Oh, no. Phoebe Buffay: You know about the plate thing? Rachel Green: Oh, yeah. Joey doesn't share food. I remember the other day it was breakfast and I had some grapes on my plate. Phoebe Buffay: [to Joey] You wouldn't let her share a grape? Rachel Green: Oh, no, not me. Emma.
	Season 10 / Episode 7: - The One With The Home Study Phoebe Buffay: Hello, is this the crazy residence?
	Season 9 / Episode 24: - The One In Barbados (2) Mike Hannigan: [to Phoebe] Phoebe, I love you. I mean... I missed you so much these past few months, and I thought we were apart for a good reason, but then... I suddenly realized that... there was no reason good enough to keep me from spending the rest of my life with you. David: [interrupts] Kind of a step from the toes of what I was gonna say. Mike Hannigan: [to David] Sorry David, but she really has to know this. David: [to Mike] Alright, but after this, I want to see you outside... David: If the rain stops... Mike Hannigan: [to Phoebe] You're the most incredible woman I've ever met. How could I lose you? Now... I don't actually have a ring. David: [interrupts] Uh... I have a ring. Chandler Bing: [reminds David about his 1/70th of a carat diamond ring] I wouldn't brag too much about that thing big guy. Mike Hannigan: [to Phoebe] Phoebe, will you marry me? Phoebe Buffay: ...No David: [ridicules Mike] Um... Ha Ha Phoebe Buffay: [to Mike] I love you. I never needed a proposal from you. I just needed to know that we were heading somewhere... that we had a future... Mike Hannigan: [to Phoebe] We can have any future you want. David: [after a brief moment of silence; interrupts] 'Kay well I'm uh... I'm gonna take off Mike Hannigan: [to David] David, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry! David: Just so I know, uh, if I had asked first... Phoebe Buffay: I... would have said yes, but that would have been wrong. David: Please, you don't have to explain... I mean... perhaps I hadn't gone to Minsk, things would have worked out for us. And I wouldn't have ruined my career, or lost that toe to frostbite. It was a good trip!
	Season 9 / Episode 24: - The One In Barbados (2) David: [to Phoebe] Um, Phoebe, um... I have uh... something I wanna to say... Monica Geller-Bing: [Eavesdropping over at the next table; To Chandler] Oh my God, he's gonna do it now. Please, I cannot watch this. Lets go. Chandler Bing: [to Monica] I think we have some time. Have you ever heard him talk? "Uh... Phoebe, um... I would be honored if uh...” Spit it out, David! David: [to Phoebe] Um... Phoebe, um... [Chandler smacks himself in the face out of pity] You're an amazing woman, and the time we spent apart was... unbearable. Of course the sanitation strikes in Minsk didn't help. Phoebe Buffay: [Nods in agreement] Sure, okay, yeah. David: But um... well now that we're together again, I don't ever want to be apart, so to that end... [pulls out a ring from his pocket] Phoebe Buffay: [Seeing Mike walk into the restaurant] Oh my God, Mike! David: It's David, actually. Phoebe Buffay: No, Mike's here. David: [Turns around] Oh, hey Mike! Mike Hannigan: Hey, David, Chandler, Monic - whoa [upon seeing the unpleasantness of Monica's hair] Monica Geller-Bing: [Cries in anger] It's the humidity! Mike Hannigan: [to Phoebe] Hi, Phoebe. Phoebe Buffay: [to Mike] What... are you doing here? Mike Hannigan: I have a question I need to ask you. David: [to Mike] I have a question that I was going to ask her myself. Mike Hannigan: [to David] Yea, I understand, but before you do, she really needs to hear this. David: [Sarcastically] Okay! Would you care for my seat as well? Mike Hannigan: Actually yeah, that'd be great. David: Well that's fair you've had a long trip.
	Season 9 / Episode 18: - The One With The Lottery Dr. Ross Geller: Although if we're gonna do that, we should probably call me "Daddy" too. Phoebe Buffay: [sexy tone] Oooh, I like that, "Daddy". Dr. Ross Geller: I... I was just talking about Rachel. Phoebe Buffay: Oooh, is Daddy getting angry? Is Daddy gonna spank me? Dr. Ross Geller: [trying to be sexy] Well that depends, have you been a baaad gi... [stops] no I can't.
	Season 9 / Episode 17: - The One With The Memorial Service Phoebe Buffay: Damn you Monica Geller hyphen Bing.
	Season 9 / Episode 11: - The One Where Rachel Goes Back To Work Phoebe Buffay: Who's going to die? Joey Tribbiani: Um...Man with Eyepatch!
	Season 9 / Episode 9: - The One With Rachel's Phone Number Phoebe Buffay: Listen... is Ross near you? Mike Hannigan: No, I just left. Phoebe Buffay: Well, you have to go back in. Mike Hannigan: What? Go back? To the land where time stands still?
	Season 9 / Episode 7: - The One With Ross's Inappropriate Song Rachel Greene: Take it from me. Mothers love me. Ross' mom actually said that I'm like the daughter that she never had. Monica Geller-Bing: She said WHAT? Phoebe Buffay: That she's like the daughter that she never had. Listen.
	Season 8 / Episode 21: - The One With The Cooking Class Phoebe Buffay: Oh my God! A woman flirting with a single man? We MUST alert the church elders!
	Season 8 / Episode 17: - The One With The Tea Leaves Jim: I write... Erotic novels, for children. Phoebe Buffay: Oh my God! Jim: They're wildly unpopular... and it might interest you to know that I have a PhD. Phoebe Buffay: Oh yeah? Jim: Yup, A pretty huge d…
	Season 8 / Episode 2: - The One With The Red Sweater Monica Geller-Bing: Joey, you can't marry her. Phoebe Buffay: Hey, lady, your day's over. It's my time now.
	Season 8 / Episode 2: - The One With The Red Sweater Joey Tribbiani: Rachel, will you marry me? Rachel Green: What? Monica Geller-Bing: What? Phoebe Buffay: WHAT!
	Season 8 / Episode 1: - The One After "I Do" Rachel Green: I can't. I can't look at it. Somebody else tell me please. Phoebe Buffay: It's negative. Rachel Green: What? Phoebe Buffay: It's negative. Rachel Green: Oh. Well, there you go. Phew. That's great. That is really really great news. You know because the whole not being ready and financial aspects, all that stuff. This all just the way is supposed to be. Monica Geller-Bing: [solemnly] Well, then great. Rachel Green: Thanks. God, this is so stupid. A baby's something I've never had. It's negative? Phoebe Buffay: No, it's positive. Rachel Green: What? Phoebe Buffay: It's not negative. It's positive. Rachel Green: Are you sure? Phoebe Buffay: Well, yeah. I lied before. Phoebe Buffay: Now you know how you really feel about it. Rachel Green: Oh, that's a risky little game. Monica Geller-Bing: Are you really going to do this? Rachel Green: Yeah. I'm going to have a baby. I'm going to have a baby. I'm going to have a baby! Phoebe Buffay: With who? Rachel Green: Aw, it's still not the time.
	Season 7 / Episode 23: - The One With Chandler And Monica's Wedding (1) Rachel Green: OK, promise not to freak out. We can't find Chandler. Rachel Green: er's vest. We can't find Chandler's vest? Monica Geller: Oh, my God! Are you serious. Phoebe Buffay: Don't worry. We found the vest. Although, we're going to have to keep an eye on it before it runs away again. Monica Geller: [laughing] OK. Don't scare me like that. For a second I was like "Oh, my God! The worst has happened".
	Season 7 / Episode 23: - The One With Chandler And Monica's Wedding (1) Ross: Chandler's missing. Phoebe Buffay: What's going on? [reading the note] "Tell Monica I'm sorry" Phoebe Buffay: Tell her yourself.
	Season 7 / Episode 23: - The One With Chandler And Monica's Wedding (1) Rachel Green: Maybe it means "Tell Monica I'm sorry I drank that kast of the milk" or maybe "Tell Monica I'm sorry I used your tweezers to pluck my nose hair" Rachel Green: He does. I've seen him. Phoebe Buffay: Maybe he's writing to tell her he changed his name. Like "Tell Monica I'm Sorry". Ross: I think it means he freaked out. Phoebe Buffay: Don't be so negative. Isn't it possible that Sorry's in there right now.
	Season 7 / Episode 19: - The One With Ross And Monica's Cousin Rachel Green: What should we do for the theme? Phoebe Buffay: Lusts of the Flesh!
	Season 7 / Episode 17: - The One With The Cheap Wedding Dress Meagan Bailey: [after having exchanged information with Monica about their wedding dates and photographer] Oh, who's your band? Monica Geller: My fiancé wants the Swing Kings. Meagan Bailey: Oh, you’re so lucky. My fiancé wants the heavy metal band, Carcass. Phoebe Buffay: [excitedly] Oh, is that spelled with a "C" or a "K"? Oh my god, it doesn't matter, they're both great!
	Season 7 / Episode 17: - The One With The Cheap Wedding Dress Phoebe Buffay: [somebody has just called Monica, told her something shocking and has then cut her off before she has had the chance to respond. Phoebe can't fathom what has happened.] Wh-what? Monica Geller: That was that girl Megan. She booked the Swing Kings on the day of our wedding and said I couldn't have them back unless I gave her the dress! Phoebe Buffay: [shocked] Ooh! [then excitedly] Does that mean Carcass is available?
	Season 7 / Episode 14: - The One Where They All Turn Thirty Phoebe Buffay: Your middle name is Pamela? Ursula Buffay: Uh-huh. Phoebe Buffay: Wow. I never knew my middle name. Oh! Do you know my middle name? Ursula Buffay: Yeah! [Thinks.] Phoebe. Phoebe Buffay: Phoebe is my first name. Ursula Buffay: Oh! Okay. Then no.
	Season 7 / Episode 14: - The One Where They All Turn Thirty Rachel Green: Y'know what? I am going to do something today. I'm not just gonna sit around like some old lady. I'm gonna get something pierced. Like my uh, like my nose or my tongue or something. Phoebe Buffay: Really? Cause you know that hurts. Rachel Green: So what? You know the way I see it... Rachel Green: Ow. Son of a BITCH!
	Season 7 / Episode 13: - The One Where Rosita Dies Phoebe Buffay: I'm hearing what you're saying, but at our prices everyone needs toner. Earl: Not me. Phoebe Buffay: May I ask why? Earl: You wanna know why. You wanna know why? Phoebe Buffay: I surely do! Earl: Okay, I don't need any toner because I'm going to kill myself. Phoebe Buffay: Um... is... is that because you're out of toner?
	Season 7 / Episode 7: - The One With Ross's Library Book Rachel Green: Wow. I guess it wasn't Cupid that brought her here. Phoebe Buffay: No, just a regular old flying elf.
	Season 6 / Episode 11: - The One With The Apothecary Table Phoebe Buffay: [Ross's apothecary table has just been revealed after Phoebe dragged the tablecloth off it with her feet] Ross, where'd you get this? Dr. Ross Geller: [yelling] I got it at Pottery Barn, Okay?
	Season 6 / Episode 7: - The One Where Phoebe Runs Rachel Green: OK, ready? Hi. Phoebe Buffay: It's Rachel Green: Rachel Phoebe Buffay: And Rachel Green: Phoebe's. Phoebe Buffay: Please Rachel Green: Leave Phoebe Buffay: Leave Rachel Green: I just said "leave". Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, that's because you have all the good words. What do I have? Oh, I have "it's", "and", oh, I'm sorry I have "a". Forget it. Rachel Green: That's not true. Phoebe Buffay: Alright, then we can switch? Rachel Green: No. I have all the good words. Rachel Green: Alright. Let's switch. Phoebe Buffay: Hi Rachel Green: Everybody. Phoebe Buffay: It's Rachel Green: Rachel Phoebe Buffay: And Rachel Green: Phoebe's. Phoebe Buffay: Pl... wait, how did you do that? Oh, you're no ordinary roomate. This shall be interesting.
	Season 6 / Episode 7: - The One Where Phoebe Runs Rachel Green: It's just the way you run is a little... [waves her arms like crazy] Phoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah. Well, I wasn't embarrassed running next to Miss Ch Ch Ch [imitating Rachel]
	Season 6 / Episode 7: - The One Where Phoebe Runs Phoebe Buffay: I can see why running next to me would be embarrassing for you. Yeah. You’re uptight. Rachel Green: Hey, I am not. Whoa. I am not uptight. Man.
	Season 6 / Episode 2: - The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel Joey: So, Ross and Rachel got married, Monica and Chandler almost got married, do you think you and I should hook up? Phoebe Buffay: Oh we do, but not just yet. Joey: Really? Well, when? Phoebe Buffay: Okay umm, well, first Chandler and Monica will get married and be filthy rich by the way. Yeah. But it won't work out. Joey: Wow. Phoebe Buffay: I know. Then, I'm gonna marry Chandler for the money and you'll marry Rachel and have the beautiful kids. Joey: Great! Phoebe Buffay: But then we ditch those two and that's when we get married. We'll have Chandler's money and Rachel's kids and getting custody will be easy because of Rachel's drinking problem. Joey: Oh-oh, what about Ross? Phoebe Buffay: I don't want to go into the whole thing, but umm, we have words and I kill him.

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