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Chandler Bing Quotes
 | Season 10 / Episode 16: - The One With Rachel's Going Away Party (a.k.a. The One Where Rachel Goes To Paris) Monica Geller-Bing: [to Ross] So, I guess you're next. You ready? Dr. Ross Geller: I don't think so. Chandler Bing: Oh, you're definitely not. I haven't cried like that in years. Monica Geller-Bing: You cried yesterday at the six-o'clock news. Chandler Bing: That old woman was being scammed by her mechanic! |
 | Season 10 / Episode 15: - The One Where Estelle Dies Ross: [to Rachel] So, if you take this job you'll be moving to Paris? Chandler Bing: Or facing a bitch of a commute. |
 | Season 10 / Episode 13: - The One Where Joey Speaks French Chandler Bing: Honey, it's us. Of course it's the shovel killer. |
 | Season 10 / Episode 12: - The One With Phoebe's Wedding Dr. Ross Geller: Please! you're going down. Chandler Bing: You are going 'downer'! Dr. Ross Geller: Is that what they say on the figure-skating team? Chandler Bing: [with voice-breaking] I wouldn't know, i didn't make it! |
 | Season 10 / Episode 10: - The One Where Chandler Gets Caught Chandler Bing: Hey! Joey Tribbiani: You son of a bitch! Chandler Bing: Is it me, or have the greetings gotten downhill around here? |
 | Season 10 / Episode 7: - The One With The Home Study Monica Geller-Bing: [to the adoption lady] We're so glad you're here. We're really excited about getting this process started. Chandler Bing: Because we love kids. Love them to death. Well, not actually to death. That's just a figure of speech. We love kids the appropriate amount... as allowed by law. |
 | Season 10 / Episode 1: - The One After Joey And Rachel Kiss Chandler Bing: [to Monica] See, here's the thing. The cornrows were really a solution to your frizzy hair problem, and now that we're home you don't have that problem anymore. So, if you think about it... I hate them. |
| Season 10 / Episode 1: - The One After Joey And Rachel Kiss Monica Geller-Bing: Can you believe it? We're the only ones who are leaving here with the same person we came here with. Chandler Bing: No, I came here with Monica and I am leaving with Weird Al. |
| Season 10 / Episode 1: - The One After Joey And Rachel Kiss Chandler Bing: [Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are listening to Charlie and Ross through the wall of the hotel room] She's turning on the TV, it's Miss Congeniality!. Monica Geller-Bing: Babe, if you know it through a wall, you know it too well. |
 | Season 9 / Episode 24: - The One In Barbados (2) Mike Hannigan: [to Phoebe] Phoebe, I love you. I mean... I missed you so much these past few months, and I thought we were apart for a good reason, but then... I suddenly realized that... there was no reason good enough to keep me from spending the rest of my life with you. David: [interrupts] Kind of a step from the toes of what I was gonna say. Mike Hannigan: [to David] Sorry David, but she really has to know this. David: [to Mike] Alright, but after this, I want to see you outside... David: If the rain stops... Mike Hannigan: [to Phoebe] You're the most incredible woman I've ever met. How could I lose you? Now... I don't actually have a ring. David: [interrupts] Uh... I have a ring. Chandler Bing: [reminds David about his 1/70th of a carat diamond ring] I wouldn't brag too much about that thing big guy. Mike Hannigan: [to Phoebe] Phoebe, will you marry me? Phoebe Buffay: ...No David: [ridicules Mike] Um... Ha Ha Phoebe Buffay: [to Mike] I love you. I never needed a proposal from you. I just needed to know that we were heading somewhere... that we had a future... Mike Hannigan: [to Phoebe] We can have any future you want. David: [after a brief moment of silence; interrupts] 'Kay well I'm uh... I'm gonna take off Mike Hannigan: [to David] David, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry! David: Just so I know, uh, if I had asked first... Phoebe Buffay: I... would have said yes, but that would have been wrong. David: Please, you don't have to explain... I mean... perhaps I hadn't gone to Minsk, things would have worked out for us. And I wouldn't have ruined my career, or lost that toe to frostbite. It was a good trip! |
| Season 9 / Episode 24: - The One In Barbados (2) David: [to Phoebe] Um, Phoebe, um... I have uh... something I wanna to say... Monica Geller-Bing: [Eavesdropping over at the next table; To Chandler] Oh my God, he's gonna do it now. Please, I cannot watch this. Lets go. Chandler Bing: [to Monica] I think we have some time. Have you ever heard him talk? "Uh... Phoebe, um... I would be honored if uh..." Spit it out, David! David: [to Phoebe] Um... Phoebe, um... [Chandler smacks himself in the face out of pity] You're an amazing woman, and the time we spent apart was... unbearable. Of course the sanitation strikes in Minsk didn't help. Phoebe Buffay: [Nods in agreement] Sure, okay, yeah. David: But um... well now that we're together again, I don't ever want to be apart, so to that end... [pulls out a ring from his pocket] Phoebe Buffay: [Seeing Mike walk into the restaurant] Oh my God, Mike! David: It's David, actually. Phoebe Buffay: No, Mike's here. David: [Turns around] Oh, hey Mike! Mike Hannigan: Hey, David, Chandler, Monic - whoa [upon seeing the unpleasantness of Monica's hair] Monica Geller-Bing: [Cries in anger] It's the humidity! Mike Hannigan: [to Phoebe] Hi, Phoebe. Phoebe Buffay: [to Mike] What... are you doing here? Mike Hannigan: I have a question I need to ask you. David: [to Mike] I have a question that I was going to ask her myself. Mike Hannigan: [to David] Yea, I understand, but before you do, she really needs to hear this. David: [Sarcastically] Okay! Would you care for my seat as well? Mike Hannigan: Actually yeah, that'd be great. David: Well that's fair you've had a long trip. |
 | Season 9 / Episode 23: - The One In Barbados (1) Dr. Ross Geller: [Reading his speech to Charlie]... By using CT scans, and computer imaging, we can in a very real way bring the Mesezoic Era into the 21st century. Charlie Wheeler: [In astonishment] It's great. You're gonna be the hit of the conference. Dr. Ross Geller: Oh, and you know what, that'll be even better tomorrow because I won't be constantly interrupted by Joey checking to see if they put chocolates on my pillow yet. [opens the door for Joey, Chandler and Rachel] Joey: Hey guys! Dr. Ross Geller: [to Joey] The chocolates aren't here yet. Joey: [Walks in in disappointment] Dammit! Charlie Wheeler: [to Joey] Ross just read me his speech. It's fantastic. Chandler Bing: [to Charlie] Oh, is it on the computer? 'Cause I'd like to give it a read. Dr. Ross Geller: [to Chandler] If you want to check your email, just ask. Chandler Bing: What? [Realizing Ross caught his bluff] 'Kay. [Friendlily pats Ross on his chest] |
| Season 9 / Episode 23: - The One In Barbados (1) Monica Geller-Bing: Chandler, we have talked about this: you are not supposed to give people advice! Couldn't you have made some sort of inappropriate joke? Chandler Bing: I did! A penis one! Just so I know, what was so wrong about what I said? Monica Geller-Bing: They've only been going out for a few weeks and Phoebe is completely hung up on Mike. She'll say no, David's heart'll be broken, it'll be too hard for them to recover from, and then Phoebe will end up alone again. Chandler Bing: Man, that is some bad advice. |
 | Season 9 / Episode 18: - The One With The Lottery Monica Geller-Bing: [about Emma] How do you know she's gonna start talking? Rachel Green: Well, when I talk to her I almost feel like she understands what I'm saying. Chandler Bing: Kind of like Joey... |
 | Season 9 / Episode 17: - The One With The Memorial Service Dr. Ross Geller: I'm dead an no one cares. Monica Geller-Bing: I look like a man! Chandler Bing: Just one problem at a time, please. Ross, you only gave them one day's notice, of course no one's going to come in just one day. And Monica, it's probably the way you stand. |
 | Season 9 / Episode 11: - The One Where Rachel Goes Back To Work Steve: So, do you have any other questions about advertising? Chandler Bing: No, no, but - let me show you what I can do: Chandler Bing: "Bagels and donuts: Round food... for every mood." Steve: Monica warned me you might do that. |
| Season 9 / Episode 11: - The One Where Rachel Goes Back To Work Steve: I actually think we might have something for you at the agency. Chandler Bing: Really? That's great! Steve: It's an unpaid internship. Steve: Come on, now. Monica has a good job, and it's not like you have a family to support. Chandler Bing: Well, actually, we're trying, and I don't think Monica's gonna wanna postpone it. We're supposed to have sex tonight. Chandler Bing: Actually, she's probably at home naked right now. Chandler Bing: I tend to keep talking 'til somebody stops me. Chandler Bing: I can just picture her on the bed right now - Steve: Stop! Chandler Bing: Okay. |
 | Season 9 / Episode 8: - The One With Rachel's Other Sister Amy: Ok, how about this? If you guys die, and the crazy plate lady dies then do I get the baby? Chandler Bing: No, if crazy plate lady... if Monica dies then I would get Emma, right? Rachel: Well, actually... Chandler Bing: Actually, what? Ross: It's just that in that case then Emma would go to my parents. Chandler Bing: What? Amy: [to Chandler] Hurts, doesn't it? Joey: Who has to die for me to get her? |
| Season 9 / Episode 8: - The One With Rachel's Other Sister Chandler Bing: So, if Monica's not around I'm not good enough to raise Emma? Ross: No, that is not what we are saying [looks down]. Joey: Yeah, he's lying. He looked down. Chandler Bing: Well, what is wrong with me? Am I incompetent? Because I managed to survive whatever it is that killed the three of you. |
| Season 9 / Episode 8: - The One With Rachel's Other Sister Ross: Hey, dude, are you okay? Sorry about before. Chandler Bing: No, that's okay. You're totally right. I don't know anything about disciplining a child. But it did hurt my feelings, and I want you to know that if I die you don't get Joey. |
 | Season 9 / Episode 3: - The One With The Pediatrician Rachel Green: I wonder why Ross said tha he died? Monica Geller-Bing: Oh, maybe he was getting him confused with his childhood therapist. Chandler Bing: He saw a therapist? Monica Geller-Bing: Hmmm-mm. Yeah, he used to have this recurring nightmare. Just really freaked him out. Rachel Green: Why? What was it? Monica Geller-Bing: That I was going to eat him. |
| Season 9 / Episode 3: - The One With The Pediatrician Monica Geller-Bing: What are you doing? Chandler Bing: Looking for restaurant jobs for you in Tulsa. Monica Geller-Bing: Ah, that's so sweet. Did you find anything? Chandler Bing: Slim Pickens'. Monica Geller-Bing: Hmmm. Nothing huh? Chandler Bing: No - Slim Pickens'. It's a barbeque joint. Monica Geller-Bing: Slim Pickens'? That is so cheesy. Chandler Bing: So Cheesy also has an opening. |
 | Season 9 / Episode 2: - The One Where Emma Cries Chandler Bing: [to his boss] Here's the thing. I went home and told my wife about Tulsa and she won't go. See, me, I love Tulsa. Tulsa is heaven. Tulsa is Italy. Please don't make me go there. |
 | Season 8 / Episode 24: - The One Where Rachel Has A Baby (2) Monica Geller-Bing: Oh, my God, she's amazing! I'm so glad you guys got drunk and had sex! Chandler Bing: It's incredible... I mean, one minute she's inside you and then 47 hours later here she is! |
 | Season 8 / Episode 21: - The One With The Cooking Class Chandler Bing: What about you? You liked me when we first met right? Rachel Green: Chandler I'm not gonna lie to you... but I am going to run away from you. |
 | Season 8 / Episode 17: - The One With The Tea Leaves Rachel Green: I thought Joey and I would be OK once we hung out but it's like we don't even know how to be with each other anymore. Chandler Bing: I know it's tough now, but things will get better. Rachel Green: How do you know that? What if it just gets worse and worse and worse to the point where we can't even be in the same room with each other? Chandler Bing: I'm not great at the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? |
| Season 8 / Episode 17: - The One With The Tea Leaves Monica Geller-Bing: Honey? Why is the Bruce Springsteen CD in the Cat Stevens case? Chandler Bing: Let's just say if I can't find the right CD case I just put them in the nearest one. Monica Geller-Bing: Ok, well, where's the Cat Stevens CD? Chandler Bing: In the James Taylor case. Monica Geller-Bing: Where's the James Taylor CD? Chandler Bing: Honey, I'll save you some time: two hundred CDs? Not one of them in the right case. |
| Season 8 / Episode 17: - The One With The Tea Leaves Monica Geller-Bing: [holding Chandler's CD] Honey? The Miami Vice soundtrack? Really? Chandler Bing: They were just giving those away at the store... in exchange for money. |
 | Season 8 / Episode 14: - The One With The Secret Closet Joey Tribbiani: Do you have a bobby pin? Chandler Bing: Yeah. Oh, wait, I'm not a nine-year-old girl. Joey Tribbiani: Then why do you throw like one? |
| Season 8 / Episode 14: - The One With The Secret Closet Chandler Bing: [laughs at Monica when he sees how unorganized the closet is] You're messy. |
| Next: Joey Tribbiani |
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