Martin Crane

Frasier

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John Mahoney
John Mahoney is an award-winning American actor who was born during the Battle of Britain in Blackpool, ...

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Martin Crane Quotes

	Season 11 / Episode 24: - Goodnight, Seattle (1) Martin Crane: Hey, David, remember me? I'm your grandpa. Ronee Lawrence: Yes, and I'm your... Sorry, I just, I can't say it yet.
	Season 11 / Episode 23: - Analyzing the Laughter Martin Crane: Ronee! While we're young! Ronee Lawrence: Too late!
	Season 11 / Episode 19: - Miss Right Now Martin Crane: Plus, I'm startin' out with one strike against me. Ronee Lawrence: Mother still remembers a night he drove me home from babysitting you and Niles, thirty years ago... Martin Crane: Forty years ago. Ronee Lawrence: I'm telling this story. I was all weepy because this guy had just dumped me, and your father put his arm around me, just to be nice. And Mom saw it and she thought he was trying to rob me of my virtue. Dr. Frasier Crane: [chuckling] Oh, that's crazy. Ronee Lawrence: I know, like there was anything left to rob.
	Season 11 / Episode 16: - Boo! (a.k.a. I'm With Her) Martin Crane: Give me a top hat and cane, and I'm Fred Astaire. Dr. Frasier Crane: Add a monocle, and he's Mr. Peanut.
	Season 11 / Episode 16: - Boo! (a.k.a. I'm With Her) Dr. Niles Crane: [doorbell rings] That'll be Daphne. Martin Crane: She's not cooking, is she? I just got out of the hospital!
	Season 11 / Episode 12: - Frasier-Lite Dr. Frasier Crane: The sign said "F Hockey." I assumed it meant "Freshman Hockey." Martin Crane: The little plaid skirt didn't tip you off? Dr. Frasier Crane: I thought it was a kilt!
	Season 11 / Episode 4: - The Babysitter Martin Crane: [discussing Ronee] I thought you brought her here for me! Dr. Frasier Crane: Since when do I bring you women? Who are you, the Sultan of Brunei?
	Season 11 / Episode 4: - The Babysitter Dr. Frasier Crane: Dad, don't you want to take your "cheese"? Martin Crane: No, thanks, boys. I'm working without a net.
	Season 11 / Episode 3: - The Doctor Is Out Martin Crane: Let's see. One of my sons just got picked up by a guy. The other son is jealous. Yep, life is good.
	Season 10 / Episode 14: - Daphne Does Dinner Dr. Frasier Crane: As usual, Frasier has to save the day. Martin Crane: As usual, Martin has to hear about it.
	Season 10 / Episode 3: - Proxy Prexy Dr. Frasier Crane: Now I think I should still run against you. Martin Crane: Why? Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, if I drop out just as you announce your candidacy, people might suspect something's up. It's better that our political legerdemain remain sub rosa, hmm? How would a normal person say that, Dad? Martin Crane: No one needs to know how the hot dogs are made. Dr. Frasier Crane: This is going to be sweet.
	Season 10 / Episode 3: - Proxy Prexy Dr. Frasier Crane: I don't think you have the skills for this job. Martin Crane: I have something better: people skills. Dr. Frasier Crane: So do I, but these boobs and nincompoops are too stupid to see it!
	Season 9 / Episode 13: - Mother Load (2) Martin Crane: Face it, Fras: Cam's got you on this one. Boy, I have to say, that guy is smart. Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, really? Well, if he's so smart and you're so smart, why don't you two live together? Martin Crane: At least he's got a view.
	Season 9 / Episode 12: - Mother Load (1) Dr. Frasier Crane: You should have been at the condo-board meeting, Dad. You missed all the excitement. Martin Crane: Don't tell me: People argued about some dumb building policy and then you all had cookies. Dr. Frasier Crane: Not this time. I gave the greatest speech of my condo-board career, which led to a vote, which led to the ruling that Cam Winston must now park that SUV monstrosity of his in the subbasement. Dr. Frasier Crane: Then, we had cookies.
	Season 9 / Episode 12: - Mother Load (1) Dr. Frasier Crane: Dad, I am an orator. It is not only that which is said, but the passion with which it is said. Martin Crane: You're saying it now and it just sounds like a lot of hooey. Dr. Frasier Crane: That's because I'm not orating right now.
	Season 9 / Episode 12: - Mother Load (1) Martin Crane: You think that's smart, ticking off the guy that lives right above us? Dr. Frasier Crane: Dad, we are protected by this building's constitution. Believe me, I will have Cam cited for a noise violation if he so much as drops a hint.
	Season 9 / Episode 12: - Mother Load (1) Daphne: Hello?... Oh, Mum.... Yeah, I'm sorry; I've been meaning to call, but Dr. Crane yells at me whenever I phone long distance. Dr. Frasier Crane: I do not! Martin Crane: Let her say whatever she needs to. Daphne: Yeah, and poor old Mr. Crane is so feeble, he can't even make it to the loo by himself. Martin Crane: Hey!
	Season 9 / Episode 12: - Mother Load (1) Martin Crane: Well, I guess from now on it's just you and I. Dr. Frasier Crane: "You and me," Dad. Martin Crane: This is gonna be great.
	Season 9 / Episode 12: - Mother Load (1) Martin Crane: Hey, you better not let Frasier see you wipe your hands on the couch. He's mad enough that you ate that stuff that he puts on his face. Simon Moon: I'm telling you, it was marmalade.
	Season 8 / Episode 23: - A Day in May Board Member: Can you tell us what consideration, if any, you've given this crime? David Hicks: Well... I regret it, everyday. I was young at the time, and I wasn't thinking - you know, about the consequences. And I'm very sorry. Board Member: The victim is here. Mr. Crane, would you like to make a statement? Martin Crane: I have nothing to say. Board Member: Would you give us a moment? Board Member: Mr. Hicks, the board commends you for your participation in the in-house programs to better yourself, and for your record of excellent conduct. We have weighed this against your conviction of shooting a police officer during the commission of a robbery, and find that the length of your time served has not yet met the standards for proportionality, equality, and justice as required by state law. Parole is denied.
	Season 8 / Episode 20: - The Wizard and Roz Dr. Niles Crane: Uh, if you two don't mind, Daphne's psychic evaluator is on the way over and we'd like to use the living room. Martin Crane: Oh, fine by me. That stuff creeps me out anyway. Dr. Frasier Crane: Niles I still can't believe you ever agreed to this. Those tests are based on nothing more than subjective evidence and lucky guesses. Daphne Moon: Yes, nothing at all like the subjective evidence and lucky guesses psychiatry is based on. Martin Crane: [smugly] Thank you.
	Season 8 / Episode 19: - Daphne Returns Dr. Frasier Crane: Dad, uh, what do you say we head out to dinner over at the steak house? Martin Crane: The steak house! Really? Dr. Frasier Crane: What the Hell. The blood's just been flying through my arteries lately.
	Season 8 / Episode 15: - Hooping Cranes Martin Crane: Would you cut it out, I'm trying to watch the game! Dr. Frasier Crane: We're just playing I Spy, Dad. Martin Crane: I know, and it's distracting. Dr. Niles Crane: Well, we used to do it all the time on family vacations. Martin Crane: And it was distracting then, so cut it out, or it'll end up like our family trip to Arizona. Dr. Niles Crane: You mean you'll turn around in your seat and almost drive the arena into the Grand Canyon?
	Season 8 / Episode 15: - Hooping Cranes Martin Crane: I know I always told you boys that sports aren't important... but they are!
	Season 8 / Episode 14: - Hungry Heart Martin Crane: Daphne, I just thought of something funny: it took three Cranes to lift you!
	Season 8 / Episode 13: - Sliding Frasiers Daphne Moon: [holding three shopping bags] Could you give me a hand here? Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, I would, except I've sprained my shoulder. Martin Crane: [pointing at his hip] Bullet in the hip. Daphne Moon: You still have one good arm, Dr. Crane. Dr. Frasier Crane: Now, the doctor told me to take it easy. Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh! I met a girl today! Daphne Moon: Yeah. So did she.
	Season 8 / Episode 9: - Frasier's Edge Martin Crane: [to Frasier obsessing about note from professor] Frasier, it's just a note. Dr. Frasier Crane: I know, dad. Martin Crane: It doesn't mean anything. Dr. Frasier Crane: I know, dad. Martin Crane: Say hi to Dr. Tewksbury for me. Dr. Frasier Crane: Okay, dad.
	Season 8 / Episode 9: - Frasier's Edge Kenny Daly: Frasier's up next, and he's not here yet. What'll we do? Martin Crane: Stall. Kenny Daly: Stall... Stall! Dr. Niles Crane: Like that.
	Season 8 / Episode 2: - And the Dish Ran Away with the Spoon (2) Dr. Niles Crane: Why do you like Pygmies so much? Martin Crane: They're short and they blow darts. What's not to like?
	Season 8 / Episode 1: - And the Dish Ran Away with the Spoon (1) Martin Crane: Oh, look. Isn't that my Winnebago pulling out from the gas station? Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, I'd say so. You know, Dad, I'm amazed you let Simon drive that thing. Martin Crane: Oh, it'll be fine. I gave him a lecture about drinking and driving. Dr. Frasier Crane: He did understand you were discouraging it? Martin Crane: [laughing] Of course... [reconsiders] Uh-oh.

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