Dr. Niles Crane

Frasier

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David Hyde Pierce
David Hyde Pierce was born on 3 April 1959 in Saratoga Springs, New York, USA. He is the youngest child ...

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Dr. Niles Crane Quotes

	Season 11 / Episode 24: - Goodnight, Seattle (1) Dr. Niles Crane: [to Frasier] I'll miss the coffees
	Season 11 / Episode 23: - Analyzing the Laughter Dr. Niles Crane: Frasier...! Dr. Frasier Crane: Niles...! Dr. Frasier Crane, Dr. Niles Crane: Disaster!
	Season 11 / Episode 23: - Analyzing the Laughter Dr. Frasier Crane: [regarding Daphne's mumbling brother, Stephen] Do you have any idea what he's saying? Dr. Niles Crane: Not a word. Apparently Stephen was dropped as a child. Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, I thought the mumbler was Michael. Dr. Niles Crane: He was dropped on Michael. The idea that our son might take after them is making me crazy! Dr. Frasier Crane: Now Niles, just remember, those hearty Crane genes are in there, too. Dr. Niles Crane: Oh, please. Those Moon genes have probably beaten our genes up and stolen their lunch money!
	Season 11 / Episode 17: - Coots and Ladders Daphne Crane: Why are you all hunched over in this one? Dr. Niles Crane: Uh... Daphne Crane: You were looking at my bum, weren't you? Dr. Niles Crane: Oh, heavens, no! Daphne Crane: Oh, it's all right, Niles, we're married now. Dr. Niles Crane: All right, yes. I might, once, in a moment of weakness have permitted myself a fleeting glance. Dr. Niles Crane: Or twice. Dr. Niles Crane: Many, many times. Daphne Crane: It's all about the rear with you, isn't it? Dr. Niles Crane: Oh, no, darling... Daphne Crane: No, seriously. Daphne Crane: What color are my eyes? Dr. Niles Crane: Um... Daphne Crane: You're looking at it again, aren't you?
	Season 11 / Episode 16: - Boo! (a.k.a. I'm With Her) Dr. Niles Crane: [doorbell rings] That'll be Daphne. Martin Crane: She's not cooking, is she? I just got out of the hospital!
	Season 11 / Episode 16: - Boo! (a.k.a. I'm With Her) Dr. Niles Crane: [looking at Frasier in his clown costume] Look at you. You just stand there with a smile on your face. Dr. Frasier Crane: That's make-up, you idiot!
	Season 11 / Episode 11: - High Holidays Frederick Gaylord Crane: Hey. Andi: Hey. Frederick Gaylord Crane: Well, see ya. Dr. Niles Crane: Well, at least he's not dating outside the faith.
	Season 11 / Episode 11: - High Holidays Dr. Niles Crane: I know all the symptoms I can expect to experience. I'm especially looking forward to something called the "munchies" stage. It's where one enjoys bizarre food combinations. I'm thinking of pairing this Chilean sea bass with an aggressive Zinfandel!
	Season 11 / Episode 4: - The Babysitter Dr. Niles Crane: [after Frasier pulls something out of a box of Velveeta] What's that? Dr. Frasier Crane: Viagra. Dr. Niles Crane: They sell that in Velveeta?
	Season 11 / Episode 3: - The Doctor Is Out Daphne Crane: I'm Daphne, Niles's wife. Alistair Burke: [sarcastically] No. Dr. Niles Crane: We're expecting. Alistair Burke: Can't say I was
	Season 11 / Episode 3: - The Doctor Is Out Dr. Frasier Crane: I've had gay friends before! Dr. Niles Crane: Not ones that think you're gay too!
	Season 11 / Episode 1: - No Sex Please, We're Skittish Roz Doyle: I can't believe I left KACL over some stupid snit. Dr. Niles Crane: Oh yes, yes, your ultimatum. Frasier told me about that. Listen, this isn't an easy subject to broach, but is it possible you're in love with Frasier? Roz Doyle: Absolutely not. Dr. Niles Crane: You sound sure. Roz Doyle: I am sure. I mean, if I were going to fall for him it would have been two years ago when we slept together. Dr. Niles Crane: Well then, another theory I'd like to explore is... HO, BACK UP!
	Season 11 / Episode 1: - No Sex Please, We're Skittish Dr. Niles Crane: So, you're not in love. But your behavior last night clearly indicates some sort of crisis. As a psychiatrist... Roz Doyle: I just want my job back. I'm not looking for some big therapy trip. Dr. Niles Crane: All right. Well, why don't you just sweep your emotions under the rug and waltz back to the station as if nothing ever happened? Roz Doyle: That's perfect! Thanks! Dr. Niles Crane: No, no. I was being facetious. My real advice would be... Roz Doyle: I know, talk about my feelings. Blah, blah, woof, woof. I gotta go, Niles. Thanks again!
	Season 10 / Episode 22: - Fathers and Sons Dr. Niles Crane: [about the sophistication of his intended pre-school] I hear the top two percent in "Coloring and Putting Away" can pretty much write their own ticket.
	Season 10 / Episode 8: - Rooms With a View (2) Dr. Niles Crane: Oh, this one's from your mom. [he opens a note card] "Dear Niles, I know we haven't always gotten along...” Dr. Niles Crane: Isn't that sweet?
	Season 10 / Episode 8: - Rooms With a View (2) Roz Doyle: I'm so sorry you have to go through all this, Niles. Dr. Niles Crane: Oh, I'm pretty used to him by now. Dr. Niles Crane: Oh, right, the - yes.
	Season 9 / Episode 24: - Moons Over Seattle Dr. Niles Crane: Mr. Moon, I'm sorry I dragged you all the way to America. Harry Moon: Oh, it wasn't all that bad. I got to see Daphne. And that hotel was brilliant! The towels were so fluffy I could barely close me suitcase.
	Season 9 / Episode 16: - Wheels of Fortune Daphne Moon: Well, Dr. Crane, you needn't worry about Blaine asking you for money anymore. He's received the thousand dollars he needs for Sunday. Frasier: What nitwit gave him a thousand dollars? Dr. Niles Crane: Now, Frasier, that's not fair. Perhaps whoever did it simply has a kind heart and a trusting nature that I, for one, find refreshing. Frasier: Oh, Daphne.
	Season 9 / Episode 13: - Mother Load (2) Daphne Moon: It was a good idea, taking Mum out today - helped take her mind off Dad. Dr. Niles Crane: Yeah, although I'm not sure the zoo was the best idea. The sight of those amorous wolverines seemed to set her back a bit. Daphne Moon: Amorous? I thought they were trying to kill each other. Dr. Niles Crane: Well, either way, it seemed to remind her of something.
	Season 9 / Episode 13: - Mother Load (2) Dr. Niles Crane: Well, that's, uh, that's the last of my mad money; I guess I'll have to win it back some other night. Gertrude Moon: You better make it soon; I won't be around much longer. Dr. Niles Crane: Not if you keep biting those filters off, you won't.
	Season 9 / Episode 13: - Mother Load (2) Daphne Moon: Oh, my God, look at me - I'm shaking! It just came gushing out. Once I started, I couldn't stop. Dr. Niles Crane: I know, it's all right, it's all right - you were great. You were great - I have never been prouder of you. Daphne Moon: I can't believe I talked to my mother that way. Dr. Niles Crane: You must have been pretty outraged to have invented all those former lovers. Daphne Moon: What?
	Season 9 / Episode 8: - The Two Hundredth Frasier: That's it. I'm quirky. I'm delightfully quirky. Dr. Niles Crane: Do you realize that your delightful quirk has brought your life to a standstill? Frasier: Niles, I've just finished my two thousandth show. I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally. I believe that I am entitled to an entire weekend of doing nothing, don't you? Dr. Niles Crane: Do you know you have your pajamas on backwards? Frasier: Another delightful quirk of mine. Dr. Niles Crane: Not from where I'm sitting.
	Season 9 / Episode 8: - The Two Hundredth Dr. Niles Crane: All right, I'll get the car. Frasier: I'll put on some pants. Dr. Niles Crane: Zipper goes in front.
	Season 9 / Episode 7: - Bla-Z-Boy Dr. Niles Crane: Hey, Dad. Um, taking Eddie for a walk? Martin: Yeah, I was afraid if I left him home, Frasier would set him on fire and throw him off the balcony. Martin: Well, I've got my coffee. Black, nothing fancy, but if you don't like it, you're welcome to set it on fire and throw it off the balcony.
	Season 8 / Episode 23: - A Day in May Dr. Niles Crane: Hey Roz, hello Alice. What brings you here? Roz Doyle: Oh, Frasier loaned me his car, I backed mine into a telephone pole. Dr. Frasier Crane: You said you were getting a tune-up! Roz Doyle: [leaving hastily] It needs one, trust me!
	Season 8 / Episode 23: - A Day in May Dr. Niles Crane: I'd hardly call this a dog park. It's more like a dog... orgy. Whose beagles are those? Daphne Moon: Don't stare, it only encourages them.
	Season 8 / Episode 20: - The Wizard and Roz Dr. Sheldon Morey: Actually I'm a professor of psychiatry at Seattle University. Dr. Niles Crane: Really? Please, have a seat. Dr. Sheldon Morey: Thank you. Dr. Niles Crane: So... you're more of a debunker. Dr. Sheldon Morey: Well, no, not at all. Actually, I apply scientific principles to the search for paranormal phenomena. Believe me, nothing would make me happier than discovering a legitimate psychic. Dr. Niles Crane: Oh, so then you've never found one. Dr. Sheldon Morey: Well, if by "psychic" you mean people with above-normal prescience, then a few. If you mean somebody who could beat the house in Vegas, then no. [drifting off] I thought I had one for a while, but, uh... no.
	Season 8 / Episode 20: - The Wizard and Roz Dr. Niles Crane: Uh, if you two don't mind, Daphne's psychic evaluator is on the way over and we'd like to use the living room. Martin Crane: Oh, fine by me. That stuff creeps me out anyway. Dr. Frasier Crane: Niles I still can't believe you ever agreed to this. Those tests are based on nothing more than subjective evidence and lucky guesses. Daphne Moon: Yes, nothing at all like the subjective evidence and lucky guesses psychiatry is based on. Martin Crane: [smugly] Thank you.
	Season 8 / Episode 15: - Hooping Cranes Martin Crane: Would you cut it out, I'm trying to watch the game! Dr. Frasier Crane: We're just playing I Spy, Dad. Martin Crane: I know, and it's distracting. Dr. Niles Crane: Well, we used to do it all the time on family vacations. Martin Crane: And it was distracting then, so cut it out, or it'll end up like our family trip to Arizona. Dr. Niles Crane: You mean you'll turn around in your seat and almost drive the arena into the Grand Canyon?
	Season 8 / Episode 15: - Hooping Cranes Roz Doyle: Wow, Niles! You finally made varsity after thirty years, huh? Dr. Niles Crane: Yes, but it's not a real varsity jacket, Roz, so you're under no obligation to sleep with me. Roz Doyle: See you around. Dr. Niles Crane: Take care.

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