Dr. Frasier Crane

Frasier

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Played by:

Kelsey Grammer
A five-time Emmy Award winner, Grammer is the first actor in television history to receive multiple ...

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Dr. Frasier Crane Quotes

	Season 11 / Episode 23: - Analyzing the Laughter Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, it's very tempting, Bebe, but I'm very happy here in Seattle. I don't want to leave. Bebe Glazer: Darling, it's San Francisco! Do you know what life is like there for a good-looking straight man? You'll be like a Snickers bar at a fat camp!
	Season 11 / Episode 23: - Analyzing the Laughter Dr. Frasier Crane: All right, that's it! I want you all out of here! And I do not mean a leisurely exit, I mean a break-neck, trampling-each-other, this-theatre's-on-fire stampede!
	Season 11 / Episode 23: - Analyzing the Laughter Dr. Frasier Crane: [playing Scrabble] Because it's not a word. Charlotte: Yes, it is. Dr. Frasier Crane: No, it's not. Charlotte: Yes, it is. Dr. Frasier Crane: Use it in a sentence. Charlotte: "Her grandmother's bed was warm and... quilty." Dr. Frasier Crane: And why is she lying there? Because she's feeling all "befevered" again? Charlotte: [smiling sweetly] Could I borrow your "F"? I've got a little message for you.
	Season 11 / Episode 23: - Analyzing the Laughter Dr. Niles Crane: Frasier...! Dr. Frasier Crane: Niles...! Dr. Frasier Crane, Dr. Niles Crane: Disaster!
	Season 11 / Episode 23: - Analyzing the Laughter Dr. Frasier Crane: [regarding Daphne's mumbling brother, Stephen] Do you have any idea what he's saying? Dr. Niles Crane: Not a word. Apparently Stephen was dropped as a child. Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, I thought the mumbler was Michael. Dr. Niles Crane: He was dropped on Michael. The idea that our son might take after them is making me crazy! Dr. Frasier Crane: Now Niles, just remember, those hearty Crane genes are in there, too. Dr. Niles Crane: Oh, please. Those Moon genes have probably beaten our genes up and stolen their lunch money!
	Season 11 / Episode 20: - And Frasier Makes Three Roz Doyle: Oh, hi. I was just shopping around the corner, thought I'd stop by. Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, gosh, well unfortunately I have a date. Roz Doyle: That's okay, I have one myself. With Steve. Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, yes, your convict friend. Do you think that's wise? Roz Doyle: The man made one mistake. Besides, I don't know any guy who's not a little fascinated by fire.
	Season 11 / Episode 19: - Miss Right Now Ronee Lawrence: [about her mother] If she sees me like dressed this, she'd know that I spent the night and then she'd be carping about it the whole weekend. Dr. Frasier Crane: What, she doesn't approve of pre-marital sex? Ronee Lawrence: Judging by the diving bell she wore as a nightgown, she wasn't real big on post-marital sex either.
	Season 11 / Episode 19: - Miss Right Now Martin Crane: Plus, I'm startin' out with one strike against me. Ronee Lawrence: Mother still remembers a night he drove me home from babysitting you and Niles, thirty years ago... Martin Crane: Forty years ago. Ronee Lawrence: I'm telling this story. I was all weepy because this guy had just dumped me, and your father put his arm around me, just to be nice. And Mom saw it and she thought he was trying to rob me of my virtue. Dr. Frasier Crane: [chuckling] Oh, that's crazy. Ronee Lawrence: I know, like there was anything left to rob.
	Season 11 / Episode 18: - Match Game Charlotte: You looked at my client log? Dr. Frasier Crane: Yes, I've looked at your log, and I've dated every toad on it!
	Season 11 / Episode 18: - Match Game Charlotte: I am thirty-five years old, and I am living with my mother! How pathetic is that? Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, I... I've seen worse.
	Season 11 / Episode 18: - Match Game Dr. Frasier Crane: For what it's worth, it will get easier living with her. Charlotte: Is that your professional opinion? Dr. Frasier Crane: Actually, it's a personal one. My dad lives with me. Charlotte: No. Dr. Frasier Crane: Mmm-hmm, eleven years. Charlotte: Yikes. Dr. Frasier Crane: Yeah, it does take a while to adjust to each other before you're perfectly in sync. Charlotte: How long did that take? Dr. Frasier Crane: I'll let you know.
	Season 11 / Episode 16: - Boo! (a.k.a. I'm With Her) Martin Crane: Give me a top hat and cane, and I'm Fred Astaire. Dr. Frasier Crane: Add a monocle, and he's Mr. Peanut.
	Season 11 / Episode 16: - Boo! (a.k.a. I'm With Her) Dr. Frasier Crane: [after Mimi screams at Jack-in-the-Box opening] Much better. You're still in the room, and you didn't throw up.
	Season 11 / Episode 16: - Boo! (a.k.a. I'm With Her) Dr. Niles Crane: [looking at Frasier in his clown costume] Look at you. You just stand there with a smile on your face. Dr. Frasier Crane: That's make-up, you idiot!
	Season 11 / Episode 12: - Frasier-Lite Dr. Frasier Crane: The sign said "F Hockey." I assumed it meant "Freshman Hockey." Martin Crane: The little plaid skirt didn't tip you off? Dr. Frasier Crane: I thought it was a kilt!
	Season 11 / Episode 12: - Frasier-Lite Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, Morrie, if you're not cheating on your wife, and she still suspects you, then we're obviously dealing with a trust issue. Morrie: More like a crazy issue. And I know where she gets it, from her mother - who, by the way, came for Thanksgiving and still hasn't left. Happy New Year! Dr. Frasier Crane: Perhaps we should tackle these issues one at a time... Morrie: I'm in the bathroom, Celeste! A little privacy? See how she gets? Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, perhaps what is needed here is... Celeste: You think I don't know who you're talking to in there, huh, Morrie? It's your little whore, isn't it? Hello, whore. Dr. Frasier Crane: Celeste, if I could interrupt for just a moment... Celeste: A man? It's worse than I thought. Celeste's Mother: Celeste? Celeste: Hang up, Ma! Celeste's Mother: You're all on the radio. I'm listening down in the kitchen. Morrie: How about washing a dish or two while you're down there? Britney: I cannot stand this yelling! I'm running away from home. Morrie: Oh, hang up the phone, Britney, you're going nowhere. Dr. Frasier Crane: And neither is this conversation.
	Season 11 / Episode 11: - High Holidays Dr. Frasier Crane: Ah yes, the magical time of year when the Great Wall of China and my apartment are the only two man-made structures visible from space.
	Season 11 / Episode 9: - Guns N' Neuroses Daphne: Instead of playing games, why don't you just try talking to her? Dr. Frasier Crane: We tried talking when we were married. We found we were better at playing games.
	Season 11 / Episode 4: - The Babysitter Dr. Niles Crane: [after Frasier pulls something out of a box of Velveeta] What's that? Dr. Frasier Crane: Viagra. Dr. Niles Crane: They sell that in Velveeta?
	Season 11 / Episode 4: - The Babysitter Martin Crane: [discussing Ronee] I thought you brought her here for me! Dr. Frasier Crane: Since when do I bring you women? Who are you, the Sultan of Brunei?
	Season 11 / Episode 4: - The Babysitter Dr. Frasier Crane: Dad, don't you want to take your "cheese"? Martin Crane: No, thanks, boys. I'm working without a net.
	Season 11 / Episode 3: - The Doctor Is Out Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, shut up you big queen! Gil Chesterton: Well, I see kitty has claws.
	Season 11 / Episode 3: - The Doctor Is Out Servant: Shall I fire up the hot tub, sir? Alistair Burke: Absolutely. Dr. Frasier Crane: I'm afraid I don't have a bathing suit. Alistair Burke: Then, you'll fit right in.
	Season 11 / Episode 3: - The Doctor Is Out Dr. Frasier Crane: I've had gay friends before! Dr. Niles Crane: Not ones that think you're gay too!
	Season 10 / Episode 14: - Daphne Does Dinner Dr. Frasier Crane: As usual, Frasier has to save the day. Martin Crane: As usual, Martin has to hear about it.
	Season 10 / Episode 13: - Lilith Needs a Favor Dr. Frasier Crane: Would we sleep together? Dr. Lilith Sternin: I thought we'd freeze your sperm. Dr. Frasier Crane: Is that a yes or a no?
	Season 10 / Episode 13: - Lilith Needs a Favor Guy in Waiting Room: Is this your first time? Dr. Frasier Crane: No, I've been doing this since I was twelve.
	Season 10 / Episode 10: - We Two Kings Roz Doyle: Come on, Frasier. Talk to me. Use your words Dr. Frasier Crane: It's just so egregious. Roz Doyle: Smaller words.
	Season 10 / Episode 8: - Rooms With a View (2) Roz Doyle: Oh, Daphne, it's okay, it's okay; everything's gonna be fine. Dr. Frasier Crane: Daphne, I know you're in hell right now, but, in just about twenty minutes comes the disconnecting of the ventilator and the extubation. You can see it all in the diagram on page 24 - Daphne Crane: He's not a diagram! He's my husband! And he's on a table with his chest cut open! I'm sorry if I can't handle this as well as the rest of you, but I'm terrified. Roz Doyle: Daphne, it's okay; just calm down. I mean, when all this is over we're just gonna - Daphne Crane: There is no "when this is over"! There's no tomorrow, no next week, no next year - there's nothing until he comes out of there and I know he's okay!
	Season 10 / Episode 3: - Proxy Prexy Dr. Frasier Crane: Now I think I should still run against you. Martin Crane: Why? Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, if I drop out just as you announce your candidacy, people might suspect something's up. It's better that our political legerdemain remain sub rosa, hmm? How would a normal person say that, Dad? Martin Crane: No one needs to know how the hot dogs are made. Dr. Frasier Crane: This is going to be sweet.

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