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Characters: #5 of 5 (Full List)
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Played by:
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 | Season 2 / Episode 9: - Wingmen Dave: Women like three things: Men in kilts, Southern Comfort, and Chris Isaac's 'Wicked Game'. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 11: - The Actor Dave: I think you gotta use honesty here. I mean, you know it's always the best policy, like the other day there was five, well maybe it was like four, really hot foreign chicks. They were like Swedish or Korean in my shop and they were like "Dave, we want to have a five way with you". And I just told them "Honestly? Ok". And then I just gave it to them hard, and that's the best way to go. Then after that they're like "Dave, will you marry us?" and I was like "Excuse me, but I don't think monogamy is legal in this country, I dunno where you're from". You gotta try honesty, it works the best. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 10: - New Fans Jemaine: I was hoping to dress something like Prince. Dave: Kind of erogenous, huh? Jemaine: Yeah, but toned down a bit, like Prince if he was just going to the zoo, or the supermarket. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 8: - Girlfriends Dave: I don't know how you guys do things in Europe... Bret, Jemaine: New Zealand. Dave: Yeah, probably. But in America, if you want to spend some time with the ladies, you've got to show them some sausage. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 7: - Drive By Dave: I don't know how you do in England... Bret, Jemaine: New Zealand! Dave: I don't care. |
| Season 1 / Episode 7: - Drive By Dave: You guys are, like, the most hated group in America. Jemaine: What about black people? Dave: Yeah, they hate you too. |
| Season 1 / Episode 7: - Drive By Dave: This isn't a fucking school play production, it's the bird! |
| Season 1 / Episode 7: - Drive By Dave: Say a comeback to him! Jemaine: He's shouting stereotypes, racist stereotypes at us! Dave: Yeah, let him have it, man! Bret: Banana balls! Jemaine: You look like a - a something, like a banana balls! |
 | Season 1 / Episode 6: - Bowie Bret: So I'm guessing like, if David Bowie isn't that confident, then maybe - maybe most people aren't that confident? Which means... I'm not gonna worry about being confident. Dave: Yeah, we don't need to worry about being confident. Bret: Yeah... Jemaine: But it's not really him though. Bret: I know... Jemaine: It's a dream. Bret: I know, but... Jemaine: It's your dream. Bret: I know it's my dream, but you'd still think he'd be a lot more confident. Jemaine: Yeah, can I have your biscuit, Bret? Bret: Yeah, help yourself. I'm not eating anymore. I'm a bit too fat. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 5: - Sally Returns Dave: That reminds me of when I saw a puppy being born. I mean, just to see it's little head... just coming out of that dog's pussy. What an incredible moment, man. |
| Season 1 / Episode 5: - Sally Returns Dave: No, that is super sensitive. I mean, that reminds me of when I saw a puppy being born. I mean, just to see it's little head just coming out of that dog's pussy... what an incredible moment, man. Beautiful. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 3: - Mugged Murray: He may be dead. Dave: He maybe did what? Murray: No, he may be dead. Dave: What didn't he maybe do? Murray: He maybe *dead*. Bret: Dead. Dave: Are you guys fucking with me? Murray: He maybe dead, not alive. Dave: Ohh... |
| Season 1 / Episode 3: - Mugged Dave: [on Jemaine] I never understood a word that guy said, what was that he always said? Bret: 'What'? Dave: Yeah, 'wuht'. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 1: - Sally Dave: I don't know how you do it in England... Jemaine: [and Bret] New Zealand. Dave: Whatever. I don't care. |
| Season 1 / Episode 1: - Sally Dave: Dude, go have a samosa. Have you tried the Gulab Jamuns? They are off the hook. |
| Season 1 / Episode 1: - Sally Dave: So did you guys have fun at my party? Jemaine: Oh, amazing fun. Bret: It was okay. Murray: Sorry I couldn't make it, Dave. I, uh, wasn't *invited*. Dave: Oh, that's okay. |
 | Unknown Episode: Dave: Hot bod. Gross face. I get it. Just hit that shit from behind. |
| Unknown Episode: Dave: Women love that sensitive nautical shit. Bret: Really? Dave: Yeah. Haven't you ever seen Watership Down? |
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