Family Ties Quotes

Family Ties

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 5 / Episode 24: - A, My Name is Alex (2) Psychiatrist: How do you know about Grant College? Alex P. Keaton: My sister Mallory goes there. Alex P. Keaton: Grant College, the school that offers a course in the opening of an umbrella. Psychiatrist: I got an "A" in that course.
	Season 5 / Episode 5: - Beauty and the Bank Mr. Heaney: [to Alex on his first day of work] "Very rarely have I seen someone with your lust for money that is not in jail."
	Season 4 / Episode 11: - You've Got a Friend Mallory Keaton: My family is pretty simple. As long as you follow a few simple rules. Don't get my father talking on capital punishment. Don't get my mom talking on women's lib. And don't get Alex talking.
	Season 4 / Episode 7: - My Tutor Eugene Forbes: [after Jenifer leaves the room] I met the mother of my children.
	Season 4 / Episode 3: - Mr. Wrong Steven Keaton: Who are all these boys coming over to our house wanting our daughter... I hate them.
	Season 4 / Episode 3: - Mr. Wrong Steven Keaton: Elyse, our daughter is dating Rambo!
	Season 3 / Episode 7: - Hotline Fever Alex P. Keaton: I can explain everything! Steven Keaton: Oh can you? Can you explain the valet parking in the drive way?... The flashing vacancy sign... in front of the house? The billboard on Route 41?
	Season 3 / Episode 7: - Hotline Fever Steven: Alex, parents are conditioned to put up with a few minor accidents when they leave their children home alone. A broken vase, spilt milk on the rug... There was a kangaroo... in my living room. Alex P. Keaton: ...He was just here for the party dad. Steven: Then I guess I'm overreacting.
	Season 3 / Episode 7: - Hotline Fever Alex P. Keaton: Come on dad, do you plan to be mad at us forever? Steven Keaton: ...that is my plan.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Big Brother is Watching Jennifer Keaton: I scored a goal with my head. Mallory Keaton: I'm really happy for you. Jennifer Keaton: I also scored a goal with someone else’s head.
	Unknown Episode: Alex P. Keaton: Hey, I don't mind if I toot my own horn. Toot, toot!
	Unknown Episode: Mallory Keaton: [panic-stricken] The light bulb is out in my bedroom! What are we going to do?
	Unknown Episode: Andrew Keaton: Alex is reading me "Robin Hood," where he robs from the poor and gives to the rich. Steven Keaton: That's not Robin Hood, that's Ronald Reagan.
	Unknown Episode: Mallory Keaton: Mom, I need to reevaluate my life. Do you have a minute?
	Unknown Episode: Alex P. Keaton: [Referring to a current infatuation] Of all the Basic Applied Economic Principles of Capitalism in the Post-Industrial Era Seminars in the world, you had to walk into mine.
	Unknown Episode: Alex P. Keaton: Mallory, someone stupid called... sometime today... about something trivial. Mallory Keaton: Alex you know that could be any one of my friends.
	Unknown Episode: Alex P. Keaton: People who have money don't need people.
	Unknown Episode: Alex P. Keaton: Face it, Keaton. She wants you.
	Unknown Episode: Elyse Keaton: Alex was offended by our political magazines and ripped them up. Alex P. Keaton: You have no proof. Elyse Keaton: Yes we do. We found your rattle on the floor next to the evidence. Alex P. Keaton: It could have Mallory's. Elyse Keaton: It was your Nixon rattle.
	Unknown Episode: Steven Keaton: I can't wait to try this Pasta Alex, Alex. Alex P. Keaton: I love a man with a healthy appetite.
	Unknown Episode: Alex P. Keaton: It's just like taking candy from a baby. Jennifer Keaton: Brings back memories.
	Unknown Episode: Alex P. Keaton: Remember when we were kids and I run you over with my bicycle? Erwin 'Skippy' Handleman: Yes. Alex P. Keaton: I have a car now.
	Unknown Episode: Mallory Keaton: Dad, Alex, this is Jamie Carter. Alex P. Keaton: Aaaaah! [jumps into his father's arms] Steven Keaton: It's okay, Alex. She said Jamie, not Jimmy.
	Unknown Episode: Alex P. Keaton: You just drank a whole bottle of vanilla extract. Ned Donnelly: I'm sorry; did you want some?
	Unknown Episode: Alex P. Keaton: [after Nick makes Andy a dream hat, to help him go to sleep] I had not idea Nick could be so... useful.
	Unknown Episode: Elyse Keaton: Don't you remember? We said we were going to be creative this year and make gifts instead of spending a lot of money Christmas shopping. Steven Keaton: Well, I know we said it, I just didn't know we meant it.
	Unknown Episode: Alex P. Keaton: Hey, don't do that. Here give me those. Ned Donnelly: Leave me alone! Alex P. Keaton: Give me those! Ned Donnelly: [screaming] LEAVE ME ALONE! [slaps Alex] Steven Keaton: What the hell are you doing? Ned Donnelly: I don't know. I don't know. I'm sorry. Sorry, Alex. Steven Keaton: [quietly, but furious] All right, Ned. That's it. It's over. Right now, either you get some help... or you get the hell outta my house.
	Unknown Episode: Andrew Keaton: Alex is King!
	Unknown Episode: Alex P. Keaton: [Mallory scored higher than Alex on an IQ test] I want you, Mallory! I want you! I can take you with one brain tied behind my back!
	Unknown Episode: Nick Moore: We can walk on coals / Have ninjas fight us / Just don't get gingivitis. Steven Keaton: [later as he's sleeping] We can walk on coals / Have ninjas fight us/ Just don't get gingivitis. [wakes up] Elyse, I had a nightmare. I dreamed I was Nick.

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