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 | Season 1 / Episode 22: - Rock Video Harriette Winslow: You can't blame them for walking, Eddie. That wasn't a rock video. That was a love letter to Eddie Winslow from Eddie Winslow. |
| Season 1 / Episode 22: - Rock Video Carl Otis Winslow: [packing up the camping gear] Boy that was great, a family weekend in the wilderness. No phones. No Traffic. Laura Lee Winslow: No surprise visits from Steve Urkel. Steve Urkel: [opens the back door] Surprise. |
| Season 1 / Episode 22: - Rock Video Rodney Beckett: [after seeing Eddie's music video] I can't believe it. Urkel, the camera was on Eddie the whole time. Steve Urkel: Hey, I was following Eddie's instructions. Rachel Crawford: Exactly what were Eddie's instructions? Steve Urkel: To keep the camera on him and forget all the other meatheads. Jerry, Kyle: What? Steve Urkel: [points to Eddie] His words, not mine. |
| Season 1 / Episode 22: - Rock Video Steve Urkel: [about the music video] This is going to be the biggest bomb since Howard the Duck. |
| Season 1 / Episode 22: - Rock Video Harriette Winslow, Carl Otis Winslow, Laura Lee Winslow, Rachel Crawford, Estelle 'Mother' Winslow, Judy Winslow, Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [in the rap video] We are a family, we share all we got and that's easy to see, cuz we are a family! |
 | Season 1 / Episode 18: - Sitting Pretty Laura Lee Winslow: Aunt Rachel, take little Richie, the Murphy twins are giving each other haircuts in the backyard! |
| Season 1 / Episode 18: - Sitting Pretty Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Harriette, there is a child outside digging up your azaleas. [sees the kids] Oh my Lord! |
| Season 1 / Episode 18: - Sitting Pretty Harriette Winslow: Mother Winslow, take all the toddlers up to your room. All kids 7 and up go to Eddie's room and play Nintendo. Laura and Judy, divide up the rest between Barbie doll fans and Lego lovers and get them upstairs too! |
 | Season 1 / Episode 15: - The Big Reunion Judy: Were all of Dad's friends named Darnelle? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Yes, those were very confusing times. |
| Season 1 / Episode 15: - The Big Reunion Carl Otis Winslow: Two stalks of broccoli and three pieces of asparagus? I've had more food than this stuck in between my teeth. |
| Season 1 / Episode 15: - The Big Reunion Darnell Watkins: [about Carl] This guy's about invisible. What do you use to get weighed, a postage scale? |
| Season 1 / Episode 15: - The Big Reunion Harriette Winslow: You eat all that ice cream and you can kiss your diet goodbye. Carl Otis Winslow: [kisses the ice cream carton] Goodbye. |
| Season 1 / Episode 15: - The Big Reunion Carl Otis Winslow: Society places too much emphasis on being thin. Everywhere you look, TV, movies, magazines, all these 90 pound people, smiling, dancing... where do they get the strength? |
 | Season 1 / Episode 12: - Laura's First Date Steve Urkel: [shows up in the living room with his flowers from the cemetery] Hi Laura, these are for you. Wow, are you wearing a bra? |
 | Season 1 / Episode 8: - Stake-Out Rachel Crawford: Mother Winslow, guess what? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: What? Rachel Crawford: Little Richie spoke his first word Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Oh that's sweet, what did he say? Rachel Crawford: Mama. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Aww that's cute. Carl's first word was Donut. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 1: - The Mama Who Came to Dinner Carl Otis Winslow: [fishing for the catch of a party Eddie wants to go to] Are his parents going to be there? Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: Yes. Carl Otis Winslow: Beer? Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: No. Carl Otis Winslow: Girls? Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: No. Carl Otis Winslow: Till when? Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: Two. Carl Otis Winslow: Bingo! Book him. |
| Season 1 / Episode 1: - The Mama Who Came to Dinner Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: The party doesn't start until 9 and my curfew's at 10. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: That stinks. That's not enough time for Rambo to blow anything up. Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: That's what I said, but Dad still said no. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Don't you worry, I'll work on him. Your grandma is gonna fight for your right to party. |
| Season 1 / Episode 1: - The Mama Who Came to Dinner Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: [told he can't go to the party] You mean I was nice for nothing? That's the last time I do anything for anybody in this house. Harriette Winslow: [gives him a tray of drinks] Here, take these with you. Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: Yes, Mom. |
 | Unknown Episode: Lt. Murtaugh: I dropped the, uh, nerd off next door at the, uh, nerd house. His parents were very upset. Carl: Why? Because he was in jail? Lt. Murtaugh: No, because I brought him back. |
| Unknown Episode: Steve Urkel: Did I do that? |
| Unknown Episode: Steve Urkel: [last lines of the series] Do I get a welcome home kiss? Laura: On one condition. Steve Urkel: What's that. Laura: That you'll never go into outer space again Steve Urkel: Only when we kiss, Laura Lee, only when we kiss [they passionately kiss] |
| Unknown Episode: Steve Urkel: Ms Steuben, you taught Laura to slow down and stop taking short cuts. And you taught Cassie Lynn Nubbles, the posterchild for useless people, how to do things for herself. And, my God, look what you've done to Waldo. Do you have any idea how much you changed him? Ms. Steuben: Well, I guess he's changed a little. Steve Urkel: A little? Why, because of you, he's swapping recipes with Wolfgang Puck. And, he's got something that he didn't have before. Self respect. |
| Unknown Episode: Steve Urkel: [Steve is suing Carl on the TV show Citizen's Court and Waldo has been called as a witness] Waldo, how did you feel about Pablo? Waldo: [Monotone while Steve mouths his words with him] Pablo was a kind and gentle creature. When I was with him, I felt... I felt... [Rolls up his sleeve and begins reading]... I felt like I was one with the Bee-Oh-Sphere. Steve Urkel: [panicked]... um... perhaps you mean "biosphere"? Waldo: [after thinking a moment] Ok. Cool. Steve Urkel: [Rushed] That's all. I'm finished with this witness, your honor! Laura: Wait a second. Excuse me Waldo, is there something written on your arm? Waldo: Just the stuff Steve told me to say. |
| Unknown Episode: Cassie Lynn: Look, Becky Sue. Poor Laura has worked so hard and now she has to drop out of the race. Laura: What are you talkin' about? Cassie Lynn: Well, we just got some really hot photos of you being romanced by the Prince of Passion here. Steve Urkel: What? She just slipped and I caught her. That's all. Cassie Lynn: Becky Sue! We should put those pictures in the school paper. Becky Sue: Oh, we couldn't do that. Everyone would think that Laura is in love with Steve Urkel and no one would vote for her. Steve Urkel: But, I told you. I just caught her, that's all. Cassie Lynn: That may be what happened, but that won't be what the people believe. They just love juicy gossip. Laura: You wouldn't dare. Cassie Lynn: Try me. You've got twenty-four hours to drop out of the race or we publish the picture. Steve Urkel: Why you... Steve Urkel: Why, come back here, you little hussy! Nobody threatens my woman! Laura: Steve. Steve! STEVE! Steve Urkel: Wha-at? Laura: Will you calm down? Steve Urkel: Calm down? Why that low-down-cheap-bunder-headed-mud-slinging-bush-wacking-slanderous-snake-in- a-skirt is blackmailing you! Laura: I know! Steve Urkel: Why, to make everyone think that the woman I love actually loves me back? Why, how low can you get? |
| Unknown Episode: Eddie: Dad you embarrassed me in front of my friends. Carl: Well, I'm sorry if I embarrassed you in front of a guy named Weasel. |
| Unknown Episode: Steve Urkel: [after discovering that the stereo in Eddie's car has had its serial number scratched off] Uh-uh. It seems the guy that you purchased your stereo equipment from didn't want you to fill in any paper work. Eddie: What do you mean Steve? Steve Urkel: Edward this stuff's been hawked. |
| Unknown Episode: Steve Urkel: You teach us more than just things out of a textbook. Why, you teach us things about life! Ms. Steuben: Oh, you really think so? Steve Urkel: Look, I know the pay is lousy, the hours are long, and you hardly ever get the credit you deserve. But, you're a teacher, Ms. Steuben, and a daaarrn good one. |
| Unknown Episode: Cassie Lynn: All's fair in love and politics. Steve Urkel: Oh, I am so glad you said that! Cassie Lynn: Eww! Yuck! Ick! Steve Urkel: Well, the earth didn't exactly move for me either! |
| Unknown Episode: Laura: Well, Steve, I've been trying to convince Waldo that girls find him attractive. I couldn't turn right around and refuse to go out with him. Steve Urkel: Oh, why not? You refuse to go out with me for the last decade! Laura: Well, that's because you have self-confidence. I can turn you down without destroying your ego. Steve Urkel: Well, isn't that just a FIIIINE kettle of fish? I'm getting penalized because I'm emotionally stable! |
| Unknown Episode: Harriette: What's goin' on down here and why do I smell cinnamon flavored smoke? Steve Urkel: Well, ya see, we had a little muffin mayhem. A small gastronomic goof up. A minor Betty Crocker boo boo. Harriette: Laura, translate. |
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