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 | Season 9 / Episode 22: - Lost in Space (2) Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [last lines of the series] Do I get a welcome home kiss? Laura Lee Winslow: On one condition. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What's that? Laura Lee Winslow: That you'll never go into outer space again. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Only when we kiss, Laura Lee, only when we kiss [they passionately kiss] |
| Season 9 / Episode 21: - Lost in Space (1) Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: It's a tradition in the Urkel family to not consummate the marriage for three months. Laura Lee Winslow: But Steve... Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Ok, you talked me into it. [Steve goes to answer the door] I'm going to consummate, I'm going to consummate. |
| Season 9 / Episode 20: - Pop Goes the Question Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura, I kept this ring in hopes that one day you would accept it. Now I know, I'm not worthy of you- but I love you more now then I did then- Laura Lee Winslow- will you marry me? |
| Season 9 / Episode 19: - Don't Make Me Over Eddie: [after he has heard her quickly renouncing her love for him] Myrtle, what's my life going to be like without you in it? Myrtle Urkel: Frankly my dear, I just don't give a damn. |
| Season 9 / Episode 10: - Original Gangsta Dawg Harriette Winslow: Where did you go? Carl Otis Winslow: Out for a walk around the block. Harriette Winslow: You were gone for three hours. Carl Otis Winslow: Harriette, I was steamed, I didn't want to do something I'll regret. Harriette Winslow: Before you stormed out of the house, I forgot to mention to you that I called OGD's Grandmother back in Detroit. Carl Otis Winslow: What's her name, UPS? Harriette Winslow: Carl! Carl Otis Winslow: What did she have to say? Harriette Winslow: She says OGD's a great kid, but he hasn't had it easy in his life. Carl Otis Winslow: Harriette, that kid is bad news. He acts like a gangster, gangsters hate cops. Harriette Winslow: You have to understand, back in Detroit where he's from, the police are considered the enemy, so he doesn't trust them. He doesn't have the advantages to see how good the cops are like our kids have. Let's just hope we can rub off on him before he rubs off on 3J. Carl Otis Winslow: All right. |
| Season 9 / Episode 10: - Original Gangsta Dawg Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Hello. Stefan Urquelle: Steve, what's up with your cousin? He interruped my phone call meant for Laura Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I'll show him. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: Yo. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Cornelius Eugene Urkel, you have better find a good excuse to leave town soon. Stefan Urquelle: You can take a bus or an airplane. Anywhere away from my Laura. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: That's big talk coming from a guy in Italy. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I'll have you know, I'm not in Italy. And I'll be coming home tomorrow. |
| Season 9 / Episode 10: - Original Gangsta Dawg Carl Otis Winslow: After you left, I saw your boy Fresh Squeeze at the door. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: Bye. With Squeeze I'm not safe nowhere. Carl Otis Winslow: Well I talked to your boy Squeeze and he won't be bothering you for a long time. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: You paid him off Carl Otis Winslow: Better, I locked him up. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: Serious. How did you know? Carl Otis Winslow: I recognized him right away. He held operations in Chicago. He left the minute we put a warrant up for his arrest. But I recognized him right away. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: He must've been dangerous. What did you do? Carl Otis Winslow: I told him I was taking him over to see you. On the way to the Sizzle Club, I took a little detour to the precinct. You should've seen the look on his face when he saw five officers surrounded my car and said Surprise! Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: Oh man I didn't think you were this cool. Sorry. I'll grab my stuff and I'll be out of here tomorrow. Carl Otis Winslow: Well there's no rush. You can stay. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: You all right, Mr.W Carl Otis Winslow: You too, OGD |
| Season 9 / Episode 7: - Stevil II: This Time He's Not Alone Stevil: I want your soul! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well why don't you take the guy's next door? He's a lawyer! He's never used his! |
| Season 9 / Episode 7: - Stevil II: This Time He's Not Alone Laura Lee Winslow: Did you get any sleep? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Yeah, I went to sleep and Stevil made a guest appearance. It was the most terrifying five minutes of my life, second only to watching Lord of the Dance! |
| Season 9 / Episode 7: - Stevil II: This Time He's Not Alone Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Stevil was back and he was coming for my soul! Carl Otis Winslow: Oh gee that'd scare me. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: It would? Carl Otis Winslow: Yeah. [puts his thumb as his mouth, baby voice] If I were five. |
| Season 9 / Episode 7: - Stevil II: This Time He's Not Alone Stevil: We've got plans. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What kind of plans? To rob and murder? Carlsbad: No, we're going to Vegas! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [to Carl] Worse. |
| Season 9 / Episode 7: - Stevil II: This Time He's Not Alone Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I'm not dreaming anymore. I had 8 shots of Espresso, a 6-pack of Jolt Cola, and a large bowl of Froot Loops with extra sugar. You don't sleep, you don't have nightmares. |
| Season 9 / Episode 3: - Dumb Belle of the Ball Sara Sue Pettyjohn: [stuck up toward Myrtle's lack of style and class] That's the difference between *old* money and *new* money. Myrtle Urkel: Oh, how true, how true! Old money has more wrinkles! Sara Sue Pettyjohn: [gasps and leaves] Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: [laughing] Good one, Myrtle! |
| Season 8 / Episode 18: - Le Jour d'amour Harriette Winslow: [Opens the candy box] Candy missing. Carl Otis Winslow: There was an E.Coli scale in the chocolate and I tasted a few to make sure the box was safe. Harriette Winslow: You're a brave man. Carl Otis Winslow: Hey, I'm here for you, baby. Harriette Winslow: These flowers are... not fresh. Carl Otis Winslow: Yeah, well. I probably had the heater up on high and they wilted. Read the card, read the card. Harriette Winslow: [feigns being touched] Oh, Carl this is beautiful. Carl Otis Winslow: Hey, I mean every word, sweetheart. Harriette Winslow: And you meant every word 8 years ago. Carl Otis Winslow: [shocked] Huh? Harriette Winslow: Carl, I save every card you give me. Carl Otis Winslow: I know that! Harriette Winslow: And I always mark the year, you gave it to me. Carl Otis Winslow: I didn't know that. Harriette Winslow: Carl, you snuck into my card box and gave me a card that I already have. Didn't you? Carl Otis Winslow: Might have. But honey, let's put a positive spin on it. Let's call it recycling. Harriette Winslow: No, Carl let's call it what it really is, Cheap and Lazy. Carl Otis Winslow: Oh, now Harriette, that's a bit harsh. Harriette Winslow: Harsh? Carl, you given me a half-eaten box of candy. Some Sorry looking roses that are 3 hours away from potpourri. And to top it all off you gave me an old card that I already have. |
| Season 8 / Episode 14: - Revenge of the Nerd Harriette: This feud between you and Nick is getting out of control. When's it going to end? Carl: When I bulldoze his house! Harriette: Don't even think like that. You're setting a bad example for the kids. Yesterday Richie and 3J were playing 'Nick and Carl'. Carl: 'Nick and Carl'? Harriette: Yep, they were yelling at each other and bumping bellies. |
| Season 8 / Episode 14: - Revenge of the Nerd Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [to a sorority girl] That dress is so... tight! I can almost see what you had for lunch! |
| Season 8 / Episode 14: - Revenge of the Nerd Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I almost wore that same suit. Lionel: Really? Hey, what were you doing in my closet? |
| Season 8 / Episode 14: - Revenge of the Nerd Laura Lee Winslow: This is a geek party. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well of course it's a Greek party, it's a sorority! Laura Lee Winslow: No no no, a GEEK party, as in nerd, doofus. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Allison, is that true? Allison: Look, we're just having a little harmless fun. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: When you're hurting other people it ain't harmless. I'll tell you something else, Allison, I may not be the most trendy guy on campus, or the best looking and I'm CERTAINLY not the most coordinated. But I like myself, and that makes me cool. |
| Season 8 / Episode 14: - Revenge of the Nerd Laura Lee Winslow: One of them is my best friend. Allison: Well then you better find some new friends, or you better plan to join a different sororiety. Laura Lee Winslow: Oh you're not a sorority, you're a bunch of vicious, stuck up barracudas with teased hair and push up bras. |
| Season 7 / Episode 24: - Send in the Clone Laura Lee Winslow: [Laura grabs Steve and his clone on their ears] Okay, let's take a moment and figure out what we learned here. Myra Monkhouse: Um, one plus one equals fun? Laura Lee Winslow: No, I think we learned that Steve's experiments has gone too far. |
| Season 7 / Episode 21: - Scammed Waldo Geraldo Faldo: [talking to Chondra in the bar about Maxine] Aww, yeah, she's a sweetheart but if she caught us in here together she'd rip off your arm and beat me with it. |
| Season 7 / Episode 17: - Swine Lake Harriette Winslow: [enters the house and sees Curtis] Hi. Curtis Williams: Oh, hi. Harriette Winslow: Who the heck are you? Curtis Williams: I'm Curtis Williams. Me and Laura went ice skating together. Harriette Winslow: Oh, well it's nice to meet you, Curtis. Laura Lee Winslow: [enters the room] All right, Curtis. The hot chocolate will be ready soon. Curtis Williams: Laura, great timing. I was just talking with your grandmother. Harriette Winslow: Excuse me? Laura Lee Winslow: Oh lord, you're gonna die. Uh, Curtis. This isn't my grandmother. This is my mother. Curtis Williams: Oh lord, I'm gonna die. |
| Season 7 / Episode 15: - Random Acts of Science Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Hmm hmm hmm hmmm hmmm hmm hmm... Gun, Carl. Gun, Carl. Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm. Pull your gun right now. Carl Otis Winslow: I didn't bring my gun. I don't know what to say. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What the heck is wrong with you? Snap, Sidekick: [with the Serpents] All the doo-dah day. |
| Season 7 / Episode 5: - Walking My Baby Back Home Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Wait just a minute here, Mr.McClure. Eddie didn't have to come back here and confess. Why he showed great strength of character and what's his reward: you fire him. Well let me tell you something sir, if that's the kind of boss you are. I don't *ever* want to work for you again. |
| Season 7 / Episode 3: - Bugged Harriette Winslow: Mr. Niedermeyer, the only thing that's gonna go by is you. Bye! Nick Neidermeyer: Huh? Harriette Winslow: Carl was nice enough to invite you into his game and you've been acting like a jackass. Carl Otis Winslow: Now honey, it's really ok... Harriette Winslow: No it's not ok, Carl. I kept quiet last week and I haven't say anything tonight. This poker game is important to you and I messed it up by inviting this windbag. Nick Neidermeyer: Do I have to remind you who you're talking to? Harriette Winslow: No, you don't have to remind me of nothing. You may be my boss, but that does not give you the right to come into my home and be obnoxious to my husband and his friends. So go ahead, FIRE ME! But you'll never play in this game again. Zoohair Bhutto: You go, girl. |
| Season 7 / Episode 2: - The Naked and the Nerdy Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: [not knowing Steve and Laura saw each other naked] All right, chicken. I'm starved. Hey Steve, would you like a breast? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No thanks, Eddie. Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: Then how 'bout a nice juicy thigh? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Would you shut your filthy mouth! |
| Season 6 / Episode 25: - Home Sweet Home Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Big Guy, what are you up? It's late. Carl Otis Winslow: I know. What are you doing with these bells? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No. No. No. Not bells, Swiss Melody Chimes. Carl Otis Winslow: Get rid of them! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: All right. Alright. No more chimes. Now you sleep tighty-tighy with all your mighty-might. Carl Otis Winslow: Thank you. Carl Otis Winslow: STEVEEEEE! |
| Season 6 / Episode 22: - We're Going to Disney World (1) Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Stephan] Laura Winslow, you are the sun, the rain, and the wind that flowers my soul. I love you more than life itself. Will you marry me? |
| Season 6 / Episode 14: - The Substitute Son Harriette: That won't get the stains out. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Yeah, you have to use bleach. Eddie: I don't believe wat just happened, dad took Waldo to the bulls game. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Oh honey, I hope they don't cheer too hard. I got fifty bucks on the Knicks. Eddie: No, grandma. Dad took Waldo instead of me. Can you believe that? Harriette: [unsympathetic] Yes! Eddie, your father left you three messages for you and you never called him back. Eddie: It's not fair. Harriette: [still unsympathetic towards Eddie's selfishess] Fair? Was it fair that you stood your father up for bowling? And what about the car show last Saturday? Your father waited at the Box Office for an hour. Eddie: Oh no, I forgot all about the car show. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: [sympathetically] Eddie, Carl was just about your age when he lost his dad. Eddie: Really? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl and his father planned on doing a lot of things together, but they never got the chance. You'll never know how much time you'll have together. So you have to make every minute count. |
| Season 6 / Episode 5: - Beta Chi Guy Eddie Winslow: [at the frat party] Steve, why are you wearing a toga? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well why aren't you? For that matter... why isn't everybody? |
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