Steve Urkel

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Played by:

Jaleel White

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Steve Urkel Quotes

	Season 6 / Episode 3: - Till Death Do Us Apartment Steve Urkel: King me. How about the next round we switch colors? Eddie: Dad? Carl: Hi son, i was thinking if we... Eddie: Yes we can!
	Season 2 / Episode 14: - Ice Station Winslow Steve Urkel: [singing] Fishing on Lake Wannamuk. Doo da doo da. Seems I'm having all the luck. All the doo da day. Carl: Steve. Steve Urkel: Having all the luck! Carl: Steve! Steve Urkel: Having all the luck! Carl: STEVE! Steve Urkel: Hmm? Carl: You know, the only thing worse than not catching any fish is hearing you sing about it.
	Season 2 / Episode 14: - Ice Station Winslow Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Hey Steve, Was'sup? Steve Urkel: My Blood pressure. A few minutes ago, I just saw Laura and I fanted. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Why? Steve Urkel: Why? Weel Good Lord man, she's an overnight success story. Why she is woman, hear me roar.
	Season 2 / Episode 14: - Ice Station Winslow Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Dad, when are we leaving? Carl: What are you talking about? We're having big fun here. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Oh really, why wasn't I told? Carl: Are you implying that you're not having a good time? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [Stands up] Dad, I'm not implying. I'm telling you straight out, I hate this. Carl: [Stands up and faces Eddie] Why? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Well for one thing, I can't feel my toes. Steve Urkel: Uh-oh, Mr.Frostbite. Oh when he shows up, it's amputation time. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Oh great, I'm gonna lose my toes. Steve Urkel: Well the good news is, my dad will do the operation for you. The bad news is, he'll charge you an arm and a leg.
	Season 1 / Episode 22: - Rock Video Carl Otis Winslow: [packing up the camping gear] Boy that was great, a family weekend in the wilderness. No phones. No Traffic. Laura Lee Winslow: No surprise visits from Steve Urkel. Steve Urkel: [opens the back door] Surprise.
	Season 1 / Episode 22: - Rock Video Rodney Beckett: [after seeing Eddie's music video] I can't believe it. Urkel, the camera was on Eddie the whole time. Steve Urkel: Hey, I was following Eddie's instructions. Rachel Crawford: Exactly what were Eddie's instructions? Steve Urkel: To keep the camera on him and forget all the other meatheads. Jerry, Kyle: What? Steve Urkel: [points to Eddie] His words, not mine.
	Season 1 / Episode 22: - Rock Video Steve Urkel: [about the music video] This is going to be the biggest bomb since Howard the Duck.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - Laura's First Date Steve Urkel: [shows up in the living room with his flowers from the cemetery] Hi Laura, these are for you. Wow, are you wearing a bra?
	Unknown Episode: Steve Urkel: Did I do that?
	Unknown Episode: Steve Urkel: [last lines of the series] Do I get a welcome home kiss? Laura: On one condition. Steve Urkel: What's that. Laura: That you'll never go into outer space again Steve Urkel: Only when we kiss, Laura Lee, only when we kiss [they passionately kiss]
	Unknown Episode: Steve Urkel: Ms Steuben, you taught Laura to slow down and stop taking short cuts. And you taught Cassie Lynn Nubbles, the posterchild for useless people, how to do things for herself. And, my God, look what you've done to Waldo. Do you have any idea how much you changed him? Ms. Steuben: Well, I guess he's changed a little. Steve Urkel: A little? Why, because of you, he's swapping recipes with Wolfgang Puck. And, he's got something that he didn't have before. Self respect.
	Unknown Episode: Steve Urkel: [Steve is suing Carl on the TV show Citizen's Court and Waldo has been called as a witness] Waldo, how did you feel about Pablo? Waldo: [Monotone while Steve mouths his words with him] Pablo was a kind and gentle creature. When I was with him, I felt... I felt... [Rolls up his sleeve and begins reading]... I felt like I was one with the Bee-Oh-Sphere. Steve Urkel: [panicked]... um... perhaps you mean "biosphere"? Waldo: [after thinking a moment] Ok. Cool. Steve Urkel: [Rushed] That's all. I'm finished with this witness, your honor! Laura: Wait a second. Excuse me Waldo, is there something written on your arm? Waldo: Just the stuff Steve told me to say.
	Unknown Episode: Cassie Lynn: Look, Becky Sue. Poor Laura has worked so hard and now she has to drop out of the race. Laura: What are you talkin' about? Cassie Lynn: Well, we just got some really hot photos of you being romanced by the Prince of Passion here. Steve Urkel: What? She just slipped and I caught her. That's all. Cassie Lynn: Becky Sue! We should put those pictures in the school paper. Becky Sue: Oh, we couldn't do that. Everyone would think that Laura is in love with Steve Urkel and no one would vote for her. Steve Urkel: But, I told you. I just caught her, that's all. Cassie Lynn: That may be what happened, but that won't be what the people believe. They just love juicy gossip. Laura: You wouldn't dare. Cassie Lynn: Try me. You've got twenty-four hours to drop out of the race or we publish the picture. Steve Urkel: Why you... Steve Urkel: Why, come back here, you little hussy! Nobody threatens my woman! Laura: Steve. Steve! STEVE! Steve Urkel: Wha-at? Laura: Will you calm down? Steve Urkel: Calm down? Why that low-down-cheap-bunder-headed-mud-slinging-bush-wacking-slanderous-snake-in- a-skirt is blackmailing you! Laura: I know! Steve Urkel: Why, to make everyone think that the woman I love actually loves me back? Why, how low can you get?
	Unknown Episode: Steve Urkel: [after discovering that the stereo in Eddie's car has had its serial number scratched off] Uh-uh. It seems the guy that you purchased your stereo equipment from didn't want you to fill in any paper work. Eddie: What do you mean Steve? Steve Urkel: Edward this stuff's been hawked.
	Unknown Episode: Steve Urkel: You teach us more than just things out of a textbook. Why, you teach us things about life! Ms. Steuben: Oh, you really think so? Steve Urkel: Look, I know the pay is lousy, the hours are long, and you hardly ever get the credit you deserve. But, you're a teacher, Ms. Steuben, and a daaarrn good one.
	Unknown Episode: Cassie Lynn: All's fair in love and politics. Steve Urkel: Oh, I am so glad you said that! Cassie Lynn: Eww! Yuck! Ick! Steve Urkel: Well, the earth didn't exactly move for me either!
	Unknown Episode: Laura: Well, Steve, I've been trying to convince Waldo that girls find him attractive. I couldn't turn right around and refuse to go out with him. Steve Urkel: Oh, why not? You refuse to go out with me for the last decade! Laura: Well, that's because you have self-confidence. I can turn you down without destroying your ego. Steve Urkel: Well, isn't that just a FIIIINE kettle of fish? I'm getting penalized because I'm emotionally stable!
	Unknown Episode: Harriette: What's goin' on down here and why do I smell cinnamon flavored smoke? Steve Urkel: Well, ya see, we had a little muffin mayhem. A small gastronomic goof up. A minor Betty Crocker boo boo. Harriette: Laura, translate.
	Unknown Episode: Steve Urkel: Laura, suppose I arrange for you to meet Johnny Gill personally. Would you like that? Laura: I'd love it, but... Steve Urkel: Oh, no buts! Suppose I made it happen. Would you reward me with a kiss? Laura: Sure. I'd lay one on you that would weld your glasses to your face.
	Unknown Episode: Steve Urkel: Ms. Steuben... I told the janitor about our little problem here. Ms. Steuben: Is he coming? Steve Urkel: Uh... no. He opted ofr early retirement.
	Unknown Episode: Steve Urkel: Steve Urkel! Muskrat Time! Sorry I'm late, but I got my tongue stuck in the printing press.
	Unknown Episode: Steve Urkel: Waldo, how could you do this to me? Waldo: I'm sorry, Steve. I know how you feel about Laura. But, like they say in the movie "Love Story"... 'Love means never having to say I'm sorry Steve, but I'm takin' yo chick'.
	Unknown Episode: Ms. Steuben: Listen, now, you tried as hard as you could and I'm gonna be generous and give you a C. Steve Urkel: A what? A what? Ms. Steuben: A C. A C! Steve Urkel: But... but, I never... I never got less than... than an A. Ms. Steuben: So? Steve Urkel: So, I can't live with that! Why, it'll ruin my transcript! Ms. Steuben: Get a hold of yourself, Steven. Steve Urkel: I can't! I can't! Oh, the room is spinning. Oh, yes it is! I... I'm getting dizzy. Oh my God! I feel stupid!
	Unknown Episode: Carl: [Steve has broken a window] Yes. Steve Urkel: Yes what? Carl: Yes, you did that.
	Unknown Episode: Steve Urkel: [thinking he's playing hide and seek with Laura, Eddie, & Judy and a shower starts running] That shower running doesn't fool me Laura! [walks into the bathroom] Rachel Crawford: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Steve Urkel: [runs back into the living room] Sorry Rachel! [to self] WOW!
	Unknown Episode: Steve Urkel: Waldo, is everything okay? Waldo: No, it's not. Steve Urkel: Well, what's the matter? Waldo: I can't talk to girls. Every time I'm around them, my mind goes blank. Can you imagine that? Steve Urkel: Actually, yes!
	Unknown Episode: Steve Urkel: [after discovering that the stereo in Eddie's car has had its serial number scratched off] Uh-uh. Just as I thought. It seems the guy that you purchased your stereo equipment from didn't want you to fill in any important paper work. Eddie: What do you mean Steve? Steve Urkel: Edward this stuff's been hawked.
	Unknown Episode: Steve Urkel: You're safe now, Missy. Laura: Thank you, Steve. Now, I'm gonna give you a compliment. But, it's only a compliment and it doesn't mean anything more than that. Steve Urkel: Oh, I understand. Laura: You did good. Steve Urkel: You love me, don't you?
	Unknown Episode: Steve Urkel: Now that Waldo's out of the picture, does that make me your number one reject? Laura: Sure, Steve. There's no one I wanna say no to more than you. Steve Urkel: Whoa! We have liftoff!
	Unknown Episode: Steve Urkel: You're a wonderful teacher. Ms. Steuben: No, I'm a nervous teacher! I have a muscle in my forehead that will not stop jerking!

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