itcdr
slint74
jaaa
|
Played by:
|
« Back to Character Profile
Stewie Griffin Quotes
 | Unknown Episode: Stewie Griffin: Hey, Brian, remember me? I'm the guy you left standing at the counter at McDonald's with a bag full of burgers. You know it's funny, I tried to walk home and, um, a lot of hungry deer walking around at this hour of the night and, um, oh here's where the story gets fun, uh, you may have noticed I'm missing an ear. Managed to, uh, pull it out of the deer's mouth and put it in some ice I got at a 7-Eleven. So when you are ready to apologize, just talk into this cup. |
| Unknown Episode: Stewie Griffin: 10 bucks. Brian Griffin: Five bucks. Stewie Griffin: Eight bucks and I'll do it. Brian Griffin: Fine. Stewie Griffin: Help! I've escaped from Kevin Spacey's basement! Help me! [Stewie walks back to Brian naked] Ha! I am so outrageous. Gimme the cash. Brian Griffin: Cold in here? Stewie Griffin: Nope, just really small. |
| Unknown Episode: Stewie Griffin: 10 bucks. Brian Griffin: Five bucks. Stewie Griffin: Eight bucks and I'll do it. Brian Griffin: Fine. Stewie Griffin: Help! I've escaped from Kevin Spacey's basement! Help me! [Stewie walks back to Brian naked] Ha! I am so outrageous. Gimme the cash. Brian Griffin: Cold in here? Stewie Griffin: Nope, just really small. |
| Unknown Episode: Stewie Griffin: [shouts] Oh, my God, Jeremy's still in the trunk! How long has it been? Two weeks. Nope, he's dead. |
| Unknown Episode: Stewie Griffin: [shouts] Oh, my God, Jeremy's still in the trunk! How long has it been? Two weeks. Nope, he's dead. |
| Unknown Episode: Stewie Griffin: What the hell is this? Lois Griffin: It's your favourite honey, tuna salad. Stewie Griffin: Oh,really, is that what it is? Because I could have sworn it was mayonnaise and cat food. |
| Unknown Episode: Stewie Griffin: What the hell is this? Lois Griffin: It's your favourite honey, tuna salad. Stewie Griffin: Oh,really, is that what it is? Because I could have sworn it was mayonnaise and cat food. |
| Unknown Episode: Stewie Griffin: Okay, I got it, I got it. If you cooked anymore slowly, you wouldn't need an egg timer, you need an egg calendar. [laughs] Oh, that's right, I went there. Peter Griffin: Okay, okay, wait, here's another one. Why do women have boobs? So you got something to look at while you're talking to them. Man: Good one Peter. Man 2: That's what they're for all right. Lady: Are you telling jokes? I love jokes. Peter Griffin: All right, then you'll love this one, okay. Why do women have boobs? [she stares at him angrily] So you got something to look at while you're talking to them [she's shocked, then Peter laughs] So you got something you look at while you're talking to them [laughs] So you got - Y-you want to see me, Mr. Weed? |
| Unknown Episode: Stewie Griffin: Okay, I got it, I got it. If you cooked anymore slowly, you wouldn't need an egg timer, you need an egg calendar. [laughs] Oh, that's right, I went there. Peter Griffin: Okay, okay, wait, here's another one. Why do women have boobs? So you got something to look at while you're talking to them. Man: Good one Peter. Man 2: That's what they're for all right. Lady: Are you telling jokes? I love jokes. Peter Griffin: All right, then you'll love this one, okay. Why do women have boobs? [she stares at him angrily] So you got something to look at while you're talking to them [she's shocked, then Peter laughs] So you got something you look at while you're talking to them [laughs] So you got - Y-you want to see me, Mr. Weed? |
| Unknown Episode: Stewie Griffin: [evil laughter] I've done it! Stewie Griffin: Whoa! Oh, goddamn it! |
| Unknown Episode: Stewie Griffin: [evil laughter] I've done it! Stewie Griffin: Whoa! Oh, goddamn it! |
| Unknown Episode: Stewie Griffin: Up! Stewie wants to go uppie! Mmm, mama's skin's so soft... Lois Griffin: Oh, aren't you affectionate tonight. Well,let me give you a kiss... Stewie Griffin: Another! Another! Mama has candy kisses! Brian Griffin: All right, that's enough! [laves the table in disgust] Lois Griffin: Stewie... did you unhook mommy's bra? |
| Unknown Episode: Stewie Griffin: Up! Stewie wants to go uppie! Mmm, mama's skin's so soft... Lois Griffin: Oh, aren't you affectionate tonight. Well,let me give you a kiss... Stewie Griffin: Another! Another! Mama has candy kisses! Brian Griffin: All right, that's enough! [laves the table in disgust] Lois Griffin: Stewie... did you unhook mommy's bra? |
| Unknown Episode: Stewie Griffin: [talking to a very old prostitute] So is there any tread left on the tires or at this point would it be more like throwing a hot dog down a hallway? |
| Unknown Episode: Stewie Griffin: [talking to a very old prostitute] So is there any tread left on the tires or at this point would it be more like throwing a hot dog down a hallway? |
| Unknown Episode: Teeth # 1: Okay. Teeth # 1: One, two... Stewie Griffin: Ah! |
| Unknown Episode: Teeth # 1: Okay. Teeth # 1: One, two... Stewie Griffin: Ah! |
| Unknown Episode: Stewie Griffin: I don't need to $@%# impress you. |
| Unknown Episode: Stewie Griffin: I don't need to $@%# impress you. |
| Unknown Episode: Stewie Griffin: Why the hell did we get off here? Brian Griffin: My mother lives in Austin. Don't you see? Fate's brought me back here for a reason. I have to find my mother and make peace with her. Stewie Griffin: So, she's in Austin? Eight miles that way? Brian Griffin: Yes. Stewie Griffin: All right. So, instead of driving down this sun-parched highway... we've now got to walk. Brian Griffin: Pretty much. Yeah. Stewie Griffin: You know what this means? Brian Griffin: Yeah. |
| Unknown Episode: Stewie Griffin: Why the hell did we get off here? Brian Griffin: My mother lives in Austin. Don't you see? Fate's brought me back here for a reason. I have to find my mother and make peace with her. Stewie Griffin: So, she's in Austin? Eight miles that way? Brian Griffin: Yes. Stewie Griffin: All right. So, instead of driving down this sun-parched highway... we've now got to walk. Brian Griffin: Pretty much. Yeah. Stewie Griffin: You know what this means? Brian Griffin: Yeah. |
| Unknown Episode: Stewie Griffin: [to Peter] When the world is mine, your death should be quick and painless. [leaves] |
| Unknown Episode: Stewie Griffin: [to Peter] When the world is mine, your death should be quick and painless. [leaves] |
| Unknown Episode: Stewie Griffin: [Peter is upset, Stewie is trying to cheer him up] Hey... [pats Peter's knee] Hey, big guy... how you doin? Holdin up all right? Want a soda? Oh, screw it. I tried! |
| Unknown Episode: Stewie Griffin: [Peter is upset, Stewie is trying to cheer him up] Hey... [pats Peter's knee] Hey, big guy... how you doin? Holdin up all right? Want a soda? Oh, screw it. I tried! |
| Unknown Episode: LaDonne: Hi, gorgeous man! Stewie Griffin: Oh, you... Must I lock up your tongue with the rest of the silver? LaDonne: Stewie, this is Jeremy! Jeremy: Hey, little man! Jeremy: So you're the guy who's been trying to steal my girlfriend! Stewie Griffin: Wha- you- Girlfriend? Oh, what kind of sick, twisted game are you playing at? LaDonne: Stewie sounds a little cranky. I'll put him to bed. Stewie Griffin: [takes Jeremy's hat as he's carried away] Ha! I've got your hat! Take that, Hatless! Now go back to the quad and resume your hacky-sack tournee! I'm not going to lie down for some frat-boy bastard with his damn Teva sandals and his Skoal bandits and his Abercrombie & Fitch long-sleeved, open-stitch, crew-neck Henley smoking his sticky-buds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded "Simpsons" episodes every night! Yes, we all love "Mr. Plow." Oh, you've got the song memorized, do you? Stewie Griffin: So does everyone else! That is *exactly* the kind of idiot you see at Taco Bell at one in the morning! The guy who just whiffed his way down the bar-skank ladder! |
| Unknown Episode: LaDonne: Hi, gorgeous man! Stewie Griffin: Oh, you... Must I lock up your tongue with the rest of the silver? LaDonne: Stewie, this is Jeremy! Jeremy: Hey, little man! Jeremy: So you're the guy who's been trying to steal my girlfriend! Stewie Griffin: Wha- you- Girlfriend? Oh, what kind of sick, twisted game are you playing at? LaDonne: Stewie sounds a little cranky. I'll put him to bed. Stewie Griffin: [takes Jeremy's hat as he's carried away] Ha! I've got your hat! Take that, Hatless! Now go back to the quad and resume your hacky-sack tournee! I'm not going to lie down for some frat-boy bastard with his damn Teva sandals and his Skoal bandits and his Abercrombie & Fitch long-sleeved, open-stitch, crew-neck Henley smoking his sticky-buds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded "Simpsons" episodes every night! Yes, we all love "Mr. Plow." Oh, you've got the song memorized, do you? Stewie Griffin: So does everyone else! That is *exactly* the kind of idiot you see at Taco Bell at one in the morning! The guy who just whiffed his way down the bar-skank ladder! |
| Unknown Episode: Brian Griffin: Oh, my god, that was hilarious! Lois Griffin: What does that say into me? Oh, go [beep] yourself Diane. Stewie Griffin: She said a swear! |
| Unknown Episode: Brian Griffin: Oh, my god, that was hilarious! Lois Griffin: What does that say into me? Oh, go [beep] yourself Diane. Stewie Griffin: She said a swear! |
| Unknown Episode: Stewie Griffin: Ha ha. Oh, this is so good it just HAS to be fattening. |
| Previous: Lois Griffin | Next: Brian Griffin |
» Back to Family Guy Wiki
Facebook
Twitter