itcdr
slint74
jaaa
|
Played by:
|
« Back to Character Profile
Lois Griffin Quotes
 | Season 3 / Episode 4: - One If By Clam, Two If By Sea Lois Griffin: [about Nigel] He's Charming. All british men are. Peter Griffin: Sure Lois, that's what they said about that Benjamin Disraeli guy. Benjamin Disraeli: [Writing at desk after a pause] You don't know who I am! |
 | Season 3 / Episode 2: - Brian Does Hollywood (2) Director: [to Lois] You got a nice wiggle, baby. You wanna be in a movie, huh? A little girl/girl action maybe? Lois Griffin: [gasps and nudges Peter] Peter! Peter Griffin: Good luck buddy, I've been barkin' up that tree for 17 years. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 1: - The Thin White Line (1) Lois Griffin: So how was your day? Brian Griffin: [on drugs] My day? Un-freaking-believable! First we nailed this bastard who had the gall to hide his stuff in his daughter's doll! Her doll for god's sake! [draws heavily on his cigarette then exhales] Where's the line anymore? Well I got news for you... It's, it's not even on the radar screen! The days of decency and virtue are gone honey, BAM! It freaking evaporated like a dingy, stinky mud puddle! One day you... you see your reflection in it, and the next day it's a... it's a damn oil spot on your cracked driveway staring back at you, mocking you... Blah Blah Blah! Knowing the perverted truth will rot in the pit of your soul! That's how my freaking day was! Peter Griffin: You know what I haven't had in a while? Big League Chew. |
| Season 3 / Episode 1: - The Thin White Line (1) Lois Griffin: So, Peter, where shall we go for your week off? Peter Griffin: Well, I... I was thinking we could all go to Purgatory like we did last year! Lois Griffin: This isn't bad... it's not that good, but y'know... it's not that bad. Brian Griffin: It's so-so. Peter Griffin: Yeah... more or less... |
| Season 3 / Episode 1: - The Thin White Line (1) Brian Griffin: And that's why I'm leaving. Peter Griffin: Leaving? But you can't leave. Brian Griffin: I have to Peter, for me. I love you all. Lois Griffin: Somebody, say something! Stewie Griffin: [running] Brian wait! Brian Griffin: Hold on a second. Brian Griffin: Airport please. |
| Season 3 / Episode 1: - The Thin White Line (1) Lois Griffin: Hi Tina. Welcome to our home. Can I get you a washcloth to wipe the dried blood from under your nose? |
 | Season 2 / Episode 21: - Fore, Father Meg Griffin: Mom, I can't clean - I got stuff to do! Lois Griffin: Sweetheart, we all know you don't have any stuff to do. |
| Season 2 / Episode 21: - Fore, Father Lois Griffin: Oh look, Meg, it's your little baby booties, oh and your little bronzed hat, and your tail. Meg Griffin: My what?! Lois Griffin: Nothing. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 20: - Wasted Talent Peter Griffin: Oh Lois, thank God it's you! The last three houses I went to were very rude. Lois Griffin: Have you been drinking? Peter Griffin: Why yes I have... thank you. |
| Season 2 / Episode 20: - Wasted Talent Lois Griffin: Why do you care so much about touring a stupid brewery? Peter Griffin: Lois, everyone has their sanctuary. The Catholics have churches, fat people have Wisconsin, and I have the Pawtucket Brewery. Now, now help me drink these beers. |
| Season 2 / Episode 20: - Wasted Talent Lois Griffin: Peter, it's 7 in the morning. Brian Griffin: Thanks for the update, Big Ben! Lois Griffin: You're drunk again. Peter Griffin: No, I'm just exhausted because I've been up all night drinking. Lois Griffin: Listen Peter, if you keep this up, something terrible is gonna happen. Peter Griffin: Yeah, something terrible... all the way to the bank. Brian Griffin: Nice. |
| Season 2 / Episode 20: - Wasted Talent Peter Griffin: Jeez Lois, still with the Piano? What's a guy got to do to get a little attention around here? Lois Griffin: Peter, that's incredible! [plays perfect piano] I don't understand how... you're like the idiot from Shine! Meg, you're free. Try the clarinet. Keep playing, keep playing! |
| Season 2 / Episode 20: - Wasted Talent Lois Griffin: Peter, talent just doesn't disappear. Peter Griffin: It can, I mean you were pretty bad in bed Saturday night. [cutaway to Peter on his bed] Come on, move around. Jeez, it's like I'm doing it with a pillow. Lois Griffin: Peter, I stayed at my mother's house that night. Peter Griffin: [with an embarrassed look] Oh. |
| Season 2 / Episode 20: - Wasted Talent Brian Griffin: [drunk and encouraging Peter's drinking] Go! Go! Go! Lois Griffin: [entering the room] Peter, it's 6 o'clock in the morning! Brian Griffin: Thanks for the update, Big Ben. Lois Griffin: You're drunk again! Peter Griffin: No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking. |
| Season 2 / Episode 20: - Wasted Talent Lois Griffin: Peter, talent doesn't disappear just like that! Peter Griffin: Well, sometimes it does. I mean, you were pretty bad in bed Saturday night. Peter Griffin: Come on Lois, move or something! Jeez, it's like doing it with a pillow. Lois Griffin: Peter, I stayed at my mother's that night. Peter Griffin: Oh. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 19: - The Story on Page One Lois Griffin: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different. Stewie Griffin: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankles behind your ears that would ring a few bells. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 17: - He's Too Sexy for His Fat Lois Griffin: Oh my, tomatoes are 3.99 a pound that's so high! Isn't that high? It seems so high! |
| Season 2 / Episode 17: - He's Too Sexy for His Fat Lois Griffin: Ahh, I hate what you've become. Why don't you go back to that doctor and have him suck the fat out of your head? Peter Griffin: Maybe I will! Then I'll put it on my feet and skate around on Paul Bunyan's giant skillet to cook his flapjacks! Lois Griffin: That doesn't make any sense! Peter Griffin: It doesn't have to. I'm beautiful! |
| Season 2 / Episode 17: - He's Too Sexy for His Fat Lois Griffin: Peter, where's Chris? Chris Griffin: I love you She Hulk. Security Guard: All right son, I'm going to need those two hams back. Chris Griffin: I... I don't have any hams. Security Guard: Lift up your shirt son. Chris Griffin: I need an adult. I need an adult. Security Guard: You're not a shoplifter, you're just a fat kid. Sorry about that fatty, fat, fatty. Hey Tom, he's just a fat kid. Aren't ya fatty? He's a big ol' fat kid. Here's some chocolate fatso. Chris Griffin: Thanks. |
| Season 2 / Episode 17: - He's Too Sexy for His Fat Chris Griffin: Go away, you're not welcome here! Meg Griffin: Wow, Chris, did you lose weight? You're wicked skinny, I'm jealous. Chris Griffin: Thanks Meg. I'm jealous of your moustache. Meg Griffin: Mom? Lois Griffin: Oh, it's fine, Meg. It makes you look dignified. Meg Griffin: But, Mom! Lois Griffin: Now I love all of my children equally. |
| Season 2 / Episode 17: - He's Too Sexy for His Fat Lois Griffin: He's figured out how to get the twinkie. Chris Griffin: Ha ha. I'm turning you into poo. |
| Season 2 / Episode 17: - He's Too Sexy for His Fat Lois Griffin: Peter, did you get a new buttocks? Peter Griffin: I had to. My old one had a crack in it. |
| Season 2 / Episode 17: - He's Too Sexy for His Fat Lois Griffin: Ahh, I hate what you've become. Why don't you go back to that doctor and have him suck the fat out of your head? Peter Griffin: Maybe I will, and then I'll put it on my feet and stand on Paul Bunyan's giant skillet to cook his flapjacks. Lois Griffin: That doesn't make any sense. Peter Griffin: It doesn't have to. I'm beautiful. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 16: - There's Something About Paulie Peter Griffin: Lois, what are you doing lying on the couch at this hour? Have you been drinking? Lois Griffin: Peter, you know I never drink. Peter Griffin: Oh yeah? Just like you never dodged the draft? Lois Griffin: What are you talking about? I'm a woman. Peter Griffin: Sure you are. Now. |
| Season 2 / Episode 16: - There's Something About Paulie Lois Griffin: Peter, did you get that thing taken care of. Peter Griffin: That thing? Oh yeah, I had the doctor look at it. Dr. Hartman: Mr. Griffin, that's not a growth, that's your penis. Peter Griffin: Oh, well what about the...? Dr. Hartman: Testicles. |
| Season 2 / Episode 16: - There's Something About Paulie Lois Griffin: Peter, how can we afford this? Peter Griffin: Let's just say the car was a steal. Lois Griffin: Say that again. Peter Griffin: The car was a steal. Lois Griffin: This time without winking. Peter Griffin: The car was a steal. Wink. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 15: - Dammit Janet Lois Griffin: I'm so bored without Stewie around, I don't know what to do. Brian Griffin: We could get hammered. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 12: - Fifteen Minutes of Shame Meg Griffin: Mom! Dad! I'm home! Meg Griffin: Who are you? Tom Arnold: We're the Griffins! Meg Griffin: No you're not! You're Tom Arnold! And you're Fran Drescher, and you're... that fat guy from _Boogie Nights And you're the Olsen twins? Mary Kate Olsen: Blast! Damn you all! Victory is mine! Ashley Olsen: Who's leg do you have to hump to get a dry Martini around here? Fran Drescher: Oh Peter, you promised me you wouldn't drink at the stag party. Lois Griffin: Ugh, I do not sound like that. Oh, this is terrible. We're the laughing stock of the town and we lost our daughter! |
 | Season 2 / Episode 10: - Running Mates Lois Griffin: [about Peter] This is a man who thinks the plural of goose is sheep. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 9: - If I'm Dyin' I'm Lyin' Lois Griffin: [seeing Peter's "followers" building a golden statue of him] Oh, my God! Peter Griffin: [slyly] Yes? Lois Griffin: Peter, that's not funny. |
| Previous: Peter Griffin | Next: Stewie Griffin |
» Back to Family Guy Wiki
Facebook
Twitter