Diane Simmons

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Lori Alan
Lori Allen originated the part of Mae in the award-winning hit musical "Reefer Madness" at the Hudson ...

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Diane Simmons Quotes

	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Prick Up Your Ears Tom Tucker: In local news, a sexy new trend has emerged at James Woods High. Diane Simmons: That's right Tom, It appears that students have taken to having ear sex, in lieu of traditional intercourse. Tom Tucker: Over two hundred reports of ear sex have been confirmed so far, prompting a new slogan, "Once you go Black, you go deaf".
	Season 4 / Episode 26: - Petergeist Tom Tucker: A bit of breaking news. A local family is forced out of their home by ghosts. Who are they gonna call? Diane Simmons: [sighs] Ghostbusters, Tom. Tom Tucker: No, Diane. Their insurance company. That's just stupid what you said.
	Season 3 / Episode 7: - Lethal Weapons Diane Simmons: Good evening. Tonight's top story. Quahog is infested with loud, hairy creatures, also known as "New Yorkers." Tom Tucker: They migrate north every autumn to see the foliage. I think I speak for all of us when I say that New York and everyone from there can fornicate themselves with an iron stick.
	Season 2 / Episode 12: - Fifteen Minutes of Shame Diane Simmons: Peter, do you think there may be any validity to what Meg is feeling? Peter: WHO ARE YOU CALLING UNCLE TOM?
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - Brian in Love Lois Griffin: Hey, you, the news is on. Brian Griffin: Oh. Where's everybody? Lois Griffin: Stewie's taking a nap, and Peter and the kids are out. Come sit with me. Brian Griffin: Oh. Okay. Brian Griffin: [while Lois rubs his skull] Oh. Ho,ho,ho,ho. Diane Simmons: And now, Part 3 of Asian correspondent Tricia Takanawa's special report on sex. Tricia Takanawa: Thank you, Diane. Sex... some people have it anonymously. "What kind of person might do that?" You might ask. Well, I'm about to find out. I just picked a complete stranger in a hotel bar, and he's in the bathroom, possibly doing drugs. Watch as I have sex with this potentially dangerous man, as we take you in depth and undercover. Glen Quagmire: I never had a Spanish chick before. Ole! Lois Griffin: Oh, it is so refreshing to see something other than violence on the news. Lois Griffin: Brian, your tail keeps hitting me. Brian Griffin: Oh, it was bothering you, I can stop. Lois Griffin: No, it's okay. That breeze feels good. It's so warm in here. Lois Griffin: That's better. Brian Griffin: I-I'd take my sweater off but I'm afraid it's attached to my skin. Brian Griffin: Smooth. Lois Griffin: Well, I better go start dinner.
	Unknown Episode: Diane Simmons: Our suspect may look something like this. And we have received an anonymous tip with a new lead! Tom Tucker: We now go live with Hispanic reporter Maria J... j... Diane Simmons: Jimenez. Tom Tucker: I know how to say it!
	Unknown Episode: Diane Simmons: Our suspect may look something like this. And we have received an anonymous tip with a new lead! Tom Tucker: We now go live with Hispanic reporter Maria J... j... Diane Simmons: Jimenez. Tom Tucker: I know how to say it!
	Unknown Episode: Tom Tucker: Due to an accident today at the Quahog Cable Company, all television transmissions will be out for an undetermined ammount of time. Of course no one can see this news program so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the lord Jesus Christ. I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets. How about you, Diane? Diane Simmons: Well Tom, I just plain don't like black people. [they laugh] Cameraman: You guys, we're still on in Boston. [Tom and Diane stare in horror]
	Unknown Episode: Tom Tucker: Due to an accident today at the Quahog Cable Company, all television transmissions will be out for an undetermined ammount of time. Of course no one can see this news program so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the lord Jesus Christ. I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets. How about you, Diane? Diane Simmons: Well Tom, I just plain don't like black people. [they laugh] Cameraman: You guys, we're still on in Boston. [Tom and Diane stare in horror]
	Unknown Episode: Diane Simmons: And in entertainment, Mary Tyler Moore is 64 years old today. Tom Tucker: Really? 64? Diane Simmons: Yes! Tom Tucker: Now I thought she was dead. Diane Simmons: Nope, she's alive. Tom Tucker: Fantastic! And now this...
	Unknown Episode: Diane Simmons: And in entertainment, Mary Tyler Moore is 64 years old today. Tom Tucker: Really? 64? Diane Simmons: Yes! Tom Tucker: Now I thought she was dead. Diane Simmons: Nope, she's alive. Tom Tucker: Fantastic! And now this...
	Unknown Episode: Diane Simmons: Our top story tonight, I have been cast as the lead in the Quahog Players' production of The King And I. Tom Tucker: In other news, I wont be going to the play because I'm sure it will be lousy. Diane Simmons: This just in: Tom, you're such a closet case. Tom Tucker: We now go live to Diane being a bitch. Diane?
	Unknown Episode: Diane Simmons: Our top story tonight, I have been cast as the lead in the Quahog Players' production of The King And I. Tom Tucker: In other news, I wont be going to the play because I'm sure it will be lousy. Diane Simmons: This just in: Tom, you're such a closet case. Tom Tucker: We now go live to Diane being a bitch. Diane?
	Unknown Episode: Tom Tucker: Diane, that last report was so good, you deserve a spanking. Diane Simmons: Oh, Tom... I don't think your wife would like that. Tom Tucker: My wife is a bitter old hag, she's in Quahog and cant hear a word we're saying. Director: Uh, guys, we're back on in Quahog.
	Unknown Episode: Tom Tucker: Diane, that last report was so good, you deserve a spanking. Diane Simmons: Oh, Tom... I don't think your wife would like that. Tom Tucker: My wife is a bitter old hag, she's in Quahog and cant hear a word we're saying. Director: Uh, guys, we're back on in Quahog.
	Unknown Episode: Tom Tucker: Mmm. Diane can I cook or what? Diane Simmons: I guess we should be eating her with chopsticks Brian Griffin: Oh my god! They're eating Asian reporter Trisha Takanawa! Peter Griffin: That's insane! They're just gonna be hungry again in an hour.
	Unknown Episode: Tom Tucker: Mmm. Diane can I cook or what? Diane Simmons: I guess we should be eating her with chopsticks Brian Griffin: Oh my god! They're eating Asian reporter Trisha Takanawa! Peter Griffin: That's insane! They're just gonna be hungry again in an hour.
	Unknown Episode: Brian Griffin: The sixties brought the hippie breed / And decades later, things have changed indeed / We lost the values, but we kept the weed / You've got a lot to see / The Reagan years have laid the frame / For movie stars to play the White House game / We're not to far from voting Feldman-Haim / You've got a lot to see / The town of Vegas / Has got a different face / 'Cause it's a family place / With lots to do / Where in the fifties / A man could mingle with scores / Of all the seediest whores / Well now his children can too / You heard it from the canine's mouth / The country's changed, that is except the South / And you'll agree / No one really knows, my dear lady friend / Just quite how it all will end / So hurry, 'cause you've got a lot to see / The baldness gene was cause for dread / But that's a fear that you can put to bed / They'll shave your ass and glue it on your head / You've got a lot to see / The PC age has moved the bar / A word like "redneck" is a step too far / The proper term is "country music star" / You've got a lot to see / Our flashy cell phones / Make people mumble, "Gee whiz" / "Look how important he is" / "His life must rule" / You'll get a tumor / But on your surgery day / The doc will see it and say / "Wow, you must really be cool" / Tom Tucker: There's lots of things you may have missed! Adam West: Like Pee-Wee and his famous wrist! Cleveland: Or Sandy Duncan's creepy phony eye! Neil Goldman: That awesome "Thundercats" cartoon! Diane Simmons: Neil Armstrong landing on the moon! Meg Griffin: Neil Armstrong? Wait, was he the trumpet guy? Brian Griffin: So let's go see the USA / They'll treat you right, unless you're black or gay / Or Cherokee / But you can forgive he world and its flaws / And follow me there, because / You've still got a hell of a lot to see / You've got a lot to see /
	Unknown Episode: Brian Griffin: The sixties brought the hippie breed / And decades later, things have changed indeed / We lost the values, but we kept the weed / You've got a lot to see / The Reagan years have laid the frame / For movie stars to play the White House game / We're not to far from voting Feldman-Haim / You've got a lot to see / The town of Vegas / Has got a different face / 'Cause it's a family place / With lots to do / Where in the fifties / A man could mingle with scores / Of all the seediest whores / Well now his children can too / You heard it from the canine's mouth / The country's changed, that is except the South / And you'll agree / No one really knows, my dear lady friend / Just quite how it all will end / So hurry, 'cause you've got a lot to see / The baldness gene was cause for dread / But that's a fear that you can put to bed / They'll shave your ass and glue it on your head / You've got a lot to see / The PC age has moved the bar / A word like "redneck" is a step too far / The proper term is "country music star" / You've got a lot to see / Our flashy cell phones / Make people mumble, "Gee whiz" / "Look how important he is" / "His life must rule" / You'll get a tumor / But on your surgery day / The doc will see it and say / "Wow, you must really be cool" / Tom Tucker: There's lots of things you may have missed! Adam West: Like Pee-Wee and his famous wrist! Cleveland: Or Sandy Duncan's creepy phony eye! Neil Goldman: That awesome "Thundercats" cartoon! Diane Simmons: Neil Armstrong landing on the moon! Meg Griffin: Neil Armstrong? Wait, was he the trumpet guy? Brian Griffin: So let's go see the USA / They'll treat you right, unless you're black or gay / Or Cherokee / But you can forgive he world and its flaws / And follow me there, because / You've still got a hell of a lot to see / You've got a lot to see /

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