Chris Griffin

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Seth Green
Seth was raised in Overbrook Park by his parents; Herb, a math teacher, and Barbara, an artist. He attended ...

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Chris Griffin Quotes

	Season 7 / Episode 12: - 420 Peter Griffin: [after the Griffins bail out Brian] Brian, If you don't mind, we'll start thinking about prison rape jokes immediately. I'll break the ice. Hey, Brian, did you do 'hard times' or 'hardly workin'? [pause] Penis. [another pause] Okay, all the pieces are there. Somebody make something out of it. Chris Griffin: Hey, Brian, whose your favorite baseball player? Albert POOHOLES? Lois Griffin: Chris, stop it! Come on. Brian, we're happy you're out of jail and when we get to the car, would you like a doughnut to sit on? [laughs out loud]
	Season 7 / Episode 4: - Baby Not On Board Peter Griffin: You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right, I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you... but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me; I'm not changing. I like... I like me. My kids like me. My friends like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get. Chris Griffin: Haha, movie references.
	Season 6 / Episode 12: - Long John Peter Chris Griffin: [Chris and Anna are on their first date] You know Anna, when I first saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world. And now, all I wanna do is show you my innermost self, but I'm afraid you'll reject me because you won't like what you see. Or, that you'll see my scrotum and see that it has a seam on it and then you'll think I'm made up of two different guys that were sewn together, 'cause that's what I think happened and... Anna: [places a finger on Chris' lips] Chris, I like you. [kisses him] You don't have to try so hard. Chris Griffin: I'm sorry. When I'm around a pretty girl, I get all worked up like a kid watching a toy commercial.
	Season 6 / Episode 11: - The Former Life of Brian Chris Griffin: [after Dylan beats up the Evil Monkey] Yay! I haven't been in my closet for years! Boy... there is a lot of feces in here.
	Season 6 / Episode 10: - Play it Again, Brian Chris Griffin: Are you a pedophile?
	Season 6 / Episode 3: - Believe It Or Not, Joe's Walking On Air Peter Griffin: What did you do with your wheelchair? Joe: I gave it away. Chris Griffin: [cut to Chris speeding downhill in Joe's wheelchair, crashing through Mayor West's gate and landing in a flower bed] Whee! Adam West: My tulips! You dick.
	Season 6 / Episode 2: - Movin' Out (Brian's Song) Lois Griffin: Hey, and look on the bright side. Maybe you've got another chapter for your [starts laughing] book! Brian Griffin: Oh yeah, pile it on! Pile it on! Chris Griffin: Welcome home, asshole!
	Season 6 / Episode 2: - Movin' Out (Brian's Song) Meg Griffin: Supervisor? Chris Griffin: Yeah... I promoted him this morning. Chris Griffin: Promoted me this morning! Meg Griffin: What? Carl... you promised me that assistant manager job! Carl: Uh... Meg, things change. Hey, you ever see "Broken Lizard's Club Dread?" Meg Griffin: No. Carl: Well... go see that movie and absorb it's message and you'll get the gist of what I'm talking about. Meg Griffin: Carl... this isn't fair! Carl: Alright, then... you're fired. Meg Griffin: What? Bu... you ca... Carl: Don' worry about it Chris, she'll be fine. Oh... hey... by the way... You know who's hot in kind of a screwed up way? Marry Stewart Masterson. Chris Griffin: Yeah, yeah... in that kinda you think you could get her 'cause she could be your brother kinda thing... like she's gettable. Ya' know. Like, like, like, Elizabeth Shu. Carl: Oh, yeah, I remember her. Chris Griffin: Yeah, ya' know she was in "Leaving Las Vegas" in addition to "Adventures In Babysitting." One of those under rated actresses who never really popped, if ya' know what I'm saying. Carl: Who? Elizabeth Shu? Chris Griffin: Yeah. Like totally naked in "Leaving Las Vegas," but... um... still so hot. Carl: I don't see hard films. Chris Griffin: Like crazy hot... It's like 39 minutes 45 seconds in. Really exceptional sequence, I mean, Nick Cage is poisoning himself with alcohol, he's a failed writer who just decides hey I'm gonna have a big glass a' rye in Las Vegas. Then he, meets a whore and pays her a bunch a' money to stay with him, and have sex with him while he murders himself slowly. And she's game for it, but she catches his feeling midway through and the whole thing changes. Carl: Wow. Have you seen "Cocktail?" Chris Griffin: Yeah... yeah. Carl: She was in that. Chris Griffin: She... was in that. Carl: Yeah.
	Season 6 / Episode 2: - Movin' Out (Brian's Song) Carl: Hey there buddy... check it out... I put a crawler in the Jerry's Kid's jar. I thought that'd be funny. Chris Griffin: That is hilarious, but Carl, I want you to hire my sister back. Carl: No, Chris, she's a pain in the ass... I don't want her back in here. Chris Griffin: Well... that's a shame, 'cause I watched "Event Horizon" last night. Carl: No way! We have to talk about it! Chris Griffin: Well... uh... my memory's kinda hasty. Carl: We have to talk about every scene... man! Hey, hey, hey... 'member when Jack Noseworthy's eyes explode, wasn't that awesome! Please agree with me that that was awesome! Chris Griffin: Well... maybe if you hired Meg back, maybe I'll have an opinion. Carl: SHE'S HIRED! What do ya' think of it? Chris Griffin: It was AWESOME! Carl: Wasn't it AWESOME! Chris Griffin: It was totally AWESOME!
	Season 6 / Episode 2: - Movin' Out (Brian's Song) Chris Griffin: Wow! You were almost in a dirt-bike race! Carl: Yeah... I filled out most of the paper work, too. Chris Griffin: You are the coolest guy I have ever met! Carl: Yeah. Meg Griffin: [walks on screen] Hey guys! Chris, I need you to stack the boxes in the back for me. Carl: Ah... ya know what, Meg? Why don't you do that? I need Chris up here with me. Meg Griffin: But the boxes are really heavy! Carl: Uh... that's 'cause there's a bunch a' stuff in them. Carl: Chris... Chris Griffin: [starts laughing as if on cue] Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha. Meg Griffin: [sighs and leaves] Carl: Hey... Chris... have you ever seen the movie "Cruel Intentions?" Chris Griffin: No. Carl: Selma Blair and Sarah Michelle Gellar make out... it's pretty hot. 47 minutes, 16 seconds in. Chris Griffin: No way! Carl: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, you know what another good movie is, "Career Opportunities" with Jennifer Connoly. I mean, that's one of those movies where... she's... really hot in it... but it's also a good movie. Chris Griffin: She was in "A Beautiful Mind" and I gotta say the direction was excellent but I was very disappointed that she... uh... wore clothes the entire film. Carl: Was she hot in it? Chris Griffin: Yeah, in the way that like classy women with expensive clothing, who never take them off are hot. Ya' know? Carl: No. Chris Griffin: Alright... so ya' see a hot girl, and you're like okay... I appreciate your exterior beauty because you've definitely worked at it with the clothing... and the jewlery and the make-up. But, secretly I'm like... hey man... where is the chase, and how do I cut to it? Carl: Wow... you're smart. Chris Griffin: Wha... What?
	Season 5 / Episode 16: - No Chris Left Behind Principal Shepard: Chris Griffin... you are expelled from James Wood High Chris Griffin: But if I leave now, I won't find out who the dumbest kid in School is!
	Season 5 / Episode 13: - Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey Chris Griffin: Oh boy, a pig! Can we keep him? OWW, he bit me!
	Season 5 / Episode 9: - Road to Rupert Herbert: Hey there, Chris. Chris Griffin: Hi, Mr. Herbert! Herbert: Sellin' your old hand-me-downs? Chris Griffin: Yep! Herbert: You got anything that you used to wear in the summer time? Chris Griffin: Just these old shorts. Herbert: Sweet Jesus.
	Season 5 / Episode 8: - Barely Legal Meg Griffin: Hi, honey. [to Brian] Brian Griffin: What? Meg Griffin: I was thinking about our kiss last night. I never knew how flat and wide your tongue is. Brian Griffin: Yeahhh Meg Griffin: You know, I've thought about how you stood up for me at the dance, and all the nice things you said. We should totally be boyfriend and girlfriend! Brian Griffin: Well Meg, you know, it's strange... I... I think I may be gay. um, I saw this penis on the internet today, and I thought to myself, "Well that's just fine!" Meg Griffin: I'm going to the mall the later, maybe you can come and help me pick out some underwear. Brian Griffin: Uhh, I don't think that's going to be a possibility, uhhh, I have plans, with Chris! Chris and I have plans this afternoon! Chris Griffin: [Chris walks by] We do? Brian Griffin: Yeah, yeah! We're doing that thing, we're doing what you usually do on a Thursday afternoon! Chris Griffin: Masturbate? Brian Griffin: That's it, that's what we're going to do together. Chris Griffin: Well, maybe back to back, but I gotta tell you, I'm not 100% on this.
	Season 4 / Episode 26: - Petergeist Lois Griffin: Are you sure Stewie can find his away out? Psychic: We just gotta be patient Lois. Like waitin' on the results of a blood test. A REAL IMPORTANT blood test. Chris Griffin: Will I ever see my baby brother again? Psychic: Only if he can find his way into the light, Chris. For some people it's easier than others. Some people just get lost on the way to the light. They're walkin' along, they stop and say "Ooh, is that a new restaurant? That place must have just opened up cuz I remember there was another place there a few weeks ago." I went in there once and there was a guy with a hair lip eatin' soup - and I was like ewww. It wasn't the restaurant's fault, I know, but I still never went back there. I mean I guess there's only like a 1 in 50 chance of me gettin' the same spoon that he had. But I still don't like them odds.
	Season 4 / Episode 26: - Petergeist Lois Griffin: Wait a minute, where's Meg? Brian Griffin: I don't know. Stewie Griffin: I didn't see her. Chris Griffin: Yeah, I kinda thought you guys would attend to that. Lois Griffin: Peter, you got to go back and get her! Peter Griffin: Oh, yeah, right, like I'm going back for Meg. Lois Griffin: Peter! Peter Griffin: Lois, damn it, we both agreed, remember? If we could only save two, we leave Meg. Lois Griffin: I know, but... Meg Griffin: [Meg enters car, furious] YOU BASTARD! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME IN THERE? Peter Griffin: Okay, see? It resolved itself.
	Season 4 / Episode 25: - You May Kiss The...Uh...Guy Who Receives Chris Griffin: I think I made Brian crazy. Maybe I shouldn't have burned that petition. Alyssa: Oh, no. Chris, you did the right thing. It's only a matter of time before Mayor West signs that bill, and you'll get to touch these. [indicates her breasts] Chris Griffin: Oh, boy. I gotta feeling that before the end of the day, I'm gonna be burying my dog. Alyssa: Whoa, whoa. I said you could touch my boobs, let's start with that.
	Season 4 / Episode 25: - You May Kiss The...Uh...Guy Who Receives Chris Griffin: I'm gonna get to touch right-wing boob for this.
	Season 4 / Episode 23: - Deep Throats Stewie Griffin: [sighs] Trying to watch "Mr. Belvedere". Chris Griffin: So, my advice to the two of you would be... Stewie Griffin: [loudly singing] ACCORDING TO OUR NEW ARRIVAL, LIFE IS MORE THAN MERE SURVIVAL. AND WE JUST MIGHT LIVE THE GOOD LIFE YET. DUN-DA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-DUN-DA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-DA-NA-NA-DA!
	Season 4 / Episode 22: - Sibling Rivalry Lois Griffin: Chris did you get your homework done? Chris Griffin: Yep. Lois Griffin: Chris, I know when you're lying to me, just like Santa Claus knows when you're sleeping. [short scene with Santa Claus] Chris Griffin: No mom, I've got it all done. For my science homework I had to make a shoebox diarrhea of the evolution of man. Lois Griffin: You mean diorama. Chris Griffin: Ooo-oooohh.
	Season 4 / Episode 20: - Patriot Games Chris Griffin: Mom, there's no water in the toilet. Lois Griffin: First of all, Chris, it's called a loo. Second, there's no water in it because everyone here just uses Elizabeth Hurley. Chris Griffin: Alright, well, where is she, cos I need her now!
	Season 4 / Episode 16: - The Courtship of Stewie's Father Lois Griffin: Peter, I need to talk to you about your son. Peter Griffin: Which one, the fat one or the funny-looking one? Chris Griffin: [pointing at Stewie and laughing] Ha ha ha! Dad called you fat... wait.
	Season 4 / Episode 15: - Brian Goes Back to College Lois Griffin: [to Brian] So, how'd the test go? Brian Griffin: I failed. Brian Griffin: Yes, I failed. But the important thing is that I finished what I started and I didn't cheat. Lois Griffin: [pause] Well, you should have cheated. Brian Griffin: But I finished what I started and that's all that matters, right? Lois Griffin: [Another pause] No. Peter Griffin: Yeah, what are you, out of your mind? Chris Griffin: [to Brian] I hate you! [Runs away in shame]
	Season 4 / Episode 12: - Perfect Castaway Chris Griffin: This is like that show where there's two dads, except no one's laughing. No, wait, it's the same.
	Season 4 / Episode 10: - Model Misbehavior Lois Griffin: I'm gonna become a model. Peter Griffin: Hey, that's fantastic, Lois. And I'll pleasure myself to your photos. Chris Griffin: Me, too. Meg Griffin: Me, too. Peter Griffin: Oh, God. Meg, that's sick. That's your mother. Meg Griffin: I'm just trying to fit in. Peter Griffin: Get out. Get out of this house. Peter Griffin: [punches the wall] I said now! [Meg runs out]
	Season 4 / Episode 6: - Petarded Chris Griffin: My dad's smarter than your dad. Meg Griffin: We have the same dad, idiot! Chris Griffin: Yeah, but mine's smarter!
	Season 4 / Episode 2: - Fast Times at Buddy Cianci Jr. High Mrs. Lockhart: What do you see here, Chris? [holds out his test by her chest] Chris Griffin: Two D's and an F.
	Season 4 / Episode 2: - Fast Times at Buddy Cianci Jr. High Lois Griffin: [When they think Chris has murdered someone] Chris, we know what you did. Chris Griffin: You mean that I lied about my age to get into an Indian casino? Lois Griffin: No. Chris Griffin: You mean that one time I had hard gas and pooed myself? Peter Griffin: Close, but no. Stewie Griffin: How is that close?
	Season 4 / Episode 2: - Fast Times at Buddy Cianci Jr. High Lois Griffin: So, Chris, what's the latest with your little girlfriend? Chris Griffin: Oh, I don't think Mrs. Lockhart likes me at all. Lois Griffin: Mrs. Lockhart? Your teacher? Peter Griffin: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Lois, this is not my Batman glass. Lois Griffin: Peter, are you listening? Chris has a crush on his teacher. Meg Griffin: Ew, gross! Stewie Griffin: You know what else is gross? AAHH! BROKE A DAMN BLOOD VESSEL!
	Season 4 / Episode 1: - North by North Quahog Chris Griffin: You're a dog! You don't have a soul! Brian: Ouch.

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